Codes + Conduct: Business: Acknowledging Posted Condolences
Q My etiquette question is in regard to a thank-you note posted by a co-worker who recently lost her mother. The thank-you note addressed to everyone and has been on the refrigerator going on two weeks. As administrator, is it appropriate to take it down after a period of time? Do I wait until she does it? Does she feel the sadness every single day she sees it? Would she feel worse if it were no longer posted one day when she comes in? To me, this is a seriously sensitive issue and I don’t want to offend in any way. Please help

A It is right and good to be concerned about this seriously sensitive situation. Think of it this way, when a member of Congress dies, the American flag is flown at half-staff on Federal Buildings for only two days, the day of the death and the day following, for the same reason that concerns you.

The best way to do this is to have the thank-you taken down at the end of a Friday, assuming this is a Monday through Friday office, then that night, or over the weekend, when the cleaning staff cleans out the refrigerator, the thank-you note is removed and discarded. On Monday, the employees might not notice it is missing at first; it might even take a couple of days for them to realize it is gone because it hasn't always been there. (If your office is closed, say, Columbus Day, then take it down the Friday before.) They might speculate as to who took it down, the cleaning staff? Nobody will question you. If anyone should, then you just say that you thought that everyone had had a chance to read the thank-you note and leave it at that. You need not apologize, nor explain.

Going forward, you might want to designate a staff bulletin board for memorandums, announcements and thank-you notes with the understanding that everything posted be removed after two weeks. This way you're setting boundaries: it is OK to post but when you post you are responsible for taking down the posting after so many days and if you don't take it down, it will be removed. In this situation, you or your human resources person would have taken the employees thank-you down after the set period of time. Set boundaries, put someone in charge and talk to somebody in maintenance about having the refrigerator thoroughly cleaned. No doubt, everyone will be pleased that you took care of this sensitive problem.

No, you don't wait until she removes it, because she thinks she has given the thank-you note to all of you. She'll probably be relieved that it's been removed.

Codes + Conduct: Business: American Business Woman Etiquette in Japan
Q Please advise me, an American woman, who is going to Japan and will be conducting business with Japanese businessmen.

A When doing business with a Western company, the etiquette is as one does in the home country of the company (US, UK, Swiss, etc.). If is a Japanese company, one does not have to do exactly what the Japanese do, but an understanding is important.

Gifts are usually brought especially when coming from abroad.

Shaking hands: Japanese women and men bow; it is not natural for them to shake hands. Wait for them to initiate a handshake. A smile and nod is sufficient, not a bow. When doing business the card exchange is the handshake replacement.

In business, regardless of gender, the business person enters and exits a room and sits in meetings according to hierarchy. Since women are usually at the bottom of the work and social totem pole, gentle gestures will be appreciated more than assertive gestures. Men do not really hold doors open for women or allow them to go first. Women would be more inclined to let the men go first.

The exchange of business cards is a critical part of the greeting ritual. When people meet they exchange cards, read the name and title (because it is important to know the rank) holding it in both hands. A smile and nod saying "Nice to meet you Smith-san or Mrs. Smith" is sufficient, or a bow, if Japanese. Present your card with both hands with the name facing the addressee to read. This is in lieu of a handshake. Cards are kept on the table during a meeting. Don't take a card and stuff it in your pocket or bag, it is simply not done.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Announcing Co-Worker's Death
Q What do you do when an employee passes away, how do you inform your business partners of that???
For example, our co-worker used to work outside and she passed away and we want to inform the people that she scheduled an appointment with us, that she won't make it, that she passed away, but we need to know how to do it, by letter (what to write), by phone??? What is better?
Thank you,
Daniela

A It would depend upon the time frame. If you need to get the word out right away, why not email the information and ask for an acknowledgment that the receiver got the message? It is simple to just add under the message, "Please click reply so that we know you have received this message." If the time frame is not as urgent, then by all means send a letter. Phoning the information is not such a great idea because nobody likes receiving the news of a death by voice mail. In your email or letter you would copy the information from the obituary in the newspaper because that information has been given to the newspaper by the family and is therefore deemed accurate. The obituary also lists the time of the service and where acknowledgments should be sent, in case anyone wishes to send flowers or a note of condolence. You could start the communication by saying, "It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of our loyal and esteemed employee, ........", then paraphrase the newspaper information from the paper. Even if you think that you know more, it is always safest to stick to the story that the family is putting out. You might also add that she will be greatly missed.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Answering the Company Phone
Q Do you have a list of how to answer phone calls in the office?

A The receptionist answers the phone by announcing the name of the company or the name of the person whose line they have called. Then if it is a company line, they ask, "How may I direct your call?" If the call is to Ms. Brown's office, she says, "May I tell Ms. Brown who is calling?"

Codes + Conduct: Business: Asking for a Recommendation
Q What is the etiquette for asking for a letter of recommendation?

A In our busy world, it might make more sense to telephone the person you are thinking about asking to recommend you because, if the person does not have the time or inclination to write a letter on your behalf, he might take his time getting back to you with the bad news, if he gets back to you at all. During the telephone conversation you might tell him the following: you will send him your resume along with copies of other letters of recommendation that have been written for you and the telephone number of your superior to verify your responsibilities. If the person really likes you and you sense that he will take the time to write a good letter, he may say he only needs your resume to help him with his letter. When you send him what he needs, you might include a stamped self-addressed envelope for him to send you a copy of his letter of recommendation for your files. I am assuming this is a business recommendation because you did not specify; a social letter of recommendation would be handled differently. Don't forget to write a covering letter thanking him for taking the time out of his busy day to write on your behalf.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Best Tips for Professional Women
Q What are the best tips for a young woman entering the field of banking?? Also, I could not get the "How to Know What to Wear" section to show on this page. Great general information!! Thanks.

A I'd give a woman going into banking the same advice I would give any other woman entering the work force.

Dress conservatively (you can still be trendy, you just shouldn't wear anything too short, too tight, or too low cut).

Don't use the word "like."

Be straight and to the point when addressing co-workers and clients.

Don't ever kiss another co-worker.

I think those are a few areas where women tend to go wrong in the workforce. Any other advice I would give would be broad advice for anyone going into banking...

Codes + Conduct: Business: Black + Blue Ink
Q What color ink should be used when signing a business letter?

A It depends. For a business letter you would use black ink; however, you will find that many boutique businesses and private clubs use dark blue and therefore dark blue is seen more and more in the body of a letter, as well as in the signature.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Blogging Etiquette
Q Are there rules to blogging?

A Blogging is about connecting and linking. Whether you're promoting a product or yourself, getting the subject out there to as many people as possible is the goal. If you read a great blog post and don't have time to comment, you can pass it along by using Stumbleupon, Delicious, Google Reader Shared, or Friendfeed. If you have time to make a comment, and it isn't positive, stick to constructive criticism. It's OK to comment about your own post and to leave a link, if that seems appropriate.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Boss Hates Boyfriend
Q How do you respond when your boyfriend comes into your work place to pick you up for lunch, knows he is 10 min early, says he is 10 min early, says he'll come back in 10 mins and your boss says to him "No make it 15 min, leave, go now and keep yourself busy?" It was said rudely and then after he was gone the boss says to me "Kelly I'm getting sick of him, he's becoming a pain in the a*s". And this is only the third time he has come into my work place. The last few times he's come in, is because I've gotten stuck working late, he waits patiently and says nothing. Please help.

A From now on you might meet your boyfriend at a designated place near your office, and that would defuse the situation.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Briefcase at Meals
Q Should I take a briefcase/folder to the dining table?

A You can take a briefcase/folder to the dining table, but you would leave it under your chair until the food had been cleared from the table, and after you had asked permission from those at the table to bring it out.

For breakfast and lunch meetings this is permissible; however, you would leave your briefcase/folder either in the cloak room or under your chair when having dinner in a restaurant.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Business Etiquette Skills: Polite Power
Q Like many of my generation, I am having trouble getting a job. Can you give me some ideas as to what makes one candidate stronger than another, aside from job qualifications? Everybody seems over-qualified, I just want to be the best candidate.


A How are your business etiquette skills? Do you have polite power?

Business etiquette is an invaluable skill set that not everybody knows. Because business etiquette evolves with the times, i.e., Blackberries and emails, you have to keep up on all the networking media as well as look at yourself clearly. Business etiquette skills are not a skill set everyone practices consistently, even when you think you know them. For instance, many of us are not aware of our self-limiting behaviors.

There are certain mannerisms that can take away from your professional image that if you improve on can greatly improve your image:

Do monitor your language by reviewing your voice mails to check for not only your tone but any self-declaiming words.

Do check your presentation skills by evaluating your posture, gestures, eye contact, and facial expressions. Do you need to take a presentation skills class?

Do update your wardrobe by asking yourself if you are dressing as professionally as you should be.

Do stay current by joining professional associations and keep in touch with past clients and customers through Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.

Do network by entertaining because lots of business takes place over the courses of a meal.

Do network at parties remembering to hold your glass in your left hand so that you can shake hands with your right hand.

Do have good table manners because many employers complain to me that they cringe at some of their employees table manners.

Do network by initiating conversations: talk to the person who is standing alone, talk to the person in line at the buffet and the coatroom, talk to the person on either side of you when seated at a dining table or board room table.

Do develop your skills by taking classes and working towards additional work certificates.

Don't put yourself down in your writing by using self-discounting words such as: kinda, just, actually, perhaps, I wonder, I hope. Instead of saying in an interview, "I actually got a promotion just before I left my last job," say, "I was promoted prior to leaving my job at CCNY."

Do use real questions. Instead of saying, "I was just wondering if perhaps you would have time to talk to me next week?" Be direct and say, "Would you have time to meet next week?"

