–Grace, Hilton Head, SC
- We’ve both been attendants ourselves so we understand that the cost, especially if you have to travel to a wedding, is a huge commitment, anywhere between $1,000-$2,000 per wedding.
- Friends who thought they were close friends had hurt feelings because they hadn’t been chosen to be in the wedding party.
- On the other hand, we know that it is hard to say no when someone asks you to be their maid-of-honor or best man.
- Does my college roommate, at whose wedding I was a bridesmaid, assume she is one of my bridesmaids?
- Several friends are pregnant, making choosing the bridesmaid’s dresses a nightmare.
- Others have small children that will have to be fed.
We’ve decided that our wedding should be an inclusive wedding of our truly closest family and friends. And where certain guests are not signaled out as more special than others. Everyone will be treated equally.
–AS, Watch Hill, RI
- Whether you have six attendants each or twelve each, you'll be spending too much energy on keeping everyone happy. For you, it may be better to have none.
- Make everyone happy by sparing your friends the huge commitment of being an attendant.
- You can get yourselves down the aisle without attendants.
- Avoid drama, invite only your best friends.
- Ask yourselves, Are attendants more of a hassle than an honor?
- The current trend: Fifty percent of couples choose not to have large weddings with attendants.
–BC, Seattle, WA
- As the host, unless you're not particular, make a list of assumed single people you are inviting whom you want to extend a plus one invitation to your wedding.
- If the guest doesn't list his plus one's name on the reply care to the ceremony, find out the name of the guest your guest is bringing as their plus one.
- Add that person's name to your guest list after the original guest's name on the spreadsheet. That way if the name of the plus one changes, at least you're keeping a correct head count.
- As a guest, he or she is being invited because they're liked by the wedding couple or their parents.
- If a mutual friend hasn't been invited, it is because the bride and groom don't want him at their wedding, so it is in bad manners to bring him as your plus one.
- It can be hurtful to the plus one to be told they weren't invited because they aren't liked, so don't push it.
- Make it clear that if a guest is bringing a plus one, s/he sends a gift from the bridal registry from both the original guest and his/her plus one.
- The plus one can certainly send his own gift from the bridal registry, as a thank-you for having been invited, but don't count on it.
- Don't get caught up in being stuck with a revolving guest list of unwanted plus ones -- surprises that you either don't know or don't like.
- Do give a plus one to a friend's SO when they've been together for over six months and you've met him or her more than once.
- Don't give an open plus one because you're stuck if you know the plus one and don't like him or her.
- Do give a guest traveling from afar, who may not know people at your wedding, the option of having a plus one.
- Don't think you have to offer all of your extended family members plus ones, the fact that they're family means that they'll have people to talk to at the wedding anyway.
- Do ask single participants in your bridal party if they would like a plus one, and get the name and address of the person to whom you can send an invitation.
- Don't get talked into giving someone a plus one once the list has been finalized, which is after the cutoff date for the reply card return. Even if he says, "She's the one. I can't wait for you to meet her."
- Often the size of the list depends upon the fire code of the venue where the reception is taking place.
- Leave your answer at that.
- A small wedding is in the eye of the beholder. What a small wedding may be to you, might look like a big wedding to me.
- Couple: With a good pen print the names of the guests who are invited on the outside and inside envelopes (if you're using two both).
Mr. Matthew J. Whitman (guest)
Ms. Annie Louise Kelley (plus one)
- For a family: when residing at the same address, list on the inside and outside envelopes the names of the children you wish to invite. For instance you may not have accommodations for small children and babies. You can also list, or just list, those names in the upper left hand corner of the actual invitation:
- There is no time constraint on sending a condolence note. Whoever is handling your friend's personal affairs will appreciate your taking the time to write him or her a note.
- Remember that a man who makes it known that he has children is traditionally paid a higher salary or/and accrues more benefits than a woman in the same job.
- Men in the workplace are rewarded for having children, while women doing the same job are penalized.
- Should a colleague say, "I didn't know that you had children," nonchalantly respond saying, "I didn't think anyone would be interested."
- Check out the company culture at glassdoor.com.
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–AW, Charleston, SC
- You don't have to invite children and you didn't.
- So you can stick to that excellent decision.
- They are the child of the bride and groom.
- They are the child of the bride or groom from another relationship.
- They are siblings or step-siblings of the bride or groom.
- There is nobody to watch the child while his/her parent(s) attend the wedding.
- The child is twelve-years-old or older, and then -- only if there is a connection with the bride or groom.
- The wedding is very formal, either white tie or black tie.
- The reception is held at six o'clock or later in the evening.
- The dinner is seated formally with place cards and table cards.
- There won't be any accommodations to feed, seat or entertain small children.
- There won't be any childcare available at the wedding ceremony or reception.
- You want all of your guests to have a good time.
- If it is a guest coming from out of town, offer to help find a caregiver that can stay with the child during the wedding reception.
- Invite the guest to bring the the child to the ceremony, and then gently remind her/him that there won't be any accommodations for the child at the reception or seated dinner.
