Frequently Asked Questions
Codes + Conduct: Addressing 2 Drs. Or 2 Ministers
Q How do write/announce the titles of two married people who are both doctors or ordained ministers( "Rev. and Rev. Right," "The Drs. Right")?
A When addressing envelopes for invitations, you would write The Doctors Dickens or Dr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens, or The Reverend Charles Dickens and The Reverend Caroline Dickens. However, if the wife has a higher degree than the husband, her name would appear first; for instance if she was The Right Reverend Caroline Dickens or if Dr. Caroline Dickens was a surgeon and her husband was a dentist.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Doctor
Q Co-worker has a PhD, how should they write their signature block? They send it out with DR. prior to their name; is this correct?
A It is one or the other, Dr. George Nelson or George Nelson, M.D. You would never use Dr. George Nelson, M.D.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Doctor + Her Husband
Q How do you address a letter to a female doctor and her husband?
A Dear Dr. Dickens and Mr. Dickens would be the proper way to address the recipients in the body of the letter. On the envelope, you would include their first and last name and any initial.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?
A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:
Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Doctor and Her Husband
Q If the wife is a doctor, whose name goes first on an invitation? Instead of Mr & Mrs Worley? Would it be Mr Thomas and Dr. Charlotte Worley? Would it be Dr. Charlotte and Mr. Thomas Worley?
A It would be:
Dr. Charlotte Worley and Mr. Thomas Worley
address
If there is not enough room on the envelope for the whole line, leave the word "and" on after the wife's name and put the husband's name on the second name.
Dr. Charlotte Worley and
Mr. Thomas Worley
address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Dr. + Ph.D and Her Husband
Q Correct address for husband & wife-Medical Doctor & PhD?
A When addressing a woman medical doctor & Ph.D. and her husband, the envelope would read: Dr. Emily Ross and Mr. David Ross. In the salutation, it would be: Dear Dr. and Mr. Ross. Remember you would use either Ph.D. after the woman's name or Dr. before her name, but you would never use both Dr. and Ph.D., as in Dr. Emily Ross, Ph.D.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Dr. + Her Husband
Q How do you address a sympthy card when the female in the married couple is a doctor?
A In the address on the outside of the envelope, the titled person's name comes first, so it would be:
Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Dr. and Her Husband
Q I am getting married and my fiancee and I are in the process of writing invitations. We are trying to find what the proper naming convention is for addressing a husband and wife when the wife is a doctor.
Can you help me?
Thanks so much.
-Peter
A You would address the outer envelope Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Charles Dickinson. If you need two lines for the names, that's fine. The inside envelope, if you are using one (and you don't have to), would read Dr. Dickinson and Mr. Dickinson.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Foreign Ambassador
Q How do you address a letter to an ambassador? And what should the salutation be?
A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, it would be:
His Excellency Charles Dickens
or, if titled,
His Excellency Sir Charles Dickens
Ambassador to the United Kingdom
Insert Embassy Address
The salutation would be:
Dear Ambassador Dickens:
or, if titled,
Dear Sir Charles:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Former Judge
Q How to address a former judge?
A A judge is addressed with the title "The Honorable" throughout her/his life.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Former President and His President Wife
Q How will Former President Clinton be addressed if Hillary is President?
A President Bill Clinton retains the title of President, as a former president he is addressed as President Clinton and when Hillary becomes president, mail addressed to them will be sent to:
The President and
President Clinton
The White House
Address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Former Vice President
Q How do I address former Vice President Al Gore, both in correspondence and in person?
A As a former Vice President, he retains his title as a courtesy even though he is no longer in office. However, he is no longer "The Vice President," he is Vice President Gore in conversation or Vice President Albert Gore in correspondence. Vice Presidents are among those who carry "The Honorable" title throughout their lives.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Group of Ladies
Q I am writing a business email to three ladies at a company. I don't want to start it with "Dear ladies" and also do not want to use their first names. What is the correct way to send to a group of ladies? Miss' Smith, Jones, and Johnson? Misses Smith, Jones, and Johnson? please help.
A If you have no idea as to whether or not they are married, the best thing to do is use Ms. (don't use Miss and Mrs. as they would only be used if you are sure they are married). In fact, some women prefer to use Ms. because they don't like to allude to their marital status in a business context. The letter would begin:
Dear Ms. Johnson, Ms. Jones, and Ms. Smith:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Judge and Her Doctor Husband
Q How do I address a card to a husband who is a physician and the wife is a judge?
A Socially, on the envelope, it would be:
Judge Susan Nelson and
Dr. George Nelson
then the address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Junior
Q When addressing an envelope, what is the proper way to include Jr. in the name? Example: William G and Pamela D Croft Jr. or William G Jr. and Pamela D Croft?
A If the couple is married, which I assume is the case, the envelope would be addressed to: Mr. and Mrs. William G. Croft, Jr.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Justice of the Supreme Court
Q I am writing to a Justice of the Supreme Court in New York. Do I address Justice ------- and say Dear Judge.......? I want to get the correct format.
A For business, you would address him this way:
The Chief Justice
The Supreme Court
Address
Socially, it would be:
The Chief Justice and Mrs. Shakespeare
address
The salutation would be the same for both:
Dear Mr. Chief Justice:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Lawyer
Q What is the proper title to address your lawyer - first name, last name or do you call him "counselor?"
A Lawyers are called Mr. but in addressing their name you would not use Mr. if you are using Esq. (for Esquire) after their name. So she would be: Mrs. Caroline Brown or Caroline Brown, Esq.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Lesbian Couple
Q How do you address a letter to a lesbian couple?
A If they do not use the same last name, you would address their names alphabetically one on top of the other. If they don't have the same name but have had a commitment ceremony, you would put the word "and" after the first name. If the envelope is not wide enough to accommodate both names, then the "and" stays on the top line and the second name goes on the second line. You would list the names alphabetically, unless you know one person and not the other, then you would put the one that you know first:
Ms. Anna Marie Ross
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address
Ms. Anna Marie Ross and
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address
The salutation would be:
Dear Ms. Ross and Ms. Schwartz:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Letter to an Ambassador
Q I wish to address a letter to an ambassador. What is the proper form of address? I am grateful for your kindness.
A A foreign United Nations ambassador would be addressed on the envelope as:
His Excellency (insert name)
Ambassador (insert country)
Permanent Mission of (insert country)
to the United Nations
add address
The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:
The United States Representative to the United Nations would be addressed as follows:
The Honorable (insert name)
United States Representative
to the United Nations
insert address
The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Married Couple When She Retained Her Maiden Name
Q How to address invitation to a couple when wife retains her maiden name?
A On the envelope write Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. Charles Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Married Judge
Q What is the proper way to address a married female judge in written correspondence?
A On the envelope it is:
Justice Sherman
The Supreme Court
address
Or socially:
Justice Sherman and Mr. Robert Sherman
address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Master
Q Is it correct or at least OK to use the title "Master" when sending a card to a very small child?
A Yes, a boy is addressed as "Master" until he turns ten years of age.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Mayor
Q What is the correct way to address the city mayor in the address of a letter to him: The Honorable...or simply, Mayor William, etc?
