Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: "Smart Casual"
Q What does the term smart casual mean?

A "Smart Casual" would mean that you would dress as though you were smart enough to know what to wear to a casual party. You would be well-groomed. If you were a man, your shoes would be shined and you might wear a blazer and khakis but not necessarily a tie and gray flannels. A woman would not wear a dinner suit, but she might wear a flirty dress. Think Ralph Lauren.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Accessories
Q How many accessories should one wear at one time?

A It would depend a great deal on your gender and the occasion. For instance, a dignified gentleman would wear a watch and, perhaps, a wedding band and cufflinks, but that's it. Before a lady walks out the door, she needs to look in the mirror and remove one accessory. Less is more when it comes to accessories for either gender.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: After Five Attire
Q What is after five attire?


A It depends upon the occasion, location, climate, and, possibly, season. When in doubt, a tie and jacket is always appropriate. You can always take off either or both if, once you get to the event, you feel that you are overdressed. It is always safest to go up the ladder in terms of dress code.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Attire Attending Theater in London
Q What is the proper attire for attending a play/musical in London?

A If you are a man, a jacket, tie, and gray flannel pants, with black or brown shoes would be fine. You will notice a lot of people in the audience not wearing ties, but if you are an American visiting London, you should dress nicely.

If you are a woman, you would wear whatever you would wear if you were going out to a moderately expensive restaurant, but be sure to take a warm wrap because those old theaters can be mighty chilly.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Beaus + Baseball Caps
Q We have four grown children who occasionally bring home guests for a visit and a meal at our home. A couple of etiquette issues come to mind involving those dinners and manners. Some of the boys that come home with our girls wear hats (usually baseball caps) in our home. Some have worn them to the table. Second issue is that I was taught not to specifically thank a host for food. We were taught to thank the host for the invitation and good company and make specific compliments for well prepared food items. I was told by my mother that food is a gift of love. The metaphor is that you would not thank your mother for loving you, but you would thank her for specific gifts or deeds. Also help with how to approach the boys about the hats. Thanks!

A Unfortunately, you cannot change the behavior of these young men but you can tell your daughters that their guys have to leave their hats at the door. Be happy that your children want to come home to dinner, spend time with you, and introduce you to their friends. Many parents wish theirs would but don't.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Belt + Suspenders
Q Is is appropriate to wear a belt with suspenders?

A No, wear one or the other. A belt and a pair of suspenders both serve the same purpose, which is to hold up the pants.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Best Play Clothes
Q I need your expert advice. When an invitation states that the attire is "Best Play Clothes," what does that mean? No kidding, the invitation is for a grown-up party.

A "Best Play Clothes" is an au courant term for casual, fun, comfortable clothing. It means tuxedos, ties, and ball gowns are not allowed. Another term that sort of describes the same dress code is "Resort Attire." Play down the jewelry by leaving the diamond necklace in the vault but whimsical jewelry, strappy sandals, sneakers, tee-shirts, jeans, jackets, slacks, shorts, sweaters, flirty skirts would all work. Think childlike primary colors. Your host clearly wants his guests to be relaxed and have fun. There may be games where the guests are divided into teams for tug-of-war and capture the flag or square-dancing. Have fun!

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Black Tie
Q What does black tie mean?

A What does black tie mean for a man or for a woman? For a man, black tie means the dress code requires him to wear a tuxedo. Traditionally, a tuxedo (a dressy well-cut black jacket with matching pants) is worn with a black bow tie, these days one often sees colorful bow ties with matching cummerbunds, but colored shirts and tuxedos are still inappropriate. The cummerbund is a wide satin belt folded facing up that wraps around the waist and fastens in the back, however, if you have a large stomach, it might be more flattering to wear a vest instead. Usually when a young man stops growing it is time to get fitted for his first tuxedo and buy black patent leather shoes and black socks and a white pleated tuxedo shirt. The pleated white shirt will need studs and cuff links but often inexpensive ones will do just fine. Don't be intimidated by an invitations that say "Black Tie" because you do not want to limit your career by not accepting invitation from the big players. A woman would wear a dressy cocktail dress, unless the invitation states that it is a ball, and then she would wear an evening dress or ballgown. Usually, when a woman is unsure of the dress code for a party, she will talk to other women attending and sometimes they'll all agree to wear short or long dresses. More and more women are opting to wear dressy pants with a elegant top instead of a dress to a black-tie party.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Black Tie Affair
Q I've been invited to my first "black tie affair", any tips or suggestions? Thank you.