Do write a handwritten note to thank each and every person who interviews you. Check your spelling and choice of words and always end the note with the words Thank you.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Butting In Interrupters
Q What should you do about a co-worker that constantly butts into other people's conversations? Also, when you are talking to this person, they always interrupt what you are saying.

A Unfortunately, there are lots of annoying people like that. People who do not know how to conduct a conversation because they butt in and interrupt. Those people were never taught codes of conduct. Respecting boundaries is an important element in conversation. Often the person is an only child and never had to compete for a parent's attention. Set your boundaries and don't let that person get away with it. When that person interrupts, butt in and say, "Excuse me, I haven't finished making my point." When they butt in, just say, "Excuse me, but would you please give us a couple of moments alone and I'll come and find you." If you are ultra polite and crystal-clear in setting boundaries of acceptable behavior, the co-worker will slowly learn the right way to get your attention.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Can Male Boss Lunch With Female Employees
Q What is the etiquette about male bosses lunching with their females employees?

A Nowadays, many corporations have codes or behavior that are written out for coworkers to abide by. We never really know what goes on between two people in a relationship and, therefor, it is none of our business. Unless you are the superviosr, back off. Stop gossiping. Nobody respects a busybody. Nowadays, men and women have all sorts of realtionships in business that might have social connections as well.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Charge for Cash Tips
Q Is it proper for a business owner to charge a fee on cash tips received?

A Tips received by staff members belong to the staff. It just seems wrong for the business owner to charge a fee on cash tips.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Community Refrigerator Etqiuette
Q Do you have an effective way to deal with community refrigerators in the office? Taking someone else's lunch, forgetting to remove spoiled food?

A It works if you post a notice on or above the refrigerator with a few simple basic rules for refrigerator etiquette:

*Label all food with your name along with the first date the food is refrigerated.

*Remove all food after three days. With the exception of unopened bottled or canned drinks, staples such as butter and jams, and condiments: ketchup, mustard, soy sauce, mayonnaise, relish.

*All other foods left over three days will be disposed of by the end of the third day. Without regard to expiration date, that includes yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese, cold cuts, and other "fresh" foods.

*This office is not liable for missing food left after three days.

Whether you call your list Refrigerator Etiquette or Refrigerator Rules is your choice. Saying all this you will need to have a box of labels, a pen, and tape in a small open box next to the refrigerator. If you don't feel comfortable doing this yourself, have the Human Resources person or Office Manager post the notice. Also, the cleaning staff should be instructed to clean out the refrigerator as part of their duties.

People don't like change. Co-workers will balk and complain and perhaps even make fun of the posted notice; however, in time they will get it. Especially after their last piece of Boston cream pie is tossed.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Computers: Food
Q I work in a pool where there is a lot of sharing of computers. Some of my co-workers snack a lot while they work and often when I go to use my computer I find crumbs on my keyboard and greasy finger prints on the screen and keyboard. How can I get my co-workers to stop leaving their greasy fingerprints and crumbs in my work space? It is also unhygienic.

A Find an eco-friendly spray countertop cleaner and place it alongside a box of aloe free tissues with a small sign on it that says, "Please gently wipe off the keyboard when you log out." That kind of sign and system works amazingly well at gyms. Most people have learned to wipe down the gym equipment under the watchful eye of other gymrats. The key to making this work is to have the sign, spray, and box of tissues in place at all times.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Conference Etiquette
Q Are there any any guidelines for conference etiquette? I am apprehensive about attending my first business conference and need some advice. Please help! Thank you!

A Conference Etiquette:

1. Never underestimate the power of the introduction. When possible have a mutual friend introduce you in person or in advance have the friend email the person to say, "I want you to try to meet my friend, John Nelson, the new marketing manager at Tri-Com; he'll be at the conference in Seattle next week." Being introduced by a mutual friend is far more effective then a cold introduction. Never approach someone randomly unless it's your only option.

2. Don't approach someone when they are in the middle of a discussion with people that you don't know. Wait until you catch the person by himself.

3. If you get someone's business card, never call them. That cellphone number isn't for you, the person they've just met. A random call to their cellphone is never appreciated or appropriate. Send an email.

4. When approaching someone don't always assume they know who you are, even if they do. Say, "Hi John, it's Alice Wilson from Tri-Com, good to see you again." Some of the most well-known people I know never assume people know who they are. Remember, just because they recognize your face or name doesn't mean that they know you. But just because they don't know you doesn't mean they don't want to help you out. Help avoid those awkward moments by giving the person all the information they need. Assume that they want to help you. Most importantly, watch their body language for your cue as to when to wrap up the conversation.

5. If you forget to tell the person who you are, you can't be offended when they don't know you. If they start off with, "How are you?" or "What do you think of the conference?" then they clearly don't know you, if they are not talking business and identifying yours.

6. If you've screwed up, backtrack and say, "Since I met you at the Intel conference last April, our company Tri-Com has launched..."

7. Read the person's body language. If you pay close attention, you'll see how engaged they are in your conversation. If they aren't engaged, they'll be looking away, never talking, and perhaps even checking their Blackberry. If they are doing any of these, don't try too hard to get them to focus, because it could backfire. Instead, move on to what you want to say, get their card, see if a meeting or call is possible, and ask for the best way to make that happen. There are those who think the more time they spend the better, but the reality of it is the opposite. Don't take their time just because they are too polite to end the conversation.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Corporate Party on Hannukah
Q Is it improper or disrepectful to plan a corporate holiday party on the first night of Hannukah?


A The date of the corporate party might be predicated on many varying factors, for instance the availability of the caterer, the availability of the corporate officers who in theory are hosting the party, and whether or not there are other business conflicts; someone was not thinking or it was the only date they could find to please the boss and the caterer. Remember next fall to voice your concern well before the party date is set.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Corporate Stationery: Listing Founders When One Is Deceased
Q On our Corporate Stationery, we have two founders, one deceased. Should that person be listed? If so, how?

A If you are listing the living founder as a "Founder," then you could list the deceased founder by putting (deceased) after his name. In my opinion, you wouldn't put the deceased person's name on the corporate stationery. The place to acknowledge him/her as a founder would be in the list of officers in the annual report.

Founders
Henry Wilson Scott
George Brown Sterling (deceased)

Codes + Conduct: Business: Co-worker's Neck Hair Stubble
Q One of my female co-workers has neck hair stubble from where she shaves her neck and face. Everyone at the office notices it, but no one has ever said anything to her about her getting it waxed. I am thinking this is a situation where no one should say anything to her. What do you think?

A If this female co-worker was a good friend, would you tell her she had spinach between her front teeth? Whoever tells the co-worker to shave her neck hair stubble would have to be a very good friend. If you are prepared to reach for that kind of friendship with her, I am sure she would greatly appreciate your suggestion to have it waxed.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Cubicle Etiquette
Q What would be some guidelines for office "Cube" etiquette in a 'casual dress' business atmosphere?


A No eating smelly foods in your cubicle because the whiff of the smelly food permeates the whole room. Use low-pitched soft voices while on the phone. Cellphone ringers are turned off, but text messaging is allowed. If your neighbors' religion does not celebrate Christmas, don't go overboard with the Christmas decorations. If you play games on your computer, keep the sound off. Do not linger in conversation in front of someone else's cubicle, if the cubicle's occupant is not part of the conversation. Do not wear strong cologne or perfume that might be offensive to your neighbors, but do practice good hygiene so that unpleasant body odor does not exude from your cubicle. A few photos are fine, but keep the cuddle and joke toys at home. Do not light scented candles because the scent might not appeal to everyone. Do not keep shoes that have been worn in your cubicle because even though they don't smell to you, your neighbors can smell them. Do not crack your gum. If you have a sore throat and are coming down with a bad cold or the flu, stay home, if you want your neighbors to respect you and do the same. Place all litter, soiled Kleenex, coffee cups, and food wrappings in the trash as soon as you are done with them. Tidy up your cubicle before leaving for the day. Keep private phone calls to a minimum and don't forget that everyone can hear you.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Donation to Mother of Boss
Q Our boss's mother passed away. The office has collected money to make a donation in her memory. Is it proper to tell our boss how much the donation was for when letting him know we are making the contribution?

A No, you do not tell him how much you are collectively donating because the organization to which the money was given in her name will send her family a list of the donors, their addresses, and usually they will list the amount. If you had sent flowers to the church, you would not have told him how much you spent on the flowers.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Dress Code: Job Interview: December
Q I have a job interview and I want to wear a beigish/ivory linen blend pants suit with a black shirt and shoes. Can I wear it in December or not?

A I love linen, it is the great, warm weather luxury fabric. For a job interview in a non-tropical climate, you want to be wearing your best, dark business skirt-suit, with beautiful, classic, black shoes and carrying a dark bag large enough to show that you can take work home.

As I don't know what kind of job you are interviewing for, or in what climate, this is a rather general answer. I would be happy to work with you further, if you get back to me with more info about you and where.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Dress Code: Business Casual
Q Is it acceptable in a business casual setting to wear flat front khaki pants, a nice dress shirt (spread collar), and tie? I know dress slacks would be more appropriate, but was just curious if I could get away with cotton khaki pants. Also, is it ever acceptable to wear a black belt and black loafers with the aforementioned attire? Or should I just stick with a brown belt and brown loafers?
Many thanks!

A You wouldn't wear black shoes and a black belt with khaki pants. You can certainly wear flat front khaki's in a business casual setting if the dress khakis are nicely pressed. Stick to the brown belt and brown loafers.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Dress Code: Men: Shoes
Q When a man wears a gray suit to an interview during the day, what is the proper color shoe to wear, black or brown?