A When addressing an envelope, it would be The Honorable Robert Wagner, Mayor of New York, or socially it would read Mayor and Mrs. Robert Wagner. In the salutation of a letter, it would be Dear Mr. Mayor; however, socially it would be Dear Mayor Wagner. When in conversation, it would be Mayor Wagner and his place card would read The Mayor of New York.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Mayor + Her Doctor Husband
Q How would I address an envelope to a couple with the same last name but different professions: she's a mayor, he is a doctor? Is it her complete title + first name + their last name and his complete title + first name + their last name?
Thank you
A Socially, it would be:
The Honorable + her first name + their last name and
Dr. + his first name + their last name
You might have to use two lines. You can also use the title of Mayor in place of The Honorable, both are accepted socially.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Member of the Royal Family
Q How should one address/open a letter to His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales? "Dear Prince," sounds too familiar; "My dear liege," both too familiar and archaic.
A I am sorry but one does not write directly to the Royal Family, you would write to: The Private Secretary to His Royal Highness, The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, followed by the address.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Minister
Q How do you address a letter to a minister?
A To a member of the Protestant clergy: the envelope would read The Reverend George Nelson; however, if he was a doctor, it would read The Reverend Dr. George Nelson. In the letter it would be Dear Mr. Nelson, or if a doctor, Dear Dr. Nelson.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Past City Council Member
Q Do you continue to call a man or woman,
"The Honorable" after they are no longer
a member of the City Council?
A You would use "The Honorable" before a person's name, if the person holds or has held a high office at either a federal, state, or local level. "The Honorable" would then be used throughout the rest of that person's life. When I say high office for a city office, that means the Office of Mayor. A City Council representative would not be called "The Honorable," unless at some point that person had held a higher elected office either on the city, state or federal level. For instance, if that City Council representative had previously held the office of state representative, then he or she would qualify for "The Honorable."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Ph.D.
Q How to address someone with a Ph.D.
A If you are addressing an envelope, it would be: Alice Adams, Ph.D. or Dr. Alice Adams. It would never be Dr. Alice Adams, Ph.D.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Retired Military Person
Q How do I write the rank and branch of service for a retired military person?
A Only Navy and Coast Guard officers with rank of commander and above keep their titles after retirement; however, officers in the Reserve do not. For instance:
Rear Admiral Robert Cowley, USN
Retired
the address
For a retired officer in the Air Force or Army:
Major Richard Simmons, USAF
Retired
the address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Retired Police Chief
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a retired police chief?
A As he is a retired police chief, and police chiefs are appointed and not elected, he would be addressed as Mr. The title of The Honorable is only bestowed on former elected officials.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Retired State Court Judge
Q How does one address a retired state court judge?
A The retired judge would be addressed as The Honorable Charles Dickens. In conversation, if you were introducing the retired judge, you would say, "I would like you to meet Judge Dickens." Elected officials retain his or her title after retirement, so you are safe calling the retired judge The Honorable.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Reverend
Q Proper salutation for Reverend?
A In the Protestant church, if the clergyman has a Doctor's degree, he or she would be addressed on an envelope as The Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens and socially, the Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens. The salutation in a letter would be Dear Dr. Dickens. In conversation, it would also be Dr. Dickens. Otherwise, it would be The Reverend Charles Dickens, or socially The Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. The salutation in a letter and in speaking would be Dear Mr. Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Same Sex Couple
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a same sex couple?
A If they are married or have had a commitment ceremony, you respect that and use the last name that they have chosen. If they have kept their last names, then you would connect their names with the word "and," preferably on the same line, but if the two names don't fit, leave the word "and" on the first line and list the partner on the line underneath. You would list them alphabetically. If they are not in a committed relationship, you would list them alphabetically, one under the other, but you would not use the word "and."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Single Woman + Guest
Q
Do you still address a single woman as Jane Doe and escort? Or is it guest?
A If the single woman is eighteen years or older, it would be Ms. Jane Doe and Guest. Try to find out the name of the current beau and use that, if you can. However, if that is not possible, then Guest will do.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Supreme Court Judge
Q Wedding invitation addresses, proper reference for a State Supreme Court Judge.
A Socially, it would be Judge Edward Hines or Judge and Mrs. Edward Hines, if he is married.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Widow
Q How do I address a letter to a widow? Is it Mrs John Smith or Mrs Mary Smith. I do not like to use Ms.
A Until she remarries she is still Mrs. John Smith.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Widow
Q How to write the name of a person whose husband has died? Is it Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith? This would be on a wedding invitation.
A Even though her husband is deceased, she is legally still Mrs. John Smith until she re-weds. The exception would be if she choses to return to her maiden name or use Mrs. Mary Smith.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Widow
Q What is the proper way to address a woman once her husband is deceased; Miss, Ms. or Mrs.?
A Until a widow remarries, it is safe to use Mrs. John Doe. However, when her married stationery runs out and it is time to renew, she can use whichever name she chooses to use; many younger widows will use their maiden names between their first and last, as in Mrs. Jane Brown Doe.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Widow
Q Didi, What I am wanting to know is when addressing an announcement and not using Mr. or Mrs. Does the man's name come first or the woman's? Example: David and Jane Smith or Jane and David Smith. 2nd question: When addressing to a widow, do you use her first name or the deceased husband's name? Example: Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. David Smith.
A Yikes, so many questions at once. I am a huge fan of ladies first. So, it would be Jane and David Smith, because it is David's name, and that is his birth name.
When a woman's husband dies, legally she is Mrs. David Smith until she remarries. Depending upon her age, she will decide, in her own time, whether she goes back to her maiden name or calls herself Ms. Jane Smith, or continues to call herself Mrs. David Smith. In her own time, and in her own way she will figure it all out when she goes to renew her stationery. As I said, it hugely depends on the age of the widow.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Woman & Her Husband
Q Hi - First of all, I love your website! Thank you for this fantastic service you provide. Second, I need to send invitations to a married woman and her husband. Do I just address it Mrs. Jane Doe and guest? Thanks!
A No. Sorry, but if you are sending an invitation to a married woman, then you probably need to send it to to Mr. and Mrs., as in Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If you are really unsure, find out how to address the invitation. If she has an assistant, ask him or her. The phone book can even be a good source.
Thank you for your kind words. I would love to hear from you again about other areas which you think I should provide more information.
Once again, it is either:
Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles Dickens
or it is:
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Woman Mayor
Q Our new city mayor is female. How do I address her at our next city council meeting? Madame Mayor?
A Just "Mayor" is fine. "Mayor," like "General" or "Senator" does not have a specific gender.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Woman Mayor + Her Mr.
Q I am addressing an invitation to our town mayor (a woman) to the open house of our new church hall (a different denomination than hers). The mayor has recently remarried and I am confused as to how the invitation should be addressed and whether or not it should be mailed to the mayor's office or to her home.
A It would depend upon whether or not you are inviting just the mayor or the mayor and her husband. If it is a social event, you might include the husband as a courtesy. If it is a fundraiser, you might also include the husband but draw a line through the part where you fill in how many tickets you are buying and hand-write the word "complimentary" in bold letters on the invitation. When the wife has the title, her name goes first. On the envelope you would write:
for an invitation relating to business:
The Honorable Mary McLaughlin
Mayor of Newport
then the office address;
for a social invitation:
Mayor Mary McLaughlin and Mr. William McLaughlin
then the home address.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing a Woman You Don't Know
Q When you address some of the female gender and you don't know anything about them is it proper etiquette to use ma'am?