A You would rent or buy a black tuxedo jacket with matching pants, a black bow tie (either clip or self-tie), a white tuxedo shirt, black shoes, and black socks that are long enough so that your flesh doesn't show when you sit down. You may need studs and cuff links for the tuxedo shirt. To hold up the pants, a black silk cummerbund or braces. Most of all, you would want to be well groomed from head to toe, classic haircut, well shaved, and shined shoes. In winter in the north, you would need a top coat and leather gloves.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Black Tie Optional
Q Does Black Tie Optional require wearing a long dress?

A No, Black Tie Optional does not require you to wear a long dress; however, you might want to wear a flirty cocktail dress or an elegant dinner suit, depending upon your age. Don't forget a pretty evening bag and dressy shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Black Tie Optional
Q Black tie optional

A Black tie optional means that the host would like you to wear evening clothes, but that the man does not necessarily have to wear a tuxedo and the woman does not have to wear a ballgown. The man can, say, wear black on black or a velvet jacket without a tie and the woman can wear a flirty cocktail dress or dinner suit. The host wants you to be creative and wear the festive evening attire of your choice.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Bone Colored Shoes
Q What time of year is it ok to wear bone colored shoes?

A It would depend upon the climate and time of day. In a warm climate, bone is always chic. In colder zones, bone is worn Easter through mid-October.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Boots + Bowties
Q What does a woman wear to a "boots and bowties event?

A To a "boots and bowties" event, she should wear boots with a festive skirt and blouse.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Boutonnieres + Corsages
Q How to place a corsage and boutonniere?

A A man would wear a boutonniere in his left lapel. If it has come from a florist, it will have a pin attached that would pierce the cloth of the lapel and reappear on the other side of the boutonniere. Corsages are usually placed in the same fashion; however, younger women and girls often prefer to wear them on their wrist so that the weight of the corsage doesn't leave a large hole from the pin.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Boys' Semiformal Attire
Q What is semiformal attire for boys?

A It would depend upon the age of the boy, the place where the event is being held, and climate at the time of the event. A navy blue blazer with gray flannel pants (khakis or white pants depending on season and climate), a white collared shirt and plain or stiped tie, a belt and matching leather shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Business Attire: Women
Q What does "Business Attire" mean for a woman (not an inductee) attending a museum induction ceremony on a Sunday at 5:00? There is a "Red Carpet" as the inductees enter.

A You might wear a very good skirt suit that falls just below your knees; your best leather, low or medium heels, a small, chic leather bag, and a cheerful designer scarf around your neck held at the center of your chest with a scarf ring. Since I don't know your age, build, or style, this is a safe, smart way to dress when the code is "Business Attire," and you're going to a museum induction ceremony at 5:00 PM and want to be conservatively stylish.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Business Black
Q What does a dress code of "business black" mean for a design-oriented gala in the evening in Manhattan in December? If a woman wears a black suit, must she wear a black shirt under it (this is popular among some designers, but I find it distasteful on women)?

A Remember that the dress code "Black-tie" instructs male guests to wear a tuxedo with a black bow tie and it is a signal to female guests to dress at the same level. The same goes for "Business Black." The dress code level is stated for men because it is assumed that women are better at picking up on dress codes. "Business black" makes it crystal-clear to a man that he shouldn't wear khakis or jeans. It does not mean that a woman has to wear a black suit. It does mean that she shouldn't wear jeans or a ball gown. A cocktail dress or short dinner skirt suit would be appropriate and it need not be black.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Business Casual
Q My company went to business casual a number of years ago, but now I see more and more of my co-workers dressing up. If we're allowed to dress business casual, why do people dress up when they don't have to? I'm confused.