A With a gray suit it doesn't matter whether you wear black or brown shoes, just pick your best shoes and be sure that they are shined. It is more about quality and shine than gray or black. Remember to wear dark socks without a pattern.

Codes + Conduct: Business: E-Mail Dos and Don'ts
Q The email messages going out of our office are getting more and more loose in form, grammar, and content and reflect a lack of professionalism. I would like to reset the style to be more professional. Can you give us some guidelines, please?

A E-mail is the fastest growing form of communication these days, which is why we need reminding that the messages going out to bosses, colleagues, and customers should look and sound professional. To send professional e-mails remember these points:

Do triple check that you have selected the right names as recipients on the TO line, the cc line, and the bcc line.

Do type in the recipients addresses after your final proof of the e-mail.

Do read e-mail out loud to monitor tone. You don't want to sound abrupt or rough.

Do make e-mails easy to read.

Do use a professional sounding e-mail address.

Do read that joke twice; what's funny to you might not be as funny to others.

Do remember that computers can be hacked.

Do remember that many companies randomly monitor their computers.

Do proofread every e-mail twice.

Don't use user names such as sexylady, bigguy, perkypatty, tightywhity, alwayshard on e-mail leaving your office.

Don't use cute signs on work related e-mails.

Don't use just upper case in e-mails because the reader will think you are screaming at him.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Employee Celebrations
Q I am a manager in a small office of 10 employees, two of which have recently been hired. In the past the company bought lunch for employee's Birthdays. One of my recent hires has indicated they don't celebrate birthdays and holidays so they won't be participating in a birthday lunch tomorrow.

I want everyone to be included so how should I propose to the remaining staff members a change in what we do for Birthdays? I like the idea of us getting together because it helps with bonding. I don't want to offend the person who wishes not to participate, but I want to include them. Any help is appreciated.

A You ask the new employee if s/he would please join the lunch tomorrow as a favor to you this once, and say you won't pressure him/her again. If s/he asks why, say you feel it is good for morale.

Sometimes people say, no, and need to be gently pushed. Their first reaction might have been not to attend, but if you keep the door open with a gentle push, they will often decide to try it. Perhaps, s/he just needs some encouragement.

If it doesn't work, drop it, but continue to invite the employee keeping the door open. Be cheerful and tread lightly, some people just need a gentle push.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Etiquette
Q Hi Didi,

I read about you from this book I bought recently, called the Water Cooler Diaries.

I have great admiration for how you provide advice/counsel to everyone. Most of all how you provide them at your own expense. I can only begin to imagine the sheer amount of effort and time you put in.

I figured (and hope) that you would be the best person to answer this following question. I tried looking within your FAQs but was unable to come up with anything.

I just recently joined the working world having graduated last year. Altogether it wasn't the best of times to gain employment as the crisis was settling even. The Singapore government in addressing this issue had in place a scheme which basically gave firms monetary grants in subsiding the wages of all the recent grads under this scheme. This scheme is only applicable for a year as it was only meant to drive demand.

I happen to be one of the few lucky ones under this scheme. Its already been about half a year into this job and it hasn't exactly been going well. My boss (though she hired me) and I hardly communicate. Literally days could go on with us not exchanging a word. The last record was 3 days. It doesn't help that she is very busy.

Even so, this lack of communication could perhaps be attributed to some unknowing mistakes I made in the beginning and for which I already apologised. This lack of communication has led to less tasks and taken a huge damper on my self confidence. There was once when she even raised her voice at me in front of my other colleagues.

Its been sometime, but now I realise that I start second guessing and get very paranoid and sensitive with regards to the things I do.

I have already begun searching for another job, which in itself is another anxious point. Every no-reply just adds onto the whole demoralisation I already feel.

Recently in the interim, I've been tasked with a project with another colleague by my department head (boss of my boss) and my past experience with my boss has been taking its toll in how I am extremely wary of communicating with my colleague or get very anxious over the smallest of tasks. Just over the past week, I made a small blunder (or maybe a big one) and my self confidence is at an all time low.

Perhaps you could advise me as to how to talk/approach my boss and colleague without fear...

In saying all that, thank you very much for reading my long long story. I am not sure if this is an etiquette question or etc. Even so thank you very much for your time. I do appreciate it most sincerely.

A You have told me about your situation, but nothing about yourself. Let's talk about you. Take a look at yourself. Are your clothes up to date? Do you dress appropriately for work? Do you practice good hygiene? Do you need to have your teeth cleaned? Do you bathe and brush your teeth before going to work? Do you wear a cologne or lotion that is too strong for the office? Do your clothes smell of drying cleaning chemicals? Do you keep your work area tidy? Do you eat smelly food at your desk? At work do you chatter with friends on your cellphone?

Then look at how other people see you. Start by recording a voice message on your answering machine and playing it back. Do you speak too quickly? Or too slowly? Are your messages too long? Do you run words together? Is your tone shrill or abusive? If you're not sure, play the message back to a friend to get another opinion. Perhaps you need to hire a voice coach or be tutored in conversational English.

Next look at the way you communicate with your colleagues. When you have something important to say, do you write an e-mail or do you have a face to face conversation so that you can read how your co-worker responds because you're watching his body language? Also, I would suggest editing your emails before you send them. Often it helps to read them out loud under your breath to hear the flow of the words. If a word, words, or sentence doesn't sound good, rework it. I noticed that you used the word "scheme" incorrectly. Looking up words in a good thesaurus is a good habit to adopt. I use the Oxford American Writer's Thesaurus because it gives examples of different ways the word is used as well as alternative words. The scheme you mention sounds more like a "program" or "project." You might want to get a good book on grammar as well because you could use help in that regard. Try to use less words. Cut out such words as: hope, just, perhaps, and phrases of self-doubt:(or maybe a big one) and "not sure." I do think you could benefit from taking classes or being tutored once a week in conversational grammar and word usage.

Now that you're working on your skills, examine how you communicate. Do you say hello every morning when you walk into the office? When your boss is sporting a new Spring jacket, do you compliment it? Make a plan to befriend one new person every two weeks. Take opportunities to speak up and defend a colleague by saying, "Excuse me, Mr. Peters, but Jane wasn't at that meeting so she didn't have the information." Work at being a team member. Cover for your colleagues and praise their accomplishments.

Now that you have more self-confidence, you can relax. Tell a joke or a funny story. Try it out on a friend first to be sure that it is really humorous. Please don't take the coldness of your colleagues and boss as slights. They know you are there temporarily, which doesn't give them incentive to spend time trying to get to know you. Ask your boss if you can have five minuets of her time. Arrive at the appointed time and tell her that you've enjoyed your experience at the company, but you would like her to email you a memo evaluating your job performance. She has nothing to lose by helping you, and much to gain. Be sure to thank her for her evaluation in as few words as possible. As you said in your question: my long long story. However, you forgot the comma between the two longs: my long, long story. Get yourself a book on grammar, usage, and punctuation. Everyone needs to have one.

Lastly, I am sorry you didn't find any information in my archives at www.NewportManners.com. When you return to my Web site search the archives for business etiquette by typing in "Business." There is a wealth of material there. You can even look under "Relationships," "Dilemmas," and "E-World Etiquette." Thank you for your interesting question and I look forward to hearing from you again. In the meantime, before you apply for that next job I hope you will brush up on your language and writing skills, and do read my archives.

Codes + Conduct: Business: E-World Resume
Q What is the best way to send a resume or if you are at a job fair, do you just hand the resume to the person?

A You would send a resume as an attachment via email. Your email text would serve as a cover note.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Facebook and the Workplace
Q Can I ignore a colleague's invite to friend them on Facebook? I really don't want everyone at work knowing who my friends are and what we do when we hang out. Yet, I don't want to be a bitch and ignore her. Please advise.

A Facebook is like a school playground. The dynamics are much the same, except when someone from your office says, Can I be your friend? Facebook in the work place is different. The consequences of offending or slighting someone by ignoring their friend request are greater with a colleague you see every day at work. Anticipate the ramifications of sharing your personal life with colleagues. But take heart, there are options other than ignoring an unwanted friend request.

Accept the invite to be friends and then use the privacy setting to limit the flow of info between you and your new friend.

Create a "colleagues" list from the friends menu and then add it to your new friend. Then navigate to the privacy setting and use the profile Info section to control what info people can see.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Folding a Letter for Mailing
Q The proper way to fold a letter for mailing?

A It would depend upon the shape of the letter. For instance a rectangular letter sheet might be folded in thirds or just folded in half depending upon the shape and size of the envelope. So size the sheet up with the envelope and figure it out. For instance, if it is card shaped, say, the size of a photograph, then you might not need to fold it at all if the envelope is the same shape and size. If the page is nine by eleven and the envelope is a long rectangle, then you would fold it in thirds: fold the bottom third of the sheet up over the envelope to a width that is slightly smaller than the envelope, then, from the top of the page, fold the letter sheet towards you and down on to the rectangle; thus the sheet becomes a third of its original length. On the other hand, a shorter piece of letterhead might just be doubled, so fold it once and place it in the envelope with the fold at the top. In other words you would fold the sheet to fit the size of the envelope and the fold would be at the top of the envelope when inserted.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Folding Business Letters
Q Folding business letters......


A You would fold a business letter so that the heading appears first as it is unfolded. Depending on the size of the business stationery and the envelope, a regular business sheet would be folded into thirds: bring the bottom edge of the sheet up to cover two-thirds of the sheet, make the crease, fold what was the top third down to meet the fold, and crease again.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Food in the Workplace
Q Food in the workplace do's and dont's?