A Proper etiquette would be to address a woman that you don't know as Madame. Ma'am is considered slang outside of the South.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing an Ambassador
Q How to address an ambassador?
A It would depend upon the situation. If you are addressing an ambassador at a formal occasion, on first meeting, the ambassador would be addressed as, "Your Excellence" and after that as "Sir" or "Madam," or by his or her given name. If it is a social occasion, the proper address is "Ambassador" or just use his or her given name.
In conversation a foreign ambassador is addressed as "His/Her Excellency the Ambassador of Malta," or "His/Her Excellency the Malta Ambassador." Also, if you are addressing an ambassador in writing, "His/Her Excellency" is used before any other title. A formal letter would begin, "Your Excellence" and a social note would start, "Dear Ambassador."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing an Ambassador:
Q Addressing an ambassador in a letter...
A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, you would write:
His Excellency
Charles Dickens
Ambassador of Great Britain
Then the address of the embassy
Dear Ambassador Dickens:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing an American Ambassador Abroad
Q When writing a letter to a current ambassador, what is the proper way to address him? Is it H.E. John Doe or H.E. Ambassador John Doe?
A When addressing an American ambassador abroad, he would be The Honorable John M. (middle initial) Doe. If it is a social letter, say, a thank-you note, it would be addressed to The Honorable John M. Doe and Mrs. Doe. The salutation of your letter would be Dear Ambassador, if it is a business letter, or Dear Mr. Ambassador, if the letter is of a social nature.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing an Assemblyman
Q How does one address an Assemblyman in conversation?
A In conversation, you would address a State Senator as "Senator Whitehouse." A member of the U.S. House of Representatives would be "Ms. Whitehouse." A U.S. Senator could be just "Senator" or "Senator Whitehouse."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing an Episcopal Bishop and His Wife
Q How do you address a personal letter to an Episcopal Bishop and
his wife?
A If he does not have a Doctor's degree the envelope is addressed to: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. Inside the letter, the salutation would be Dear Bishop Dickens and Mrs. Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Christmas Cards
Q how to address a Christmas card to husband, wife and family
A On the envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Harry Smith and Family. Inside the salutaion would be: Dear Harry, Joan, Josh, Alice, and George.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing City Councilmen
Q How do I address a city councilman in correspondence?
A Members of a city council are addressed as "The Honorable."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Couple When Wife Kept Maiden Name
Q My friend recently got remarried and kept her last name. How do I address a Xmas card to both of them or any other card or invitation I would send?
A You would address the envelope to her name first and if there is not enough room on the line, you would add his name on the line underneath:
Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt and
Mr. James T. Fremont-Smith
By the way, if you do it as the above, you do not necessarily have to include the word "and." Work with the symmetry of the name placement on the envelope:
Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt
Mr. James J. McNaught
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Couples with Rank
Q Hello Didi,
As I address wedding invitations, I have a few questions regarding envelope etiquette:
1. When a husband and wife are both attorneys?
2. Husband and wife are both medical doctors? From your posts, it appears that Doctors Doe and Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe are both acceptable?
3. Retired Lt. Colonel from the Marine Corps, do you add "retired" in a line following their name?
4. When the wife is an officer in the Navy and the husband is not?
5. When the husband and wife are both Captains in the Air Force?
I greatly appreciate your help!
Regards,
Kristin Carey
A Socially, as when addressing a wedding invitation, you would use the following:
1. For attornies, the outside envelope would be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope, if you are using one, would just say Mr. and Mrs. Dickens.
2. Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe on the outside envelope and the inside envelope would say the Drs. Doe.
3. Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens and the inside would say Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Dickens.
4. It depends if the wife uses her own name or not. If not, it would be Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope would say Ms. Austen and Mr. Dickens. Up through the rank of lieutenant commander, all Naval officers are addressed as Mr. or Ms., never Mrs.
5. Again, this depends if the wife uses her own name. If not, it would be Captain Jane Austen and Captain Charles Dickens, and the inside envelope would say Captain Austen and Captain Dickens, or Captains Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Doctors
Q How do I address and invitation to a couple when the wife is an MD and the husband has no title? How about when both are physicians (other than The Doctors Smith). Thanks
A When the wife of the couple is a doctor and the husband does not have a title, they are addressed: Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. When both are doctors, they are: Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Dr. + Dr.
Q How do you address 2 doctors on the invitation? One is a dentist and the wife is a gyn doctor??
A The doctor with the highest degree would come first or they could be addressed the Drs. Whittaker, for example.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Family with Hyphenated Last Names
Q I would like to address a Christmas card to my friend and her family. Her last name is Shillington-Perez and her husband's last name is Perez-Jorge. I have been unable to find proper etiquette for addressing envelopes to couples each with a different hypenated last name. Thank you for your time.
A Since you are addressing the envelope to the enitire family, you would address the Christmas card to "The Perez Family."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing First Names
Q When a couple is signing, for instance a Christmas card, or having their names on a list being recognized for some special achievement, I've been told that the man's name goes first if the last name is not with it, but if the last name is used, the man's name goes by it; ie, Ross and Mary or Mary and Ross Smith.
A It does not matter on a Christmas card which name comes first; usually if the wife knows the person better, she would sign it Mary and Ross Smith. If the recipient is an old friend of the husband's, you would sign it Ross and Mary Smith because the name would be more recognizable to his friend. If the person would have no trouble remembering who Ross and Mary and Mary and Ross are, you would not use Smith or you would strike a line through Smith.
On a formal list, the organization would decide upon a uniform way to list couples. Most likely, if Mr. and Mrs. are not being used, it would be Ross and Mary Smith. However, many people feel the woman's name should come first when Mr. and Mrs. are not used.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing First Names with the Suffix
Q My husband's name is Harold Doyle III. If I want my first name on the return address label, how should it be written? Should it be written something like this: Roberta and Harold Doyle III? I would like my first name to appear, but I think it is not appropriate any other way than Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III. Or is my only proper option to have my own mailing label separately, and never the two shall meet, excepting the Mr. and Mrs. III format?
A You are mixing two styles, which is why you are having trouble deciding how to list your names on your return address label. Traditionally, as you know, the formal style is Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III and the informal style is Roberta and Harold Doyle. There is nothing wrong with combining the traditional and the informal by using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. However, keep in mind that customarily, "Jr.," "II," and "III" are used if the men live in the same town, are employed by the same business, or are, say, a member of the same club as their namesake. If they don't reside in the same area, it might seem slightly pretensious to use a suffix after the sirname because there really is no need to differentiate between the Mr. Doyles when they live in different zip codes. The exception would be a formal invitation, such as a wedding invitation, at which another Mr. Harold Doyle is invited. Also, remember that when a man is named "the 3rd", it is because he is named after his great-grandfather or great-uncle of the same name. When that person dies, Mr. Harold Doyle 3rd becomes "the 2nd," if he is the nephew or grandson. If he is named after his father, he becomes "Jr." By the way, your husband's suffix can be used in either an Arabic numeral or a Roman numeral form, in other words, either "3rd" or "III." As the numbers designate the difference between living men of the same name, a year or two after Harold Doyle II dies, Harold Doyle III would change his suffix to "II." I tell you this because it looks strange when everyone knows that Harold Doyle III just celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday.
