Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Man Who Goes By His Middle Name
Q What if the person does not go by his first name? Example - Christopher Jones (is what he goes by)
William Christopher Jones (formal name)
How do you address it?

A If you're addressing him informally, say for a BBQ or cocktail party, you would address it to Mr. Christopher Jones. If addressing him for a formal occasion, such as a wedding, you would address him by his formal name: Mr. William Christopher Jones.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: After Divorce Reclaiming Maiden Name
Q What is the appropriate way to transition back to your maiden name after a divorce? I have only had my married name for all of my professional career......so it would be a big change....
Do I hyphenate in reverse for a while? Ex: Becky married-maiden?

A Transition is the operative word. Over time as you become comfortable with using your own name again, you'll reclaim it. Start with holiday cards, or if you haven't already sent out a change of address card, that's the first step and this time of year is the perfect opportunity to start using your maiden name again.

The trend of using hyphenated names in the 70s-80s didn't take hold and married couples stopped hyphenating their names. Purely for practical reasons because most computer forms don't allow for long last names so envelopes would arrive with half the name anyway.

Friends, relatives and colleagues will acknowledge your maiden name when they start seeing your new name on your change of address notice, holiday cards, thank-you notes, and condolences, on your return address name and your new social and business stationery. At first, you can hand write your married name, if you like, in parenthesis after or under your first and maiden name when signing your closure. Eventually, people will get it. Nowadays, the trend is to use both your maiden and married names by using your middle name or your married name as your middle name and your name becomes either Becky Smith Wilson or Becky Wilson Smith. Many married professionals use both last names, such as Hillary Rodham Clinton. To get back to the hyphen, you really don't need it. You might find it more complicated to use the hyphen only to find you want to drop it, so why bother. There are those who find hyphenated names pretentious.

A big change, a clean break might be exactly what is needed, use your first name and maiden name prefaced with the title Ms.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q How to address an ambassador?


A It would depend upon the situation. If you are addressing an ambassador at a formal occasion, on first meeting, the ambassador would be addressed as, "Your Excellence" and after that as "Sir" or "Madame," or by his or her given name. If it is a social occasion, the proper address is "Ambassador" or just use his or her given name.

In conversation a foreign ambassador is addressed as "His/Her Excellency the Ambassador of Malta," or "His/Her Excellency the Malta Ambassador." Also, if you are addressing an ambassador in writing, "His/Her Excellency" is used before any other title. A formal letter would begin, "Your Excellence" and a social note would start, "Dear Ambassador."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q Addressing an ambassador in a letter...

A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, you would write:

His Excellency
Charles Dickens
Ambassador of Great Britain
Then the address of the embassy

Dear Ambassador Dickens:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q Addressing a letter to an ambassador...

A When addressing a letter to a foreign UN ambassador, you would address it to: His Excellency Carlo Otto (the name of the ambassador), Ambassador of Austria, Permanent Mission of Austria to the United States, then the address.

The salutation would be: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador + His Wife
Q To send an invitation for dinner to an ambassador and his spouse - what to write on card?

A To an American Ambassador abroad you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable David Letterman and Mrs. Letterman
American Embassy
Address

Then substituting your own information, these lines would be centered on a white invitation card (4 1/2 by 6 1/2 inches):

Mr. and Mrs. George Henry Winston
request the pleasure of the company of
Ambassador Letterman and Mrs. Letterman
at dinner
on Thursday, October 10, 2009
150 Rue de la Tour
Geneva

Black Tie

The invitation should include a matching reply card with any instructions for security clearance. If the invitation is in honor of another diplomat, you would include a separate matching card (3 12/ by 4 1/2 inches) that announces the purpose of the dinner (substitute your own information and center the lines on the card):

On the occasion of the visit of
His Excellency
The President of the Republic of France
and Mrs. Sarkozy

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador's Wife
Q How do you address an invitation to the wife of a foreign Ambassador?

A Customarily, you would address the wife of a foreign ambassador as Madame, followed by her married name. French is the universal diplomatic language.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: American Ambassador Abroad
Q When writing a letter to a current ambassador, what is the proper way to address him? Is it H.E. John Doe or H.E. Ambassador John Doe?

A When addressing an American ambassador abroad, he would be The Honorable John M. (middle initial) Doe. If it is a social letter, say, a thank-you note, it would be addressed to The Honorable John M. Doe and Mrs. Doe. The salutation of your letter would be Dear Ambassador, if it is a business letter, or Dear Mr. Ambassador, if the letter is of a social nature.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Archbishop
Q How do you properly meet and greet an Archbishop?

A Introducing the Episcopal Archbishop, you would say, "The Most Reverend and Right Honourable Archbishop of Canterbury (or York)." In conversation, it would be Archbishop.

Introducing a Roman Catholic Archbishop, you would say, "The Most Reverend Charles McLaughlin." However, in conversation it would be, Excellency Archbishop McLaughlin, or Archbishop McLaughlin.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Assemblyman
Q How does one address an Assemblyman in conversation?

A In conversation, you would address a State Senator as "Senator Whitehouse." A member of the U.S. House of Representatives would be "Ms. Whitehouse." A U.S. Senator could be just "Senator" or "Senator Whitehouse."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Assemblyman
Q Didi:

When addressing a Assemblyman, do you commonly use the term "The Honorable" or is that utilized only for a Senator? Thank you very much!

Marianne

A The honorific The Honorable is used for any and all elected officials. You are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Attorney General
Q District Attorney envelopes?

A If you are asking how to address an envelope to a district attorney, do it like this:

The Honorable Martha Coakley
Attorney General
Massachusetts

For an envelope to a social event such as a wedding, it would be:

The Honorable The Attorney General
of the State of Massachusetts
and Mr. Coakley

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Audience: Introduction: State Representative
Q How do you introduce a State Representative to an audience?

A Introduction: The Honorable J. Russell Jackson, Representative of the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Aunt
Q Can you address a envelope with Aunt_____?

A No, Aunt is not an address title. Use her title, either Mrs., Ms., Miss, or Dr. on the envelope. Inside for the salutation you can address her as Aunt Betty.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Bishop of the Baptist Church
Q What is the proper form of address to a bishop in the Baptist Church?

A An envelope addressed to the Bishop of the Baptist Church would read, The Right Reverend Charles Dickens; if it was a social occasion, it would read: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens; the salutation in a letter would be: Dear Bishop Dickens; in person and on a place card he would be addressed as Bishop Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Blank Inside Note Card
Q When writing on the inside of a "Blank Inside" note card which side do you start on, right or left?



A It would depend upon how much you have to say. For a short note you would use the right hand side; for a longer note, say, a thank-you note, you would probably use both sides starting the "Dear Jane" in the upper left hand corner of the left side and ending at the bottom of the right hand side.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight & His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a British knight and his wife? Is it Sir John and Lady Smith?

A As an American, you would always write to that person in the same manner he writes to you---with or without the initials. For instance a titled knight might be listed as Sir Esmond Harmsworth, G.C.M.G. However, socially, whether making introductions or addressing an invitation envelope, it would be Sir John and Lady Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight in the Salutation
Q What salutation do I use in a letter to a British knight? Dear Sir John?

A You are correct if John is the first name. However, if the salutation is in a letter to Sir Elton John, then it would be Dear Sir Elton.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight's Wife
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to the wife of a British Knight? Is is simply Lady Smith?
Many Thanks!

A You would write to her using the same name that she uses when she writes to you. The reason I say this is because many peers drop their titles when they're outside of the United Kingdom. Most members of the British Commonwealth outside of Great Britain are not as formal as the English. If you have not received correspondence from her, then you would address the envelope to Lady Smith. The salutation would be: Dear Lady Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Business Party: Couples
Q We are having a Grand Opening party for a new business facility and would like to know how to address envelopes to business associates (including their spouses). We will be sending our business associates invitations to their respective workplaces. How do you properly address a married person to include their spouse and send the invitation to the associates' work address? Also, do you put their name and then use c/o XYZ Co.?

A If the employee is married, you would address the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If the employee is a woman and you don't know her married name, find out her married name by enlisting the Human Resources person to furnish you with that information. If you are not sure, then email the employee, or, better yet, pick up the phone and call the person to say, "We're sending an invitation to you and your spouse (partner), how should we address the envelope?" If you're going to do this, do it right. It makes people feel special when they know you want to get their name right.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Cabinet Member Who Was a Governor
Q I have two questions. First of all, what is the proper way to address the executive of the USDA in writing? Is it "Dear Mr. Secretary" (as in Mr. President), or simply "Dear Mr. Grassley"? Or since he is also a governor, should it be "Dear Gov. Grassley"?

Secondly, I'm sure you deal with this question a lot, but is it true that nationality determines the order of writing a married couple's first names? It seems that Americans tend to write the husband's name first (e.g. Roland and Louisa Jones), while Brits tend to write the wife's name first (e.g. Mary and Albert Collins), and Canadians tend to follow alphabetical order (Alan and Zelda Smith, Karen and Walter Rideau, Darrell and Lynn McGee, etc.) This is just my observation; are these actual rules?

Regards, J.C.

A I'm not sure what you mean by "executive." If he is a cabinet member, he would be addressed as:

The Honorable George Grassley
Secretary of Agriculture (or Secretary of Agriculture of the United States of America)
Washington, D.C. 20520

The salutation would be: Dear Mr. Secretary:

In conversation he would be referred to as Mr. Secretary or Mr. Grassley.

As a cabinet member in the Federal Government, his cabinet position out ranks that of Governor. However, when he is no longer a cabinet member, he would resume his elected official title of Governor. When in doubt, use "The Honorable."

In answer to your second question, generally and universally speaking, it is safe to follow the rule that you don't separate a man's first name from his last name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Card Signing Etiquette
Q When signing cards, holiday and birthday, whose name goes first, the man's or the woman's?

A I am a huge fan of ladies first. If the woman is writing the card, then she would write her name first and then the man's. If, say, the card is clearly to someone who is closer to the man, then she might write his name first because it would be more recognizable. If the man and woman both know the person equally, then the person writing the card would write his or her name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Chairman When She's a Woman
Q WHAT IS THE PROPER TITLE OF A FEMALE WHO IS CHAIRMAN OF A COMMITTEE? CHAIRMAN, CHAIRPERSON, CHAIRWOMAN, CHAIRLADY OR JUST CHAIR?

A There isn't a "proper" title, it is a matter of style. If this is a formal affair with both genders involved, then I would list her a Chairman. Or if you are listing her on an annual report, use Chairman. However, my preference would be Chairwoman, if it is predominantly a woman's organization, such as a Garden Club, where all the board members are women. Only in conversation, would I use chairperson and chair. I haven't seen chairlady used, so I wouldn't use that.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Chief Justice of a United States Lower Court
Q What is the correct form for addressing a letter to the chief justice of a state supreme court?

A Assuming this is a business letter and not a social letter, you would address the Chief Justice of a United States Lower Court like this:

The Honorable Jean Marie Brown
Chief Judge
United State Court of (name of court)
(city, state, zip)

Dear Judge Brown:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Chief Justice of a United States Lower Court
Q What is the proper form of address for a woman who is the Chief Justice for the Supreme Court of Wyoming? What about the salutation in the letter? Also, when being introduced what is the proper form of introduction?

A Sorry, I thought I answered this question yesterday. Apparently, you didn't receive my answer for some reason.

Once again:

Envelope:
The Honorable Jean Marie Brown
Chief Judge
United States Court of Wyoming
(add, city, state, zip)
Salutation: Dear Judge Brown:
Introduction:
The Honorable Jean Marie Brown, Chief Judge, United States Court of Wyoming
Or you can just introduce her as:
Judge Brown

Please note, she is called a "Chief Judge."
"Chief Justices" are not on the Supreme Court of Wyoming, or any other state. "Chief Justices" only sit on the Supreme Court of the United States.

My reference is: "Protocol: The Complete Handbook of Diplomatic, Official and Social Usage," 2010 edition.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Card Signature for Unmarrieds
Q What is the proper way to sign a Christmas card from a couple that is living together (not married)?

A The return address on the envelope would have both full names at the same address, then on the card you have only to sign the first names of the couple; for instance, "Mary and John." If you are having the cards printed, you would still have both full names above the return address, but the card would read "Mary Winslow and John Carter." If you are on a first name basis with the recipient, then you would take a pen and slash a slanted line through the last names, like this /. By the way, the nicest Christmas cards come with a handwritten personal note or closing from the sender, but you probably already know that. Even the simple insertion of an affectionate or familiar "With love," or "All our best," is a nice personal touch to any commercial greeting card.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Card to Recent Widow
Q Send Xmas card to wife whose husband has died; what do I say?

A Address the envelope to Mrs. John Smith, just as before. Even though she is a widow, she is Mrs. John Smith until she remarries or changes her name. You only need to write a sentence or two because it is a Christmas card. Just say that you are thinking about her and that you hope to have lunch with her soon. Try to give her something to look forward to, such as a gathering or get-together that could include old friends, or just yourself. Don't say anything too sad on a Christmas card; if possible, you want to be jolly and upbeat.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Card: Governor + Family
Q I want to send a Christmas card to the Governor's family. They are friends but I want to be correct.

A If you want to be correct, it would depend upon the state from which the Governor hails. In Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, the Governor is addressed as Excellency. However, in all states, The Honorable is used for uniformity. In my state, I would address the envelope to:

The Honorable The Governor of Rhode Island and Providence Plantation and Mrs Chafee
(their address)

You wouldn't address "and family" on the envelope. Inside you can write a note about sending "Best holiday wishes to you and your family," but on the envelope, you wouldn't use the word family.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Cards
Q How to address a Christmas card to husband, wife and family?

A On the envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Harry Smith and Family. Inside the salutation would be: Dear Harry, Joan, Josh, Alice, and George.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Cards by Hand or Printed
Q Should Christmas cards be hand addressed or computer printed?

A You are not going to like my answer: I am a great believer in hand addressing Christmas cards and invitations. It gives the personal touch when the receiver notices that you took the time to write out his or her name. However, if you are sending out business Christmas cards, it would be more professional to have them computer generated.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: City Councilman
Q How do I address a city councilman in correspondence?

A Members of a city council are elected officials and therefore are addressed as "The Honorable." The salutation would be Dear Ms. Leonard.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Clergywoman & Her Husband
Q How to address envelope for a female clergy and her husband?

A It would be The Reverend Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If she is a doctor, then it would The Reverend Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If the two names fit on one line, great, otherwise you can put the names on two lines with the woman's name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Colonel + Captain + Their Family
Q How do I address an envelope to a Colonel in the Marine Corps whose wife is a Captain in the Navy and their family for a Christmas card?

A Colonel John Jacob Brown and
Captain Allison Jones (use her maiden name for her middle name) Brown
and Family
(their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Colonel and His Wife
Q How to address a Christmas card to a Colonel and his wife?
Colonel Richard and Ann Franks?

Thank you,
Mrs. Beardi


A You could also address it to:

Colonel Richard Franks and Mrs. Franks
(their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Combined Families
Q Re: Combined families
A mom remarries and takes her new husband's name, and they have one child together. Also, the mom has two other children from her first marriage that live with her, but those kids have the last name of her first husband. How do you address an envelope to the combined family?



A If this is a formal invitation, then the children's names would only be listed separately under the parents on the inside envelope:

Mr. and Mrs. Sherman
Miss Ross
Master Ross
Miss Sherman

If this is an informal invitation or a holiday card, the envelope would read:

Mr. and Mrs. George R. Sherman and Family

Alternatively, even more informally, it could be:

The Sherman and Ross Family

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Commissioner + Dr. Husband
Q I need to address an envelope and the husband is a Doctor and the woman is a Commissioner. They are being honored at an awards ceremony and we need to express our congrats.

How do I address the envelope?
Dr. James and Commissioner Mantura Gallagher?

A If she is a Commissioner of a U.S. government agency, she is "The Honorable Mantura Gallager." As she is still in office, her title proceeds that of her husband's tile of "Dr." Therefore, you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Mantura Gallagher
and Dr. James Gallagher
Their address

I am assuming here that you won't be able to fit both names on the same line of the envelope. The "and Dr. James Gallagher" would appear on the second line slightly indented. (I need to clarify this because I don't know how this will translate from my system to yours.)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Congressman
Q When sending a invitation to a judge or a local politician - Congressman- how do I address the envelope?

A When addressing a social invitation to a judge, you would address it to Judge Charles Dickens; to a US Representative, it would be The Honorable William Shakespeare and to a US. Senator, it would be Senator Emily Dickinson. When in doubt, on a social invitation, such as a wedding invitation, you can always address any elected official as The Honorable.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Congressman
Q How do I address an envelope being sent to a US Congressman?


A Technically, Congress refers to both houses, the upper house, The Senate and lower, The House of Representatives. Just so you've got it straight, Senator refers to member of the Senate, and Member of Congress is used to refer to members of the House of Representatives.

The Honorable Patrick Kennedy
House of Representatives
Address

The Honorable Sheldon Whitehouse
United States Senate
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Count and Countess
Q How should I address an invitation to a count and countess?

Ct. and Ctss. Guillaume H. de Ramel or do I spell out count and countess? I've seen it both ways.

A On a formal invitation, you would spell out Count and Countess. On a less formal invitation and for business correspondence, it could be Ct. and Ctss.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple
Q When sending an informal, do you address female first and male second; also do you close the same way or do you put the man's name first?

A I am a huge fan of ladies first. I am not sure if you are asking about an informal note, such a thank-you note, or an informal invitation, such as to a shower, brunch, or cocktail party. Whichever, you would write Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens on the outside envelope; however, the inside invitation or note would be addressed to Alice and Charles. The actual invitation would be from Elizabeth and William Shakespeare and a thank-you note from them would also be Elizabeth and William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple When the Wife Is a Lawyer
Q The proper way to address mail to a married couple when the wife is a physician and the husband is a lawyer.

A They are addressed as: Dr. Elizabeth and Mr. John Brown. Obviously, if she uses her maiden name, you would add that name after her first name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple When Wife Hyphenated Her Name
Q How do you address a formal invitation to a wedding if the guest has a hyphenated last name? Guest Aaron Burget and Jennie Day-Burget (husband and wife), wife kept her maiden name.

A Most probably, you will need to use two lines on the outside envelope, indenting the second name slightly to show that the two are a couple.

Outside envelope:

Mrs. Jennie Day-Burget
and Mr. Aaron Burget
Address

Inside envelope:

Mr. Burget and Mrs. Day-Burget
No address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple When Wife Kept Maiden Name
Q My friend recently got remarried and kept her last name. How do I address a Xmas card to both of them or any other card or invitation I would send?

A You would address the envelope to her name first and if there is not enough room on the line, you would add his name on the line underneath:

Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt and
Mr. James T. Fremont-Smith

By the way, if you do it as the above, you do not necessarily have to include the word "and." Work with the symmetry of the name placement on the envelope:

Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt
Mr. James J. McNaught

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple Where the Wife Hyphenates Her Last Name with His
Q I am addressing a business envelope to a husband and wife. The wife hyphenated her last name to include her husband's last name. The husband uses only his last name. How should the envelope be addressed?

A Mrs. Helen Ross-Kelly and Mr. William Kelly

If both names don't fit nicely on the line, then put the husband's name on the second line.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple: When the Wife Keeps Her Maiden Name
Q One of our clients has married, but his wife has kept her maiden name. Do you address a letter or invitation to Mr. Bob Cook and Ms. Kim Blase? Our church directory uses: Mr. & Mrs. Bob Cook/Blase--is that correct?

A You would not address an invitation to Mrs. and Mrs. Bob Cook/Blase. It is a reference for the church so that they know that Mrs. Cook is keeping her maiden name. Socially, it would be correct to address the envelope to:

Ms. Kim Blase and
Mr. Bob Cook
Their address

If the names do not fit on one line, then indent the second name on the second line. Also, if these are your clients, why not be more formal and spell out Kimberly (if she uses Kimberly) and Robert, instead of his nickname, Bob. When in doubt, look at the names on the checks that come in, or, better yet, call Ms. Blase and ask her how she would like her and her husband to be addressed. That's protocol.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couples with Rank
Q Hello Didi,

As I address wedding invitations, I have a few questions regarding envelope etiquette:
1. When a husband and wife are both attorneys?
2. Husband and wife are both medical doctors? From your posts, it appears that Doctors Doe and Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe are both acceptable?
3. Retired Lt. Colonel from the Marine Corps, do you add "retired" in a line following their name?
4. When the wife is an officer in the Navy and the husband is not?
5. When the husband and wife are both Captains in the Air Force?