A Usually offices have codes of conduct for co-workers in the work place. They are based on the facilities that are available to the staff. Often there are refrigerators and mircowaves. Some offices ban workers from eating at their desks. I would have to know more about your particular workplace in order to give you a proper answer. If you go back to my Web site and ask the question again, I will get back to you in a timely fashion.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Codes + Conduct: Business: Foreign Language In the Office
Q In the workplace, is it proper to speak on the phone with personal phone calls, or to speak to another foreign person in the room (who all have command of the english language), in a language other than English when everyone else in the room speaks English only and does not understand what your are saying in your foreign tongue.

A This is a dicey situation. It used to be, "When in Rome do as the Romans do." Nowadays, in the workplace you are apt to find, say, more Spanish speaking people than English speaking. This is the dilemma. However, if the majority of people speak English, then the co-workers should speak the common language out of respect. What some people don't understand is that speaking a foreign language in front of English speaking people is a bit like whispering, it is rude. Why not have a discussion about how to make everyone feel comfortable with the situation? Manners and etiquette are about consideration, compassion and compromise. Perhaps the foreign language speakers would be able to speak to friends and family over the telephone in their native tongue because that might be the only language the other person on the phone speaks, but when conversing with fellow co-workers they would speak English.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Foreign Language Intrusion
Q My supervisor and another co-worker frequently converse in Spanish. There are twelve others in the office that do not speak Spanish. Their laughing, nodding, pointing, and gesturing while speaking Spanish is offending several others. I have approached the Spanish speaking co-worker and stated that the Spanish conversations are being talked about among the others and that I feel left out of the conversations. He stated that he was uncomfortable also, but he's talking to the Supervisor, who enjoys conversing in Spanish. He said he would reply to the Supervisor in English to see if it would stop. It has not stopped. What advice do you have for us?

A Since you have the cooperation of the co-worker, encourage the co-worker to be consistent about speaking English with the supervisor and reward the co-worker by getting a group together to treat the co-worker to lunch. Reward the good behavior. Whenever you go up the ladder in a situation like this, you win.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Foul Mouthed Employee
Q How to handle an employee that uses lots of foul language?

A Why not question him about why he feels that he needs to use foul language. That way you are not criticizing him, you are merely inquiring about his unfortunate habit, which might make him think about why, in fact, he uses foul language. Tell him that you know it is a habit but you find it offensive, especially in the office. Say, "Foul language is not acceptable in the workplace. Please, no more swearing." Try to make him question his behavior until he breaks himself of the habit; you can help him by setting boundaries of behavior by saying loud and clear No Foul Language in the Workplace. Since he is your employee, one would imagine that he would take your questioning him as a definite sign that you are not going to put up with his bad habit for much longer.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Fundraiser: Name Tags
Q My agency is hosting it's first fundraising dinner. Is it proper etiquette to give a corsage and/or boutonniere to the keynote speaker and the Emcee? Please bear in mind they will also receive monogrammed polo shirts as well as a plaque.

A From what you've told me, the event doesn't call for corsages and boutonnieres. As this is a business event (fundraising is business and you don't want to be spending money on such frivolity), you would just have name tags. Name tags and corsages and boutonnieres is too much stuff. Keep it simple. Have the name tags tastefully made up with the first name above the last name and have them worn in the upper right area of the chest.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Funerals
Q What is the best professional action for me to take in reponse to the death of the CFO's father? As Revenue Manager, two steps down from the CFO, should I send flowers or should I attend the funeral?

A It would depend upon your social relationship with the CFO and if you knew his father. If his father was quite elderly, there might be a half empty church if his son's friends don't fill up the spaces. Why don't you ask the CFO's assistant or secretary what to do because he or she would have a better take on whether additional mourners are needed or not. You do not need to send flowers, if you did not know the man; however, a handwritten card or note of condolence would be greatly appreciated by the family.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Getting Along with Co-workers
Q Can you give us some etiquette tips for our office, please? We work at a huge firm and everybody is all over the place because we all seem to come from different backgrounds, which isn't confusing in itself; however, sometimes it is hard to get along with everybody.

A You need to keep in mind the fact that there are boundaries of behavior. Some people know them. Some co-workers who didn't know them pick them up quickly. Sadly, some just don't get it. And they are not necessarily the geeks. There are five basic areas that you need to keep in mind:

Define your own boundaries as to what is acceptable behavior to you and figure out the code of formality; It is either informal, formal, or very formal.

Beware of feeling informal. Don't gossip. Avoid inappropriate chatter. Choose your comrades wisely.

Nurture friendship carefully. Don't make your fellow co-workers your confidents. Remember that when a friendship goes sour, you will still have to see that person many times a day. Be polite to needy co-workers, but don't let them take too much of your time. Be kind to toxic co-workers, but don't spend so much time with them that their bad moods rub off on you like a bad cold: contagious.

Employ tact whenever possible when dealing with co-workers. For instance, if a co-worker has made a mistake, cover for him or her if you can by saying something such as, "You weren't at that meeting."

Expect and accept differences in boundaries. Everyone is coming from a different skill set and background. Try to put yourself in that person's shoes before judging that person.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Gift Etiquette: Refusing a Gift
Q How do I politely refuse a business gift?

A You can say that, "It is policy not to accept business gifts." You don't have to say specifically whose policy, it could just be your own. The word "policy" is what sounds official.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Giving Out Information
Q How do you politely say you can't give out the requested information they are asking for?

A You can say, "I am terribly sorry, but that is privileged information."

Codes + Conduct: Business: Greeting + Meeting: Standing + Shaking Hands
Q I was seated in front of a desk in an interview when a gentleman with the company I was interviewing with entered the room (he was much younger than I); should I have stood to shake his hand?
Thank you.

A If you are a woman and older than the man entering the room, then you would not have had to stand to shake his hand. However, your hand shake should have been clearly strong and swift. If you are a man and older than the man entering the room, you would stand to shake his hand.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Hallway Etiquette
Q What is the proper way to walk in the hallways?

A When walking solo you would keep to the wall so that two people walking together can continue their discussion side by side. Pass on the left but keep to the right. If you are a man, keep the woman on your right as you walk. Step back to allow an older person or a woman to pass first.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Helping Spouse Get a Job
Q I am a department manager and leader at the largest hospital here in town. I am also an elected school board member. My wife is looking for a job. She wants me to use my network and actively promote her as a qualified candidate. Truth is, she would make a great employee. What is the proper etiquette for me in regards to helping her find a job? Thank you! Steve C.

A In my opinion, through word of mouth you would get the word out that your wife is looking for a job. You can do this in a number of ways but the most appropriate way is to entertain those friends of yours whom you think might be in a position to hire her or who might know of a job opening. You can do this through a series of small dinner parties, either at home or in a restaurant, or a combination of both. Or you can have a cocktail party and try to get her in a room with lots of people who can help her. Face time is very important. In order for someone to think to recommend your wife, that person would have to have had a recent pleasant memory of her. There is nothing wrong with networking to get your wife a job; however, it is best to give something in return, such as a meal or drinks. At those occasions, it is perfectly all right for your wife to, say, ask your friend in human resources at the hospital if there are any job openings. Most likely that person will suggest that she sends him her résumé, which she would do immediately and then follow up with a phone call. Ahead of time, your wife can go online to the various organizations to see what jobs need to be filled and respond accordingly. That sounds particularly calculating, but it is all right to do if you are entertaining them in return. For every connection she makes, she would send a thank-you note whether or not the connection ended in her getting a job.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Hold Button
Q A co-worker in our busy office refuses to use the hold button on the phone, instead putting the phone down on the desk top while he looks for paperwork, or worse yet, covers the mouth piece to shout out to the person the phone call is for. Since we cannot convince him that this is not proper office etiquette (even if as he says "no one should be swearing in the next 30 seconds"), can you please advise us how to advise him? Thanks

A Explain that it is more "professional" to use the hold button. Say, "If you don't want your clients to think that you are an ignoramus, then you had better start putting them on hold when you have to keep them waiting."

Codes + Conduct: Business: Holiday Cards
Q Is it improper to insert a business card inside personal Christmas cards to family and close friends?

A In my opinion, one wouldn't insert a business card inside personal Christmas cards to family and close friends. The way to handle that is to send out business Holiday cards that have the name of the company and the address on the envelope and the name of the business and the sender's name on the inside of the card under the printed greeting.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Holiday Office Gift Etiquette
Q What is proper holiday office gift etiquette?

A If gift giving seems to be in the air, usually to bypass the embarrassment of getting a gift from someone you did not get a gift for, the office will handle the situation through the concept of a "Secret Santa." All the employees pick a name from a hat and bring in a gift for that person. There is a cost limit of, say, ten dollars. Another way is to have everyone bring in a wrapped gift worth say, ten dollars, and employees stick their hand into the basket and pull out a gift. However you choose to handle the gift giving, be sure to set these guidelines: set a price limit for gifts; if Secret Santa's are secret, keep the secret; be sure to give adequate advance notice so that nobody feels left out; be sure to set the date, time, and place of the holiday gathering; gift giving just between friends should be done during the lunch break or after hours. If the office isn't budgeted for the holiday party, then, perhaps, there might be a sign up sheet where employees write next to their name, say, "cheese and crackers," "salami," "deviled eggs, "holiday cookies," and "punch."

Codes + Conduct: Business: Interview Etiquette: What Not To Ask
Q In my job I pre-screen candidates for hiring interviews, I am setting up guidelines for questions that should and shouldn't be asked. What questions are considered taboo etiquette-wise?