Once again, there is nothing wrong with using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. At any rate, you might not want to order too many labels with the suffix "the 3rd."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Husband and Wife Judges
Q How to address husband and wife both who are both judges?
A Socially, two married judges would be addressed as:
The Honorable George Warren and
The Honorable Elizabeth Warren
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Hyphenated Named Couples
Q I need to invite professional women who use a hyphenated name and their husbands to a company holiday lunch. In most cases we do not know the husband's first name. What is the best way to address the envelopes?
Thank you very much.
A If you know the women well enough to invite them to a professional lunch, then you have someone in your organization call the office of the person you wish to invite to verify how to spell the husband's name. You can also try looking up the names in a telephone directory or calling information. Take care in hyphenating names because the trend now is to drop the hyphen and just use the two last names, as in Hillary Rodham Clinton. Also, be sure to verify that the husbands actually use the hyphen between the two names because many just use their own last name. The professional way to address the envelopes is to verify the correct spelling of the names by having a secretary or administrative assistant fact check the guests' names. When a couple hyphenate their two last names, they either choose to be addressed as, say, Mr. and Mrs. William J. McClintock-Smith, with Smith being the husband's last name, or both names are addressed on two separate lines, such as this:
Ms. Amanda L. McClintock-Smith and
Mr. George J. McClintock-Smith
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Informally
Q I am the membership chairperson of my neighborhood association and would like to know the proper etiquette for addressing our annual membership invoices. I would prefer to keep this somewhat informal and be able to use both the wife's name and the husband's, i.e. Mary and John Smith. However, I have other scenarios where residents are single, but live together, i.e. Mary Smith and John Doe OR John Smith and John Doe. Could you tell me the proper way to handle this situation where all scenarios will follow a common rule?
A When addressing names informally, the name of the person you know best comes first. Alternatively, I am a big fan of ladies first, so I always put the lady's name first. In the case of John Doe and John Smith, if you know them equally well, write their names alphabetically with Doe before Smith.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing In-Laws
Q What is the proper etiquette for a son-in-law to address his wife's parents when in conversation? At the present time we are addressed as Mr. & Mrs. My daughter is extremely annoyed at this situation because she feels it does not create a family togetherness. My husband's culture is strictly European which likes titles, etc. I am fine with my son-in-law calling me by my first name. What compromise can I reach with my husband as far as my son-in-law addressing him other than Mr.? Any help you can give me to remedy this situation will be greatly appreciated. By the way my daughter addresses her husband's parents by their first name.
A Customarily, it is up to the parent to set the tone by asking the wife, husband, or partner of the child to call him or her by a first name. For instance, even if, say, a woman didn't want her daughter-in-law to call her by her first name, but didn't want her to call her Mrs. either, she might say to her daughter-in-law, "Why don't you call me Mother Bea, because my name is Beatrice." It sounds as if you have set the tone in your own way; now it is up to your husband to stop being so stuffy. By making his son-in-law call him Mr., he is treating him as an outsider, an interloper that he doesn't trust. Perhaps it is up to your son-in-law to build on that trust in some way. Maybe he could play golf, tennis, backgammon, chess or go fishing, hunting, sailing, or skiing with his father-in-law to help forge a stronger bond between them. On the other hand, your husband is keeping your son-in-law at such a distance that he might not want to make the effort. This is a situation that only your husband and your son-in-law can resolve. I am a huge believer that you can break any détente with humor. Someone, either you, your son-in-law, or your daughter, could broach the subject in such a lighthearted manner that your husband might be drawn into the conversation in a non-threatening way and suddenly say, "Jack, call me George." Another way to get your husband to start thinking about the dilemma is to have the son-in-law write a thank-you note to your husband addressing him as Mr. so-and-so and signing off with just his first name. That would be a written example of the problem that would stare your husband in the face. Remember that you can never thank men enough and even if your son-in-law has already thanked him in person, he can always start the note by saying, "I just wanted to thank you again for ....." As you know, most men don't like to be told what to do, but you can plant ideas ever so casually in the hope that either man will step up to the problem and break the ice. If your husband really is so very formal, then being ultra formal with his father-in-law is perhaps the way to break the ice. If the situation really bothers your son-in-law, perhaps he should formally ask your husband how he wishes to be addressed and give him a couple of examples: "What should I call you, sir? Mr. so-and-so or George? Perhaps your husband has been so backed into a corner about this that he needs an out. Ever so gently, a family member might ask your husband what his father called his father-in-law and so on.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Latino In-Laws
Q What is the familiar and respectful way to address my soon to be Latino in-laws?
A The Spanish for all in-laws is "consuegros." It is common (although not universal by any means) to address a male in-law (mainly father-in-law) as "suegro" or "suegrito" and female in-law (mainly mother-in-law) as "suegra" or "suegrita." For comparison, the equivalent Spanish for Mother/Mom would be "Mama" or "Mami" and the familiar diminuitive "Mamita."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Male + Females on an Invitation
Q How do you address an invitation... male name first or females?
A If you are not inviting Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, but Charles and Alice Dickens, you can write either first name first. I am a huge fan of ladies first, so I would write Alice and Charles Dickens. If the man is a person who you know better, you might write Charles and Alice Dickens. If Charles and Alice have different last names, I would put the woman's name on the first line and the man's on the second, unless I did not know the woman well. However, if the invitation is Susan and Josh Ross invite you for drinks..... Then, surely you would address the invitation to Alice and Charles Dickens. In other words, follow the style all the way through from the invitation to the envelope.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Doctors.
Q How does one address an envelope to married doctors?
A The medical doctor would be listed before, say, the dentist or Ph.D., whether the medical doctor is a man or woman.
Dr. Susan Ross and Dr. Donald Ross
address
Or:
Dr. Amanda McClintock-Smith and
Dr. George R. Smith
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Judges
Q How do you address a wedding invitation to a judge and his wife, or a judge and her husband?
A Addressing married judges:
Judge and Mrs. Charles Dickens
address
Judge Charlotte Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens
address
or, if you the names are too long for the envelope:
Judge Charlotte Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens
address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Ministers
Q How do you address mail to two married ministers?
A It would depend upon the faith of the ministers. For instance, an Episcopal minister who is not in a particular religious order might be called "Father," so in writing to them, you would write: The Reverend Allison Winslow and Reverend Father Winslow; if not, or if they are Protestant clergy: The Reverend Allison Winslow and The Reverend Henry Winslow.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married PhDs
Q How do I address an envelope to two married PhD's?
A It would depend upon whether or not the couple uses the same last name. For instance, if they are the Drs. Jane and Charles Dickens, it is easy. However, if the wife uses her maiden name, they might be: Dr. Jane Austen and Dr. Charles Dickens. If the envelope is not long enough for both names on the same line, then you would put her name on the top line, because ladies always come first, and his underneath:
Dr. Jane Austen and
Dr. Charles Dickens
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Reverends
Q How do you address an envelope to a married couple if each are Reverends?
A The Reverend Alice Dickens and The Reverend Winston Dickens would be how they are addressed on the outside of the envelope.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married U.S. Senators.
Q How would you address an invitaion to husband and wife if they are both Senators?