I greatly appreciate your help!
Regards,
Kristin Carey


A Socially, as when addressing a wedding invitation, you would use the following:

1. For attorneys, the outside envelope would be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope, if you are using one, would just say Mr. and Mrs. Dickens.
2. Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe on the outside envelope and the inside envelope would say the Drs. Doe.
3. Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens and the inside would say Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Dickens.
4. It depends if the wife uses her own name or not. If not, it would be Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope would say Ms. Austen and Mr. Dickens. Up through the rank of lieutenant commander, all Naval officers are addressed as Mr. or Ms., never Mrs.
5. Again, this depends if the wife uses her own name. If not, it would be Captain Jane Austen and Captain Charles Dickens, and the inside envelope would say Captain Austen and Captain Dickens, or Captains Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Current + Former City Council Members + Commissioners
Q How do you address former local elected officials (County Commissioners, City Council Members) after their term when they either were not re-elected or chose not to run again for elected office? We frequently continue contact because these people tend to remain very involved in public issues.
Thank you!
Liz

A All higher elected officials carry "The Honorable" title through their lives. Members of the city council and commissioners, whether they are in or out of office, can always be addressed as "The Honorable." However, even though they are addressed "The Honorable," that person would never use that title on his or her stationery or letterhead. While in office they can be addressed either: "The Honorable" or "Councilwoman/man" or "Commissioner."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Daughter + Boyfriend Live Together
Q I want to send my daughter and her boyfriend a card because they just move in together. I don't know how to sign my name at the end. I cannot sign it Mom and Dad. How do sign the card

A Sign the card with both your and your husband's first names. Address the card to both of them with your daughter's full name first. I am a fan of ladies first, so I usually put the woman's name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Daughters Under Eighteen
Q Didi,

I am inviting a friend and her two daughters to a bridal shower. What is the best way to address the envelope?

Mrs. Sandra Leiss
Misses Lauren and Jenna Leiss
or
Mrs. Sandra Leiss and Girls

A It depends upon the ages of the two daughters. If the daughters are eighteen years of age or older, they would receive their own invitations. Also, once the daughters turn eighteen years of age their title is no longer "Miss," they become "Ms."

You wouldn't address the daughters as "Girls." As the hostess, you want your guests to feel special, so you would address them by name with their title, "Miss."

Assuming that the daughters are under the age of eighteen, you are correct in addressing the envelope to:

Mrs. Sandra Leiss
Miss Lauren Leiss
Miss Jenna Leiss
Their address

Of course, if Mrs. Leiss is not divorced, she would be addressed as Mrs. Andrew J. Leiss. But you know that.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dentist
Q How to address or send mail to a dentist?

A Anyone with a doctor's degree is addressed "doctor" in conversation and "Dr." by mail.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Describing a Child When Father Is Deceased
Q My 14 year-old daughter is on the homecoming court. She will be escorted by her stepfather. Her father is deceased. What is the proper way to announce the "daughter of"? Should I say the late Jackson Smith??

Thanks


A It would be: "Amanda Smith, daughter of Mrs. Charlotte Smith Wilson and the late Jackson Smith, is being escorted by her stepfather Peter Wilson."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Diplomats
Q How would you address a former US Ambassador who is also a Doctor and a Reverend? The Honorable Reverend Dr Andrew Young? The Reverend Dr Ambassador Andrew Young? And is he still referred to as His Excellency when abroad? His Excellency The Reverend Dr Andrew Young? Or only while he is in office.

Is a former foreign president still referred to as His Excellency following the end of his term? For example how would one address former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo?

And are Prime Ministers also referred to as His Excellency? If they are the Head of State? What about if they are not the Heads of State or of Government as in Cameroon?


A I am sorry, but I am not an expert on diplomatic protocol. I did want to help you, so I did a bit of research on the Internet and found the following:

Even though Andrew Young has 45 honorary degrees, he is referred to "Ambassador Andrew Young." It doesn't appear that he uses the titles of Dr. or Reverend. Contact his office to find out how to address him.

Again, in skimming Internet sites, former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo is referred to mostly by his last name. The only use of a current title seemed to be "General." In this country we address the current president as "The President" and a former president as just "President." In foreign countries there are subtle nuances in forms of address; therefore, it is always best to telephone the Washington, DC, embassy of that country to find out how the elected or appointed dignitary is addressed.

Americans use "The Honorable" as a title before a person's given and surname. For heads of state, ambassadors, it is correct to use "His Excellency" or "Her Excellency" before the given name and surname.

His Excellency
Olusegun Obansanjo
Address

The Prime Minister of Cameroon, would be addressed as

His Excellency
Philemon Yang
The Prime Minister
Republic of Cameroon
Address

Please, either do more research on the internet or telephone the respective embassies before using the above forms of address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: District Attorney
Q I will be inviting a State Legislator (not Senator) to a luncheon. How to I address her envelope?

I will be inviting the District Attorney from the same county to the same luncheon...how do I address his envelope, too?

Thank you!


A The State Legislator would be addressed as The Honorable Charles Dickens.

The invitation to the District Attorney would be addressed to: The District Attorney William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Wife
Q Dear Didi,

How do I address this envelope?

My brother-in-law and his wife are divorced; however they are now back together and living with each other. I do not know if she went back to her maiden name, her children's last name or just kept my brother-in-law's last name. How should I address the envelope?

Thank you for your help?

A Address the envelope writing her name on the first line and his name on the second line, the street address on the third line, etc.

If she reverted back to her maiden name after the divorce, then use that. If she kept your brother-in-law's last name then use that. To be safe, you can use her maiden (Jones) and married name (Smith) this way: Ms. Amanda Jones Smith.

Ms. Amanda Jones Smith
Mr. William R. Smith
16 Honeysuckle Road
Newport, RI 02840

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Woman
Q How should one address a divorced woman in correspondence? Is it Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Jane Doe or Jane Doe?

A Mrs. Jane Doe is the proper way to address a divorced woman; however, nowadays many women prefer Ms. If they don't have children, a divorced woman might go back to using her maiden name; or use the last name of her children. You might be able to check how she prefers to be called by referencing a recent telephone book.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Woman
Q What is the correct way to write a divorced woman's name if she has remarried? She was divorced and had kept her ex-husband's name. I was told I needed to place a hyphen in writing her name, for instance: Jane Doe-Riley, "Doe" being her ex-husband's name, "Riley" being her name she just acquired. Why the hyphen? Why can't I just write Jane Doe Riley?

I really need to know ASAP.

A Sorry, for the delay but it has been a busy day.

In answer to your question, you would not hyphenate her name unless she legally changed her last name to a hyphenated name. Your friend is either:

Mrs. Doe Riley
or
Mrs. Jane Doe Riley

Both are correct, the first being more formal than the second.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Women
Q What is the proper way to address a divorced woman in her 70's, Ms. or Miss?

A Only women under eighteen years of age are addressed as Miss. If she is modern thinking and in her seventies, by all means address her as Ms., whether she has been married or not. If she is a bit staid and has previously been married, then addressing her as Mrs. is proper.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorcee Who Kept Her Married Name
Q My fiance's aunt is divorced but kept her married name. How do I address her invitation?

A A divorcee chooses how she wishes to be called. Those with children, especially, who have kept their married name usually, but not always, like to be addressed as Mrs. Elizabeth W. Stewart. Let's assume Wilson is her maiden name and she uses her middle name as her middle name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q What is the proper way to address a doctor when writing his name in a program notice?


A It would depend upon how the people who are not doctors are listed. If they are listed as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., the doctor would be listed as Dr. Charles Dickens. However, if people are listed as John H. Whittaker, the doctor might be listed as Charles Dickens, M.D. It is courteous to ask people exactly how they would like to be listed on a program, it is not a detail that you second guess.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q How do you send a card to a doctor and his wife if you know them both fairly well ... have always called his wife by her first name but, refer to him as doctor?

A If you are addressing the envelope it would be: Dr. and Mrs. Such-and-such. On the inside of the card, you would address them both by their given first names since you know them both "fairly well."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q Co-worker has a PhD, how should they write their signature block? They send it out with DR. prior to their name; is this correct?

A It is one or the other, Dr. George Nelson or George Nelson, M.D. You would never use Dr. George Nelson, M.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor + Her Lawyer Husband
Q How do you address an envelope for a married couple where the wife is a M.D doctor and the husband is a J.D doctor?

A You would address the envelope to Dr. Caroline Dickens and Attorney Charles Dickens, if this is a business matter. Socially, it would be Mr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor + His Wife
Q How many ways can our name be written? Dr.and Mrs.Winston Cobbs, Dr. Winston and Valerie Cobbs?

A Dr. and Mrs. Winston Cobbs
Dr. and Mrs. Winston Andrew Cobbs
Dr. and Mrs. Winston A. Cobbs
Dr. and Mrs. W. Andrew Cobbs
Dr. and Mrs. W. A. Cobbs
Winston and Vallerie Cobbs
Valerie and Winston Cobb
Valerie and Winston Andrew Cobbs
Valerie and Winston A. Cobbs
Valerie Dodge Cobbs and Winston Andres Cobbs
Valerie D. Cobbs and Winston A. Cobbs

The you can spell out Doctor for the title, rather than use "Dr."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?

A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:

Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q How do you address a letter to a female doctor and her husband?

A Dear Dr. Dickens and Mr. Dickens would be the proper way to address the recipients in the body of the letter. On the envelope, you would include their first and last name and any initial.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q If the wife is a doctor, whose name goes first on an invitation? Instead of Mr & Mrs Worley? Would it be Mr Thomas and Dr. Charlotte Worley? Would it be Dr. Charlotte and Mr. Thomas Worley?

A It would be:

Dr. Charlotte Worley and Mr. Thomas Worley
address

If there is not enough room on the envelope for the whole line, leave the word "and" on after the wife's name and put the husband's name on the second name.

Dr. Charlotte Worley and
Mr. Thomas Worley
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q Please elaborate on your answer about how to address a letter to a female doctor and her spouse. It seems to be the only one for which you do not give an example. It seems strange for the outside of the letter not to have any prefixes or suffixes (no Dr. and no MD?)

A When addressing an envelope to a female doctor and her husband who is not a doctor you would use her title of "Dr." and his title as "Mr.":

Dr. Charlotte Jones and Mr. Charles Jones
Address

On the envelope you would use the title (prefix) "Dr." for Charlotte and the title "Mr." for her husband. You would use either a title (prefixes) or suffix, but not both for one name.
For instance, you would never write Mrs. Charlotte Jones, M.D. or Dr. Charlotte Jones, M.D. You would use a prefix or a suffix, but never both.

When it is a formal invitation, say, a wedding, you would spell out the middle names when possible. When both names don't fit on the same line, you would have the person with the higher title on top and the other underneath on the next line--slightly indented.

Dr. Charlotte Brown Jones
and Mr. Charles Wilson Jones
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and His Wife
Q How do you address an envelope to a male doctor and his wife? Is it Dr. Stanley Smith and Mrs. Mary Smith?

A To address an envelope to a male doctor and his wife, you would write: Dr. and Mrs. Stanley Smith. You would not use Mrs. Smith's first name, unless she hadn't changed her last name to that of her husband's.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and His Wife
Q Don't know if you can help, but...and it's not an address thing, it's a plaque we're making for a doctor and his wife - should it be Martha and Thomas Hope, MD? Thomas Hope, MD and Martha Hope? Other?
Thanks for any help you can give, Barbara Cook

A In my opinion, it would be Dr. and Mrs. Thomas Hope, but more and more we are seeing Dr. Thomas Hope and Mrs. Martha Hope. On a plaque the title would be in the prefix, not as a suffix.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor Who Is Also a Retired Colonel
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to a retired colonel who is also a physician. Thank you.

A As the colonel is retired, you would use his title of Dr. when addressing an envelope to him.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctorate of Education
Q How do I address a letter to a doctorate of education?
Dr. John Doe, Ed.D
or
John Doe, Ed.D

A You would use either the Dr. or the Ed.D, not both. The envelope could be John Doe, Ed.D, and then the salutation would be Dear Dr. Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors
Q How do I address and invitation to a couple when the wife is an MD and the husband has no title? How about when both are physicians (other than The Doctors Smith). Thanks

A When the wife of the couple is a doctor and the husband does not have a title, they are addressed: Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. When both are doctors, they are: Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors
Q When informally addressing an envelope to a couple and one is an M.D., how is it addressed? What if both are M.D.s?

A Informally, address the envelope to Dr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. Or, if both are doctors, to The Drs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors
Q When are you supposed to use the title of Dr. on an invitation and a place card? Is it only used for medical doctors or can it be used for psychologists, dentists, opthalmologists, and people with Ph.D.s as well?

A Socially, the tile Dr. is used for all types of medical doctors.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors and Nicknames
Q 1--How about when the husband is a Reverend and the wife is a Doctor...she kept her maiden name?
2--Two doctors living together in his house--does the woman go first even if it is going to his home address?
3--The husband is a Reverend and his wife is a doctor--both have same last name?
4--The wife is a doctor the husband is a Mr. but we only have his first and middle name...would it be Mr. and Dr--etc?
5--Is it acceptable to have a Mr. and Mrs. Angelo "Lolo" Smith on the outside envelope? Or should the nickname be left off the invitation?
Thanks you SO much for your help. Jeanne Batten

A What are you asking exactly? Are you asking how to address social or official envelopes?

Please be more specific for the best answer. Return to the Web site and ask the questions with fuller information, is this officially or socially? Or check my archives by typing in key words for an accurate search.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Donors: Couples With Different Names
Q I work in higher education and we are hosting a dinner for our top donors. The Dean of the school is signing the letters. How should the salutation read when he knows only one member of a couple? Also how does the address line read when a couple shares the same last name but the woman is known as "Ms." then her first name? For example Mr. John and Ms. Jane Smith?
Thank you!

A Starting with the envelope, you might have to use two separate lines, but list the woman first and the partner on the second line. For the salutation, it is the job of the Development Office to find how donors wish to be to addressed. When in doubt telephone to find out how someone wishes to be addressed. Never second guess because donors hate to be addressed incorrectly; it exposes the laziness of the staff when salutations are incorrect.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Ph.D and Her Husband
Q Correct address for husband & wife-Medical Doctor & PhD?

A When addressing a woman medical doctor & Ph.D. and her husband, the envelope would read: Dr. Emily Ross and Mr. David Ross. In the salutation, it would be: Dear Dr. and Mr. Ross. Remember you would use either Ph.D. after the woman's name or Dr. before her name, but you would never use both Dr. and Ph.D., as in Dr. Emily Ross, Ph.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Dr.
Q How do you address 2 doctors on the invitation? One is a dentist and the wife is a gyn doctor??

A The doctor with the highest degree would come first or they could be addressed the Drs. Whittaker, for example.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Her Husband
Q How do you address a sympathy card when the female in the married couple is a doctor?

A In the address on the outside of the envelope, the titled person's name comes first, so it would be:

Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Her Husband
Q My best friend's daughter-in-law just became an M.D. but her husband is not. How do you introduce them when the wife is the M.D. and not the husband? Also, is this the same way you would address cards, etc., to them?

A Introduction: Dr. Alice Ross and (Mr.) James Ross. On a social envelope would include Mr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Mr.
Q I am a woman doctor but my husband isn't a doctor. Should I address letters with Mr. & Dr. Smith or Mr. and Mrs. Smith

A I don't understand why you would be addressing letters to yourself unless it was on a response envelope. You would use Dr. Amanda Whittaker and Mr. George Whittaker. The titled name would appear first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. and Her Husband
Q I am getting married and my fiancee and I are in the process of writing invitations. We are trying to find what the proper naming convention is for addressing a husband and wife when the wife is a doctor.

Can you help me?

Thanks so much.

-Peter

A You would address the outer envelope Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Charles Dickinson. If you need two lines for the names, that's fine. The inside envelope, if you are using one (and you don't have to), would read Dr. Dickinson and Mr. Dickinson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Drs. or Ministers
Q How do write/announce the titles of two married people who are both doctors or ordained ministers("Rev. and Rev. Right," "The Drs. Right")?

A When addressing envelopes for invitations, you would write The Doctors Dickens or Dr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens, or The Reverend Charles Dickens and The Reverend Caroline Dickens. However, if the wife has a higher degree than the husband, her name would appear first; for instance if she was The Right Reverend Caroline Dickens or if Dr. Caroline Dickens was a surgeon and her husband was a dentist.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Engraved Envelopes: Return Address
Q What is the formal way to engrave envelopes with the return address?
Do you print the name with the address or just the address?

A Just the address is engraved or printed on the back of the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Envelopes: When To Indent
Q Should addresses for graduation announcements be written with indented addresses?


A It depends if you have the space on the envelope. When the street address is long, you probably won't have the space, so you would have to make the lines of the address flush to the left.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Episcopal Bishop and His Wife
Q How do you address a personal letter to an Episcopal Bishop and
his wife?

A If he does not have a Doctor's degree the envelope is addressed to: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. Inside the letter, the salutation would be Dear Bishop Dickens and Mrs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Esq.
Q Wrong on addressing attorneys - you never include Mr. or Mrs. with a title - it would be John Smith, Esq.

A Esq. is not a title, it is a suffix. According to the US book of protocol, "Protocol the Handbook of Diplomatic, Official and Social Usage: 25th Anniversary Edition," when using the prefixes Mr. and Mrs, you would not use the suffix, Esq. Officially you wouldn't use "Esq." because in addressing Mr. John Smith, you would add "Attorney at Law" following his name, like this:

Mr. John Smith, Attorney at Law
(His address)

Nowadays, the suffix Esquire isn't generally acceptable socially either, forinstance you would never use it on a wedding invitation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ex-State Senators and Ex-State Refresentatives
Q What is the proper envelope address for an ex State Representative and an ex State Senator? Should envelopes addressed to ex State Representatives and ex State Senators include "The Honorable" for life?

A You are correct. An elected officials keeps the title of The Honorable for life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Family Members
Q My in-laws always address cards to my wife, daughter (4 yrs old) then me. Emails are the same. This really bothers me. Should it? We have been married 25 years.

Thank you,
Mike


A It sounds as though your in-laws practice the etiquette of ladies first. It shouldn't bother you because they are just being polite. Do not take it as a personal slight.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Family of a New Sibling
Q How would I address an envelope to send a congratulations card for a new baby? The couple also has 2 small daughters in addition to the new baby.

THANK YOU!

A You can either address the envelope to Mrs. and Mrs. William Wilson, or you can address the envelope to The William Wilsons, or to The Wilson Family.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Family with Hyphenated Last Names
Q I would like to address a Christmas card to my friend and her family. Her last name is Shillington-Perez and her husband's last name is Perez-Jorge. I have been unable to find proper etiquette for addressing envelopes to couples each with a different hyphenated last name. Thank you for your time.

A Since you are addressing the envelope to the entire family, you would address the Christmas card to "The Perez Family."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Federal Judge + His Wife
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to a Federal judge and his wife?


A Socially you would address a Federal or Associate Justice as: Justice Whitman and Mrs. Whitman.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Federal Judge and Her Lawyer Husband
Q How do you address a party invitation to a lawyer and his wife who is a Federal Judge?

Thanks,

Michelle

A On a social invitation you would address the Federal Judge as "The Honorable" and the husband as Mr. As she has the important title, her name appears first.

The Honorable Emily Dickinson and Mr. James Dickinson

You can use two lines.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Female Chairperson
Q How do you verbally address a female chairperson during a Board meeting?

A You would address her as either "Madame Chair," "Madame Chairperson," or Madame Chairwoman."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Filing the Suffix
Q I am making a file label and have trouble with how to type it correctly. Let's say the name is Thomas Ralph Long II: how would you type it alphabetically correct with the last name first? Long II, Thomas Ralph?? Thank you for your assistance.

A It would look like this:

Long, Thomas Ralph, II (or 2nd)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Lady of Florida
Q What is the proper title when addressing a note to the First Lady of the state of Florida?


A When the first lady doesn't have her own title such as Doctor, then she is Mrs. Doe, or Mrs. John Doe. There is no title for the First Lady, other than her own.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Mother-In-Law After Remarriage
Q Dear Didi, I was a widow and am now remarried. Is my deceased husband's mother still my mother in-law? My new mother-in-law and my husband say that she isn't. I find myself calling them both mother. Any suggestions?

A What an interesting question. Your contractual relationship with your former husband ended at his death. It is really up to your first mother-in-law to say to you, "Susan, please call me Louise." In this situation, I would say that your former mother-in-law has to let you off the hook on that one. If you are close to your former mother-in-law, why not say to her, "Louise, would you mind awfully if I called you Louise?" Chances are she will then ask you to call her Louise.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Name Basis
Q If an in-law never addresses you by your name in conversation or email or phone messages, is that a sign of disrespect?