A Questions that are not only bad manners to ask, but also in some cases highly illegal are:
1. How old are you?
Because the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 protects those forty years of age and older from being discriminated against in favor of younger candidates for the job, interviewers cannot ask a candidate's age.
2. Are you married?
Questions about a candidate's personal life are taboo. Even a question asking about the candidate's title, such as Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mr., and Dr., are deemed inappropriate.
3. Do you have any disability?
Under the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990, employers cannot eliminate anyone from a job because of a physical or mental disability. Nor can a future employer ask the candidate if they have had any past illnesses or operations.
4. Are you a U.S. citizen?
The Immigration and Reform Act of 1966 prohibits potential employees from asking about a candidate's citizenship during the hiring process.
5. Do you practice a religion? If so, which religion do you practice?
Questions about religion are tricky because the employer needs to know if, for instance, the candidate is available holidays and weekends or will religious obligations be a problem with scheduling? On the other hand, employers are required to accommodate the religious beliefs of an employee in regard to flexible scheduling, dress and grooming.
6. What is your race?
Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin.
7. Are you pregnant?
The Pregnancy Discrimination Act states that an employer cannot refuse to hire a woman because she is pregnant or because of pregnancy-related problems, or because of issues that might be uncomfortable for co-workers, clients, and customers.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Interview Etiquette: What Not to Ask
Q In my job I pre-screen candidates for hiring interviews, I am setting up guidelines for questions that should and shouldn't be asked. What questions are considered taboo etiquette-wise?


A Questions that are not only bad manners to ask, but also in some cases highly illegal are:
1. How old are you?
Because the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 protects those forty years of age and older from being discriminated against in favor of younger candidates for the job, interviewers cannot ask a candidate's age.
2. Are you married?
Questions about a candidate's personal life are taboo. Even a question asking about the candidate's title, such as Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mr., and Dr., are deemed inappropriate.
3. Do you have any disability?
Under the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990, employers cannot eliminate anyone from a job because of a physical or mental disability. Nor can a future employer ask the candidate if they have had any past illnesses or operations.
4. Are you a U.S. citizen?
The Immigration and Reform Act of 1966 prohibits potential employees from asking about a candidate's citizenship during the hiring process.
5. Do you practice a religion? If so, which religion do you practice?
Questions about religion are tricky because the employer needs to know if, for instance, the candidate is available holidays and weekends or will religious obligations be a problem with scheduling? On the other hand, employers are required to accommodate the religious beliefs of an employee in regard to flexible scheduling, dress and grooming.
6. What is your race?
Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin.
7. Are you pregnant?
The Pregnancy Discrimination Act states that an employer cannot refuse to hire a woman because she is pregnant or because of pregnancy-related problems, or because of issues that might be uncomfortable for co-workers, clients, and customers.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Interview Thank-You Note
Q Do you have any tips on writing a thank-you note for a job interview?


A A business thank-you note would remind the interviewer of who you are, which job you are applying for, and why you are the best person to do the job. You would describe the job as you see it. You would thank the person for being generous with his or her time. It is not just a thank-you note but it is also a reminder of why you are the best candidate. You would list your contact information and ask the person to get in touch if he or she needs further information or additional recommendations.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Introduction During Meals
Q Is it proper etiquette to introduce yourself at a business function while people are eating?

A It might depend upon the circumstances. If it was a buffet and a person at the function sat down with his plate at the only empty seat and introduced himself to people who were already eating, he would be correct. Since I don't know the circumstances, it is impossible to give you a proper answer. If you would like to return to my Web site and ask the question again with more details, I would be happy to give you my best answer.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Codes + Conduct: Business: Job Interview Etiquette
Q I applied for a job and was told they would call back on Monday afternoon, but they didn't call. It was down to 3, should I call them?

A Give them to the end of the week. Call Friday to find out if you got the job.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Job Interview Guidelines
Q Our organization is looking for interview guidelines for our staff to follow, as well hints for job seekers. Can you help us with this or tell us who can? Thanking you in advance.

A Business Etiquette + Manners: Job Interviews

In setting your intentions for the New Year, is finding a better job at the top of your list? Is up-grading your staff your goal for 2011? Refresh your interviewing skills--whether you're the interviewer or the interviewee--and get the conversation going.

The current trend in interviewing is "other directed." Interviews are focusing more and more on evaluating personality, values, and fit.

Job Seekers: Before you suit-up for that "dream job" interview, do your homework. Workup stories about how you got to this particular stage in your career, research the company on the Web, and, if possible, research the person who is interviewing you to find a connection. Where was she or he educated? Where did they grow up? Most company Web site's have short biographical write-ups, along with a photo of the executive who will be interviewing you, so take advantage of that information and act accordingly. For instance, if he went to URI and you did too, or she grew up in Westerly and you did, too; that might be more important than the length of your resume.

Interviewers: Ask questions that highlight her/his personality and values, to find a good fit. Most importantly--listen.

Do: role model by showing a potential employee how you expect her/him to dress and behave.

Do: begin and conclude every interview with a handshake. That handshake is your first indication as to how you and she/he will get along. Extend your hand vertically towards the applicant with thumb pointing towards the ceiling. The base of both thumbs meet in the angle of the V made by the thumb and first finger. Both of your fascia over adductor pollicis muscles should touch. The shake should be firm and sincere but don't linger. Three seconds--no longer.

Do: be "other directed." Being other directed always works. In other words, you want to say, "Tell me about you." Learn as much as you can about the applicant through asking questions about him/her.

Do: know what you want to be listening for. Listen to his/her stories. Make the conversation be about the interviewee.

Do: try to determine if this is someone you can trust? Is this an employee who will watch your back or mess you up?

Do: look for values. If the interviewee is talking about matters that are irrelevant, your mind will wonder and you'll know she/he is not a good fit.

Do: look for a good fit.

Do: look for personality.

Do: try to find an acquaintance you have in common. Even if it takes awhile, find someone you both know whom you can call and talk to before you hire her/him.

Don't: talk about yourself.

Interviewees
Job hunters, you are probably boning up on the company you're looking to join, but you should also be thinking about how you're going to connect with your employer and fit in with the culture of the work place. Try to talk to an older person that you know who either works, or who has worked for the company, to get a sense of whether or not you'll be considered a good fit.

Do: tell stories about yourself that reveal your personality and values.

Do: try to bring a story about a mistake you once made into the conversation and talk about what you learned from that mistake.

Do: suit-up. Be well groomed and slightly over-dressed. In other words, suit-up a notch because it shows that you have aspirations that you're going up the ladder. For instance, if you usually don't wear a tie to work, wear one. It goes without saying that a tie and jacket along with leather shoes, as opposed to sneakers, are better footwear for interviews. Women, if you don't usually wear a suit to work, suit-up, but don't wear strong or clawing perfume, bare arms, shoulders, or chest, or more than one piece of jewelry.

Do: be prepared to answer questions about your family and how you grew up, and who's important in your life and why you decided to change jobs.

Do: practice asking two good questions: one about the job you are applying for and the other about the company.

Don't: extend your hand first, let the interviewee initiate the handshake. He/she might be germaphobic. You don't want to start off with a negative move.

Don't: shake hard, but shake strong. Be sure your hand isn't damp. If you're prone to moist palms, discreetly wipe your palm on your jacket, skirt, or pants before shaking hands.

Don't: focus on your resume, the interviewer is not going to be concerned about how many jobs you've had. She/he is accessing if you would be a good fit in the company's workplace culture. And is mainly interested in finding out if your personality and values are compatible with those of the company.

Don't: check your watch, cellphone, or Blackberry for the time (or messages), but look for a clue that the meeting is over. If it is a man, he might rise from his seat, walk you to the door, and shake your hand. A woman is more apt to look at her Blackberry and say, "It was good to meet you, but I have a conference call starting in a couple of minutes." and stick out her hand.

Don't: forget to write a handwritten thank-you note to the person who interviewed you, which is why you need to take his card from his/her assistant. In the note, refer to the date of the interview, the job you're applying for, and the personal friend connection he made with you.

Do: call the person whose name you connected with and warn him/her that they might receive a call. You want to do this because you want that common acquaintance to give you the heads up should the interviewer call him.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Letterhead + Signature
Q In sending a letter on letterhead that has your full name, title, phone and email at the top, do you still put your full name and title after your signature?

A It would depend upon the nature of the letter. If this is a business letter and you do not know the recipient, you would sign your full name at the bottom of the letter. If your title is already on the letterhead, you need not repeat information that has already appeared. If it is a letter where you and the recipient are on a first name basis, you would sign your letter with just your first name.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Managing Tardy Employees
Q How to handle chronic staffer lateness? Thanks!

A Business Etiquette: Managing Tardy Employees

'Tis that time of the year in Rhode Island when mornings and mid-afternoons grow darker. That time of year when staffers start staggering into work just a little bit later each morning. At first, everyone thinks, "He must have gotten lucky," and then "Wow, you are the party man, how do you do it?"

Nip it in the bud, manage tardy staffers as soon as you hear buzz that, "Jake wore the same clothes two days in a row." Do not accept "better late than never" from staff. Lateness in the working world is becoming increasing more common. Look at it this way, if an employee is ten minutes late every day, he is essentially getting a free week of vacation time every year.

Do: Send out an e-mail to let employees know the tardiness code of conduct.

Do: State the boundaries again making the consequences of tardiness crystal clear by posting the hours in the common room and bathrooms.

Do: Chat up the tardy staffer to find out his reason for being late. When there is a litany of excuses, such as car trouble, overslept, lost car keys, clothes were at the dry cleaners, traffic, broken alarm clock, power outage, fell asleep on (someone's) couch, stopped for speeding, or ran out of gas, remind him that he will eventually run out of excuses.

Do: Try to work with the employee who has a legitimate excuse, who, perhaps, has unreliable childcare, or a child with asthma who was up all night, or who simply has to rely on unreliable public transportation. Ask her to make up the minutes at the end of the day.