A Socially, you would address the invitation's envelope to married U.S. senators this way: Senator Sandra Whitehouse and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (if the couple are State Senators, you would use the word "State" instead of "U.S.").
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Women
Q How do you address a baby shower invite to a married woman? Is it addressed to Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe, or either?
A It would depend upon how she calls herself. If you know she uses her maiden name with Ms., you would use that. If she is married, you can't go wrong addressing the envelope to Mrs. John Doe.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Women
Q If a woman gets married and you send her something in the mail, does her maiden name become her middle initial?
A It would depend upon how you are addressing what you are mailing. For instance, if her name is now Betty Guthrie and you are sending her something, you might write Ms. Betty W. Guthrie, because the W is the first letter of her maiden name Willis. However, if you are using Mrs. Thomas Guthrie, you would use his middle name first initial, so it would be Mrs. Thomas T. Guthrie.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Women
Q My middle inital is "E". However, my mother-in-law insists on writing a "D" as my middle initial, which is my maiden name. It drives me crazy. Which is correct?
A My maiden name is Edith Pray Lorillard. When I use my married name, Cowley, I am Edith Lorillard Cowley or Edith L. Cowley.
Your mother-in-law in correct.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Women
Q When addressing a baby shower invitation, should it be addressed Mrs. John Smith, or should it be Mrs. Susan Smith?
A Traditionally, if Susan Smith is married to John, the invitation is addressed to Mrs. John Smith. Alternatively, you might use just Susan Smith or Ms. Susan Smith, if Susan is the same generation as the baby's mother. If Mrs. Smith is the generation of the baby's grandmother, then you might prefer to use Mrs. John Smith.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Married Women With the Same Last Name
Q How do you properly address a wedding invitation to a same sex married couple when one has changed her name, so that they both have the same last name? ie Mrs. Mary Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. Mary and Jane Smith?
A The proper way to address two married women with the same last name is to address them as, "Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith." Be sure to list the first names alphabetically. More formally, as on a wedding invitation, it would be, "The Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing People Whose Name You Don't Know
Q What is the proper word when addressing a woman and you don't know her name, first and last, and you also don't know if she is single or married...
Recently, I fielded a call from a customer. When I realized that she had the wrong department I said "You have the finance dept., Ma'am" and she became irate saying, "Don't talk to me like that". My boss says that Ma'am is totally improper and I shoud have used miss.
I say that Ma'am is proper and courteous which is correct etiquette.
A In my opinion, using ma'am and sir can be dicey to use. Many non-Southerners do take offense when they are addressed as ma'am or sir because they connote an air of servitude that no long exists. Miss is perfectly correct; however, Madame is always safer.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Place Cards for Married Doctors
Q What is the proper form of address for a wedding place card for a married couple who are both doctors?
A In the case of addressing place cards when a married couple are both doctors, one would read Dr. Jane Doe and the other would read Dr. John Doe. The same would hold true if you had two Mr. Does, one would be Mr. John Doe and the other would be Mr. Stephen Doe.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Rear Admiral and Ret. Lt. Colonel
Q How do you address an invitation to a Rear Admiral and a Retired Lt. Colonel who was in the army?
Thanks
A Socially the first would be addressed as: Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, or Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.
Socially the second address would be: Lieutenant Colonel William Shakespeare, or Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. William Shakespeare. You wouldn't mention retired on a social invitation.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Retired Military Officer
Q How should invitations be addressed to retired military personnel?
A A retired officer in the Army or Air Force would be addressed on the invitation as Major Charles Dickens, USAF, Retired, or socially as Major and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If he was in the Navy or the Coast Guard, Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, USN, Retired, or socially as Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the 3rd
Q Is there a comma after someone's name if they are the 3rd? i.e. William D. Jones, III?
A It would be Mr. William D. Jones III. There is no comma.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Bishop of the Baptist Church
Q What is the proper form of address to a bishop in the Baptist Church?
A An envelope addressed to the Bishop of the Baptist Church would read, The Right Reverend Charles Dickens; if it was a social occasion, it would read: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens; the salutation in a letter would be: Dear Bishop Dickens; in person and on a place card he would be addressed as Bishop Dickens.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the First Lady
Q I need to write a letter to Laura Bush, the First Lady. Do I address it as :
Mrs. Bush
The White House
Thanks very much
A You are absolutely correct. Out of respect for the First Lady, you would not use her given name because she is the only official woman addressed as Mrs. Bush. The envelope would read: Mrs. Bush. The salutation would be: Dear Mrs. Bush.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Governor's Wife
Q When writing a letter to the govenor's wife, what would her title be?
A Her title is Mrs., if she is using the Governor's name: so she would be Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger. If she doesn't use the governor's name, she would be Ms. Maria Shriver. In the salutation, you would address her as Mrs. Schwarzenegger or Ms. Shriver. However, if she is a doctor, then you would use her title and it would be Dr. Maria Schwarzenegger or Dr. Maria Shriver; in writing a salutation, Dr. Schwarzenegger or Dr. Shriver. No matter which name she uses, only in an introduction or in conversation would she be referred to as "The First Lady." Nevertheless, in writing to her you would not address her as First Lady Schwarzenegger. Only Lady Bird Johnson ever used the title of Lady, but it wasn't actually a title because her nurse gave her the nickname Lady Bird, which soon replaced her given name and she was to use it her entire life.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Pope
Q How to address the Pope?
A To address an envelope to the Pope and to introduce the Pope it would be, "His Holiness, the Pope" or "His Holiness, PopeJohn IV." In the body of a letter, the salutation would read, "Your Holiness:"
In conversation with the Pope, he would be called "Your Holiness" and his place card would read "Your Holiness."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing The President and Her Husband
Q Typically we have a President and a first lady. If Hillary Clinton becomes President (or any woman in the future), what would we call their spouse?
A When the woman has a higher ranking than the man, her name comes first:
The President
and President Clinton
The White House
Address
In conversation, she would be "Madam President" and he is "President Clinton." Traditionally, when a president is no longer in office, he retains the title as a courtesy but the word "The" is dropped. Unless it is a social invitation addressed to the couple, President Clinton's mail would be addressed to his office and The President's mail would be sent to the White House.
If in the future the president's husband is not a former president, then he is addressed as, "Mr." Shakespeare (or whatever his last name might be):
The President
and Mr. Shakespeare
The Whitehouse
Address
The salutation of a letter would be: Dear Madam President and Mr. Shakespeare. Also, in conversation she is Madam President and he is Mr. Shakespeare, or whatever his title is, for instance, if he is a Dr., then he is Dr. Shakespeare, otherwise he is "Mr. Shakespeare." We would call her spouse "Mr." adding just his last name. Her place card would read "The President" and his place card would read "Mr. Shakespeare."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the President of Brazil
Q What is the proper salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil?
A The salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil is this: Dear Mr. President:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the President of the United States
Q What is the proper greeting used in writing to the President of the United States?
A When writing to the President of the United States, you would address the envelope as follows:
The President
The White House
Address
In the body of the letter the salutation is:
Dear Mr. President:
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Prince of Monaco Informally
Q How do you address the Prince of Monaco at an informal gathering?