A Do not take this personally. Going forward, go out of your way to address him on a first name basis. After a while it will still stick.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names
Q When a couple is signing, for instance a Christmas card, or having their names on a list being recognized for some special achievement, I've been told that the man's name goes first if the last name is not with it, but if the last name is used, the man's name goes by it; i.e., Ross and Mary or Mary and Ross Smith.

A It does not matter on a Christmas card which name comes first; usually if the wife knows the person better, she would sign it Mary and Ross Smith. If the recipient is an old friend of the husband's, you would sign it Ross and Mary Smith because the name would be more recognizable to his friend. If the person would have no trouble remembering who Ross and Mary and Mary and Ross are, you would not use Smith or you would strike a line through Smith.

On a formal list, the organization would decide upon a uniform way to list couples. Most likely, if Mr. and Mrs. are not being used, it would be Ross and Mary Smith. However, many people feel the woman's name should come first when Mr. and Mrs. are not used.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names with the Suffix
Q My husband's name is Harold Doyle III. If I want my first name on the return address label, how should it be written? Should it be written something like this: Roberta and Harold Doyle III? I would like my first name to appear, but I think it is not appropriate any other way than Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III. Or is my only proper option to have my own mailing label separately, and never the two shall meet, excepting the Mr. and Mrs. III format?

A You are mixing two styles, which is why you are having trouble deciding how to list your names on your return address label. Traditionally, as you know, the formal style is Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III and the informal style is Roberta and Harold Doyle. There is nothing wrong with combining the traditional and the informal by using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. However, keep in mind that customarily, "Jr.," "II," and "III" are used if the men live in the same town, are employed by the same business, or are, say, a member of the same club as their namesake. If they don't reside in the same area, it might seem slightly pretensious to use a suffix after the sirname because there really is no need to differentiate between the Mr. Doyles when they live in different zip codes. The exception would be a formal invitation, such as a wedding invitation, at which another Mr. Harold Doyle is invited. Also, remember that when a man is named "the 3rd", it is because he is named after his great-grandfather or great-uncle of the same name. When that person dies, Mr. Harold Doyle 3rd becomes "the 2nd," if he is the nephew or grandson. If he is named after his father, he becomes "Jr." By the way, your husband's suffix can be used in either an Arabic numeral or a Roman numeral form, in other words, either "3rd" or "III." As the numbers designate the difference between living men of the same name, a year or two after Harold Doyle II dies, Harold Doyle III would change his suffix to "II." I tell you this because it looks strange when everyone knows that Harold Doyle III just celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday.
Once again, there is nothing wrong with using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. At any rate, you might not want to order too many labels with the suffix "the 3rd."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names: Ladies First
Q When writing a couple without using mr and mrs, whose name goes first?

A Ladies first. I always put the woman's name first when there is an option.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names: Ladies First
Q Whose name goes first when when writing a card to a couple? Should I write Dear Jane and John? or Dear John and Jane?

Thank you!

Sincerely,
Isabel

A I am a big fan of ladies first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Foreign Ambassador
Q How do you address a letter to an ambassador? And what should the salutation be?

A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, it would be:

His Excellency Charles Dickens
or, if titled,
His Excellency Sir Charles Dickens
Ambassador to the United Kingdom
Insert Embassy Address

The salutation would be:
Dear Ambassador Dickens:
or, if titled,
Dear Sir Charles:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Foreign President
Q How to address letter to a foreign president?

A Mr. President or Madam President both work. So it would be Dear Mr. President or Dear Madam President.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Ambassador
Q Didi, how do I address a Christmas card envelope for a former ambassador and his wife?
Mary

A As a matter of respect, American career and appointed ambassadors carry "The honorable" title throughout their lives. You would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Ambassador.
Q How do you address a former ambassador in a letter, please? Thank you.

A It is always acceptable to address an appointed official as The Honorable. The person would therefore be addressed as: The Honorable Melinda Richmond or The Honorable George Elliot Wilson. The salutation would be Dear Ms. Richmond, or Dear Mr. Wilson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Governor
Q How do I address envelope for a former governor and his wife?

A Even though he is no longer a governor, because he held a high office in the government he retains the title of "The Honorable" for life. You would address the envelope to:

The Honorable and Mrs. Charles W. Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Governor
Q We will be having an event honoring a former Governor.

How shall the invitation be addressed? Honorable John Doe, or simply referred to as Governor John Doe.

Thank you for your response.

A The form of address and salutation for governors varies in three states: Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, where a governor is referred to as Excellency. In the other states, the form of The Honorable is used.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Judge
Q How to address a former judge?

A A judge is addressed with the title "The Honorable" throughout her/his life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Lt. Governor
Q When addressing a letter, what would be the title of a previous Lt. Governor? Is it still Honorable?

A "The honorable" is the title of respect bestowed upon retired elected officials, including Lt. Governor, so you are correct in using "The Honorable" in front of his/her name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Mayor
Q How do you address a city mayor who is deceased?

A He or she would be spoken of as "the late mayor of Newport, The Honorable Theodore Greene." You would refer to him as "the late mayor," if the mayor was recently deceased, and use "the former mayor," if he had been dead for some time. Because elected officials hold the honorific of "The Honorable" through their lives, he would be referred to as, "The Honorable Theodore W. Greene, the late (or former) mayor of Newport." Find out if the former mayor used his middle initial and use it, if he used it.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former President + His Wife the Cabinet Member
Q How would I address a letter to former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton?

A Dear President Clinton and Madame Secretary, Thank you for.....

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former President and His President Wife
Q How will Former President Clinton be addressed if Hillary is President?

A President Bill Clinton retains the title of President, as a former president he is addressed as President Clinton and when Hillary becomes president, mail addressed to them will be sent to:

The President and
President Clinton
The White House
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former U.S. Senator
Q How to address envelope to former U.S. Senator?

A Elected officials, such as a U.S. Senator, are addressed as "The Honorable," through their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Vice President
Q How do I address former Vice President Al Gore, both in correspondence and in person?



A As a former Vice President, he retains his title as a courtesy even though he is no longer in office. However, he is no longer "The Vice President," he is Vice President Gore in conversation or Vice President Albert Gore in correspondence. Vice Presidents are among those who carry "The Honorable" title throughout their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor
Q I want to write a letter to the Governor of a state. What's the proper salutation? Dear Sir, Hon'ble Governor, or like that, what's more appropriate? Thanks


A If this is a business matter, then you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Charles L. Dickens
Governor of Rhode Island
Address

The salutation would be: Dear Governor:

If this is a letter of a social nature, then it would be:

Governor Charles L. Dickens
Address

The salutation would be: Dear Governor Dickens:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor + Wife Socially
Q How do address a thank-you note envelope to a governor and his wife for an very casual dinner party at the Governor's Mansion? They are dear friends; however, I would like to be respectful of his position.

Thank you

A Know how you feel. We have dear friends he is a senator and his wife doctor. Since his election, I've been calling him "Senator" to his face, instead of Sheldon. It seems to make him smile. He works hard and deserves to be called Senator.

The envelope for a social occasion would read:

The Honorable The Governor of Rhode Island
and Mrs. Mrs. Chafee
(The address)

For reference, I use the most recent edition of a manual called, "Protocol: The Complete Handbook of Diplomatic, Official and Social Usage."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor and His Wife
Q I am co-chairing an event (a park benefit), at which the governor AND his wife will serve as honorary co-chairs. How do I address them on both the invitation/envelope, but also ON the invitation itself? Do I mention his state (most people will be coming from the same state) and do I refer to him as The Honourable?

Honorary co-chairs Governor & Mrs. Rockefeller?
"" Governor Nelson & Mrs. Rockefeller?
"" Governor Nelson & Mrs. Bunny Rockefeller?

Thank you for your kind help regarding this matter.

A On the invitation center these lines:
The Honorary Co-Chairs
The Honorable Governor of New York
and Mrs. Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller
add the other names

The envelope for the invitation to the Governor and his wife, would be addressed to:
The Honorable Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller
Governor of the State of New York
and Mrs. Rockefeller
Address goes here

The spoken introduction is either Governor or Governor Rockefeller (and Mrs. Rockefeller).

The formal introduction at the event is: The Governor of New York: Governor Rockefeller of New York

When addressing him in a letter, it would be:
Dear Governor and Mrs. Rockefeller

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor's Wife
Q When writing a letter to the governor's wife, what would her title be?

A Her title is Mrs., if she is using the Governor's name: so she would be Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger. If she doesn't use the governor's name, she would be Ms. Maria Shriver. In the salutation, you would address her as Mrs. Schwarzenegger or Ms. Shriver. However, if she is a doctor, then you would use her title and it would be Dr. Maria Schwarzenegger or Dr. Maria Shriver; in writing a salutation, Dr. Schwarzenegger or Dr. Shriver. No matter which name she uses, only in an introduction or in conversation would she be referred to as "The First Lady." Nevertheless, in writing to her you would not address her as First Lady Schwarzenegger. Only Lady Bird Johnson ever used the title of Lady, but it wasn't actually a title because her nurse gave her the nickname Lady Bird, which soon replaced her given name and she was to use it her entire life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Greeting Cards: Husband + Wife
Q When sending greeting cards does the husband or wife's name go first?

A When you don't address the card to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, then you would address it to the lady's name first:

Elizabeth and John Smith
(their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Group of Ladies
Q I am writing a business email to three ladies at a company. I don't want to start it with "Dear ladies" and also do not want to use their first names. What is the correct way to send to a group of ladies? Miss' Smith, Jones, and Johnson? Misses Smith, Jones, and Johnson? please help.

A If you have no idea as to whether or not they are married, the best thing to do is use Ms. (don't use Miss and Mrs. as they would only be used if you are sure they are married). In fact, some women prefer to use Ms. because they don't like to allude to their marital status in a business context. The letter would begin:

Dear Ms. Johnson, Ms. Jones, and Ms. Smith:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Guest Who Is a Long-Time Partner
Q Hi! I am having a debate with my mother as to how an invitation should be written to someone who is in a long-term, serious relationship. She believes that the invite would be addressed to person and "guest" whereas I say it would be to both individuals given the seriousness of the relationship and imminent betrothal.

HELP!! Thank you for your help!

A It is polite and important to make every "guest" feel special by acknowledging his or her name when addressing the invitation. The first duty of a good hostess is to make every guest feel special and important. If that "guest" knows that you know his or her name, that "guest" will feel that you don't really care if they come or not.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Handing Down Names: Jr.
Q My father's name is Jesus Ramirez Rodriguez and my name is Jesus Belisario Rodriguez. Can I use the title of Jr. and be legally correct?

Thanks.

A "Jr." stands for junior and is not a legal title. It is a suffix added after the full name.

" Jr." originated to distinguish the difference between a father and son with the same name living in the same small community. Since you and your father have different middle names, there is no reason to use Jr.

On the other hand, when a son is named "the 2nd," it means that he was named after his grandfather or uncle. Therefore, if you have the same first, middle, and last name of either your grandfather or uncle, you could use the suffix for "the 2nd" after your last name using either the arabic numeral "2nd," or the roman numeral form "II"--like this:

Jesus Belisario Rodriguez 2nd
Jesus Belisario Rodriguez II

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: High Commissioner
Q How does one address a High Commissioner of some country (not an Ambassador) via mail when sending an invitation card requesting him to attend a civic function?

A Professional titles are always used in Europe, so you would not be wrong in addressing this person as High Commissioner; however, you would try to do so in the language of the country where the title is held. "Debretts," the great etiquette reference book in Great Britain, suggests that you telephone the High Commissioner's secretary first before sending an invitation to make sure that the date is open. If the High Commissioner is available that day, then you would send an invitation. During that conversation, you would ask how the invitation should be addressed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Holiday Cards
Q When addressing a Christmas card to the widow of my cousin, they had no children but she has from a previous relationship?

How to address a card to a long-time friend from childhood but recently reunited, how do I address to her and her spouse and children?

A A widow is widowed, not divorced, so you would address her the way you would have addressed her before her husband died: Mrs. John W. Smith. That is her name until she marries again or changes it back to her maiden name.

You can address the card to: The Smith Family. Inside, you can use The Smith Family or spell out their names, such as: To Allison, John, Sophie, and George.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: How to Use Jr.
Q How do I use the suffix Jr. when filling out forms: ex: John White Jr. Or White Jr., John?

A It would be John White, Jr. However, usually when a formal suffix is used, you would include either the full middle name or the initial of that middle name, both of which should be the same as the man's father.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Husband and Wife Judges
Q How to address husband and wife both who are both judges?

A Socially, two married judges would be addressed as:

The Honorable George Warren and
The Honorable Elizabeth Warren

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Hyphenated Last Names
Q On a Christmas card with two family last names, does the wife or the husband last name come first?
example: happy holidays, velasquez-newton family

A It is up to you, there is no rule carved in stone. I would look at it from a practical point of view. On lists, if you would rather have your name appearing sooner rather than later, then Newton would appear first. If there are a lot of other Newtons in your area, then you might rather have start with Velasquez to make you easier to find. If neither of those practical reasons matter, then I am always in favor of Ladies First, meaning you would list the woman's name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Hyphenated Last Names
Q I have hyphenated my last name as I did not want to give up my maiden name. Maiden: Stiving Married: Nichols

When signing our family holiday card, do I drop the hyphen and just use Nichols? My daughter and husband are both Nichols. Same with return address labels?

A There are ways you can do this. So experiment over time to figure out what works for your family name(s). Unfortunately, all too often computers cut off part of the second name in the hyphenated name, make the first part of the hyphenated name the middle name, or eliminate the first name and make the first part of the hyphenated name the first name! I've heard it all. For the sake of brevity try:

Return address:

The Stiving-Nickols Family
Your address

On the inside of the card:

The Stiving-Niclols Family,
Liz, William and Catherine

Eventually, when your daughter is no longer living at home, you can go back to calling yourselves by your individual names. By the way, there is nothing wrong in calling your family The Nichlos Family, when doing family projects such as Christmas cards.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Hyphenated Name Couples
Q I need to invite professional women who use a hyphenated name and their husbands to a company holiday lunch. In most cases we do not know the husband's first name. What is the best way to address the envelopes?

Thank you very much.

A If you know the women well enough to invite them to a professional lunch, then you have someone in your organization call the office of the person you wish to invite to verify how to spell the husband's name. You can also try looking up the names in a telephone directory or calling information. Take care in hyphenating names because the trend now is to drop the hyphen and just use the two last names, as in Hillary Rodham Clinton. Also, be sure to verify that the husbands actually use the hyphen between the two names because many just use their own last name. The professional way to address the envelopes is to verify the correct spelling of the names by having a secretary or administrative assistant fact check the guests' names. When a couple hyphenate their two last names, they either choose to be addressed as, say, Mr. and Mrs. William J. McClintock-Smith, with Smith being the husband's last name, or both names are addressed on two separate lines, such as this:

Ms. Amanda L. McClintock-Smith and
Mr. George J. McClintock-Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: India's Ambassador to Belgium
Q Dear Didi,

I am writing a letter to the Ambassador of India to Belgium. In addition to having the title "H.E. Ambassador" he also has the title "Dr." How should I address him in this letter?


Thank you for your help,

Ms. Elisabeth M Tezak

A It is correct to use "His Excellency" before Dr., the given name and surname on the envelope. Therefore, you would address the envelope to India's Ambassador to Belgium as:

His Excellency
Dr. Jaimini Bhagwati
Ambassador of the Republic of India
The Embassy of India
217, Chaussee de Vleurgat
1050 Brussels

However, the salutation would be:
Dear Dr. Ambassador:

It is more than likely that you would use "Your Excellency," while engaged in a face-to-face conversation with the ambassador.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Informally
Q I am the membership chairperson of my neighborhood association and would like to know the proper etiquette for addressing our annual membership invoices. I would prefer to keep this somewhat informal and be able to use both the wife's name and the husband's, i.e. Mary and John Smith. However, I have other scenarios where residents are single, but live together, i.e. Mary Smith and John Doe OR John Smith and John Doe. Could you tell me the proper way to handle this situation where all scenarios will follow a common rule?

A When addressing names informally, the name of the person you know best comes first. Alternatively, I am a big fan of ladies first, so I always put the lady's name first. In the case of John Doe and John Smith, if you know them equally well, write their names alphabetically with Doe before Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: In-Laws
Q What is the proper etiquette for a son-in-law to address his wife's parents when in conversation? At the present time we are addressed as Mr. & Mrs. My daughter is extremely annoyed at this situation because she feels it does not create a family togetherness. My husband's culture is strictly European which likes titles, etc. I am fine with my son-in-law calling me by my first name. What compromise can I reach with my husband as far as my son-in-law addressing him other than Mr.? Any help you can give me to remedy this situation will be greatly appreciated. By the way my daughter addresses her husband's parents by their first name.

A Customarily, it is up to the parent to set the tone by asking the wife, husband, or partner of the child to call him or her by a first name. For instance, even if, say, a woman didn't want her daughter-in-law to call her by her first name, but didn't want her to call her Mrs. either, she might say to her daughter-in-law, "Why don't you call me Mother Bea, because my name is Beatrice." It sounds as if you have set the tone in your own way; now it is up to your husband to stop being so stuffy. By making his son-in-law call him Mr., he is treating him as an outsider, an interloper that he doesn't trust. Perhaps it is up to your son-in-law to build on that trust in some way. Maybe he could play golf, tennis, backgammon, chess or go fishing, hunting, sailing, or skiing with his father-in-law to help forge a stronger bond between them. On the other hand, your husband is keeping your son-in-law at such a distance that he might not want to make the effort. This is a situation that only your husband and your son-in-law can resolve. I am a huge believer that you can break any detente with humor. Someone, either you, your son-in-law, or your daughter, could broach the subject in such a lighthearted manner that your husband might be drawn into the conversation in a non-threatening way and suddenly say, "Jack, call me George." Another way to get your husband to start thinking about the dilemma is to have the son-in-law write a thank-you note to your husband addressing him as Mr. so-and-so and signing off with just his first name. That would be a written example of the problem that would stare your husband in the face. Remember that you can never thank men enough and even if your son-in-law has already thanked him in person, he can always start the note by saying, "I just wanted to thank you again for ....." As you know, most men don't like to be told what to do, but you can plant ideas ever so casually in the hope that either man will step up to the problem and break the ice. If your husband really is so very formal, then being ultra formal with his father-in-law is perhaps the way to break the ice. If the situation really bothers your son-in-law, perhaps he should formally ask your husband how he wishes to be addressed and give him a couple of examples: "What should I call you, sir? Mr. so-and-so or George? Perhaps your husband has been so backed into a corner about this that he needs an out. Ever so gently, a family member might ask your husband what his father called his father-in-law and so on.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Inside Envelopes
Q In writing out graduation invitations what do I put on the inner envelope? Do I have to write anything? How should the outer envelope be addressed?

A If you wrote Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens on the outside envelope, you would write Mr. and Mrs. Dickens on the inside envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Inside of Greeting Cards
Q Dear Ms. Didi:

I'd like to know what is the proper etiquette to address the inside of greeting cards, Christmas cards, etc.?

Recently a friend mentioned that his mother was a bit taken back when she opened her Christmas card and saw that I addressed the inside of the card (Mrs. First and Last name) same as the outside...was I wrong?

I have to admit I really didn't know how to address the card this year since her husband passed...

Lucie

A My dear, I'm not sure you did anything wrong. It was respectful of you to address her as Mrs., as she is an older person. As long as you didn't address the card to the deceased husband, I can't see what you did wrong. Perhaps, I don't have enough information to understand fully what it is that you are asking. I would be happy to try again, if you would like to ask the question again.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Introducing: A Married Couple
Q Hi Didi, your website is great!
How do I introduce a newly married couple? They have no children together. Is it Mr. and Mrs. or Mrs. and Mr.?

A In person, you would personalize the introduction by saying something such as this, "I would like to introduce you to our (my) friends the Wilsons, Nancy and Bill."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Invitation: A Widow or Widower + Family
Q How do I address an invitation to a couple when one of the couple is deceased, e.g The families of Late Mr & Mrs John ...?

A You would never address an invitation to the "Late" Mr. & Mrs. So-and-So. You would never address an invitation to a dead person. Address the invitation to the living spouse only. For instance, if the husband is the living spouse: Mr. Elton John. If the wife is the living spouse: Mrs. John Lennon. If it is a formal invitation, you would try to spell out the husband's middle name.

You would never send an invitation to "The families of the Late Mr. & Mrs." You would address the invitation to the living spouse only without using "Late," because the living spouse is not dead. You can address the invitation to Mrs. John Lennon & Family. If she is the living spouse.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Invitations to Unmarried Relatives Not in the Same Household
Q How do you address Christmas cards and formal invitations to a mother and her adult daughter who live together (it's acutally the adult daughter's house), have the same last name, and happen to be your aunt and cousin?