- After all, the parent wouldn't want their child to be the only child at the reception.
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My husband and I separated a year ago. I’ve tried many times to persuade him to get a lawyer so we can get a divorce and let bygones be bygones, however, he’s lazy and cheap and can’t seem to find time to deal with our fizzled out marriage. I’ve tried talking to our mutual friends for support, but he doesn’t listen to them either. Help!
–AW, Brooklyn, NY
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Is it right to fall in love with two ladies at once?
–Oluwapelumi, Kwara, Nigeria
- A lot depends upon which woman you are the most committed to.
- If you are married to one, work on that relationship first; don't see the other woman while you're trying to make a decision about the first woman.
- The first being a flirtatious infatuation, while the other has reached a more mature level.
- If the table was turned and one of the women was romantically in love with two men and couldn't decide between two guys, what would you advise her to do?
- How do you feel while imagining both of these women kissing other men?
- Which woman would you not be willing to share with someone else?
- What would you think if you knew one of the women was in love with someone else?
- Is it about love or sex?
- Are you really torn between two lovers or do you have your ego and love mixed up?
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- "The Cat Person," by Kristen Roupenian,
- from the online New Yorker magazine:
What style of wedding dress code is appropriate for a 4:00 ceremony. The reception for 50 people will follow immediately after the ceremony. We are having a cocktail hour, then dinner, and dancing. I am the Mother of the Bride. The wedding colors are blush, ivory, periwinkle (a very pale blue, similar to a Williamsburg blue). Very soft colors.
–Elizabeth, Atlanta, GA
- The groom, best man, and ushers follow a set dress code. Meaning mid-grey, charcoal grey, or navy blue suits. There is also a trend in warm weather toward khaki suits and navy blue blazers worn with off-white trousers (quite handsome in the photos).
- The bride would not have a wedding gown with a train, nor a cathedral veil of great length, and the skirt length could be knee-length, ankle-length or any length in between. The wedding dress would not be a ballgown, but even for a church wedding her shoulders can be bare (though not if held in a Catholic church).
- The bridesmaids' dresses can be of different styles to suit the particular bridesmaid, but are usually the same length, fabric and color. The choice of color is up to the bride because the color reflect her dress, bouquet and wedding colors. Knee length is preferable for a 4:00 pm wedding, even when the bride's gown is long.
- The mother-of-the-bride chooses her dress, usually in a shade of beige or a pastel, and sends a photo and/or description to the mother-of-the-groom (who traditionally wears beige or blue). In wedding photos the mothers-of-the-bride and groom always look the best when they are wearing the same length and basically a similar style, although not necessarily the exact same color. Neither would wear white nor any shade of off-white. The only woman at your daughter's wedding wearing white is the bride.
When you’re having a business lunch where do you put your knife and your fork when you’re taking a break from eating while discussing business? Sometimes it seems awkward resting them on the plate, but I’m never sure whether I can put them back on the table, or what?
–Harry, Philadelphia, PA
- They say that tables where people eat are germ breeders, so when you return your fork and knife to the table, instead of leaving them on your plate, you're not only leaving your germs but food that turns to bacteria on the table.
- Just as you wouldn't blow your nose into your napkin and leave the napkin on the table.
–FS, Penobscot, ME
- The French have twenty words and the Germans use over thirty words for a kiss.
- The physical act of kissing between two people consists of the combined sensitivity of touch, taste and smell.
- Kissing is not universally accepted; there are parts of the world where it is taboo to kiss in public.
- In some cultures lip-kissing is still banned.
Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? My boyfriend actually thinks it’s just an excuse for having to take me out to dinner. He says because it is not a public holiday it is merely a trick, a commercial contrivance.
–Stephanie, Providence, RI
- Saint Valentine became a martyr during the Roman Empire for marrying soldiers who were forbidden to marry. While in prison, after apparently healing his jailer’s daughter, Bishop Valentine sent her a letter shortly before his execution, signed “Your Valentine,” as a farewell.
- In Chaucer’s “Parliament of Foules”, he wrote: “For this was on St Valentine’s Day when every bird cometh to choose his mate.” Leading a tradition of poets penning verses about Valentine’s.
- Try holding hands when you're alone. Carry tissues and wipe your hands first. See how long you can gently hold his hand in a darkened movie theatre. Your fiancé will be less likely to feel paranoid when he knows nobody is watching.
- Should he pull away and say he really doesn't like holding hands, wouldn't that be a relief. Then you'd know for sure.
- Perhaps you may find he's happier putting his hand on your leg or putting his arm around you.
- Tease him about hand-holding being a portable hug.
- Many feel intimacy is in the elbow creases, so try linking arms.
- Work on finding a symbol of connectivity, your own private love language -- a sweet and small sign of intimacy -- a kiss on the hand, an arm hug,
- Our brain gives a disproportionate amount of attention to the fingers and hands, as compared to the rest of the body.
Accepting A Compliment