A At an informal gathering you would not address the Prince of Monaco. You would introduce people to him. You would not use his name because the assumption would be that everyone knows his name already. You would say to him, "I would like to present Elizabeth Leatherman," while looking from Albert to Elizabeth. Or, you might say, "I would like you to meet Elizabeth Leatherman," as you glance from Albert to Elizabeth.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Titled
Q I am sending correspondence to a married couple who are each titled.
He is an attorney and she is a PhD. How should they be addressed informally?
A If this is correspondence of a social nature, you would not necessarily have to use the titles. If this is of a professional nature, then I would put the woman first because I am a huge fan of ladies first. Since the titles are of equal status, it would be:
Jane Austen, Ph.D. and William Shakespeare, Esq.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing the Wife + Using His Suffix
Q If using only the woman's formal married name, do you include junior, senior, II or III as a suffix, ie. Mrs. John Cheney Clark III
A In my opinion, most people don't use the suffix correctly. If Mrs. John Cheney Clark's husband's grandfather has been dead for at least two years, the grandchildren wouldn't be using the suffix III. Originally the suffix came into play when families lived in the same small town to designate which generation was which. Nowadays, mix-ups are less likely to happen because zip codes on addresses direct the mail. Socially, people still do use the suffix to establish the fact that they are the younger. You just don't see Sr. used anymore. An exception would be when the family is historically prominent. For instance, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., who during his life wanted to distinguish himself from his father by using Jr., is still referred to as Jr. It is perfectly correct for Mrs. John Cheney Clark to list herself with III, but most people prefer 3rd. A suffix can be either a roman numeral or an arabic numeral. Because the numbers are supposed to make a distinction among living members of the same name, when John Cheney Clark, Jr., dies, John Cheney Clark 3rd, would do well to drop the suffix within a year or two. If there is a IV, he would then become III. So: If Mrs. John Cheney Clark III is listed, say, in a private woman's club directory where she and her mother-in-law are or were prominent, she would use the suffix. Otherwise, the woman would not use her husband's suffix when her husband is not involved. There are no rules carved in stone, people pretty much call themselves whatever they wish to be called. Just remember that there is a distinction between Jr., and II, because Jr. is the son and the nephew is the 2nd. To answer your question, nowadays, Mrs. Clark would not use her husband's suffix unless there is a chance that she would be confused with her mother-in-law. Therefore, on a list, say, at her son's nursery school, she would not use the suffix. However, at a private club tea where her in-laws are prominent, she might be listed as Mrs. John Cheney Clark III.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Two Different Last Names and Adult Son
Q How do you address a husband and wife that have two different last names and the wife is a Dr. ?
Also, if I am inviting a family (husband & wife) and their adult son living with them, how do I address the envelope?
Mr. & Mrs. _______ and
Mr. Craig __________ ?? Or do I put "and family"?
A Answer to the first question:
The envelope would read:
Dr. Alice J. Adams and
Mr. William H. Shakespeare
address
Answer to your second question:
Customarily, children over the age of eighteen receive their own invitation. There are no rules carved in stone, so if it is an open house and you want to use just one invitation for the parents and the adult son, you can do so either of two ways:
Mr. and Mrs. Wiliam H. Shakespeare and Family
The William Shakespeare Family
Because the son is an adult it would be best not to point out that he is still living with mum and dad and just address the invitation to "The Family," which is often done during the holidays. For a formal occasions, he would have to have his own invitation, as you know.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Two Men
Q How do I address an envelope to two men? Is it Mr. Bob Smith and Mr. Joe Black?
A Do it alphabetically, or address the person you know best first. Both are correct.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Two Single People
Q When sending an invitation, announcement or holiday card to a couple who is not married but live together, what is the proper manner to address the envelope?
A It depends a lot on the couple's relationship and your relationship to the couple because you want to personalize the envelope. For instance, if your guy friend recently moved in with his girlfriend because it was originally her home, you would write out her name, say, on the top line with the word "and" after it and then write his name on the line underneath. If they both moved in together or have been living together for a long time, then you would write the name of the person you knew better first. When in doubt, I always write the woman's name first if it is a toss up. By the way, if they are both the same sex, I always write the name of the person I know better first. If that is a toss-up, I write the names in alphabetical order. If you were sending, say, a wedding invitation to an old college friend and including his live-in girl friend in the invitation, you would write his name first if it was originally his address because you would want to make sure that the invitation got delivered properly:
Mr. Charles Dickens and
Ms. Emily Dickinson
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Unmarried Families
Q So, how would I address a Christmas card to an unmarried couple living together who have a child? Say Jane Doe, John Smith and little Abbie? I would like to include the child, but I can't exactly address the card to the "Family Doe-Smith" or can I?
A You can address the Christmas card to "The Doe-Smiths," or alternatively, to all three names spelled out.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing When Wife is a Doctor
Q Proper way to address an envelope when the wife is a doctor?
A Dr. Caroline Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens
or
Dr. Caroline Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Widows
Q What is the proper way to address a recent widow in social correspondence?
A You would not be asking this question, if you did not think it a sensitive issue. You are right to ask because the person you need to be asking is the widow or her friend or relative. It depends upon the widow. A very dear family friend of ours has been widowed once and after divorcing her second husband went back to using her given name and the last name of her first husband. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. No doubt, your widowed friend has had to order new stationery and has decided how she wishes to be addressed. Traditionally, she is, say, Mrs. Charles L. Dickens until she remarries; however, many widows after a period of time will use their given name and the last name of the father of their children and therefore call themselves, say, Mrs. Alice Dickens. It is best to ask someone who knows her well.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Woman State Senator + Husband
Q How to formally address an invitation to a husband and wife --- she is a member of the State House of Reps. He is a regular businessman. Thanks for your help.
A In addressing a formal social invitation to a husband and wife, when she is a member of the State House of Representatives and he does not have a title you would write: State Senator Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. If it is an invitation for a formal business or political event, it would be: The Honorable Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Women
Q How do you address a married woman Mrs., Ms.)divorced woman, single woman?
A A married woman can be addressed as Mrs. or Ms. Janet Wilson or Mrs. Harold T. Wilson; a divorced woman can be addressed any way she wishes: Ms. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. or Ms. J. Thornton Wilson. A single woman can be addressed as Miss until the age of eighteen, then she is Ms. until she marries when she then uses Mrs. or Ms. Traditionally, if she is addressed along with her husband and she has taken his last name, it would be Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing Young Men
Q When should Master be used and what age should Mr. be used instead of Master?
A When a boy becomes a two digit age he is no longer master, he is Mr. Once a boy turns ten he is a Mr.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: "Blank Inside" Note Card
Q When writing on the inside of a "Blank Inside" note card which side do you start on, right or left?
A It would depend upon how much you have to say. For a short note you would use the right hand side; for a longer note, say, a thank-you note, you would probably use both sides starting the "Dear Jane" in the upper left hand corner of the left side and ending at the bottom of the right hand side.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A British Knight & His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a British knight and his wife? Is it Sir John and Lady Smith?
A As an American, you would always write to that person in the same manner he writes to you---with or without the initials. For instance a titled knight might be listed as Sir Esmond Harmsworth, G.C.M.G. However, socially, whether making introductions or addressing an invitation envelope, it would be Sir John and Lady Smith.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A British Knight in the Salutation
Q What salutation do I use in a letter to a British knight? Dear Sir John?