A Traditionally, each unattached person over the age of eighteen receives his or her own formal invitation. I know that you are spending a lot of money on the formal invitations and so doubling up might seem like a good thing to do in this economic downturn, but if your aunt is of that generation that knows about etiquette, she will wonder if you know proper etiquette. On the other hand, if she is pragmatic and just pleased to be included, then why not send one invitation to both? If she mentions it, just say that you thought that she would understand because of the state of the economy and you didn't think she would mind. You might even give her the heads up by saying, "Aunty Betty, I know that I should have sent you and Caroline separate invitations, but..." In that case, address the envelope for both the formal invitations and the Christmas card to the eldest person on the first line of the envelope and the niece and cousin on the second line. Your cousin will understand why you have done it that way, and your aunt will be pleased. It would look like this:

Mrs. Charles W. Dickens
Ms. Caroline L. Dickens
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: IV When He is an M.D.
Q My son recently graduated from college and is now a medical doctor. He also has a roman numeral after his name. What would be the best way to include his M.D. and IV in addressing him? Is Dr. John Doe, IV correct? Is it correct to write John Doe, IV, M.D. ?

A Firstly, I am a bit confused by your numbers. When a father and son live in the same city, the father has the suffix Sr. for senior and his son has the suffix Jr. for junior, if he has the same name as his father. When the father dies, the son usually drops the Jr. within two years' time, since there is no longer any confusion between the two men. The exception would be if the father is a very famous man, such as Franklin D. Roosevelt, whose son used the suffix through his life to distinguish himself from his famous father.

Remember that when a son is named the 2nd, he is the nephew or grandson of a man of the same name. When a lad is named the 3rd, he is being named after his great-grandfather or great-uncle of the same name. So as you can see suffixes are used to identify the generations and are used only to clarify the distinction among living men of the same name. When number II dies, number III becomes number II within a year or two. Number III then would become number II and number IV would become number III. Protocol holds that your son would not use his number professionally, unless you are also an MD, and that would be to distinguish a living father and son with the same name.

Socially, once you figure out what number your son feels comfortable about using, as I don't know who is still alive, he could use that suffix after his last name for social purposes: Dr. John Adams Smith, III. There are times when he would use Dr. as his title and therefore the number could follow his last name as a suffix. For instance on his office, his stationery, professionally, he would use M.D. as a suffix and probably wouldn't use Jr. or a number, unless you are an M.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: JJudge and His Wife
Q How do you address a judge and his wife?

A Assuming that this is a social because you are also inviting the judge's wife, you would address the envelope this way:

The Honorable Charles Stuart Dickens and Mrs. Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Jr.
Q I need to refer to a married couple by their first names then the last name; however, he is a Jr. Would it be Mary and John Smith, Jr.,(which seems odd since she is listed first) or John and Mary Smith, Jr., (which seems funny since she's not the Jr.)or something else?

A It would be Mary and John Smith because you wouldn't use the suffix Jr. when you are not using the prefixes Mr. and Mrs. So it is either:

Mary and John Smith
or
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Jr.

Remember that the suffix Jr. is used to distinguish the father from the son and the chances that the father's wife's name is Mary are slim. But of course if her name is also Mary, then you might want to use the Jr., if the father and son live in the same town.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Jr. When Sr. Is No Longer Living
Q John Doe Sr. is no longer living. Does John Doe continue to be addressed as Jr. (in correspondence)?

A Within two years, John Doe, Jr. would drop the Jr. because there is no longer a chance that the two men will be confused. Only men with well-known fathers do this, for instance J. F. Kennedy, Jr., and Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., because their fathers are so very famous.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge + Her Retired Judge Husband
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope when the husband is a retired judge and the wife is a practicing judge?

A Because the wife is still practicing, you would list her first: Judge Diana Wilson and The Honorable Henry Wilson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge + His Wife
Q I'm writing an acknowledgment letter to a judge and his wife. If I understand correctly, the letter should be addressed to The Honorable and Mrs. Marvin Segal but what should come after Dear...?

A Actually, as an acknowledgment is considered a social letter, the envelope would be addressed to Judge and Mrs. Marvin Segal, and the salutation would be Dear Judge Segal and Mrs. Segal. That is, of course, if you are not on a first name basis with Judge and Mrs. and Mrs. Marvin Segal.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge + Spouse
Q How do I address the envelope for an informal surprise 60th birthday party being given for my brother and two of his friends are Judges? All other invites I addressed as Mr.& Mrs.

A Married couples when the husband is a judge would be addressed socially as: The Honorable John Wilson Burnham and Mrs. Burnham.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Doctor Husband
Q How do I address a card to a husband who is a physician and the wife is a judge?

A Socially, on the envelope, it would be:

Judge Susan Nelson and
Dr. George Nelson
then the address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Husband
Q How would an invitation be written if the husband was an attorney and the wife was a judge?

A As the judge's position supercedes that of the lawyer husband, your friend the judge is addressed first. As I don't have the names, I can't spell it out for you, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying. Because it is a social occasion, you don't use the info about her court; you would address the invitation to: The Honorable Elizabeth Smith Brown and Mr. John Jay Brown. Two lines are fine, not to worry about that.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Husband an Attorney
Q How do you address a letter to a female judge and her husband who is an attorney? I will take a shot:

Mr. John Doe, esq. and The Hon. Jane Doe

Dear Mr. and Judge Doe:

A You would address the envelope to a judge and her attorney husband this way:

Judge Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
Their address

The salutation would be:

Dear Judge Doe and Mr. Doe:

You wouldn't use "The Honorable" and/or "Esq." unless it is a business letter, and then you would spell out "The Honorable" and after Mr. Doe's name, you would spell out Attorney at Law:

The Honorable Jane Doe
Judge, Appellate Division
Supreme Court of the State
of Mississippi
and Mr. John Doe, Attorney at Law

Alternatively, socially, Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is perfectly correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Husband the Former Lt. Governor
Q How would you address an envelope to a couple with the following characteristics...she was just recently elected a judge and he is a former lieutenant governor?

If they are extending an invitation for a social event, how would they be listed as the host and hostess?

Thank you so much!



A When both husband and wife have rank, the envelope would be addressed either of the two following ways:

The Honorable Caroline Dickens and
The Honorable Charles Dickens

or

Judge Caroline Dickens and
The Honorable Charles Dickens

Because the wife is a standing elected judge, her name appears first. As a once elected official, the former Lieutenant Governor retains the title of "The Honorable" throughout his life.

If the couple is hosting a social event, they would list themselves as either:

Mr. and Mr. Charles Dickens

or

Caroline and Charles Dickens

As they are hosting the social event, they would not use their titles. One simply does not call oneself "The Honorable," that is how others address The Honorables. On the other hand, if the social event is in the couple's honor, then the host/hostess would use the honorifics.

The exception would be if the couple was hosting a formal social event, then they would list themselves on the invitation as:

Judge Caroline Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge Who Is Also a Junior
Q I am inviting a judge who's name is Bob Smith, Jr. I need to know how properly to address him and his wife. Thanks

A For a social invitation, you would address the envelope to:

Judge and Mrs. Smith
Address

You would only use the suffix "junior" to distinguish Judge Smith from his father if his father was also a judge. Junior is used to differentiate a son from his living father. If the judge's father has been deceased for longer than two years or longer, the Judge would not be using the suffix.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judges: Married with Same Last Name
Q We are sending an invitation to 2 judges who are married with the same last name. What is the proper way to address the envelope and the salutation inside?

A Socially, you can address the outside envelope either of two ways: The Judges Dickens, or Judge Caroline W. Dickens and Judge Charles G. Dickens. If you are also using an inside envelope, then you would definitely address the inside envelope to: The Judges Dickens. I am not sure what you mean by the salutation on an invitation. Obviously, if you are on a first name basis you would write: To Caroline and Charles. If you are not on a first name basis, then it would be: To The Judges Dickens. If the invitation is in the form of a letter use: Dear Judges Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judges: A Judge and His Wife
Q How do you address a judge and his wife on a Christmas card?

A Socially, you would address a judge and his wife on the envelope of a Christmas card as: Judge and Mrs. Charles W. Dickens. Inside the envelope, you would personalize the card with: Dear Judge and Mrs. Dickens, if you are not on a first name basis.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior
Q When addressing an envelope, what is the proper way to include Jr. in the name? Example: William G and Pamela D Croft Jr. or William G Jr. and Pamela D Croft?

A If the couple is married, which I assume is the case, the envelope would be addressed to: Mr. and Mrs. William G. Croft, Jr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior
Q I recently got married and my husband's name is Gregory Bunn, Jr. I am trying to order address labels and I'm getting very confused. If I would like my first name on the address labels, should I order the labels as Gregory & Leah Bunn, Jr?

Thanks For Your Help

A You can use either Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr., or Leah & Gregory Bunn.

However, in my opinion, you wouldn't use the suffix "Jr." with Leah & Gregory Bunn. The suffix junior (" Jr.") differentiates the two Mr. Gregory Bunns, Mr. Gregory Bunn, Sr. and Mr. Gregory Bunn, Jr. Therefore, unless Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Sr., is also called Leah, you wouldn't need to you use Jr. with Leah & Gregory Bunn.

You're asking about two different styles. I want you to be consist with your style. The informal style is: Leah & Gregory Bunn. The more formal style is Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr. Choose one style for continuity. You can see that you wouldn't use the ampersand (&) with Mr. and Mrs., but with Leah & Gregory it looks good.

There are two other points that you might want to remember: when using Jr. as in Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr., you place a comma between the last name and the suffix. Lastly, the suffix Jr. is dropped two to three years after the death of Mr. Gregory Bunn, Sr., because it no longer serves a purpose. The exception would be with a public figure such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Jr. Both father and son are referred to in history books, so it is important to distinguish the merchant from the president.

If you have formal note paper with your return address on the back of the envelope that you use for condolence letters, letters of congratulations, and thank-you notes, then you wouldn't need formal labels. If the primary purpose of the labels is for greeting card envelopes, bills, and sending presents, then the informal Leah & Gregory Bunn would be just fine.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior
Q When the male is a Junior and you send out an address with both the male and female on the same line do you put the junior?

A You would write out: Mr. and Mrs. John Jacob Smith, Jr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior When Senior Is Deceased
Q My husband is a junior but his father passed away 28 years ago, is he still considered a junior or should he have dropped when his father, the senior died?

A Yes, your husband no longer retains the suffix of Junior, since his father died over two years ago. For more information on suffix usage, you are welcome to view the Newport Manners Web site archives; the search words are Junior and Jr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Justice of the Supreme Court
Q I am writing to a Justice of the Supreme Court in New York. Do I address Justice ------- and say Dear Judge.......? I want to get the correct format.

A For business, you would address him this way:

The Chief Justice
The Supreme Court
Address

Socially, it would be:

The Chief Justice and Mrs. Shakespeare
address

The salutation would be the same for both:

Dear Mr. Chief Justice:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Knight in Australia
Q How do I address a letter of condolence to the wife of a recently deceased Knight in Australia. Is it Lady surname, or Lady first name?

A You would address the widow of a deceased Knight in Australia as Lady surname.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Late Spouse's Family
Q How should a man, after his wife's death refer to her and her still living family members? (ex, former, or are they still in-laws?)

A In my opinion, he would refer to his "late wife." His late wife's living family members are still his in-laws until he remarries. If he remarries, he would refer to his late wife's living brother as "my late wife's brother", or "my daughter with my late wife," or "my late wife's parents."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Latino In-Laws
Q What is the familiar and respectful way to address my soon to be Latino in-laws?

A The Spanish for all in-laws is "consuegros." It is common (although not universal by any means) to address a male in-law (mainly father-in-law) as "suegro" or "suegrito" and female in-law (mainly mother-in-law) as "suegra" or "suegrita." For comparison, the equivalent Spanish for Mother/Mom would be "Mama" or "Mami" and the familiar diminutive "Mamita."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lawyer
Q What is the proper title to address your lawyer - first name, last name or do you call him "counselor?"

A Lawyers are called Mr. but in addressing their name you would not use Mr. if you are using Esq. (for Esquire) after their name. So she would be: Mrs. Caroline Brown or Caroline Brown, Esq.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lawyer and His Wife
Q How would I address an invitation or letter to an attorney (Esq.) and wife (no title)?

A Nowadays, socially, Esq., really isn't used; you would address the married couple socially as Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbian Couple
Q How do you address a letter to a lesbian couple?

A If they do not use the same last name, you would address their names alphabetically one on top of the other. If they don't have the same name but have had a commitment ceremony, you would put the word "and" after the first name. If the envelope is not wide enough to accommodate both names, then the "and" stays on the top line and the second name goes on the second line. You would list the names alphabetically, unless you know one person and not the other, then you would put the one that you know first:

Ms. Anna Marie Ross
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address

Ms. Anna Marie Ross and
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address

The salutation would be:

Dear Ms. Ross and Ms. Schwartz:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbian Couple
Q My daughter is getting married. How would you address the wedding invitation to her aunt who is a married lesbian? Also, both are attorneys (although one is not a practicing attorney).

I know this is a tough one. Thank you for your help.
-Helen


A Socially, attorneys don't have titles. As they are not appointed or elected officials, socially they are addressed as, say, Ms. Allison James and Ms. Charlotte Osborne.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbians With the Same Last Name
Q How would you address a formal letter to a lesbian couple with the same last name? Would it be 'Dear Ms. and Ms. Myers'?
Thanks-
Diane Freeman

A In the salutation of a formal letter to a lesbian couple with the same last name, you would use the title "Ms." just once. In this instance add "es" to the last name Myers to make the proper name plural:

Dear the Ms. Myerses:

The envelope would be addressed to:

The Ms. Myerses
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Letter to a President
Q Addressing a letter to a president of a country

The Honorable .....
President
city, country

Dear Mr. President

Is above correct form?

A Addressing a letter to the president of this country, it would be:

The President
(from abroad it would be "The President of the United States of America)
The White House
Address

Dear Mr. President

Addressing a letter to the President of a Republic, such as France, it would be:

His Excellency
Nicolas Sarkozy
President of the Republic of France
Address

Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Letter to an Ambassador
Q I wish to address a letter to an ambassador. What is the proper form of address? I am grateful for your kindness.


A A foreign United Nations ambassador would be addressed on the envelope as:

His Excellency (insert name)
Ambassador (insert country)
Permanent Mission of (insert country)
to the United Nations
add address

The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

The United States Representative to the United Nations would be addressed as follows:

The Honorable (insert name)
United States Representative
to the United Nations
insert address

The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Colonel & His Wife
Q How do I address an envelope to a man and wife if he is a Lt.Col and is also an MD?

A You would address the envelope to Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles Dickens. When he retires, he could well be addressed as Dr. Charles Dickens, but while he is still in service he is Lieutenant Colonel Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Colonel and Her Husband
Q Hello! How would I address a business letter to this couple (these are their names as they appear on their bank check):
LTC. Jane M. Doe, USAF RET.
John M. Doe

I work at a nonprofit and I need to write them a thank-you letter for their donation. I have no other correspondence from them that would indicate how they prefer to be addressed.

A Socially, you would not use RET, which means retired, nor would you mention the Armed Forces. Address the envelope to Lieutenant Colonel Jane M. Doe and Mr. John M. Doe. The salutation would read: Dear Lieutenant Colonel Doe and Mr. Doe,.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Governor
Q I am writing a letter to the Lieutenant Governor of the great State of Florida, and would like to know the proper way to address him in the address of the letter, the body of the letter and in person. I've been told that we are to address him as the Governor, not Lieutenant Governor. Your help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
-Theresa

A If this is a business letter, the envelope would be addressed to The Honorable Elizabeth Roberts, Lieutenant Governor of Rhode Island; in the body of the letter, the address would be Dear Lieutenant Governor Roberts. In person, you would address her as Lieutenant Governor, or Lieutenant Governor Roberts. Of all the many times that I have ever heard our Rhode Island Lieutenant Governor Roberts addressed, she was never introduced as just Governor.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing a Senior
Q How do you address a husband and wife in a program when the husband has the suffix title Sr.?


A As you know, when listing names on a program you want to be consistent with style. If you are using Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, then you would add the suffix at the end after the comma: Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, SR. ( The SR would be in upper case, but in a slightly smaller upper case.)

If you are listing last names first on your program, then you might list it like this: Dickens, Mr. and Mrs. Charles L., SR. (again upper case but smaller size).

or

Dickens Mr. & Mrs. Charles L SR (Dickens would be bold, no punctuation would be used, and the upper case SR is in a smaller size).

Styles vary, but you want to be consistent with your style. As I don't know the style that you are using, this is a rather general answer.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing an Army Office
Q I was recently told by a Lt. Col. that it is not proper to list his name as Lt. Col John W. Smith, but rather
John W. Smith, Lt. Col.
Can you please help?

A My husband, who is a military historian, says that your friend is correct. His name should be listed as John W. Smith, Lt. Col. USA.
The USA, of course, stands for United States Army.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Couples: Wife is a PhD.
Q Wife and I are making a contribution. Wife is a PhD. Want our names to be listed properly on the donor list. Is Dr. Kathryn and Mr. Lee Jones correct?

Thanks

A Actually, it is more correct to do it this way: Dr. Kathryn Jones and Mr. Lee Jones. You can do it either way.

My guess is that the person who finalizes the list will be using a style approved by board members because there has to be a consistency of how people are listed. For instance, if prefixes are not being used, you might be listed informally as Kathryn and Lee Jones. On a formal listing, you would be listed as Dr. Kathryn Jones and Mr. Lee Jones.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Last Names First With Suffix
Q What is the proper format when putting last name first, when there is a suffix at the end, i.e. John James Smith, Jr., or John James Smith, III?

A Smith, John James, Jr.
Smith, John James, 3rd (or III)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Married Couples
Q Please advise as to which one is correct in printing names (of married couples) on souvenir programs:
(1) Mr. John Adams & Mary Adams
(2) Mr. & Mrs. John Adams
(3) Mr. & Mrs. John & Mary Adams
(4) Mr. John Adams & Ms. Mary Adams

A When using Mr. and Mrs. John Adams, you are identifying a formal social style. Nowadays, on giving lists and sponsorship lists married couples are often identified not by their titles but by their first names, middle initials, and last name: John J. and Mary W. Adams.

The key is this, you need to decide on one style and stick to it. Be consistent. Your first decision is to decide whether or not you will be using titles. You wouldn't use the husband's title and not the wife's. If you are using titles and the couple are married, then they would be Mr. and Mrs. John J. Adams. If you are not using titles, then it would be: John J. and Mary L. Adams.

(1) You would never use the husband's title but not the wife's.
(2) This is the formal style, but you would include the husband's middle initial when possible, especially with a common last name when there is a chance that there is another John Adams in the community.
(3) When using Mr. & Mrs. you would not include the wife's first name. Look at it, it looks silly with two &s.
(4) This looks as though you are identifying a father and daughter, or son and mother.

In my opinion, it would depend upon the nature of the souvenir program. For instance if this list is on, say, a commencement program, you would use Mr. and Mrs. John J. Adams to identify the graduate's parents. If this is a program, say, for a Little League souvenir program, it could well be the least formal: Mary & John Adams or Mary and John Adams.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Married Couples: Husband Is a Doctor
Q Please tell me which is correct:
(1) Dr. John Doe & Jane Doe
(2) Dr. & Mrs. John & Jane Doe
(3) Dr. John Doe & Ms. Jane Doe
(4) Dr. John & Jane Doe

A (1) You wouldn't use the husband's title when you're not using the wife's title.
(2) When using the couple's titles of Dr. & Mrs. you wouldn't use the wife's first name.
(3) This looks as though you could be identifying a father and daughter. If you were just listing the wife's name without her husband, then she could be Ms. Jane Doe.
(4) Once again, you would not use the husband's title, if you are not using the wife's title.

The following are correct, use after determining formality of the use:

Dr. and Mrs. John W. Doe
John W. and Jane B. Doe

Lastly, when possible try to include middle initials. For very formal listings, you would spell out the middle initials and you wouldn't use an ampersand, you would spell out the word "and."

Dr. and Mrs. John Williams Doe
John Williams and Jane Brown Doe

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Living Together: Unmarried
Q Dear Didi,

How would you address an envelope to unmarried couple living together?


Gratefully,

Hirley Denny

A As a fan of ladies first, I would write the woman's name on top and the man's underneath. If they are the same sex, it usually alphabetical, Adams on top of Wilson.