Do: Reward those employees each month who are consistently on time by awarding a small gift certificate for promptness from the local coffee shop, or office coffee cart.

Do: Stick to your boundaries and enforce consequences for tardiness. Explain that in being late the employee is essentially stealing company time. And, we all know that time is money.

Don't make the punishment harsher than the crime. In other words, have employees make up the exact time, don't punish them further by making them serve more time. After all, 'tis the season to be jolly.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Married Co-workers Socialize
Q Is it ethical that only one female in our office invites the young boss (married) to lunch and vice versa two or three times per week? What are the dangers? Should I tell the boss I think this is unethical?

A This is none of your business, unless, of course, you are their supervisor or you are in Human Resources. Nowadays, it is perfectly natural for men and women to be just friends. I suggest that you keep this to yourself and not chatter about this relatonship with your and their co-workers. You will get a bad reputation as a busybody, if you bad mouth co-workers. Don't be a troublemaker. The only one we know for sure who is being unethical here is you.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Meeting Conduct
Q What are some tips for meeting attendees for proper manners, i.e. avoiding rudeness?


A Meeting Conduct

Ladies first.
Do not be late.
Remove your coat and deal with your things before the meeting begins.
Turn off your cellphone.
Do not eat or drink, or even bring food and drink to the meeting.
Do not chew gum.
Do not take off your shoes.
Do not interrupt the person speaking.
Thank when you finish speaking.
Do not blow your nose; leave the room to do so.
Do not put your elbows on the table.
Be an attentive and active listener.
Follow up on whatever you said you would do.
Acknowledge the person who ran the meeting by thanking him or her for bringing up some aspect, but be specific.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Name Tag Etiquette
Q Does it matter which side you wear your name tag?

A When presented with a name tag, check first to be sure that it is actually your name and not a name close to your own. If your name is misspelled, write up a new one. Place the name tag high on the right side of your shoulder where it is the flattest. That way when you extend your right hand to introduce yourself, the person's eyes are drawn to your name tag on your right shoulder as he shakes his right hand with yours.

Not to be confused with name tags, employee name badges are worn on the upper left shoulder.

Business etiquette shows the names in large, bold print in spoken order without any titles or honorifics, such as Ms., Mr., Mrs., Dr., Senator, The Honorable. Generally titles are not used on name tags because the most important information is the wearer's name. For that same reason, the name of the company or organization appears considerably smaller underneath the person's name.

Whatever you do, do not bring your own name tag, no matter how perfectly you think it describes who you are. One of the reasons hosts use name tags is to identify who belongs and who is crashing the event.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Netiquette: Tips for Smiling
Q Don't like the whole smilie thing but want to come across as a cheerful smiling person to friends and co-workers; sometimes I need to remind myself that it's all right to smile. How can I come off as a happy type, without looking foolish?

A Emoticons are over. Overused that is.

To stave off the winter blues, smile more. Even if you're not feeling it. Studies show that smiling--no matter how you really feel--will create a better mood.

When answering any phone:

Do smile because your smile will come through in the tone of your voice and the person calling will be happy he called.

Do smile while closing the phone conversation. Again, even though the caller can't see your smile, the tone will resonate and the person will be pleased that she made the call to you. While ending the conversation with an excuse (you have a conference call coming in), smile while you say good-bye to the caller and he'll know you're telling the truth by the smile-tone in your voice.

Don't say, "Whozze this?" Because it sounds gruff. Get the person to talk by asking questions that get him to reveal information about himself until you figure out which of the guys you talked to last night is calling.

Do say your name when you make a call because not everyone has caller ID. It's frustrating when you're not sure, especially on a fuzzy connection when someone walking down a windy street is calling to ask you to meet him for a drink.

Do smile in person, that's why he kept your number; however, don't show those pearly whites because they could be intimidating.

Don't use smiley faces in a business email or text. Equal your client's professionalism in all emails and texts.

Don't use emoticons because they can seem OTT and you don't want to be copying your 6-year-old's favorite acronym LOL or your 12-year-old's ROTFLHOLCBH, even though it means Rolling On The Floor Laughing Hysterically Out Loud Collecting Bird Feathers. Etiquette is generational and what works for 10-year-olds seems immature when you've got a high school degree.

DON'T USE UPPERCASE LETTERS WHEN WRITING EMAILS OR TEXTS BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING! It looks as though you're angrily screaming at the person you're writing to when you want to be smiling. Use words but not CAPS, unless of course you want to say, SQTM. (Smiling quietly to myself.)

Codes + Conduct: Business: Office Kitchen: Ending Fishlike Smells
Q We are a small mfg company with 12 employees. We provide a kitchen area for the employees to use for lunch time.
There is only one employee that loves to eat fishy foods.
The kitchen smells really bad and it is unpleasant for others to use. What would be the proper way to inform the employee of the complaints and to be considerate of others who use the kitchen for lunch?

A You need to speak with the person who is in charge of employee relations. This is a common complaint that I get from co-workers. In larger companies, it would be the Human Relations people that you would go to, but since you are only 12, you'll have to discuss this with the person who is in charge of hiring and company policy. Set up a meeting with you and possibly at least one other person. Be prepared, have a list of Kitchen Guidelines that you would like to have posted in the kitchen. The list could be a simple as four rules. However, you might think of others. They might include: tidying up, labeling foods that aren't to be shared, discarding old food in the fridge after two days, and NO heating-up foods that create greasy, pungent, or fishlike smells. By adding more than just a fishy smell, you aren't targeting the offender. By saying "fishlike smells," again, you're not just talking fish.

Once you have permission to have the list posted in the kitchen, it is up to the rest of the employees to be on the honor system and monitor one. But, be sure to chide Jake about that old moldy chocolate milk before confronting the fish lover.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Office Romance
Q I'm working in the human resource department at a large company and we're wondering what the rules are for office romance. We've got quite a few out of control couples and people are complaining about them.

A Post this list near all eating areas:

Office Romance is not a Corporate Concept, Please be Advised:

Don't announce your romance on any social media sites.
Don't rant and rave negative feelings of being jilted in public.
Don't make any physical contact in the workplace.
Don't engage in secret kissing, hugging, hand holding.
Don't display romantic emotions.
Don't e-mail Valentines. E-mail is not private.
Don't e-mail unsigned Valentines to co-workers.

Do change your reporting assignment if you're dating the boss.
Do be discreet.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Passing Gas Etiquette
Q What is work place etiquette regarding "passing gas"?

A Passing gas in the workplace is a common problem. More common than you would think. People who do not eat a sufficient amount of raw, fresh fruits and vegetables often have problems with elimination. As you know, if you don't eliminate daily, the food in your stomach rots and gas builds up. Unfortunately passing gas is not easily controlled, nor are hiccups or sneezing. As soon as an employee feels that pressure is building up, he or she should go to the restroom with something to read and just sit on the can until they've eliminated. If an employee has a constant problem, the human resources department at the workplace should be notified and the human resources contact should have a conversation about the employee's health with the employee. Often suggesting that the employee keep a bottle of antacid in his or her desk is enough of a hint to ward off future occurrences. In other situations, it might be suggested that the employee needs to go to make an appointment to see a doctor. An employee who constantly is passing gas has a medical problem. If that employee is constantly emitting gas in the workplace, he or she should be reminded that such behavior is antisocial and put on notice that they are required to see a physician.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Phone Etiquette
Q I have called several business offices (including my own doctor's office) on more than one occasion and got an automated answering service that starts out by saying how "important" my call is and would I please leave my name and number and a brief message and the person I was trying to reach would get back to me "at his or her earliest convenience". Hearing this always makes me feel as if my call is not really that important to them if they're not going to call me back until it's "convenient" for them to do so.

I always thought that the phrase, "earliest convenience", should be used by the caller---"please call me back at your earliest convenience".

Am I wrong?



A You are not wrong. You are absolutely right. It is an overused stalling phrase. It is a phrase that should not be used by the voice responding to the call. A better phrase for the recording would be "as soon as we can." As in, "We will return your call as soon as we can."

Codes + Conduct: Business: Power Breakfast
Q In B school we were told to entertain clients but I don't have that kind of expense account and my wife and I aren't either set up for it or do we have the time. How can I entertain business people?

A The Power Breakfast makes perfect sense for those who are too busy for a lackadaisical lunch - and watching their weight and credit card bills. Who isn't!

Gone are the sublime three-martini-twelve-cigarette lunches of Mad Men's' Don Draper - make way for the Power Breakfast. The work ethic has changed, the boozy power lunch is no longer powerful or appropriate; two hour lunches are too expensive in the age of expense account cuts, and let's be realistic, who has time for lunch? These days lunch is now on the go picked up from franchises, as well as mom and pop bodegas and lunch trucks, or delivered by the fast growing industry of sandwich chains bringing lunch to your corner office or cubicle. The working lunch is newly defined.

The in-trend is breakfast + value = good business, as more and more restaurants take full advantage of their high rent facility by serving breakfast and brunch which are relatively inexpensive to procure and serve to executives on the rise looking to power up with breakfast after an early morning run or workout at the gym. Hence the increase in the power business breakfast, and what's the etiquette here? Is it OK to order steak and eggs with a pecan waffle and a mimosa, or should you be abstaining with half a grapefruit, an egg white omlette with dry toast, and decaf?

Codes + Conduct: Business: Power Breakfast
Q I am co-chairing an event (a park benefit), at which the governor AND his wife will serve as honorary co-chairs. How do I address them on both the invitation/envelope, but also ON the invitation itself? Do I mention his state (most people will be coming from the same state) and do I refer to him as The Honourable?

Honorary co-chairs Governor & Mrs. Rockefeller?
"" Governor Nelson & Mrs. Rockefeller?
"" Governor Nelson & Mrs. Bunny Rockefeller?