A What's interesting is that gradually, senior managers have gone back to traditional business attire on most days. Everyone else hasn’t. So it's actually pretty easy to tell who's senior (or aspiring to be senior) and who's not just from looking at the way they're dressed. Business casual started in the early 1990s when the rules were dropped by the new khaki-clad, long- haired millionaires in the Silicon Valley, and then to give the rest of us a head start on the weekend. The reality of it is that total freedom is not allowed. Most companies do not allow jeans but many say khakis and corduroys are fine. Business casual is actually an oxymoron because it lets employees loosen up but still reminds them that they might have to walk into an emergency boardroom meeting on a Friday. Most junior executives keep a good suit or skirtsuit in their office for such occasions. As it turns out, people want some of the guesswork taken out of what to wear. Another trend connected to this is that many or the new working women are bored with dressing down and look for the opportunity to wear jewelry or bright colored shoes with a business suit, even if they have to put them on at the end of the day before leaving work to socialize.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Buttoning Suits
Q Which button(s) do you button on a man's suit?

A Today some suits are made with one button, some with two and some with three. You would only button one button on a one or two-button model. On a three-button model, you could button one or two buttons but it depends on the location. In some three-button suits, the top button is so high up the lapel that you would never button it so the suit is essentially a two-button suit and you would only button one (the middle) button. On other three- button suits, the top button is not as high and you could button two (the top and middle) buttons.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Caps
Q Is it ok to wear a cap inside?


A No, caps need to come off in private homes and restaurants.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Casual Dress
Q What is casual dress?


A "Casual Dress" means you can wear your best jeans or khakis and a jacket. A woman might wear a pretty top with a flirty skirt or jeans and boots or strappy sandals. A man might wear a shirt without a tie, loafers but no socks.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Casual Dressy
Q I am a 56-year-old female, 5'4". What should I wear to an engagement party(7:0p.m.) I was told it is casual dressy (which doesn't tell me anything!). It is in the bride-to-be's parents' home. Lately, I seem to more dressed-up than
everyone else; following the old etiquette rules. Thank you for your help.
Tina


A You know that if that engagement party is today, a Sunday, you would in fact dress down, especially if you were going to a private house. I agree with you about the dress code "casual dressy." Basically what it means is very expensive informal clothing. You would not wear a beaded dress, a dressy dinner skirtsuit, or an evening dress. You could wear an elegant silk blouse or cashmere sweater with a well-cut beautiful knee length skirt or slacks, pretty shoes with a heel and an interesting clutch bag. It is one of those dress codes that says, "Look in the mirror as you're going out the door and take off one accessory." "Casual dressy" has come to mean that less is more and quality of design and fabric are more important than looking dressy. Do wear two good pieces of jewelry, but for instance if you're wearing a gold necklace, don't wear a gaudy belt. You get the picture. Think Ralph Lauren Purple line. Don't worry about thinking that you are more dressed-up than everyone else because getting dressed up for your hosts is a matter of respect. This is the time when you wear that little black dress or that Diane Von Furstenburg wrapdress with the short or three-quarter length sleeves, the strand of pearls, and the strappy heels. It just means no "evening" dresses that show a lot of bare skin or drape to the ground.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Casual Elegant
Q What is casual elegant dress? I am going to a restaurant with my boyfriend and this is the requested dress. I'm not sure how dressy it is. Thank you.

A He wants you to wear an elegant dress. Think little-black-dress-&-pearls, with pretty but simple black shoes and bag. Alternatively, you might wear a cashmere sweater set with a well-cut skirt or pants, also with a string of pearls or pearl earrings. He doesn't want you to overdress but he wants you to be chic. He does not want you to dress bohemian or wear a business or pants suit, no matter how expensive the outfit. Alas, neither does he want you to wear rhinestones and stiletto heels, nor show too much cleavage.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Casual Elegant
Q What does the dress code "casual elegant" require? Would this mean that a jacket is required for men?