Inside, I would do the same, Dear Allison and John, and Dear Bill and Steve.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ma'am + Sir: In Person
Q Why does my niece all of a sudden think she should call me "Ma'am? She is 35 now, a doctor, and has always called me "Vick" which I love! I have known her and been close to her all my life, isn't she a little old for this? Why now?

A I understand what you're saying; my daughter, who is also a professional, addresses cab drivers as "Sir." In the professional world the social skills they teach are all about respect and Sir and Ma'am are purported to be friendly ways of acknowledging people. I'm with you. Just tell your niece that you miss having her call you "Vick." Add that "Ma'am" seems too formal and unfamiliar.

They teach interns to use Ma'am and Sir because so many of their patients are older than they. It is a safe, polite way of respectfully addressing someone older.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Male + Females on an Invitation
Q How do you address an invitation... male name first or females?

A If you are not inviting Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, but Charles and Alice Dickens, you can write either first name first. I am a huge fan of ladies first, so I would write Alice and Charles Dickens. If the man is a person who you know better, you might write Charles and Alice Dickens. If Charles and Alice have different last names, I would put the woman's name on the first line and the man's on the second, unless I did not know the woman well. However, if the invitation is Susan and Josh Ross invite you for drinks..... Then, surely you would address the invitation to Alice and Charles Dickens. In other words, follow the style all the way through from the invitation to the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Attorneys
Q How do you address a wedding invitation when both the husband and wife are attorneys?

A Socially, as on a wedding invitation, both the husband and the wife are addressed as Mr. and Mrs. William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple
Q When addressing husband and wife, whose name comes first......Dee and Ted Beck or Ted and Dee Beck...I have seen where it is said that the man's first name is never to be removed from his last name when addressing, i.e. never Ted and Dee Beck....Your opinion, plz

A I am a huge fan of ladies first, but you are right, the man's first name is usually never separated from his last name when addressing or signing the couple's name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple
Q When addressing a letter, is the first name of the female spouse listed first, followed my the male name and then family name?

A Informally, you would address the envelope and letter to Jane and John Kerry. More formally, such as addressing an envelope invitation to a formal wedding, you would use Mr. and Mrs. John Jay Kerry. Don't forget, on a formal invitation you would spell out the middle name when possible and just the man's name is used proceeded by "Mr. and Mrs."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple
Q Frequently we send informal letters to people we've just met. I've been told two different things, so I need an answer. Does the male or female's name come first when addressing the envelope to a married couple? John and Debbie Smith or Debbie and John Smith

Thanks!


A Even for an informal letter or invitation, address the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. If you don't want to use titles, then put the woman's name first. Ladies first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple When She Retained Her Maiden Name
Q How to address invitation to a couple when wife retains her maiden name?

A On the envelope write Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple When the Wife Kept Her Name
Q How do I address a wedding invitation where the wife keeps her maiden name?

A When the wife has kept her maiden name and you cannot squeeze both names on the first line of the envelope, you would use two lines starting with her name on top and slightly indenting the second line:

Ms. Emily Jane Dickinson and
Mr. Charles William Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple When Wife Didn't Take Husband's Name
Q Proper etiquette in addressing letter to husband and wife when wife did not take husband's last name.

A Address the envelope to the wife's name of choice, presumably her name before wed, then add the word "and" before writing her husband's name, perhaps on the line below when there isn't enough room for both names on the firs line:

Ms. Didi Lorillard and
Mr. Robert Cowley

The salutation would be: Dear Didi and Rob,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple Who Donated
Q We are having a disagreement at work on the address to a husband and wife on a donation thank-you letter. Which is correct: Mr and Mrs. John Doe or Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe? And is the greeting Dear Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe or Dear Mr. & Mrs. Doe?

A If the donation is from the couple, then you would address the envelope and the salutation to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Whenever an organization goes to list a donor, someone checks with the donors to find out how they wish to be listed in the annual report. You would use that information going forward whenever addressing that couple.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couples
Q Is it ever correct to address a married couple as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe? When the charity I work for receives donations, sometimes the checkbox for Mr. and Mrs. is checked and the first name line has John and Jane on it. I would interpret that as the donors telling us that they are married and offering both first names as information (since our envelopes only have one first name line), but that to address them as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe would be incorrect. However, some co-workers think it would be okay to address them so.

A It is either one way or the other, it is a matter of having the organization choose one style or the other and staying with that style. As you no doubt know, the older more traditional style is Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. More and more, the trend is in using the the first and middle names, or middle initials, preceding the last name:

John W. and Jane C. Doe

John Warren and Jane Crawford Doe

The using of the middle name evolves from the time not so long ago when married couples sometimes hyphenated their last names, which didn't really take because the last names in many cases became too long. Then a lot of women wanted to keep their married names, until they had children and it became too complicated to explain why mom had a different last name than dad. No they aren't divorced. The end result is the trend in using middle names, which for a woman is her maiden name.
It is also the way a married couple files their tax return, if they file jointly.

Just because the couple check off Mr. and Mrs. doesn't necessarily mean they insist on having those titles precede their name, they just check them off out of habit. By the way, you would never use Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple's First Names: Ladies First
Q Typically you address an envelope Mr. & Mrs. but if you use first names, shouldn't you use the woman's first name and then the husband's?

A Yes, use the woman's first name and then the husband's. You are correct. Keep the man's first name with his given last name:

Sandra & Jack Wilson

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couples Informally
Q When addressing an invitation informally, should his name or her name come first? i.e. "John and Jane Smith" or "Jane and John Smith."

And then, in the thank-you note, should it be "Dear John and Jane" or "Dear Jane and John?"

A I'm a big fan of ladies first and also of keeping the man's first name next to his surname. So, in my opinion, you would use: Jane & John Smith, and the Dear Jane & John,.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couples: Dr. + Attorney
Q How to address a doctor husband and a attorney wife in the invitation?

A On a social invitation, you wouldn't use the lawyer's title; however, you would use the doctor's title:

Dr. and Mrs. John Ross Wilson
Their address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q How does one address an envelope to married doctors?

A The medical doctor would be listed before, say, the dentist or Ph.D., whether the medical doctor is a man or woman.

Dr. Susan Ross and Dr. Donald Ross
address

Or:
Dr. Amanda McClintock-Smith and
Dr. George R. Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q Salutation for letter for husband and wife who are both doctors with same last name. Dear Dr. ????? Thank you!

A Dr. Doctors Schwartz: Thank you for your interesting inquiry....

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q Hi Didi,

I thought you could address a couple (both MDs) this way:
Drs. John & Mary Doe...if they use the same last name OR
Drs. John Doe & Mary Smith...if woman uses her maiden name.

A To address an envelope to married doctors with the same last name, you would write it this way:

The Doctors Doe
Their address

When the wife keeps her maiden name:

Dr. John Edward Doe and Dr. Mary Elizabeth Smith
Their address
or
Dr. Mary Elizabeth Smith
and Dr. John Edward Doe
Their address

If this is a formal invitation, you would spell out the middle names when possible. When both names don't fit on the same line, slightly indent the second line three spaces.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q I am sending a thank-you note to a couple who are members at the country club where I work. It is a medical dr. and his wife who recently became a dr. I do not ever use their first names...so help....The Drs. Rogers, Dr. & Dr. Rogers...I can't find anyone who has an answer...

A You are absolutely correct:
The Doctors Rogers
(Their address)

The salutation would be: Dear Doctors Rogers,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors + Divorced Doctors
Q Hello,

How do you reference divorced doctors in a letter? Is it appropriate to use "Drs." in this kind of situation?

Thank you so much.

Lexy Spett

A I'm assuming the two doctors were once married to other spouses and are now married to one another. Whether married doctors were previously married or not doesn't matter. If they have the same last name, two married doctors are addressed as The Doctors Wilson:

The Doctors Wilson
Their address

Dear Doctors Wilson:

If the doctors you're addressing are no longer married, you would address separate letters with separate envelopes.

To her:
Dr. Elizabeth J. Wilson
Her Address

To him:
Dr. William G. Wilson:
His address

Dear Dr. Wilson:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors Formally
Q Most formal way to address an invite for a ball when husband and wife are both doctors...

A Socially, they are addressed as:

The Doctors Green
(their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Elected Officials
Q How would I address an envelope to a State Senator (John) married to a municipal councilwoman (Shelley) last name Traff. They are both elected officials.

A You would address the envelope to State Senator John Traff and Councilwoman Shelley Traff. However, socially, for instance on a wedding invitation, it would be The Honorable Shelley Traff and The Honorable John Traff.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judge
Q What is the proper way to address a married female judge in written correspondence?

A On the envelope it is:

Justice Sherman
The Supreme Court
address

Or socially:
Justice Sherman and Mr. Robert Sherman
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judge and Doctor
Q What is the proper way to address a judge and his doctor wife? I need to write them a thank-you note.

A Socially, you would address the envelope to:

Judge George Nelson and Dr. Amanda Nelson
Address

The salutation would be:

Dear Judge Nelson and Dr. Nelson,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q How do you address a wedding invitation to a judge and his wife, or a judge and her husband?

A Addressing married judges:

Judge and Mrs. Charles Dickens
address

Judge Charlotte Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens
address

or, if you the names are too long for the envelope:

Judge Charlotte Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q How do I address a thank-you note to a judge married to a judge?

A You would list both judges, probably on separate lines on the envelope, as the Honorable Frank Furter and the Honorable Elizabeth Furter. The salutation would be simply Dear Judge Furter.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q If a couple is married and both are judeges, how do you address an envelope and/or letter?

A Assuming that both judges have the same last name, you would address the envelope to: The Honorable Caroline Dickens and The Honorable Charles Dickens. You could also use: Judge Caroline Dickens and Judge Charles Dickens. Both are correct. Then the salutation would be: Dear Judges Dickens:.

If they do not use the same last name, the salutation would be: Dear Judge Brown and Judge Dickens:.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q Proper salutation for a business letter when both members of the couple are judges?

A If they have the same last name, they would be addressed as the Judges Smith. Otherwise, you would address them separately as Judge Smith and Judge Brown.

Examples:

Dear Judges Smith:

Dear Judge Smith and Judge Brown:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Lesbian
Q How do I address a married lesbian couple's thank-you note?

A If they use the same last name, then proceed that last name with their first names: Jane and Mary Jackson-Hall.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Lt. Colonels
Q My cousin and her spouse were both recently promoted to the rank of Lt. Colonel in the Army.

What is the proper way to address postal envelopes for them?

Thank you.
Bonnie Rose

A If your cousin kept her maiden name, then you would address the envelopes to both names. If your cousin took her spouse's last name, then on the outside envelope it would be:

Lt. Colonels John Jay and Mary Blair Brown
Their address

For the inside envelope of, say, a wedding invitation, you would write:

Lieutenant Colonels Brown
or
The Lieutenant Colonels Brown

If at all possible, on a formal invitation you would spell out Lieutenant, as well as the middle name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Medical Doctors Who Use Husband's Name
Q How to address invitation since both are medical doctors...she uses her husband's name

A The Doctors Wilson, or you can write: Dr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers
Q How do you address mail to two married ministers?


A It would depend upon the faith of the ministers. For instance, an Episcopal minister who is not in a particular religious order might be called "Father," so in writing to them, you would write: The Reverend Allison Winslow and Reverend Father Winslow; if not, or if they are Protestant clergy: The Reverend Allison Winslow and The Reverend Henry Winslow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers
Q How do I address the wedding invitation when the husband and wife are both ministers?

A You have two options, both are correct:

The Reverends Wilson
Address

or

The Reverend Allison Wilson
and the Reverend John Wilson
Address

If both of the ministers have doctorates, it would be:

The Reverend Dr. Allison Wilson
and the Reverend Dr. John Wilson
Address

When using two lines for the names, you would indent the second name. Also, if only one minister is a doctor, then the minister with the higher title would appear first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers Who Are Doctors
Q How should the envelope be addressed to a couple who are both ordained Baptist ministers and doctors?

A Clergy with degrees have the option of using their degree initials after their names, but usually don't for social occasions. Socially, if they are both doctors, you would address the envelope, indenting the second line, to:

The Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens
and The Reverend Dr. Caroline Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married PhDs
Q How do I address an envelope to two married PhD's?

A It would depend upon whether or not the couple uses the same last name. For instance, if they are the Drs. Jane and Charles Dickens, it is easy. However, if the wife uses her maiden name, they might be: Dr. Jane Austen and Dr. Charles Dickens. If the envelope is not long enough for both names on the same line, then you would put her name on the top line, because ladies always come first, and his underneath:

Dr. Jane Austen and
Dr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Reverends
Q How do you address an envelope to a married couple if each are Reverends?

A The Reverend Alice Dickens and The Reverend Winston Dickens would be how they are addressed on the outside of the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Reverends
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation when both husband and wife are ministers?

A The Reverends Wilson
(Their address)

However, if one of the Revs has a Ph.D. you would put the one with the doctorate first:

The Reverend Dr. Anne Marie Wilson and
The Reverend William Robertson Wilson
(Their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Reverends With Doctorates
Q When using a married couple's names together who are both ordained ministers and Ph.D.s, would it be Revs. Drs. John and Jane Smith, or Rev. Drs. John and Jane Smith?

A For a social envelope, you wouldn't use Ph.D., D.D., or Litt.D., and you would address the envelope to The Reverends Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married U.S. Senators.
Q How would you address an invitation to husband and wife if they are both Senators?

A Socially, you would address the invitation's envelope to married U.S. senators this way: Senator Sandra Whitehouse and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (if the couple are State Senators, you would use the word "State" instead of "U.S.").

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Woman by her Maiden Name
Q When writing a letter, what is the correct way to write the address to a married woman using her maiden name?


A To address an envelope to a married woman using her maiden name, it would be Ms. Didi Lorillard. The salutation would be, Dear Ms. Lorillard. Ms. is an honorific title for all women over the age of eighteen whether they are married, divorced or widowed just the way Mr., which also doesn't identify the person as married, is the honorific title for a man too old to be addressed at Master. Mrs. is used to identify a woman as either married, divorced or widowed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q How do you address a baby shower invite to a married woman? Is it addressed to Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe, or either?

A It would depend upon how she calls herself. If you know she uses her maiden name with Ms., you would use that. If she is married, you can't go wrong addressing the envelope to Mrs. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q If a woman gets married and you send her something in the mail, does her maiden name become her middle initial?

A It would depend upon how you are addressing what you are mailing. For instance, if her name is now Betty Guthrie and you are sending her something, you might write Ms. Betty W. Guthrie, because the W is the first letter of her maiden name Willis. However, if you are using Mrs. Thomas Guthrie, you would use his middle name first initial, so it would be Mrs. Thomas T. Guthrie.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q My middle initial is "E". However, my mother-in-law insists on writing a "D" as my middle initial, which is my maiden name. It drives me crazy. Which is correct?

A My maiden name is Edith Pray Lorillard. When I use my married name, Cowley, I am Edith Lorillard Cowley or Edith L. Cowley.
Your mother-in-law in correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q When addressing a baby shower invitation, should it be addressed Mrs. John Smith, or should it be Mrs. Susan Smith?

A Traditionally, if Susan Smith is married to John, the invitation is addressed to Mrs. John Smith. Alternatively, you might use just Susan Smith or Ms. Susan Smith, if Susan is the same generation as the baby's mother. If Mrs. Smith is the generation of the baby's grandmother, then you might prefer to use Mrs. John Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women With the Same Last Name
Q How do you properly address a wedding invitation to a same sex married couple when one has changed her name, so that they both have the same last name? i.e. Mrs. Mary Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. Mary and Jane Smith?

A The proper way to address two married women with the same last name is to address them as, "Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith." Be sure to list the first names alphabetically. More formally, as on a wedding invitation, it would be, "The Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Master
Q Is it correct or at least OK to use the title "Master" when sending a card to a very small child?

A Yes, a boy is addressed as "Master" until he turns ten years of age.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor
Q What is the correct way to address the city mayor in the address of a letter to him: The Honorable...or simply, Mayor William, etc?

A When addressing an envelope, it would be The Honorable Robert Wagner, Mayor of New York, or socially it would read Mayor and Mrs. Robert Wagner. In the salutation of a letter, it would be Dear Mr. Mayor; however, socially it would be Dear Mayor Wagner. When in conversation, it would be Mayor Wagner and his place card would read The Mayor of New York.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor + City Council Members
Q How do I address a mayor and city councilmen at a city council meeting?



A Customarily, in conversation we address very important officials such as a mayor by titles, so it would be "Mr. Mayor" or "Madame Mayor." Individual council members are addressed by title and last name, as in Councilman Duncan or Councilwoman Leonard; when addressing the mayor and all the city council members, you would say, "Madame Mayor and Council Members..."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor + Her Doctor Husband
Q How would I address an envelope to a couple with the same last name but different professions: she's a mayor, he is a doctor? Is it her complete title + first name + their last name and his complete title + first name + their last name?
Thank you

A Socially, it would be:

The Honorable + her first name + their last name and
Dr. + his first name + their last name

You might have to use two lines. You can also use the title of Mayor in place of The Honorable, both are accepted socially.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor and Council Person
Q How do I address the envelope to a small town city mayor and the councilmen that handle our concerns (of any kind)? I just want to thank them for their time. They are elected but serve freely. Is it proper to insert a paragraph also thanking the zoning committee which has to decide and then they present their decisions to the council and council has authority to go along with or against their decisions on land and street zones and changing boundries? Recently this was the issue. Meetings are open to all unless it needs private attention. Also would the letterhead be the same way? Thanks June Key 613 Ackerman St., Rockdale,Texas 76567

A You would send two separate letters, one to the mayor and the second to your council person, because he/she represents the people in your ward (section of town). It could be the same letter altered slightly.

Envelope to the Mayor:

The Honorable Charles Dickens
Mayor of Newport
City Hall
Address

Salutation: Dear Mr. Mayor:

Or Dear Mayor Dickens:

To your council person:

The Honorable Kate Leonard
Her home address

Salutation: Dear Councilwoman Leonard:

Or, if you are on a first name basis, it would be: Dear Kate:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Member of the Royal Family
Q How should one address/open a letter to His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales? "Dear Prince," sounds too familiar; "My dear liege," both too familiar and archaic.

A I am sorry but one does not write directly to the Royal Family, you would write to: The Private Secretary to His Royal Highness, The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, followed by the address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Michelle Obama
Q I want to send a gift to Michelle Obama and do not know the appropriate salutation for the letter I will enclose. Is it Dear First Lady?

In the address, should it be Mrs. Michelle Obama?

I appreciate your response.


Eileen Haller

A The president's wife is the only official woman, who, out of respect, is always addressed as Mrs. Obama," without a given name:

Mrs. Obama
The White house
Address

The letter salutation would be Dear Mrs. Obama; in speaking to her, you would call her Mrs. Obama, and even her place card would be just Mrs. Obama. You would never use "First Lady."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister
Q How do you address a letter to a minister?

A To a member of the Protestant clergy: the envelope would read The Reverend George Nelson; however, if he was a doctor, it would read The Reverend Dr. George Nelson. In the letter it would be Dear Mr. Nelson, or if a doctor, Dear Dr. Nelson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister & Her Husband
Q In preparing and labeling design plans for my clients, how would I list a couple when the wife is a minister?

A It would depend if the wife has degrees, because many ministers have quite a few degrees. If she has a doctorate, it would be:

The Reverend Dr. Jane Austen and Mr. John Austen

To be sure that you get it right, you should ask your client because a clergy member with degrees might use their degree initials after their names, so it might be "The Right Reverend Jane Austen and Mr. John Austen" or "The Right Reverend Jane Austen, D.D., L.L.D. and Mr. John Austen."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister with a Ph.D.
Q How does one properly address an envelope to a retired Presbyterian minister who has his Ph.D.?

A You would address the envelope to Dr. so-and-so:

Dr. Charles Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Miss or Ms.
Q Is there an age that a single never been married woman becomes a Ms instead of a Miss?

A The going etiquette trend in addressing women eighteen years of age (able to vote) or older, is to address her a Ms. when not including the name of a spouse.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Most Honored Order
Q In correspondence, how would I address an elected police juror or a school board member? (i.e. I am trying to list their names on a printed program also)

A What you have to remember about adding names names to lists is that there has to be continuity. So, take a deep breath. The most honored are at the top. You have to decide style. Do you want to use titles such as Dr., Mr., Ms. and Mr.? Do you want to eliminate titles and use full names? Get back to me. I'm here for you.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mother + Daughter: Thank-You Letter
Q What salutation should be used in a thank-you letter to a donor for a scholarship if the donors are a mother and daughter with the same last name?

A First off, you would send the mother and daughter separate letters. They are not married to one another or committed partners. No doubt they file taxes separately; therefore, their respective accountants would need the letter addressed to the individual they are filing for her file.