Thank you for your kind help regarding this matter.

A On the invitation center these lines:
The Honorary Co-Chairs
The Honorable Governor of New York
and Mrs. Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller
add the other names

The envelope for the invitation to the Governor and his wife would be addressed to:
The Honorable Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller
Governor of the State of New York
and Mrs. Rockefeller
Address goes here

The spoken introduction is either Governor or Governor Rockefeller (and Mrs. Rockefeller).

The formal introduction at the event is: The Governor of New York: Governor Rockefeller of New York

When addressing him in a letter, it would be:
Dear Governor and Mrs. Rockefeller

Codes + Conduct: Business: Power Breakfast/2 of 2
Q Answer continues

A What appeals to executives about the business breakfast is: you can hit the day running powered by exercise and breakfast; you're stimulated with the nourishment of high protein food and fresh ideas you need for a productive day. In other words, you get a lot done earlier in the day for a lot less money. For most of us, the business breakfast makes good sense.

Do invite a business associate or acquaintance to breakfast. Do dress for success - dressing up a notch shows confidence.
Do be the big shot and pick up the check.
Do order heartily first to establish that you're there to eat as well as to talk.
Do keep your napkin in your lap and used utensils on your plate.
Do keep your elbows off the table; this is business.
Do make plans to do breakfast again; then it will be her turn to pick up the check.
Don't be looking for love in all the wrong places; don't flirt.
Don't wave your utensils in the air while you're talking.
Don't lick your hands after you've fingered the bacon.
Don't drink alcohol - even just a Bloody Mary - it's frowned on.
Don't gossip about colleagues. Don't even think of using your Blackberry, except to take meeting notes or fact check.

In a time when making face-to-face conversation has never been more of an issue, meeting over breakfast will serve to speed along negotiations and close the deal sooner. Best places for the Power Breakfast, aside from your neighborhood haunts, up-scale hotels are a safe bet.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Proper Office Etiquette
Q I need a list of proper office etiquette.

A There have been books published on the subject of office etiquette. You are welcome to return to my Web site and click-on Frequently Asked Questions and scroll down through Codes + Conduct to "Business," then scroll further down to Relationships and you'll find more business etiquette. This is the sort of information that you will find more of, illustrated by real situations.

Cubicle office space is not private office space. Here are the Don'ts and the Dos:

Don't burp, slurp, flatulate, or crack chewing gum.
Don't make annoying noises that might interfere with your neighbors concentration, for instance, tapping the metal on your desk.
Don't carry on lengthy conversations with a co-worker.
Don't talk louder than necessary. Most men talk louder on the phone then they do in person.
Don't take off your shoes or socks.
Don't use office hours for personal phone calls.
Don't tend to toenails, fingernails, nose hair, eyebrows.
Don't pop in and out, over and around cubicle boundaries to chitchat with your neighbor.
Don't let your cellphone ring at work.
Don't bring cooked and/or smelly food to eat at your desk.
Don't spray cologne or perfume while at your desk.
Don't forget to tidy your desk and work area before leaving at the end of the day.
Don't listen to iPods or have music on during office hours.
Don't have clothing or toiletries on view.
Don't let the phone keep ringing if you are sitting at your desk.
Don't leave your drips on the toilet seat.

Do keep personal phone calls to a minimum.
Do throw away coffee cups and wrappers when through eating.
Do all personal hygiene at home or in the restroom.
Do turn down the ringer on your cellphone.
Do eat smelly food in the lunch room.
Do keep visits to other cubicles short and to a minimum.
Do respect the limited privacy of your neighbors.
Do not let your phone ring, if you are sitting at your desk.
Do keep memorabilia and photos to a minimum.
Do tidy up your cubicle before going to lunch and leaving for the day.
Do keep your shoes on.
Do tidy up after yourself in the washroom.

General Proper Office Etiquette

No eating smelly foods in your cubicle because the whiff of the smelly food permeates the whole room. Use low-pitched soft voices while on the phone. Cellphone ringers are turned off, but text messaging is allowed. If your neighbors' religion does not celebrate Christmas, don't go overboard with the Christmas decorations. If you play games on your computer, keep the sound off. Do not linger in conversation in front of someone else's cubicle, if the cubicle's occupant is not part of the conversation. Do not wear strong cologne or perfume that might be offensive to your neighbors, but do practice good hygiene so that unpleasant body odor does not exude from your cubicle. A few photos are fine, but keep the cuddle and joke toys at home. Do not light scented candles because the scent might not appeal to everyone. Do not keep shoes that have been worn in your cubicle because even though they don't smell to you, your neighbors can smell them. Do not crack your gum. If you have a sore throat and are coming down with a bad cold or the flu, stay home, if you want your neighbors to respect you and do the same. Place all litter, soiled Kleenex, coffee cups, and food wrappings in the trash as soon as you are done with them. Tidy up your cubicle before leaving for the day. Keep private phone calls to a minimum and don't forget that everyone can hear you.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Putting the Kibosh on Holiday Rudeness
Q People in my office are really edgy during the holidays, and as the boss I'm at a loss as to how to deal with all the rudeness. I need some help in managing my staff. Thank you in advance.

A Putting the Kibosh on Holiday Rudeness In the Working World:
Etiquette Guidelines of Manners for the Boss and Staff

Behind all those "Happy Holidays!" and "Happy New Year!" exchanges, does the Grinch inside of you ever lash out with a rude comment or gesture?

More often than not, incivility has costs far beyond hurt feelings because of its trickle down effects. Recent studies show that, if the boss is sharp-tongued and grumpy (which might be translated as hungover), a staffer's efforting decreases after being the brunt of the boss's rude behavior. That means employees stop putting in that extra effort they might have otherwise extended, work only accordingly to job description, or, worse case scenario, is that a good many staffers slack off.

Recent research by Professor Christine Pearson, published in her book "The Cost of Bad Behavior," (Penguin Portfolio, 2009), found that 9,000 managers and workers surveyed believed that incivility was rampant in their workplace and that most workers left jobs because of continuing incivility. However, they rarely told their supervisor the reason they were leaving. In talking about employers, Professor Pearson said, "It's amazing how many expect their employees to treat customers with respect and how few worry about how their colleagues treat each other." Most importantly, she says, people at the top have to be willing to model civility, discipline those who behave badly and be consistent--that means never letting the superstar get away with bad behavior.

Hints for the boss, department head, supervisor:

Do understand the bottom line: The negative effects of rude behavior in the workplace impact your business.

Do be cheerful: No matter how hungover you are, or how stressed out you are about how you're going to make your alimony payment and also take your new lover to the Bahamas, don't take it out on your colleagues.

Do be willing to model civility: Use the courtesies "please" and "thank you" at every opportunity, and your staff will do the same.

Do treat staffers with the same respect that you expect them to treat your customers.

Don't be grumpy: Because your mood impacts your staff and that effects business.

Don't overreact: Gently reprimand those who act badly and be consistent. In other words, keep to the rules, but don't use harsh language or make threats that nobody will forget.

Don't spread stress: Stress can be catchy like a bad cold. Leave that holiday angst about your kid's expectation for the Xbox360 for your drive home.

Don't forget: Rude behavior has a negative effect in the workplace.

Hints for staff:
Do understand that the boss is as stressed out as you are about those expectations of family members young and old. Just like you, bosses have child-care problems over the holiday vacation and money balancing problems, too.

To all:
Don't be rude to a colleague by ignoring a request for help.
Don't be rude by ignoring a colleague you pass in the hall.
Don't be rude by borrowing supplies without asking.
Don't be rude by gossiping about a colleague behind her back.
Don't forget to say "please" and "thank you" whenever you can.

Do be courteous and you will be pleased with the economic impact. After all, everyone this time of year is mindful of their next credit card balance and their end of the year job review.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Receptionist
Q Does the receptionist stand up when a client approaches?

A It would depend upon the nature of the business. Arriving at a private antique or art dealer's office, or a private investor's office, or an etiquette consultant's office, the receptionist would most likely rise to the occasion. However, in a very busy, understaffed office where calls are coming in at a fast clip, that kind of personal attention just might not be possible.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Restaurant Interview
Q What is proper restaurant etiquette in an interview situation?

A If you are a man, you would wait until the interviewer was seated before sitting down. You would not start eating until he or she began eating. You would order the same amount of courses in order to keep pace with the meal. You would keep your napkin in your lap. Never put your elbows on the table or blow your nose at the table. If the interviewer is a woman and you are a man, you would pull out her seat for her to sit down, if the waiter hasn't done that. If she rises from her seat to go to the ladies room or take a call, you would rise with her if you are a man. You would rise when she returns to the table and once again you would seat her. You would not offer to pay for the check. You would pace your eating with that of the interviewer. Do not order a drink, if the interviewer is not drinking, and do not have more than one drink, even if he or she does. Hold the door open and her car door open as well. Be sure to write a handwritten thank-you note for the interview and meal. It goes without saying that you would be well groomed and dressed appropriately for the interview in a well-cut business suit.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Signing Holiday Cards
Q Our company is sending out business Christmas cards and the name of our company is on the front of the card. There is a sentiment on the inside of the card and I would normally sign with the company name but since it has already been printed on the front, I'm not sure how to sign the inside. Any suggestions?

A You would sign your own name inside the card. If your own name is printed inside, you take a pen and make a slash / through your printed last name. When you are on a first name basis, you sign your first name. Recipients like it when a business Christmas card is personalized. Of course, you can have a staff member personalize the cards for you by giving them a sample of what you want copied.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Smelly Fish
Q is it proper to cook fish in an office microwave?