A You are correct if John is the first name. However, if the salutation is in a letter to Sir Elton John, then it would be Dear Sir Elton.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Clergywoman & Her Husband
Q How to address envelope for a female clergy and her husband?
A It would be The Reverend Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If she is a doctor, then it would The Reverend Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If the two names fit on one line, great, otherwise you can put the names on two lines with the woman's name first.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Couple
Q When sending an informal, do you address female first and male second; also do you close the same way or do you put the man's name first?
A I am a huge fan of ladies first. I am not sure if you are asking about an informal note, such a thank-you note, or an informal invitation, such as to a shower, brunch, or cocktail party. Whichever, you would write Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens on the outside envelope; however, the inside invitation or note would be addressed to Alice and Charles. The actual invitation would be from Elizabeth and William Shakespeare and a thank-you note from them would also be Elizabeth and William Shakespeare.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Dentist
Q How to address or send mail to a dentist?
A Anyone with a doctor's degree is addressed "doctor" in conversation and "Dr." by mail.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Divorced Woman
Q How should one address a divorced woman in correspondence? Is it Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Jane Doe or Jane Doe?
A Mrs. Jane Doe is the proper way to address a divorced woman; however, nowadays many women prefer Ms. If they don't have children, a divorced woman might go back to using her maiden name; or use the last name of her children. You might be able to check how she prefers to be called by referencing a recent telephone book.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Doctor
Q What is the proper way to address a doctor when writing his name in a program notice?
A It would depend upon how the people who are not doctors are listed. If they are listed as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., the doctor would be listed as Dr. Charles Dickens. However, if people are listed as John H. Whittaker, the doctor might be listed as Charles Dickens, M.D. It is courteous to ask people exactly how they would like to be listed on a program, it is not a detail that you second guess.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Doctor
Q How do you send a card to a doctor and his wife if you know them both fairly well ... have always called his wife by her first name but, refer to him as doctor?
A If you are addressing the envelope it would be: Dr. and Mrs. Such-and-such. On the inside of the card, you would address them both by their given first names since you know them both "fairly well."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Former U.S. Senator
Q How to address envelope to former U.S. Senator?
A Elected officials, such as a U.S. Senator, are addressed as "The Honorable," through their lives.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Guest Who Is a Long-Time Partner
Q Hi! I am having a debate with my mother as to how an invitation should be written to someone who is in a long-term, serious relationship. She believes that the invite would be addressed to person and "guest" whereas I say it would be to both individuals given the seriousness of the relationship and imminent betrothal.
HELP!! Thank you for your help!
A It is polite and important to make every "guest" feel special by acknowledging his or her name when addressing the invitation. The first duty of a good hostess is to make every guest feel special and important. If that "guest" knows that you know his or her name, that "guest" will feel that you don't really care if they come or not.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Judge + Her Retired Judge Husband
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope when the husband is a retired judge and the wife is a practicing judge?
A Because the wife is still practicing, you would list her first: Judge Diana Wilson and The Honorable Henry Wilson.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Name Won't Fit on One Line
Q How would I address an envelope to a married couple if both names don't fit on one line?
Example: Mr. and Mrs. Alfonso DeStefandinado
A First, try using the symbol for the word "and," which is &. Using the ampersand character for "and" should make the name tighter. This is a common problem, so if that doesn't work, you can write Mr. and Mrs. on the first line and then under that the first name and surname: it would look like this:
Mr. and Mrs.
Alfonso DeStefandinado
However, you might want to find out if "De" is actually followed by a space, as in De Stefandinado, because I want you to address the envelope correctly.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Widow
Q Mrs John Doe is a widow. Should she be addressed in corresponcence as Mrs. Jane Doe or Mrs. John Doe?
A Until Mrs. John Doe remarries, socially she is still Mrs. John Doe. However, when reordering social stationery, she can certainly use Jane Doe, but perhaps with her middle or maiden name.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: A Woman Lawyer
Q I don't have a question - I just found a typo on your page and wanted to point it out to you so your readers don't make embarrassing mistakes when writing to a married couple.
You write
Addressing a Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?
A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:
Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith
The 'Esq:' after Linda's name needs removing - or is she is man?
Kind regards
Jean Lennox
A Thank you for your concern. I do greatly appreciate being alerted to any typos, mistakes, and inaccuracies. Maybe not in Europe, but in the United States a woman lawyer sometimes uses the professional title of "Esq." after her surname. Apologies for not getting back to you sooner, but I wanted to check with various women lawyers before getting back to you. The consensus is that women lawyers are slowly opting to use the title of "Esq." just as women in the sixties opted to use "Ms." instead of "Miss" or "Mrs." Now "Ms." is commonly used when addressing a woman who is eighteen years of age or older, although "Miss" is still an option when addressing a social invitation such as a wedding invitation to a woman who has not been married. As you know, etiquette evolves through usage and usage comes about because it has a purpose. So in conclusion, using "Esq." is not a typo because, in fact, the title "Esq." is used at the discretion of women lawyers in this country. Remember that not so long ago only men used the title "Dr."
Once again, many thanks for your kindness in calling this question about the usage of professional titles for women to my attention. I hope that you will continue to use the site and, please, do not hesitate to let me know if you find any typos or inaccuracies.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Congressman
Q When sending a invitation to a judge or a local politician - Congressman- how do I address the envelope?
A When addressing a social invitation to a judge, you would address it to Judge Charles Dickens; to a US Representative, it would be The Honorable William Shakespeare and to a US. Senator, it would be Senator Emily Dickinson. When in doubt, on a social invitation, such as a wedding invitation, you can always address any elected official as The Honorable.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Current + Former City Council Members + Commissioners
Q How do you address former local elected officials (County Commissioners, City Council Members) after their term when they either were not re-elected or chose not to run again for elected office? We frequently continue contact because these people tend to remain very involved in public issues.
Thank you!
Liz
A All higher elected officials carry "The Honorable" title through their lives. Members of the city council and commissioners, whether they are in or out of office, can always be addressed as "The Honorable." However, even though they are addressed "The Honorable," that person would never use that title on his or her stationery or letterhead. While in office they can be addressed either: "The Honorable" or "Councilwoman/man" or "Commissioner."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Federal Judge + His Wife
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to a Federal judge and his wife?
A Socially you would address a Federal or Associate Justice as: Justice Whitman and Mrs. Whitman.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Lt. Governor
Q When addressing a letter, what would be the title of a previous Lt. Governor? Is it still Honorable?
A "The honorable" is the title of respect bestowed upon retired elected officials, including Lt. Governor, so you are correct in using "The Honorable" in front of his/her name.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: High Commissioner
Q How does one address a High Commissioner of some country (not an Ambassador) via mail when sending an invitation card requesting him to attend a civic function?
A Professional titles are always used in Europe, so you would not be wrong in addressing this person as High Commissioner; however, you would try to do so in the language of the country where the title is held. "Debretts," the great etiquette reference book in Great Britain, suggests that you telephone the High Commissioner's secretary first before sending an invitation to make sure that the date is open. If the High Commissioner is available that day, then you would send an invitation. During that conversation, you would ask how the invitation should be addressed.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Knight in Australia
Q How do I address a letter of condolence to the wife of a recently deceased Knight in Australia. Is it Lady surname, or Lady first name?