The salutation to the mother would be: Dear Mrs. Wilson:

The salutation to the daughter would be: Dear Ms. Wilson: (assuming the daughter is eighteen and older and not married).

As I don't know if the person writing the thank-you note is on a first name basis with either or both of the two donors, I've used their titles.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mother + Daughters
Q Return address: Ms. Smith and girls; should the g in girls be capital?

A Socially, when you address you address to the individual names:

Ms. Elizabeth Smith
Miss Zoe Smith
Miss Olivia Smith
(their address)

Remember, when the "girl" is 18 or under she is Miss. Also, if she 18 years of age or older she would receive her own invitation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mother Superior and a Priest
Q Dear Didi

How to address the invitation to a nun that is also responsible of a convent (Mere Superieure - in french)?

and how to address a priest?

thank you

A For the mother superior, address her with the title Reverend Mother followed by her full name.

Address a priest with the title The Reverend followed by his full name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Name Won't Fit on One Line
Q How would I address an envelope to a married couple if both names don't fit on one line?
Example: Mr. and Mrs. Alfonso DeStefandinado

A First, try using the symbol for the word "and," which is &. Using the ampersand character for "and" should make the name tighter. This is a common problem, so if that doesn't work, you can write Mr. and Mrs. on the first line and then under that the first name and surname: it would look like this:

Mr. and Mrs.
Alfonso DeStefandinado

However, you might want to find out if "De" is actually followed by a space, as in De Stefandinado, because I want you to address the envelope correctly.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Navy Officers Through the Rank of Lieutenant Commander
Q How do I address a wedding invitation (inner and outer envelope) to a gentleman in the Navy who's title is LTjg?

Thanks for your help.

A Up through the rank of lieutenant commander, all officers in the Navy (and Coast Guard) are addressed as "Mr." Since your friend is a Lieutenant, junior grade, you would address the outer envelope to "Mr. Charles Dickens" and the inner envelope just to "Mr. Dickens."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Optometrist
Q HOW DO YOU ADDRESS AN INVITATION TO AN OPTOMETRIST?

A An optometrist is a medical doctor and therefore you would use the title of Dr. or Doctor before his/her first and last name.

Dr. Emily Dickinson

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Partners In Introductions
Q At the age of 63, I am at a loss as to what is the proper 'terminology' to use when I introduce my 'boyfriend'. A little history ~ we have been together for 23 years and lived together 15 years. His family continue to introduce me as a 'friend of the family' ~ which really ticks me off, but what 'term' can I suggest to them? My daughter and son-in-law introduce him as 'stepfather' and that pleases me. His daughter prefers to ignore me entirely. Recently, his father passed away and his brother introduced me as his 'sister-in-law'. In private, I thanked him for not using the term 'friend of the family'. His daughter overheard the introduction and said to her cousins 'I suppose that is for convenience'. At 63 yrs. old - neither one of us is interested in getting married - we are perfectly happy with our relationship; however, we don't know what 'term' to use in introductions. The other day, he said he 'is a friend of Irene', and a woman said 'after all these years, you two are just friends'. Etiquette is top priority to both of us ~ so, your assistance will be greatly appreciated.

A You are partners. Partners (or partnership) is the correct term for you relationship. Introduce him as your partner, refer to him as your partner and family and friends will start referring to both of you as one an other's partner. "This is my partner, Tim Gates." "I want you to meet my partner, Sarah Brown." "Let me check with my partner to see if Thursday night is good for dinner." Once you get the hang of it, it will sound perfectly natural.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Past City Council Member
Q Do you continue to call a man or woman,
"The Honorable" after they are no longer
a member of the City Council?

A You would use "The Honorable" before a person's name, if the person holds or has held a high office at either a federal, state, or local level. "The Honorable" would then be used throughout the rest of that person's life. When I say high office for a city office, that means the Office of Mayor. A City Council representative would not be called "The Honorable," unless at some point that person had held a higher elected office either on the city, state or federal level. For instance, if that City Council representative had previously held the office of state representative, then he or she would qualify for "The Honorable."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Pastor When He Is a Senior
Q How to address a pastor and wife in an invitation when pastor has sr. after his name.

A He would only use Sr. for senior, if his father has the same last name and is also a pastor. The title of Pastor would differentiate the two men. The father would be Mr. and he would be Pastor. Therefore no need for Sr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: People Whose Name You Don't Know
Q What is the proper word when addressing a woman and you don't know her name, first and last, and you also don't know if she is single or married...

Recently, I fielded a call from a customer. When I realized that she had the wrong department I said "You have the finance dept., Ma'am" and she became irate saying, "Don't talk to me like that". My boss says that Ma'am is totally improper and I should have used miss.

I say that Ma'am is proper and courteous which is correct etiquette.



A In my opinion, using ma'am and sir can be dicey to use. Many non-Southerners do take offense when they are addressed as ma'am or sir because they connote an air of servitude that no long exists. Miss is perfectly correct; however, Madame is always safer.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ph.D.
Q How to address someone with a Ph.D.

A If you are addressing an envelope, it would be: Alice Adams, Ph.D. or Dr. Alice Adams. It would never be Dr. Alice Adams, Ph.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ph.D. and Her Husband
Q How do you write the name of a husband and wife if the wife has a Ph.D. in education and the husband does not?

A Socially, people still use Mrs. and Mrs. John Doe. However, I prefer the more modern usage:

Dr. Charlotte Doe and Mr. John Doe.
(their address)

Since she has the strongest title, her name comes first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Physical Therapist With a Ph.D.
Q Hello,
How would you address a physical therapist with a PhD?

A "Doctor" refers to a medical doctor, not someone who holds a Ph.D. Nonetheless, it is appropriate to address a person in academia who holds a Ph.D. as "Dr." when addressing a social invitation.

Therefore, if you are addressing the physical therapist on a business matter, you would not use "Dr."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Place Cards for Married Doctors
Q What is the proper form of address for a wedding place card for a married couple who are both doctors?

A In the case of addressing place cards when a married couple are both doctors, one would read Dr. Jane Doe and the other would read Dr. John Doe. The same would hold true if you had two Mr. Does, one would be Mr. John Doe and the other would be Mr. Stephen Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Police Chief
Q How does a selectman during a selectman's meeting address the chief of police? He referred to the chief as mr. and I think he should refer to him as chief. The selectman is also a sgt. on the same police force. I was told during the selectman's meeting the selectman should address the chief as mr. because he is acting as a selectman and not part of the police force. All of the other selectmen refer to the chief as chief xxxxx. This selectman does not like the chief and refers to him during the meetings as mr. xxxx. I will be happy and move on with your answer....thank you very much.

A The general rule is that it is customary to address an important official by title and not by name. He would be addressed as "Chief."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Police Chief, Mayor and Judge
Q How do you address a letter to the following:
The city Mayor
The Chief of Police
and a Judge
Thank you in advance for your time.
Truly,
Vivian

A Often elected and appointed officials are addressed differently officially than socially. The Honorable is used when addressing a letter to them at their office. Therefore, here are both forms of address:

Professionally:
The Honorable Jean Marie Napolitano
Mayor of Newport
(state + zip)
Dear Mayor Napolitano:
or, socially:
Mr. and Mrs. Edward John Napolitano (preferred usage)
The Honorable The Mayor of Newport (and Mr. Napolitano)
Home address

Chief of Police, depending on the state, are called Chief of Police, Police Commissioner, Police Superintendent, or Chief Constable. In NYC, there are two, one is called the Police Commissioner and Chief of Police. Louisiana has an elected and an appointed chief of police. It would be best to call the local police station, but don't dial 911, to find out.

The Honorable J. Terrance Houlihan (Dear Judge Houlihan:)
Judge, Appellate Division
Supreme Court of the State of Rhode Island
Address
or, socially:
Judge and Mrs. J. Terence Houlihan
Their address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prefix + Suffix
Q I am typing a form for a person to complete for a social event. I need to ask their full name and title (example of what I need: John Wilson Jones, Jr., M.D.). How do I ask that on a form?

Please List Full Name and Title?

Thanks

A A title that is placed before a person's name is a prefix; (Dr., Mr. Mrs. Ms.) and a title that is placed after the last name is a suffix: (Jr., Sr., 2nd, 3rd, or 4th). On forms you often see a blank line to write in a prefix as well as blank line marked suffix when it is important to list names correctly. Just remember that you would use one or the other, you wouldn't use Dr. Charles Dickens, M.D. It would be either Dr. Charles Dickens, or Charles Dickens, M.D.

You ask for the title by having a short blank line before the lines for the first and last names, followed by a fourth blank line for the suffix. In very small print under the respective lines, you would print "prefix," "name," "last name," "suffix."

Remember to be consistent when listing titles. If most of the people are Mr. Mrs. and Ms., then you would use Dr. not M.D. You would, however, use Mr. as the prefix, if the suffix is either Jr., Sr., 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: President of Brazil
Q What is the proper salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil?

A The salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil is this: Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prince and Princess
Q I am having dinner tonight with a Prince and Princess in a private home in the States. Should I bow or kneel to him, do I shake his hand? Do I bow to her and grasp her hand lightly and kiss it?
Thank you!

A When introducing a prince and princess, you would call them by their title and surname, and not use their given names. In conversation you would call them "Prince" and "Princess."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prince of Monaco Informally
Q How do you address the Prince of Monaco at an informal gathering?

A At an informal gathering you would not address the Prince of Monaco. You would introduce people to him. You would not use his name because the assumption would be that everyone knows his name already. You would say to him, "I would like to present Elizabeth Leatherman," while looking from Albert to Elizabeth. Or, you might say, "I would like you to meet Elizabeth Leatherman," as you glance from Albert to Elizabeth.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Professionals With Titles
Q Dear Didi,

I love your website, it is truly a life saver. I am getting married this summer and am sending out invitations in the coming weeks. I have a couple of questions, and you are the only person who can help with this:

1.) How do I address a former state level judge who is married to a current US Senator, who is also former state Governor? Do I just go with "Honorable Mrs. & Mrs. ____"

2.) How do I address a doctor (husband) who is married to a former state senator (wife)?

Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it!

A Thanks for the interesting questions:

1.) The Honorables Jane M. and George C. Smith. (If it a formal invitation, you will want to spell out the middle names, even if it takes two lines.)
2.) The Honorable Jane M. and Dr.(or Doctor) George C. Smith. (Once again, for a formal invitation, spell out middle names and use two line.)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Rear Admiral and Ret. Lt. Colonel
Q How do you address an invitation to a Rear Admiral and a Retired Lt. Colonel who was in the army?

Thanks

A Socially the first would be addressed as: Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, or Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.
Socially the second address would be: Lieutenant Colonel William Shakespeare, or Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. William Shakespeare. You wouldn't mention retired on a social invitation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Reitred Ambassador
Q When sending a rsvp via email for a retired u.s. ambassador what is the correct format to use?

Do I list her name as Ambassador first name and last name (Retired), (Ret.)?

A Once an ambassador, always an ambassador. As a courtesy, an American ambassador holds that rank always. You would not mention retired or US.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Remarried Widow
Q How do you address the widow of a decedent when you know the widow has remarried but you do not know if the widow took the name of her new husband and you don't know the last name of her new husband?

A Address her by her former name. Then in the body of the letter apologize for not knowing her married new name. Alternatively, you can check the on-line white pages. Often you can find the new name by looking up the old name. Another way to find her would be to call someone that you both know, either a friend in common or a relative.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Remarried Woman Who Kept Her Last Married Name
Q How do you address an envelope for a woman who has divorced her first husband but had opened a business during their marriage, became successful, and kept her married name. Now she has remarried but kept her "business" name?

A If you are addressing an envelope that is delivering a social invitation to, say, a cocktail party, dinner party, dinner dance, wedding, etc., you would address the envelope to the married name of the woman and her new husband: Mr. and Mrs. John Randolph Edwards. If this is an invitation to, say, a lady's lunch or shower, or it is business related, then you would address the envelope to the "business" name: Ms. Charlotte Wilson.

If, in fact, you know that she prefers her previous married name and thus is still listed in the local phone book and information under that first married name, then you would address the social invitation to:

Mrs. Charlotte Crane Wilson
and Mr. John Randolph Edwards
Address

Assuming she uses her maiden name for her middle name, you would use that with the previous husband's last name. If the names to do not fit on one line, be sure to indent slightly the name on the second line. Also, remember that for formal wedding invitations you spell out the middle name when possible.

When in doubt, for a formal invitation or a business invitation, pick up the phone and find out how the person wishes to be addressed. That's good etiquette.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Administrative Judges
Q When working for a Cabinet Secretary, I learned that individuals who have been elected or appointed by the President and confirmed by Congress retain their title after leaving their position. I'm curious how that applies to Administrative Judges who apply, qualify, and get their positions. Once they leave this position or retire from it, do they get to keep the title "judge" in perpetuity?

A Depending upon the state, and despite whether elected or appointed, a judge retains the title of The Honorable for life. Yes, the title Judge is always appropriate, but for many the honorific of The Honorable is alternative way to go.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Colonel Doctor and Wife
Q How does one address a wedding invitation to a medical doctor whom is also a retired Colonel USAF and his wife? Thank you, Didi.

A Even though the doctor is a Colonel in the USAF, he is retired; therefore, you would address the outside envelope to:

Dr. and Mrs. Charles Stuart Dickens (spell out the middle name)
Address

The inside envelope would be:

Dr. and Mrs. Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Doctor and His Wife
Q Would you still address a retired doctor and his wife, Dr. and Mrs. John Smith?

A Yes, doctors carry their title throughout their lives. "Dr. and Mrs. John Smith" would be the correct form for addressing a retired doctor and his wife.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge
Q Do you call a retired Judge, Judge?

A Judges retain the title of "The Honorable" through their lives. You can call him Judge to his face, but when addressing an envelope or a letter to him, it would be: The Honorable Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge
Q When sending personal correspondence to a retired judge, do you use Judge Roger Smith or Mr. Robert Smith?

A You would address the envelope to either: The Honorable Robert Smith or Judge Robert Smith.

The salutation in the letter would be: Dear Judge Smith:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge
Q Does one continue to address "the Honorable" to a judge who no longer has that position?

A If he resigned from being a judge, then he is no longer "The Honorable." If he's retired, he retains the honorific for life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge + His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a retired judge and his wife?? Please use John and Mary Smith as the example. Thank you.


A Socially, the retired judge and his wife would be addressed as:

Judge and Mrs. John Smith
Address

Much like the titles of medical doctors and the military, judges retain their title of "Judge" through life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge: Mother of the Bride:
Q The mother of the bride is a retired judge. The responses are being sent to her. How should she be addressed on the Response envelopes?

A Thanks for the great question. Because judges hold their titles for a lifetime, when addressing an envelope to a judge whether retired or not, you would address the envelope to "The Honorable." However, the catch here is that one never calls oneself "The Honorable," so it would be inappropriate to send out return envelopes to oneself addressed to "The Honorable."

Then there is the tricky part as to whether she can use the title of Judge. Retired associate judges retain their title, those who resign do not. If she is retired then, yes; however, if she retired by resigning, no.

Because this is a social occasion, in my opinion, she would use the title of Mrs. or Ms. But, if she did not resign, she can use the title "Judge."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Lawyer Judge
Q Proper way to address an envelope to a retired lawyer judge and his wife. He was an elected official. They are personal friends but noticed their return address on a Christmas card envelope was printed with Hon. Should I be amused? They are not pretentious people.

A Just between you and me, I wouldn't tell him this: one would never use an honorific, such as "The Honorable," in any form when referring to oneself. His Honor and his wife might not know it looks pretentious, and that's OK. Nonetheless, it is well-known that a person addressed by others as "The Honorable" doesn't put the honorific on his or her letterhead, invitations, Christmas cards, etc. It is quite clearly an honor conferred by others on a man or woman, and not by the person on him/herself.

Yes, you should be amused and, by all means, do address the retired judge as "The Honorable" on his Christmas card, because the honorific is justly deserved.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Lt. Colonel
Q I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE PROPER WAY TO ADDRESS A CARD BEING SENT TO A RETIRED LT COL AND HIS WIFE.

A You would address the card to:

Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles Dickens
Address

Socially, you wouldn't use the word "Retired" on the envelope. You would, however, spell out Lieutenant.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Married Judge and Senator
Q How do I address an invitation to a married couple who happen to be a retired judge and retired senator? The husband is the retired judge and his wife is the retired senator.

A If the married couple goes by the same last name, then you can address the retired judge and the retired senator as: The Honorables Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Military Officer
Q How should invitations be addressed to retired military personnel?

A A retired officer in the Army or Air Force would be addressed on the invitation as Major Charles Dickens, USAF, Retired, or socially as Major and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If he was in the Navy or the Coast Guard, Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, USN, Retired, or socially as Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Military Person
Q How do I write the rank and branch of service for a retired military person?

A Only Navy and Coast Guard officers with rank of commander and above keep their titles after retirement; however, officers in the Reserve do not. For instance:

Rear Admiral Robert Cowley, USN
Retired
the address

For a retired officer in the Air Force or Army:

Major Richard Simmons, USAF
Retired
the address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Police Chief
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a retired police chief?

A As he is a retired police chief, and police chiefs are appointed and not elected, he would be addressed as Mr. The title of The Honorable is only bestowed on former elected officials.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Court Judge
Q How does one address a retired state court judge?

A The retired judge would be addressed as The Honorable Charles Dickens. In conversation, if you were introducing the retired judge, you would say, "I would like you to meet Judge Dickens." Elected officials retain his or her title after retirement, so you are safe calling the retired judge The Honorable.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Senator
Q How do you address a retired state senator?

A A state senator carries the title of "The Honorable" throughout his life. Any person who holds or has held a high office at the federal, state, or city levels carries "The Honorable" title throughout their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Senator
Q A retired state senator was a guest and speaker at a Veterans Day celebration. The American Legion would like to send him a thank-you note.
What is the proper way to address a retired state senator?
Thanks

A It is proper to use the title of "The Honorable" in front of any person's name who has held high office at the state level. Therefore, you would use the title "The Honorable" in front of his name when addressing the envelope, and the salutation would be Dear Mr. Shakespeare (insert his name in the place of Shakespeare).

The Honorable William Shakespeare
(his address)

Dear Mr. Shakespeare:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Rev. Dr. + His Dr. Wife
Q Creating a journal for our Pastor and Wife. He is Rev. Dr and she holds a Ph.D in ed. What is the correct formatting for the journal cover and program?



A The Rev. Dr. John Jacob Smith and
Dr. Helena Wilson Smith

You would use two lines, if needed. Find out if they use their middle, or in her case maiden, name. Also, before you have anything printed, run it by the recipients because you wouldn't want to displease the honorees in any way. Just ask them to proof it, and I'm sure they'll oblige. People can be very particular about how their name(s) appear in public and professionally.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Reverend
Q Proper salutation for Reverend?

A In the Protestant church, if the clergyman has a Doctor's degree, he or she would be addressed on an envelope as The Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens and socially, the Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens. The salutation in a letter would be Dear Dr. Dickens. In conversation, it would also be Dr. Dickens. Otherwise, it would be The Reverend Charles Dickens, or socially The Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. The salutation in a letter and in speaking would be Dear Mr. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Reverend + Her Future Husband
Q How do you address a female reverend and her husband before they are married?

Thank you very much.

A You would address the envelope to:

The Reverend Charlotte L. Wilson
Mr. George B. Smith
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Salutation for Senior
Q When a couple are called Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, Sr., how do you address them after "Dear"? Is it Mr. and Mrs. Doe, Sr., or just Mr. and Mrs. Doe?

A It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe," if it is a social letter, such as a thank-you note. It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe:" for a business letter: a comma after a social salutation, and a colon after a business salutation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Salutation When You Don't Know the Gender
Q How do you address someone in a letter (salutation) if you don't know their gender?

A Not to worry, it happens all the time.

You would use both genders this way:

Dear Madame or Sir:

Then the body of the letter.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Same Sex Couple
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a same sex couple?

A If they are married or have had a commitment ceremony, you respect that and use the last name that they have chosen. If they have kept their last names, then you would connect their names with the word "and," preferably on the same line, but if the two names don't fit, leave the word "and" on the first line and list the partner on the line underneath. You would list them alphabetically. If they are not in a committed relationship, you would list them alphabetically, one under the other, but you would not use the word "and."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Senior or Sr.
Q On our daughter's wedding invitation we will put
Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith, Senior
do you put Senior on the invitation - do you put a comma before the word Senior and do we make it capital?

thank you so much,
Vicki Smith

A The suffix " Senior" used to be used when more than one family member living in the same town had the same exact name. Nowadays, zip codes help the post office get the letter to the right Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith. It would be best to use a middle name instead of "Senior." However, if you live in the same city as your son, of course, you can use" Sr." after the surname in order to make it crystal clear to everyone that it is your daughter who is getting married and not your son's daughter who is getting married.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Signing Cards: Couple
Q When signing a greeting card, who's name goes first - the woman's or the man's?