A It is not considerate to your co-workers to cook fish in an office microwave because not everyone loves the smell of fish.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Smelly Office Food
Q How can you ask politely for people to cover their food when using microwave?

A If you write a neat, polite note and post it over the microwave stating that all food must be covered, people will comply. Why not say: Please cover all food to be microwaved. Thank you for your cooperation.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Standing to Greet Senior Executive
Q Should men and women junior executives rise when a senior executive enters the room?

A Yes.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Teaching Respect
Q How do I teach my staff to talk to seniors in a respectful way, i.e. don't call them honey, sweetie....

A You have to sit them down in a smallish room and role play various situations. Lecturing them sounds like mama: it goes in one ear and out the other. Ask them what they think a proper and an improper address might be. Have them learn from one another because that is the only way that you can make an impression without sounding like the geek.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Telephone
Q Often, when I call my husband at work and we have been speaking for a just a few seconds, someone in his office speaks to him and he will reply...I find this rude and interrupting on both his part and the person in the office. What's the proper phone etiquette in this situation?

A He is at work. He is talking to you on company time. Talking to people who walk in while on the phone with you might be considered multitasking. The proper etiquette for multitasking, is for him to say to you, "Honey, I'll have to call you back." Or to the co-worker, "I have to finish up this call; would you, please, come back in ten minutes." Then you would look at your watch and finish up your conversation within the next ten minutes. If you don't have a watch and the person returns and you are still talking, tell your husband that you will finish up later and say good-bye.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Thanking Your Law firm
Q We recently settled a lawsuit after litigation for the last 6 years. How do we properly thank our lawyers for all of their hard work?

A How do you thank your lawyers for their hard work? Pay them on time, tell them how grateful you are, send a basket of goodies for them to take home. That is really enough. They are as happy for you as you are!

Codes + Conduct: Business: Thank-You Note Etiquette: Job Interview
Q I emailed a thank-you note after an interview, do I still have to write a letter? Most people just send an email and I am not sure what is proper etiquette. Please help because I want the job very much!

A If you want the job, you have to write a personalized handwritten note and mail it. Here are tips on writing a thank-you note following a job interview:

Send your thank-you note within twenty-four hours. You can certainly email the interviewer as soon as you get home, but then you have to hand-write a personalized note to let the person know that the position is of interest to you.

Reference the conversation in your thank-you. A good way to keep the interview fresh in your mind is to jot down notes on the back of the person's business card as soon as you leave the interview.

In your thank-you note, emphasize your many strengths. Explain the job description as you understand it and recount the actual conversation you had. Detail why you are the best person for the position.

Reaffirm your interest in the job. However, if you are not interested, tell the interviewer because you never know when you might run into that person again and you don't want to waste his time. Regardless of whether or not you want the job, send a thank-you note.

Keep the thank-you email and the handwritten thank-you note short. Two paragraphs tops. Go for quality over quantity.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Voicemail Etiquette
Q Would like examples of proper etiquette for greeting message for incoming clients in voicemail...

A Is this for the general number or for the individual staff members' voicemail? It is best if the staff members' voicemail states his or her name and the extension number in a very short message:

"Didi Lorillard, etiquette consultant, at extension 401. Please leave a message."

Forget wordy messages because they tend to annoy people who are trying to solve a problem. The exception would be if the staff member is on vacation, then the message would refer the caller to another extension and the name of the person covering for him or her.

"Didi Lorillard, at extension 401, will return on Monday, February 5th, if you need to speak to an etiquette consultant before then, please call Nancy Andrews at extension 404. Otherwise, please leave a message."

Voicemail messages should be very short and never cute. People don't have time to listen to "Have a nice day" or other cute cliches.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Vulgar Behavior
Q One or two co-workers turn lunch room time into a time to tell vulgar jokes or comment on each other's intimate experiences. What's the best way to get them to stop? This is definitely against company policy.

A You ask them politely not talk in such a vulgar way. Say that it feels demeaning to hear them talk that way and ask them to please watch their language and talk. Say it loud and firm. If you have a buddy or two who can speak up to them with you, that would be great. Say that you want to set some silent boundaries about what is appropriate lunch room talk and what isn't. Ask them what they think. Asking them will make them think about their behavior and remember your conversation better. Be consistent and stick to your ground. You really need friends to stand up to them, too.

Codes + Conduct: Business: When a Co-worker Behaves Badly in Uncomfortable Situations
Q I have a co-worker who says the tackiest comments in tough situations.. 2 examples.
A.) My father just lost both of his legs and is coming to visit, Terri says... make sure you keep him away from the stairs.
B.) Another co-worker just got robbed. They stole all her children's Christmas gifts as well as many more items from her house. T erri says... At least you'll have less to clean up.

Terri now cannot understand why people are talking and saying she is socially awkward. How can I explain to Terri what she is saying is RUDE?

A You might think that Terri thinks she is being funny, but it could be a nervous tic disorder. An anxiety tic called a complex phonic tic, or coprolaia, which can also be a rare symptom of other neurological disorders. Or it could simply be that when Terri hears things that are upsetting, she gets nervous and defensive and impulsively reacts in a counterproductive manner because she feels helpless that she cannot solve the problem. Perhaps in her past she experienced or witnessed something horrifying that she's never dealt with or is blocking. Terri needs to be professionally diagnosed.

The best thing to do (the most decent thing to do) is to have a face to face conversation with Terri over coffee or lunch and tell her that her condition is treatable. She might not know that through psychotherapy she could learn how to respond to negativity in a more positive (and compassionate) manner. If you would feel better bringing another co-worker along for support, do so. As I said, this is a solvable problem. With help, she can change her pattern of behavior in a short period of time once she's made aware of it.

I know you're thinking, "easier said than done," but we're here on this earth to help one another. If there is a Human Resources department/person at your company, you could discuss the problem as a professional concern and ask them to talk to Terri about getting help.

Personally, I would be interested in hearing how you handled the problem, should you find the time.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Who Speaks First
Q If I am the office administrator engaged in conversation with my student assistant and one of my faculty enters the front office, should I be the one to offer a greeting or should he?

A The person entering the space would announce their presence and you might respond and introduce the other person.

Codes + Conduct: Business: Who Speaks First?
Q I never know what the protocol is for making an entrance. Upon entering a business office or conference room, who speaks first, the person entering the room or someone who is already in the room? Do I speak first or do I wait to be spoken to?

A The person entering the room speaks first because his arrival announces his presence. Even if people are in the midst of a conversation, the person entering would say, if late, "Excuse me for being late," or introduce one's self," I am Savannah Cowley, the media rep for Squaw Valley." However, on the other hand, if someone enters a room or office and doesn't announce himself, he must be too timid to speak first so make him feel comfortable by saying hello. If you haven't met already, introduce yourself and tell the person where you fit in the organization or what your roll is in the room at that point in time. Unless the person clearly looks like a messenger, refrain from saying "May I help you?" because it could sound condescending, as if you were really saying, "What are you doing here?"

Codes + Conduct: Business: Workplace Gift Giving
Q Is there any etiquette to holiday gift giving in the work place? We're trying to figure out how to handle this. Thank you

A Workplace Gift Giving Guidelines

As funny as that sex toy might be, you don't want your "Secret Santa" gift to your co-worker embarrassing her, or you. Save that tempting "naughty but nice" gift for her bridal shower or birthday. Know the guidelines for keeping the stress out of holiday workplace gift giving:

Learn the tradition: Be proactive, especially if you are the newbie in the office. Find out the drill and save yourself the embarrassment of being teased for brown-nosing the boss by over-giving. Learn the specifics of any form of gift giving: the date and time of the exchange, the cost limit, and to whom you are responsible for providing a gift.

Gift for the boss: Understand the rules, such as knowing that a gift to the boss should be a team effort so that you aren't accused of brown-nosing your supervisor or department head. Avoid appearing to be favor-seeking by giving as a team. For instance, you could all pitch in and send a check to the boss's cherished charity or buy two tickets to his favorite team's next game.

Bosses should gift everyone or nobody--except of course their assistant! Gifts to a personal assistant should cost, at the very least, what the personal assistant makes for one day's work. The best gift, after cash, is a gift card to his or her favored store or restaurant. Bosses, please do not give articles of clothing that your personal assistant might think you want to see her/him wearing.

Do: Initiate a holiday gift giving plan, if there isn't one in place, to avoid any awkwardness of a few staffers exchanging gifts while others watch wondering why they weren't included. Set a date, preferably the last day of work before Christmas, or a day that would be the least intrusive; and a time, perhaps the lunch hour or coffee break.

Two popular forms of workplace giving are: Secret Santa gifts, where staffers put their name in a hat, bowl or basket and then everyone draws a co-worker's name for whom to buy. The cost limit of that gift is agreed upon at the time of the drawing and is usually anywhere from $5 to $20. On the agreed upon date and time, the staffer is surprised by the gift, as well as by learning who their Secret Santa was. The second work place present is to have everyone pitch in and buy a joint gift for the office, which could be a bottled water dispenser, a new coffee maker or microwave, an outdoor picnic table, or plants. Alternatively, you could all go out for lunch and everyone pays for their own meal.

Gift Suggestions of $20 or less:
Paperback book
Box of chocolates
CD or DVD
Small guest soaps
Nuts
Plant
Photo frame
Starbucks gift card
Barnes & Noble gift card
Yoga session gift card
Board game

Understand the rules as they apply to outsiders, because some employers prohibit staffers from receiving gifts from vendors. In many businesses, a gift basket to the whole office is acceptable, when personal gifts are prohibited. Remember that government employees have their own specific gift giving rules, so check before you give a gift to an employee of your city, state, or the US Federal Government.

© 2008 All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact didi@newportmanners.com