A You would address the widow of a deceased Knight in Australia as Lady surname.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Late Spouse's Family
Q How should a man, after his wife's death refer to her and her still living family members? (ex, former, or are they still in-laws?)
A In my opinion, he would refer to his "late wife." His late wife's living family members are still his in-laws until he remarries. If he remarries, he would refer to his late wife's living brother as "my late wife's brother", or "my daughter with my late wife," or "my late wife's parents."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Governor
Q I am writing a letter to the Lieutenant Governor of the great State of Florida, and would like to know the proper way to address him in the address of the letter, the body of the letter and in person. I've been told that we are to address him as the Governor, not Lieutenant Governor. Your help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
-Theresa
A If this is a business letter, the envelope would be addressed to The Honorable Elizabeth Roberts, Lieutenant Governor of Rhode Island; in the body of the letter, the address would be Dear Lieutenant Governor Roberts. In person, you would address her as Lieutenant Governor, or Lieutenant Governor Roberts. Of all the many times that I have ever heard our Rhode Island Lieutenant Governor Roberts addressed, she was never introduced as just Governor.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Attorneys
Q How do you address a wedding invitation when both the husband and wife are attorneys?
A Socially, as on a wedding invitation, both the husband and the wife are addressed as Mr. and Mrs. William Shakespeare.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Elected Officials
Q How would I address an envelope to a State Senator (John) married to a municipal councilwoman (Shelley) last name Traff. They are both elected officials.
A You would address the envelope to State Senator John Traff and Councilwoman Shelley Traff. However, socially, for instance on a wedding invitation, it would be The Honorable Shelley Traff and The Honorable John Traff.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q How do I address a thank-you note to a judge married to a judge?
A You would list both judges, probably on separate lines on the envelope, as the Honorable Frank Furter and the Honorable Elizabeth Furter. The salutation would be simply Dear Judge Furter.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prince and Princess
Q I am having dinner tonight with a Prince and Princess in a private home in the States. Should I bow or kneel to him, do I shake his hand? Do I bow to her and grasp her hand lightly and kiss it?
Thank you!
A When introducing a prince and princess, you would call them by their title and surname, and not use their given names. In conversation you would call them "Prince" and "Princess."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Salutation for Senior
Q When a couple are called Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, Sr., how do you address them after "Dear"? Is it Mr. and Mrs. Doe, Sr., or just Mr. and Mrs. Doe?
A It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe," if it is a social letter, such as a thank-you note. It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe:" for a business letter: a comma after a social salutation, and a colon after a business salutation.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Senior or Sr.
Q On our daughter's wedding invitation we will put
Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith, Senior
do you put Senior on the invitation - do you put a comma before the word Senior and do we make it capital?
thank you so much,
Vicki Smith
A The suffix " Senior" used to be used when more than one family member living in the same town had the same exact name. Nowadays, zip codes help the post office get the letter to the right Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith. It would be best to use a middle name instead of "Senior." However, if you live in the same city as your son, of course, you can use" Sr." after the surname in order to make it crystal clear to everyone that it is your daughter who is getting married and not your son's daughter who is getting married.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Mayor
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to the Mayor of a city? Would it be the Honorable Jeff Hardin or simply Mayor Jeff Hardin?
A In business, it would be:
The Honorable Jeffrey Hardin
Mayor of Providence
address
Socially, it would be:
Mayor Jeffrey Hardin
address
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Secretary General In Conversation
Q How would one address the Secretary General of the United Nations in conversation? Would it be Secretary General Smith? Or Dr. Smith?
A You would address him in conversation as "Mr. Secretary General."
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Wife When the Husband Has the Title Sr.
Q If the husband is a Sr., how do I address the wife's place card for a wedding?
Would it be Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.?
How do I address place cards for young men ages 12 and over?
Would it be Mr. Willard Andrews IV?
A Yes, you are correct, the wife's place card would read:
Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.
All men ten years and older have the title of "Mr." Again, you are correct, he would be addressed as Mr. Willard Andrews lV. However, if his great-great grandfather, or great-great granduncle (whomever he is named after) is deceased, then he would be Mr. Willard Andrews lll. The exception would be if that person he is named after is a famous name in the community.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Waitstaff Addressing Customers
Q What is the best way to address a woman or a man at a table? I ask this question because I am a server in a 31/2 star restaurant and I want to be able to address all women and men 16 to 61.
Thanks So Much
A In my opinion, you would not address a man or a woman at the table in a personal way. If the customer recognizes you, he will say, "Nice to see you." Pick up your cue from the customer. When you arrive at the table to take the order, you would say to the woman, "May I take your order?" There is a bit of controversy about using forms of address such as "Sir" and "Madame," so it is best not to go there, unless you are working in, say, a French restaurant. You would wait patiently beside the customer for him or her to notice that you are waiting for their order. You would return after they have had a chance to test their meat, to ask if everything is "satisfactory." You would wait to bring the check until you are signaled to do so. You would never engage the customer in conversation by saying something such as, "Are you folks ready to order?" You would never say, "Where are you folks from?"
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q I am having a hard time on deciding how to address a widow. I checked your website and found nothing on that. If you could please clear that up for me, is it Mrs. or Ms.?
A Actually, if you click on my "Frequently Asked Questions" at www.newportmanners.com, you will find that information in my archives under "Codes + Conduct: Addressing." Formally, until she remarries, a widow is addressed with her married name, say, as Mrs. John L. Wilson. A widow choses how she wishes to be called when she orders new stationery and lists herself in a directory. Informally, she can be Mrs. Jane G. Wilson or Ms. Jane Wilson. So: for a formal occasion or a condolence letter, the envelope would be addressed to Mrs. John L. Wilson. For a birthday card or informal party, she can be addressed as Mrs. Jane Wilson. Since this often depends upon the age of the widow, as some widows were married for so long it is too hard to call herself anything but Mrs. John Wilson, honor that. The best guide to an individual is to find out how she lists herself, what name her stationery is now. When in doubt, ask her how she wants to be addressed. A widow might well return to a former name, either her maiden last name or the name she used as the mother of her children.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q HOW DO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE TO THE WIFE AFTER HER HUSBAND DIES? IT HAS BEEN OVER 1 YEAR SINCE DEATH.
A Traditionally, a woman keeps her married name until she remarries. Nowadays, women often take the option of going back to their maiden name, or keeping their husband's last name and using their given name instead of their husband's given name. In that case, it would be Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare. As she replaces her social stationery, she might try several levels of formality. To be safe, use Mrs. William Shakespeare. If she sends you a thank-you note from Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare, you'll know for next time.
Excuse me for saying this but: when you use only upper case letters throughout your email, it looks as if you are screaming. Your friends might be slightly offended by that, so why not use upper case letters just at the start of each sentence?
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow of Five Years
Q My fiance's dad and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years. She is a widow. Do I still address her as Mrs. or is it more appropriate in this situation to use Ms.?
A As she is a widow, her proper name is Mrs. William Shakespeare; however, since she is in a committed relationship with a new man, she can certainly be addressed as Ms. Elizabeth Shakespeare.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife Has a Title
Q How do you address a Mr. and Dr. when the Dr. is a female?
A The Dr. comes first. Titles always go first.
Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife of a Governor
Q How do you address the wife of a governor?
A The envelope would say Mrs. William Shakespeare and the salutation would be Dear Mrs. Shakespeare.
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