A Since I am a huge fan of ladies first, I write my name first and then my husband's first name is next to his last name. In my opinion, it all depends upon who is writing the names on the greeting card. If the woman is signing for both of them, then she writes her name first because she's the one who is doing the actual signing. If the man is signing for both, then he would write his first name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Signing: Christmas Cards: Adult Children
Q When writing the closing salutation for a Christmas card, I normally list the family members' names starting with my husband's. My daughter recently married. Do I now list his name along with ours? The return address printed on the envelope has our Family name.

Warmest regards,
Carmen

A Even if the family Christmas card has a photo of your daughter and son-in-law, you wouldn't make the card from her, or him. You can certainly identify them in the photo, but you wouldn't sign for them because they have their own little family now. I know it's sad, but I get a lot of complaints from daughters and sons saying that they don't mind being in their parents' family photo on the card, but they want to start creating their own Christmas card list. Ask your daughter first before signing for her and her husband.

So the short answer is this, your daughter and son-in-law will most likely be sending out their own cards this year, so check with them first before signing for them on yours.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Signing: Divorced Woman
Q What is the proper salutation of a divorced woman of upper class?
On stationary or to greet in person

A Class aside, a divorced woman can decide which name she wishes to use. She can either go back to her maiden name, or even use the last name of a prior husband, or she can continue using her most recent former husband's last name proceeded by her first name.

Many divorced women, like yourself, use the formal name with the title of Mrs. followed by her maiden last name, followed by her former husband's last name.

If her maiden name was Audrey Hunter and her former husband's last name was Norman, formally she could use, Mrs. Hunter Norman, in directories and on her formal stationery. However, nowadays, divorced women are more than likely to go back to being Audrey Hunter.

Nevertheless, when there are children from the marriage, it is often easier on the children when the mother keeps the same last name as her children and uses Mrs. Audrey Norman.

As for stationery, there is stationery for business and there is my favorite, social stationery. A lady can have three different stationeries: one with her family crest, which says it all; one with her formal divorced name Mrs. Hunter Norman; and finally her thank-you stationery, which is ultimately who she wishes to be identified as being to her nearest and dearest. It could be her favorite monogram, or simply what her oldest friends call her, Audrey Hunter.

She would use her formal, legal name on the "business" stationery and save her favorite monogram, or favorite known name, for her social stationery.

A salutation, depending upon the woman's age and what title she decides to use, Ms. or Mrs., could properly be any of these:

Dear Ms. Norman:
Dear Audrey,
Dear Mrs. Hunter:
Dear Mrs. Norman:

Because etiquette is generational, in order to give you a really good opinion, I would have to know more about your age, the number of times you've been married, whether or not you have children, and, if so, with which marriage you wish to use the name?

Being divorced is complicated in too many ways. Happily, it is your choice. You are a free woman with the right to call yourself whatever name you choose. Likewise you can give yourself whichever title you choose, Mrs. or Ms. Just don't use Miss, because it is only for those under eighteen years of age.

When greeting someone socially, you would introduce yourself as Audrey, either with the last name Hunter, as in Audrey Hunter or Norman, as in Audrey Norman, depending upon which last name you wish to use.

When you are the person introducing a divorced woman, you would address her as how you know her. That is an important nuance. If you know she uses her maiden name, address her as Audrey Hunter, if you know she uses the former husband's last name, address her as Audrey Norman.

In this country one simply doesn't introduce anyone with a title whether it is Lady, Countess, Princess, Dr., The Honorable, Ms., Mrs.,or Miss. The exception would be in political circles, where elected officials are acknowledged with their title. Then you would use Mayor, Governor, Lt. Governor, Senator, Judge, Representative, and City Council Member.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Mother + Child
Q What is the correct way to address a card with one adult and one child as the recipients? ex Mrs. Jones and Kim or Mrs. Jones and Daughter?

A On the envelope you would write:

Mrs. Alice Jones and
Miss Kimberley Jones
Address

You would use the title Miss, if the daughter is under eighteen years of age. Over eighteen, she would be Ms. I am assuming that Mrs. Jones is divorced but has kept her married name so that she would have the same last name as her daughter. Mrs. Jones' title would be either Mrs. or Ms., both are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Mother and Her Daughter
Q What is the proper way to address a woman and her young daughter if you know both of them very well?

A You would address them both on the envelope and then on the card informally, such as the following:

Ms. Allison Jackson
Miss Charlotte Jackson
Address

Inside the card, you would write:

Dearest Allison and Charlotte,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Woman + Guest
Q Do you still address a single woman as Jane Doe and escort? Or is it guest?

A If the single woman is eighteen years or older, it would be Ms. Jane Doe and Guest. Try to find out the name of the current beau and use that, if you can. However, if that is not possible, then Guest will do.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Sir or Madame
Q How do you address a letter (salutation) with an individual whose name is given with an initial and then their first name (i.e. V. Darlene).

Thank you.

A Dear Sir or Madame, is always safe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Social Stationery: Married Couple: Dr. + Mr.
Q I am a Dr. and I don't know how to have my thank-you notes printed Mr. and Dr. John D. Smith

A A thank-you note is a social communication that reflects the values and personality of the person writing. Customarily, couples have their own social note paper, often called "informals." The woman's would either have her monogram or her name without her title, such as Janet Wilson Smith or just Janet Smith; the husband's would have his name without a title: John D. Smith. A black and white formal, fold-over thank-you note would include both titles. In your case, it would be Dr. Janet R. Smith and Mr. John D. Smith. Remember that if your husband is using his middle initial on the formal, you will need to follow style and use yours.

The marvelous thing about thank-you notes is that they express your taste and personality. Traditionally, you would use the family crest of whichever family had the most interesting crest, so no titles were used. Over the course of a marriage, you will find it useful to have different levels of formality in your social stationery to use for different situations. After a while you might find that you have a variety of stationery to fit every occasion.

The trend for social stationery is that a woman uses her monogram, name, or Janet & John Smith, no titles, on her thank-you notes. The formal style is now used mostly by older couples. Nowadays, women write their own thank-you notes on their own "signature" informal, and men write theirs, or they both use a card or note paper with Janet & John Smith. Using both your names with tiles would appear stuffy and I'm not sure how often you would use that stationery unless you socialize in diplomatic circles.

Don't be appalled by not using titles because traditionally either a crest or just the address, or name of the house, such as Wolf Hall, was used. Formality is displayed in the quality, style, and color of the paper, lettering, lining of the envelope, and the level of the engraving, from hand-engraving to thermographic printing. In other words, you wouldn't use thermographic printing for formal stationery.

The short answer is:
Formals: family crest or both full names with titles, Dr. Janet W. Smith and Mr. John D. Smith.
Informals: monogram (JSW), Janet Wilson Smith or Janet Smith; John D. Smith; Janet & John Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Socially: Lt. Col. + Captain Wife, USAF
Q Help! How do I address a Christmas greeting card to my brother, Lt. Col. USAF and his wife, Captain, USAF, and their children?

A Lieutenant Colonel John Wilson,
Captain Elizabeth Smith Wilson
and Family
(their address)

You would use the wife's maiden name for her middle name. Inside you can include the children's first names with their parents' first names.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Someone You Don't Know
Q My daughter is a college student and has introduced us to her new boyfriend of a couple months. She has met his parents but my husband and I have not met them. The boyfriend gave us a loaf of homemade bread his mother made for us at Easter. The mother had asked the son to give the bread to us via our daughter. Now, I need to write a short note thanking the mom for the bread. Since I have not met or been introduced to her should I use Dear Mrs. Schell or do I find out her first name and use it? Some friends think I should use her first name but I think it should be formal until we meet. Could you please reason this out for me? Thanks, Jane

A As a matter of respect, you would write: "Dear Mrs. Schell,"
When she telephones you to thank you for your note she'll say, "This is Susan Schell."

Then you can respond by saying, "Hello, Susan, that was the best bread. How thoughtful of you........

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Split Infinitives
Q What is your reasoning for including "Never split infinitives" in your etiquette Don'ts?

A There is no really good reason. If it means putting the adverb in an awkward position, I would go ahead and split. Perhaps I was a little too strict in applying that rule. George Bernard Shaw says, "Every good literary craftsman splits his infinitives when the sense demands it. I call for the immediate dismissal of the pedant who chases split infinitives. It is of no consequence whether he decides to go quickly or to quickly go." It is entirely a matter of sound.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Staff Members
Q How do you address a staff of an organization? Dear Staff of .... or Dear Maplewood Elementary Staff ?

Thank you.

A If you are also on the staff of Maplewood Elementary, you would address the letter as follows:

Dear fellow staff members:

Nowadays, it is fine to address a specific group in memo form, such as this:

To the staff of Maplewood Elementary:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: State Legislator
Q In a Commencement program, if the speaker is a state legislator do you identify him/her as the Honorable... or Representative...?

A You can call the person just The Honorable; however, on a commencement program and in an introduction, you might want to use the more formal address and list him/her with their elected title. All three are correct:

He would be introduced as:

The Honorable Charles Dickens, Representative of the State of New Hampshire (or just, Charles Dickens, Representative of New Hampshire).

You could use either of the below as well:

The Honorable Charles Dickens

State Representative Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: State Senator + Her Doctor Husband
Q How do I address an envelope to a couple when the husband is a Doctor and the wife is a State Senator?

A As the wife is an elected official, you would list her first. Socially, it would be: State Senator Charlotte Winslow and Dr. James Winslow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: State Senator + His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a husband and wife and he is a state senator ?

A Addressing the Senator of a State and his wife socially, you would use honorific The Honorable:

The Honorable Dominick James Rugerrio
and Mrs. Rugerrio

For a formal wedding, you would spell out all middle names.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Stationery: Retired Supreme Court Judge
Q How would you print stationery for a retired Superior Court judge? Superior Court Judge, Retired or Retired Superior Court Judge????

A The word Retired isn't used. The formal listing for a Retired Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States would be:
The Honorable John William Smith.

However, on stationery you would never use an honorific yourself, so you wouldn't use The Honorable. Therefore stationery would read:
Justice Smith or Mr. Justice Smith

Also, Retired Associate Justices retain their titles, but those who resign do not.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Supreme Court Judge
Q Wedding invitation addresses, proper reference for a State Supreme Court Judge.

A Socially, it would be Judge Edward Hines or Judge and Mrs. Edward Hines, if he is married.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Thank-You Notes: To a Couple
Q I want to send a thank-you to new friends. He is a Dr. and his wife. Should I address it to Jack and Cheryl _______, or should I address it to Dr. and Mrs. Jack __________?

A You would address the envelope to Dr. and Mrs. John Smith. In the salutation of the thank-you note, you would write, Dear Cheryl and Jack. So on the envelope, it is Mr. and Mrs. and in the salutation the first name of the woman/wife would come first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The 3rd
Q Is there a comma after someone's name if they are the 3rd? i.e. William D. Jones, III?

A It would be Mr. William D. Jones III. There is no comma.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Chief Justice of a State Supreme Court
Q How do I address the outer and inner envelopes of a formal invitation to the Chief Justice of a state supreme court?

A Socially, the outside envelope would read: The Chief Justice and Mrs. Charles Dickens. The inner envelope would read: The Chief Justice and Mrs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q I need to write a letter to Laura Bush, the First Lady. Do I address it as :

Mrs. Bush
The White House

Thanks very much

A You are absolutely correct. Out of respect for the First Lady, you would not use her given name because she is the only official woman addressed as Mrs. Bush. The envelope would read: Mrs. Bush. The salutation would be: Dear Mrs. Bush.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q How do you address a letter to Mrs. Obama? Thank you, James Edgar

A Until her husband is elected on January 20th, you would address the envelope to: Mrs. Barack Obama; the salutation would be: Dear Mrs. Obama. After January 20th, you would not use a given name when addressing a letter because the president's wife is the only woman always addressed without a given name; therefore you would address the letter to: Mrs. Obama. A social invitation would be addressed to: The President and Mrs. Obama.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q How do I address a letter to the First Lady?

A The salutation in the letter would be:

Dear Mrs. Obama:

The envelope would read:

Mrs. Obama
The White House
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Governor and His Wife
Q How do you address and invitation to the Governor and his wife?

Thank you.

A Socially, you would address the invitation to Governor and Mrs. Arnold A. Schwarzenegger.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Mayor
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to the Mayor of a city? Would it be the Honorable Jeff Hardin or simply Mayor Jeff Hardin?

A In business, it would be:

The Honorable Jeffrey Hardin
Mayor of Providence
address

Socially, it would be:

Mayor Jeffrey Hardin
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Pope
Q How to address the Pope?

A To address an envelope to the Pope and to introduce the Pope it would be, "His Holiness, the Pope" or "His Holiness, Pope John IV." In the body of a letter, the salutation would read, "Your Holiness:"

In conversation with the Pope, he would be called "Your Holiness" and his place card would read "Your Holiness."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The President and Her Husband
Q Typically we have a President and a first lady. If Hillary Clinton becomes President (or any woman in the future), what would we call their spouse?

A When the woman has a higher ranking than the man, her name comes first:

The President
and President Clinton
The White House
Address

In conversation, she would be "Madam President" and he is "President Clinton." Traditionally, when a president is no longer in office, he retains the title as a courtesy but the word "The" is dropped. Unless it is a social invitation addressed to the couple, President Clinton's mail would be addressed to his office and The President's mail would be sent to the White House.

If in the future the president's husband is not a former president, then he is addressed as, "Mr." Shakespeare (or whatever his last name might be):

The President
and Mr. Shakespeare
The Whitehouse
Address

The salutation of a letter would be: Dear Madam President and Mr. Shakespeare. Also, in conversation she is Madam President and he is Mr. Shakespeare, or whatever his title is, for instance, if he is a Dr., then he is Dr. Shakespeare, otherwise he is "Mr. Shakespeare." We would call her spouse "Mr." adding just his last name. Her place card would read "The President" and his place card would read "Mr. Shakespeare."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The President of the United States
Q What is the proper greeting used in writing to the President of the United States?

A When writing to the President of the United States, you would address the envelope as follows:

The President
The White House
Address

In the body of the letter the salutation is:

Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Second Generation: Jr. + 2nd
Q My wife and I recently gave birth to our first born son. We decided to name him Hayden P. Ridore, II. I have encountered a lot of contemptuous comments. It appears the world prefers to call every namesake Junior "Jr." I do not want him to be referred to as Jr. Is it proper for me to write and/or sign my name as Hayden P. Ridore, I? I am also an attorney. Is it too much to incorporate "Esq." as part of the name with the Roman numeral? Also what is the proper title for this type of namesake?

A Your nephew could be named Hayden P. Ridore, II. Your son would be Hayden P. Ridore, Jr.

There is no need to call yourself "Senior," because you are the first man with that name; therefore, you would never refer to yourself as One because you are number one.

The history is such: Junior, Jr., II, and III, evolved where there were several generations living in the same town with the same name. In terms of identification and mail delivery, those with the same name identified themselves as the son, nephew, or grandson of the person who had the same name by adding a suffix after their last name. The son was identified with the suffix Jr. (Junior), the grandson was identified as III (or 3rd). When the male child is named for his father's uncle or grandfather, he is identified as II (or 2nd) to identify him from the son of his uncle.

Remember that your son is not stuck with being Jr. (junior) forever. Two years after you're deceased, your son is no longer considered Jr., as he becomes Senior (Sr.). Then he drops the suffix Jr.

Here is how you and your son would be addressed:

Hayden P. Ridore, Esq. (or Esquire)
Hayden P. Ridore, Jr. (the son of above)

So, the answer is "No," you would never call yourself the first. You can call yourself either Attorney Hayden P. Ridore, or Hayden P. Ridore, Esq. Should your son become a lawyer, he would be Attorney Hayden P. Ridore, Jr. to identify him as your son.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Secretary General In Conversation
Q How would one address the Secretary General of the United Nations in conversation? Would it be Secretary General Smith? Or Dr. Smith?

A You would address him in conversation as "Mr. Secretary General."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Son of the Deceased Who Is Married
Q What is proper way to address sympathy card to a man who has just lost his father, but has been married several years and his wife had a good relationship with her father-in-law?

A You would address the sympathy card to the deceased's son; however, in closing the note you write in your own handwriting, you would write,"You and Mary (insert your wife's name) have my deepest sympathy for your great loss."

Alternatively, "You and Mary are in my thoughts and prayers," or "You and Mary have my love and are in my prayers," or "I send you and Mary my love and prayers."

You address the card to the son and acknowledge his wife at the end of your personal message.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Titled
Q I am sending correspondence to a married couple who are each titled.
He is an attorney and she is a PhD. How should they be addressed informally?

A If this is correspondence of a social nature, you would not necessarily have to use the titles. If this is of a professional nature, then I would put the woman first because I am a huge fan of ladies first. Since the titles are of equal status, it would be:

Jane Austen, Ph.D. and William Shakespeare, Esq.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Wife When the Husband Has the Title Sr.
Q If the husband is a Sr., how do I address the wife's place card for a wedding?
Would it be Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.?

How do I address place cards for young men ages 12 and over?
Would it be Mr. Willard Andrews IV?

A Yes, you are correct, the wife's place card would read:

Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.

All men ten years and older have the title of "Mr." Again, you are correct, he would be addressed as Mr. Willard Andrews lV. However, if his great-great grandfather, or great-great granduncle (whomever he is named after) is deceased, then he would be Mr. Willard Andrews lll. The exception would be if that person he is named after is a famous name in the community.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Therapist
Q When writing a business letter to a therapist (Licensed Clinic Social Worker, or Marriage Family counselor, etc.) what is the proper salutation? I'm thinking 'Dr.' is not accurate. Perhaps I am wrong?

A Someone who has a masters degree in social work most likely is not a medical doctor, therefore you would address the letter to Mr. or Ms. and not doctor. To be accurate, telephone the clinic or practice where the person works to find out if he or she has a Ph.D. in psychology. You probably won't have to explain anything, just ask for the title of the person. If the social worker or counselor does not have a doctorate, the title of Ms. or Mr. is appropriate.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Different Last Names and Adult Son
Q How do you address a husband and wife that have two different last names and the wife is a Dr. ?

Also, if I am inviting a family (husband & wife) and their adult son living with them, how do I address the envelope?
Mr. & Mrs. _______ and
Mr. Craig __________ ?? Or do I put "and family"?

A Answer to the first question:
The envelope would read:

Dr. Alice J. Adams and
Mr. William H. Shakespeare
address

Answer to your second question:

Customarily, children over the age of eighteen receive their own invitation. There are no rules carved in stone, so if it is an open house and you want to use just one invitation for the parents and the adult son, you can do so either of two ways:

Mr. and Mrs. Wiliam H. Shakespeare and Family

The William Shakespeare Family

Because the son is an adult it would be best not to point out that he is still living with mum and dad and just address the invitation to "The Family," which is often done during the holidays. For a formal occasions, he would have to have his own invitation, as you know.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two doctors
Q When addressing an envelope to a married couple who are both doctors, is it proper to write "Dr. and Dr. Smith"? And is there an abbreviation for the title of "Master" when addressing an envelope to a young boy? And at what age do you start using "Mr." instead of "Master"?

A It would be either:

The Doctors Smith
Their address

Dr. Alice Smith and Dr. George Smith
Their address

You would list the doctors alphabetically and connect the names with the word "and."

Master is used when addressing a lad nine years and younger. There is no abbreviation.

Master Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Doctors
Q How do you address a married couple where the husband is an MD and the wife is a Ph.D ? If they have the same last name? If they each keep their own last name?

A You say, "they keep their own last name" not names. So here is both.

The Doctors Brown
and
Dr. Jane Marie Smith and
Dr. Edward Morris Grant

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Married Men
Q How is a letter addressed to two married men?


A It depends whether the two married men have hyphenated or combined their last names, chosen one or the other of their last names, or kept their names. When addressing both men, you would use the title "Messrs." (the abbreviation for the French word messieurs). The envelope would read: The Messrs. ......

The Messrs. Ross-Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Ross Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Ross
Address

The Messrs. Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Scott Kelley and George Ross (alphabetically)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Men
Q How do I address an envelope to two men? Is it Mr. Bob Smith and Mr. Joe Black?

A Do it alphabetically, or address the person you know best first. Both are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Single People
Q When sending an invitation, announcement or holiday card to a couple who is not married but live together, what is the proper manner to address the envelope?