A Yes, a man over the age of eighteen would wear a jacket but not necessarily a tie. However, if he is over the age thirty, he would wear a tie or ascot. He might wear good khakis, white or colored trousers, but in summer not necessarily gray flannels. He would wear good brown shoes, but not necessarily socks. He would probably wear a very good collared, long sleeved shirt. He might wear a very good summer suit, white or dark blue, but never seersucker.

Codes + Conduct: Dress code: Christening Dress
Q Didi,

Recently I was asked to be the godmother to my brother's daughter. My sister was asked to be the godmother to his first daughter.

My sister and my brother's wife have both said that it is customary for the godmother to purchase the christening gown for the baby.

I was planning on opening a saving account for the child. However, now that I've been told that I have to purchase the gown, my thoughts are that instead of putting money in an account I will buy the dress. My sister thinks I should do both.

Could you please help!!!!!!



A Nowhere is it written that the godmother buys the Christening dress. It is not carved in stone that every baby has to have her own Christening dresses because usually one dress is passed around and then passed down. The baby only wears it for a couple of hours and traditionally that dress is passed down through the family. Suggest that in these difficult times we all need to be hugely frugal. Therefore, bow to the tradition that the dress is passed from baby to baby and so, as your gift, you want to start a college fund for your niece. It is your money to spend as you please and as you see fit; your sister cannot dictate your gift. Pragmatically, the college fund is fiscally a much wiser Christening present than a dress that will be worn once for a couple of hours---especially when there is already a family Christening dress.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Clubland: Tea Party + Gloves
Q My club is having a tea party. What is the proper etiquette concerning wearing gloves and what to do with the gloves when you take them off after sitting down at the table? We want this to be as proper as possible.

A When you leave your coat in the cloakroom, you might leave your gloves in your coat pockets. If you are not wearing a coat, you would fold your gloves once and place them inside your handbag. You would only wear gloves inside upon entering the club; you would take off your gloves before taking off your coat.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Cocktail Casual
Q What does cocktail casual mean for restaurant dining?

A Cocktail casual means that it is not a formal dinner and that you can come straight from work, if you choose to do so. You can always have a piece of jewlery in your hand bag to put on if you feel you are underdressed. The formality of the restaurant is your cue. If the waiters' uniforms are khaki pants and polo shirts, a gentleman guest would not be expected to wear a tie or jacket and the woman guest would not wear a dinner suit (also called cocktail or theater suit, usually made of satin, velvet or crepe). When in doubt, call the restaurant to ask about the dress code.

If the restaurant requires men to wear jackets, or jackets with ties, the woman would wear a well-cut pant suit, a short dress (but if she's over forty the length should fall slightly below her knees), or in winter a black or gray wool skirt suit. Accessorize with simple earrings, a necklace or a brooch, or hair ornament, but don't wear them all at the same time or you will look like a Christmas tree. My daughters always suggest that I look in the mirror before going out and take off one accessory. When I don't know exactly what to wear, I telephone or email my host/s to RSVP and say that I want to know exactly what they are wearing and then I dress accordingly.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Cocktail Casual vs. Dressy Casual
Q How is "cocktail casual" defined? Is it better to say simply "dressy casual"?

A "Cocktail Casual" means no ties, no socks, possibly not even a jacket. "Dressy Casual" means really expensive designer resort or play clothes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Cocktail Chic
Q I am attending a fundraising evening fashion show and cocktail party in a few weeks and the invitation says attire is "cocktail chic". I would greatly appreciate your advice.

A The hosts want you to dress fashionably. If you are a man, you would wear a dark suit and either a dark shirt without a tie, or a light colored shirt with a tie, along with dark shoes and socks. If you are a woman, you would wear a black cocktail dress that hits just below the knees. Unless you are under forty years of age, then it can be as short as you like. It is polite to wear a dress from a prior collection of one of the designers, if you can, but if not, not to worry. Depending upon the dress and the weather, you can wear black tights and heels. In a couple of weeks, we will be heading into spring and you can wear one of the bright prints or vivid solids. Depending on your build, you can wear one of the wrap-dresses that are so stylish right now. In my opinion, black is always safe and it is ever so "cocktail chic." The hosts don't want you to wear business clothes, but they also don't want you to wear jeans, no matter how expensive. The key here is to look sophisticated and well-groomed. If you have a dressy dinner suit, that would also be appropriate.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Collared Shirts
Q If you wear a collared shirt, which can be connected with buttons with a sweater over the shirt. . . do you keep it buttoned under the sweater, or do you unbutton the collar and leave it over the sweater????