A It depends a lot on the couple's relationship and your relationship to the couple because you want to personalize the envelope. For instance, if your guy friend recently moved in with his girlfriend because it was originally her home, you would write out her name, say, on the top line with the word "and" after it and then write his name on the line underneath. If they both moved in together or have been living together for a long time, then you would write the name of the person you knew better first. When in doubt, I always write the woman's name first if it is a toss up. By the way, if they are both the same sex, I always write the name of the person I know better first. If that is a toss-up, I write the names in alphabetical order. If you were sending, say, a wedding invitation to an old college friend and including his live-in girl friend in the invitation, you would write his name first if it was originally his address because you would want to make sure that the invitation got delivered properly:

Mr. Charles Dickens and
Ms. Emily Dickinson

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Women at the Same Address
Q How do you address a letter to two unmarried ladies?

A If the two unmarried ladies live together, but are not in a committed relationship, or have a partnership, then you would send separate letters to each. If they are partners, then you would address the envelope to both women:

Ms. Anna Baldwin
Ms. Lucy Ross
address

The salutation would be:

Dear Ms. Baldwin and Ms. Ross:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Women Married To Each Other
Q Two women are married to each other; how do you address the envelope?

A It depends if they are using the same last name or have kept their names. That's the first thing you need to find out. Some married couples combine both last names and hyphenate them, others keep their original names, and still others will either pick a random last name and both change their names to that, or they might use just one of their last names for both of them: Ms. Jane Smith and Ms. Sarah Smith

When using their original names, list them alphabetically, one on top of the other connected with the word "and". (Not married, the names wouldn't be connected with the word "and," and you would use Ms. for each as their title.)

Just ask them how they like to be addressed. While you're asking, find out if they are using the title of Ms. or Mrs. Without knowing the married couple, I can't give you the correct answer. If for some reason you are unable to ask them, use Ms. as a title for each of them in front of their maiden names. That way you won't be wrong, you just might not be addressing them the way they prefer to be addressed.

When you find out they are sharing the same last name, you would still address them as Ms. Jane Smith and Ms. Sarah Smith.

Otherwise, please note that the plural of Ms. is Mss. or Mses. and the plural of Mrs. is Mmes; however, if they don't also share the first name, it is possible that formally they are using one of their last names as their married first name and the other's last name as their shared last name, as is Mss. Logan Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: United States Senator
Q How do you address an envelope for a United States Senator?

A Officially you would address the envelope to: The Honorable Sheldon Whitehouse, United States Senate, followed by the address. Socially, it would be: Senator and Mrs. Sheldon Whitehouse, then the address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Unmarried Families
Q So, how would I address a Christmas card to an unmarried couple living together who have a child? Say Jane Doe, John Smith and little Abbie? I would like to include the child, but I can't exactly address the card to the "Family Doe-Smith" or can I?

A You can address the Christmas card to "The Doe-Smiths," or alternatively, to all three names spelled out.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Using Jr.
Q How do I deboss a leather bound journal I'm intending to give as a Father's Day gift and want only to use initials, i.e., when the receiver of the gift is a Junior or Jr.? For example, James C. Wilson, Jr. What order do the initials go in and is the Jr., if proper to include, capitalized?

A When embossing use just the initials without the periods or the Jr. You wouldn't use Jr. unless your father's father is still alive.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Waitstaff Addressing Customers
Q What is the best way to address a woman or a man at a table? I ask this question because I am a server in a 31/2 star restaurant and I want to be able to address all women and men 16 to 61.

Thanks So Much

A In my opinion, you would not address a man or a woman at the table in a personal way. If the customer recognizes you, he will say, "Nice to see you." Pick up your cue from the customer. When you arrive at the table to take the order, you would say to the woman, "May I take your order?" There is a bit of controversy about using forms of address such as "Sir" and "Madame," so it is best not to go there, unless you are working in, say, a French restaurant. You would wait patiently beside the customer for him or her to notice that you are waiting for their order. You would return after they have had a chance to test their meat, to ask if everything is "satisfactory." You would wait to bring the check until you are signaled to do so. You would never engage the customer in conversation by saying something such as, "Are you folks ready to order?" You would never say, "Where are you folks from?"

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When the New Wife Kept Her Name
Q How to address an envelope to a Reverend and his new wife who may not have taken his last name.

A You need to find out how the Reverend's wife likes to be addressed. Call the Reverend's office and ask. It is better to get her name right, because people really hate it when you invite them to something and you haven't taken the time to find out their name. Also, you will need to know her name when introducing her, or if you're using place cards or name tags.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When the Wife Uses a Hyphenated Name
Q How do you address a wedding invitation when the woman has a hyphenated name?

A Use two lines for the address, one for each name, and write "and" at the end of the first line:

Ms. Olivia Jones-Ryan and
Mr. George Smith Ryan
(their address)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When Wife is a Doctor
Q Proper way to address an envelope when the wife is a doctor?

A Dr. Caroline Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens

or

Dr. Caroline Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When You Don't Know Their Title
Q How do you address:

A) A King (from a subject)
B) A Minister (from a subject)
C) Head of an Educational Institution (from a parent)
C) Head of a business firm


A In all cases you would contact the person's assistant or secretary to learn how to address the person you are writing to correctly. She or he will know. There are many nuances. For instance, you would never write to royalty directly, you would write to their secretary for your request. For a minister, it would depend whether the minister had a doctoral degree and if he/she uses the title Dr. Same with an education institution; many heads these days are doctors, so check it out. For a business firm, the person you are writing to could be a director, a CEO, or the president, so it is best to check with his/her secretary.

Go to the source for accuracy. Pick up the phone and find out how the person you don't know should be addressed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How do I address a letter to a widow? Is it Mrs John Smith or Mrs Mary Smith. I do not like to use Ms.

A Until she remarries she is still Mrs. John Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How to write the name of a person whose husband has died? Is it Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith? This would be on a wedding invitation.

A Even though her husband is deceased, she is legally still Mrs. John Smith until she re-weds. The exception would be if she chooses to return to her maiden name or use Mrs. Mary Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q What is the proper way to address a woman once her husband is deceased; Miss, Ms. or Mrs.?

A Until a widow remarries, it is safe to use Mrs. John Doe. However, when her married stationery runs out and it is time to renew, she can use whichever name she chooses to use; many younger widows will use their maiden names between their first and last, as in Mrs. Jane Brown Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q I am having a hard time on deciding how to address a widow. I checked your website and found nothing on that. If you could please clear that up for me, is it Mrs. or Ms.?

A Actually, if you click on my "Frequently Asked Questions" at www.newportmanners.com, you will find that information in my archives under "Codes + Conduct: Addressing." Formally, until she remarries, a widow is addressed with her married name, say, as Mrs. John L. Wilson. A widow choses how she wishes to be called when she orders new stationery and lists herself in a directory. Informally, she can be Mrs. Jane G. Wilson or Ms. Jane Wilson. So: for a formal occasion or a condolence letter, the envelope would be addressed to Mrs. John L. Wilson. For a birthday card or informal party, she can be addressed as Mrs. Jane Wilson. Since this often depends upon the age of the widow, as some widows were married for so long it is too hard to call herself anything but Mrs. John Wilson, honor that. The best guide to an individual is to find out how she lists herself, what name her stationery is now. When in doubt, ask her how she wants to be addressed. A widow might well return to a former name, either her maiden last name or the name she used as the mother of her children.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Mrs John Doe is a widow. Should she be addressed in correspondence as Mrs. Jane Doe or Mrs. John Doe?

A Until Mrs. John Doe remarries, socially she is still Mrs. John Doe. However, when reordering social stationery, she can certainly use Jane Doe, but perhaps with her middle or maiden name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q HOW DO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE TO THE WIFE AFTER HER HUSBAND DIES? IT HAS BEEN OVER 1 YEAR SINCE DEATH.

A Traditionally, a woman keeps her married name until she remarries. Nowadays, women often take the option of going back to their maiden name, or keeping their husband's last name and using their given name instead of their husband's given name. In that case, it would be Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare. As she replaces her social stationery, she might try several levels of formality. To be safe, use Mrs. William Shakespeare. If she sends you a thank-you note from Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare, you'll know for next time.

Excuse me for saying this but: when you use only upper case letters throughout your email, it looks as if you are screaming. Your friends might be slightly offended by that, so why not use upper case letters just at the start of each sentence?

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Didi, What I am wanting to know is when addressing an announcement and not using Mr. or Mrs. Does the man's name come first or the woman's? Example: David and Jane Smith or Jane and David Smith. 2nd question: When addressing to a widow, do you use her first name or the deceased husband's name? Example: Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. David Smith.

A Yikes, so many questions at once. I am a huge fan of ladies first. So, it would be Jane and David Smith, because it is David's name, and that is his birth name.

When a woman's husband dies, legally she is Mrs. David Smith until she remarries. Depending upon her age, she will decide, in her own time, whether she goes back to her maiden name or calls herself Ms. Jane Smith, or continues to call herself Mrs. David Smith. In her own time, and in her own way she will figure it all out when she goes to renew her stationery. As I said, it hugely depends on the age of the widow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Which is more correct in addressing the outside of an envelope to a widow:
Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe?

A Socially, a widow carries her husband's name through life, unless she remarries and changes her name. She can also revert to her maiden name legally. In her own time, she might change the listing in the phone book, for instance, to read J. Doe, or she might have social stationery made up for Jane Doe, but the "more correct" form of addressing her socially on the outside envelope is Mrs. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Hi Didi,

When you address a widow, do you say Mrs, (Mrs) or (Miss)? I have seen using brackets in such context.


A A widow keeps her married name unless she chooses to change it. For instance, if she remarries, she has the option of taking her new husband's name. A widow can also revert back to her maiden name. Unless she notifies you otherwise, you would address an envelope and address her in person as Mrs. John Doe. Whether remarried or not, she might use Ms. instead of Mrs., but you would never address her as Miss, if she is eighteen years or older.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How to prefix the name of a widow?

A A widow keeps her prefix Mrs. unless she wishes to use Ms., which is becoming more and more common. Socially, she could continue to use the same name as before she was widowed but drop the "Mr." Her name is Mrs. John W. Brown, until she remarries or decides to use Ms. and her first name, Ms. Jane Brown, or Ms. or Mrs. Jane Smith (if Smith is her maiden name).

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How to address a Thanksgiving card to a widow of an attorney?
Her husband who was an attorney and also his father who was a Judge both passed away within hours of each other. This is her first Thanksgiving without her husband and father-in-law. I wanted to send her an appropriate card for the holidays and also needed to make sure I address it correctly.
Thanks

A As she is widowed and not divorced, she is still Mrs. John James Wilson until she remarries or legally changes her name. If she is not a lawyer or judge in her own right, you would not use a prefix, suffix, or title suggesting such.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow of a Baronet
Q When and Englishman holds the title of "Sir' as in Sir John Smith, I know his wife is called "Lady Smith." However, when Sir John Smith dies she still retains the right to call herself Lady Smith. Now my question is this. Lady Smith remarries to a businessman with no title and is known as just "Mr. Thomas Jones." Does Lady Smith retain her privilege to refer herself after her remarriage as: "Lady", or Lady Jones Smith, or Lady Jones? In remarrying does she lose the privilege of holding onto the title of "Lady" and is now referred to as only Mrs. Thomas Jones? What would now be the manner in which to address her in correspondence or face to face introduction to others?

A According to Debrett's "Correct Form," the honored authority on titles and styles: Should she (the widow of a Baronet) remarry, she would take her style from her new husband."

Lady Smith is now known and addressed as Mrs. Thomas Jones.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow of Five Years
Q My fiance's dad and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years. She is a widow. Do I still address her as Mrs. or is it more appropriate in this situation to use Ms.?

A As she is a widow, her proper name is Mrs. William Shakespeare; however, since she is in a committed relationship with a new man, she can certainly be addressed as Ms. Elizabeth Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widows
Q What is the proper way to address a recent widow in social correspondence?

A You would not be asking this question, if you did not think it a sensitive issue. You are right to ask because the person you need to be asking is the widow or her friend or relative. It depends upon the widow. A very dear family friend of ours has been widowed once and after divorcing her second husband went back to using her given name and the last name of her first husband. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. No doubt, your widowed friend has had to order new stationery and has decided how she wishes to be addressed. Traditionally, she is, say, Mrs. Charles L. Dickens until she remarries; however, many widows after a period of time will use their given name and the last name of the father of their children and therefore call themselves, say, Mrs. Alice Dickens. It is best to ask someone who knows her well.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widows
Q When addressing wedding invitations and the woman was married but her spouse has passed away, is she a Ms. or Mrs.?

A Until she remarries, socially she is still Mrs. so-and-so, unless she stipulates that she wishes to be addressed otherwise.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widows: Formal Invitations
Q We are making formal birthday invitations and we're wondering what will be the proper address for widows?

A When addressing formal invitations, you would address the widows by their married names. For instance, Mrs. John Cabot Wilson, or Mrs. John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Remember that middle names are spelled out in formal invitations.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife + Using His Suffix
Q If using only the woman's formal married name, do you include junior, senior, II or III as a suffix, i.e. Mrs. John Cheney Clark III?

A In my opinion, most people don't use the suffix correctly. If Mrs. John Cheney Clark's husband's grandfather has been dead for at least two years, the grandchildren wouldn't be using the suffix III. Originally the suffix came into play when families lived in the same small town to designate which generation was which. Nowadays, mix-ups are less likely to happen because zip codes on addresses direct the mail. Socially, people still do use the suffix to establish the fact that they are the younger. You just don't see Sr. used anymore. An exception would be when the family is historically prominent. For instance, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., who during his life wanted to distinguish himself from his father by using Jr., is still referred to as Jr. It is perfectly correct for Mrs. John Cheney Clark to list herself with III, but most people prefer 3rd. A suffix can be either a roman numeral or an arabic numeral. Because the numbers are supposed to make a distinction among living members of the same name, when John Cheney Clark, Jr., dies, John Cheney Clark 3rd, would do well to drop the suffix within a year or two. If there is a IV, he would then become III. So: If Mrs. John Cheney Clark III is listed, say, in a private woman's club directory where she and her mother-in-law are or were prominent, she would use the suffix. Otherwise, the woman would not use her husband's suffix when her husband is not involved. There are no rules carved in stone, people pretty much call themselves whatever they wish to be called. Just remember that there is a distinction between Jr., and II, because Jr. is the son and the nephew is the 2nd. To answer your question, nowadays, Mrs. Clark would not use her husband's suffix unless there is a chance that she would be confused with her mother-in-law. Therefore, on a list, say, at her son's nursery school, she would not use the suffix. However, at a private club tea where her in-laws are prominent, she might be listed as Mrs. John Cheney Clark III.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife Has a Title
Q How do you address a Mr. and Dr. when the Dr. is a female?

A The Dr. comes first. Titles always go first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife of a Doctor
Q Hi,
I am organizing a tea to attract new members for a fundraising committee. We want to address the invitations to "Mrs. Mike Smith. How do I address a wife of a doctor?
Thanks for your help!

A If the wife is not also a doctor, it would be Mrs. Mike Smith; however, you would spell out the name Michael.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife of a Governor
Q How do you address the wife of a governor?

A The envelope would say Mrs. William Shakespeare and the salutation would be Dear Mrs. Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wives + Husbands Informally
Q Is it Jane and John Doe on a casual invitation or John and Jane Doe?

A I'm a huge fan of ladies first. Also, since many women also use their maiden names, it is best to keep the man's first name next to his last name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman & Her Husband
Q Hi - First of all, I love your website! Thank you for this fantastic service you provide. Second, I need to send invitations to a married woman and her husband. Do I just address it Mrs. Jane Doe and guest? Thanks!

A No. Sorry, but if you are sending an invitation to a married woman, then you probably need to send it to to Mr. and Mrs., as in Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If you are really unsure, find out how to address the invitation. If she has an assistant, ask him or her. The phone book can even be a good source.

Thank you for your kind words. I would love to hear from you again about other areas which you think I should provide more information.

Once again, it is either:

Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles Dickens

or it is:

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Lawyer
Q I don't have a question - I just found a typo on your page and wanted to point it out to you so your readers don't make embarrassing mistakes when writing to a married couple.

You write

Addressing a Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?

A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:

Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith

The 'Esq:' after Linda's name needs removing - or is she is man?

Kind regards

Jean Lennox

A Thank you for your concern. I do greatly appreciate being alerted to any typos, mistakes, and inaccuracies. Maybe not in Europe, but in the United States a woman lawyer sometimes uses the professional title of "Esq." after her surname. Apologies for not getting back to you sooner, but I wanted to check with various women lawyers before getting back to you. The consensus is that women lawyers are slowly opting to use the title of "Esq." just as women in the sixties opted to use "Ms." instead of "Miss" or "Mrs." Now "Ms." is commonly used when addressing a woman who is eighteen years of age or older, although "Miss" is still an option when addressing a social invitation such as a wedding invitation to a woman who has not been married. As you know, etiquette evolves through usage and usage comes about because it has a purpose. So in conclusion, using "Esq." is not a typo because, in fact, the title "Esq." is used at the discretion of women lawyers in this country. Remember that not so long ago only men used the title "Dr."

Once again, many thanks for your kindness in calling this question about the usage of professional titles for women to my attention. I hope that you will continue to use the site and, please, do not hesitate to let me know if you find any typos or inaccuracies.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Mayor
Q Our new city mayor is female. How do I address her at our next city council meeting? Madame Mayor?

A Just "Mayor" is fine. "Mayor," like "General" or "Senator" does not have a specific gender.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Mayor + Her Mr.
Q I am addressing an invitation to our town mayor (a woman) to the open house of our new church hall (a different denomination than hers). The mayor has recently remarried and I am confused as to how the invitation should be addressed and whether or not it should be mailed to the mayor's office or to her home.

A It would depend upon whether or not you are inviting just the mayor or the mayor and her husband. If it is a social event, you might include the husband as a courtesy. If it is a fundraiser, you might also include the husband but draw a line through the part where you fill in how many tickets you are buying and hand-write the word "complimentary" in bold letters on the invitation. When the wife has the title, her name goes first. On the envelope you would write:
for an invitation relating to business:
The Honorable Mary McLaughlin
Mayor of Newport
then the office address;
for a social invitation:
Mayor Mary McLaughlin and Mr. William McLaughlin
then the home address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman State Senator + Husband
Q How to formally address an invitation to a husband and wife --- she is a member of the State House of Reps. He is a regular businessman. Thanks for your help.


A In addressing a formal social invitation to a husband and wife, when she is a member of the State House of Representatives and he does not have a title you would write: State Senator Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. If it is an invitation for a formal business or political event, it would be: The Honorable Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Twice Widowed
Q I wonder how to address a woman colleague who was widowed twice. She was just recently widowed in April by her second husband.

A You would address the recently widowed woman colleague by her legal married name. She is not divorced, therefore she retains the name of her last deceased husband unless she decides to go by a different name, such as reverting to her maiden name. If her last husband's name was Charles Dickens, then she is Mrs. Charles Dickens and in conversation is addressed as "Mrs. Dickens."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman You Don't Know
Q When you address some of the female gender and you don't know anything about them is it proper etiquette to use ma'am?

A Proper etiquette would be to address a woman that you don't know as Madame. Ma'am is considered slang outside of the South.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Women
Q How do you address a married woman Mrs., Ms., divorced woman, single woman?

A A married woman can be addressed as Mrs. or Ms. Janet Wilson or Mrs. Harold T. Wilson; a divorced woman can be addressed any way she wishes: Ms. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. or Ms. J. Thornton Wilson. A single woman can be addressed as Miss until the age of eighteen, then she is Ms. until she marries when she then uses Mrs. or Ms. Traditionally, if she is addressed along with her husband and she has taken his last name, it would be Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Working Women
Q What is the proper way to addessa bridal shower invitation: Mrs. Robert Clark or Mrs. Susan Clark?

A It depends upon the age of the woman. Most married women over the age of forty respond to Mrs. Robert Clark. If your friend has professionally another name, then you might want to address her as Ms. Susan Clark.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Children
Q How do I address an envelope to a young child,as in inviting them to a party?

A If the child is a girl under the age of eighteen, you would address her as Miss, as in Miss Charlotte Wilson.

If the child is a boy under the age of ten, you would address him as Master, as in Master Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Man
Q The proper title for addressing a letter to a young man of 14 years, i.e. Mr.

A Since the young man is fourteen years of age, he would be addressed as Mr.

The title "Master" is used to address lads ten years of age and older.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Men
Q When should Master be used and what age should Mr. be used instead of Master?

A When a boy becomes a two digit age he is no longer master, he is Mr. Once a boy turns ten, he is a Mr.

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