A If there are buttons on the collar, you would keep them buttoned, whether you are wearing a sweater over the shirt or not.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Cool Casual
Q What is the proper attire for a grand opening of a wine and gourmet cheese store? Would dress shoes, jeans, a button-down shirt and sport coat be acceptable?

A When you say "sport coat," if you mean a good quality tweed jacket, yes, that would be fine. If you mean denim jacket, then I would say no. When wearing jeans to a party, no matter how swell the jeans, you would dress-up on top and wear good casual shoes. I am not a huge fan of jeans during the holidays and for parties in general, unless you are going to a barbecue. If you are over forty, you wouldn't wear jeans to a "grand opening." A sports jacket and collared shirt with a tie would be fine with good jeans; you would actually be adhering to the casual cool dress code. Cool casual is appropriate for a gourmet wine and cheese grand opening.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Country Club Casual
Q What does country club casual mean?

A Actually, it would depend upon the time of day or night. During the day a man would not have to wear a tie, jacket or socks. He would, however, be expected to wear a short sleeve shirt with a collar or a "polo shirt." In other words no tee-shirts or "wife beaters" (tank tops). Khaki pants, white or colored trousers, or shorts are fine, but no jeans, seersucker, or big baggy cargo pants. Absolutely no gold chains or earrings on any visible part of the body, and hide those tattoos. The only acceptable jewelry might be a wedding band, a signet ring, and a simple watch. If playing tennis, all white attire most probably will be required. Your swim suit would look like oversized nylon or cotton blend boxer shorts and your penis would not be discernible. At a Sunday invitational luncheon, a gentleman over the age of forty might wear a blue blazer, but not necessarily a tie. For evening parties, blazers or jackets, long summer gray flannels or colored trousers, and a tie are a must (a club tie, if you have it or any summer color combination), if "black tie" is not stated on the invitation. Customarily, ascots are only worn by gentlemen over the age of seventy-five because on younger men they look pretentious.

A woman would dress according to her age and build. After a certain age, some women just don't look comfortable in a bikini. Skirts, shirts, summer dresses, shorts, slacks in linen blends or cotton are appropriate with a blouse, tee shirt or "polo shirt." To enter a country club clubhouse or its cafeteria, snack bar, dining room, or bar, everyone over the age of twelve wears a shirt of some kind; no naked bellies or bare feet allowed; sneakers, sandals, flats, espadrilles, and flip-flops are worn. Jewelry is kept to a minimum but hats and sunglasses are huge. If the invitation does not state "black tie," the dress code would still be a skirt and blouse, slacks and tunic, or a well cut lightweight dress in summer.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Country Club Casual, Florida Style
Q What does it mean: Country Club Casual, Florida Style?

A Think Lily Pulitzer, Ralph Lauren without the hideous logos, Tory Burch, Manuel Canovas. As it is not clear whether you are asking about day wear of party clothes, I am listing a few brands that advertise in fashion magazines. Day wear is mostly skirts and shorts with open, unbuttoned polo shirts and short-sleeved blouses, mostly in linen blends and cottons. You want to wear something that covers you up when you go into the eating areas where cover-ups and shoes are usually required. For evening, gentlemen wear jackets and ties to parties, and women wear tunics over slacks or summer dresses and strapless short dresses in silks, linens and cottons. Men do not have to wear socks; however, shoes need to be polished.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Country Club Casual: Florida Style
Q What does Country Club Casual, Florida Style, for a rehearsal dinner at 7:00 pm mean to wear?

A Unless the invitation calls a Rehearsal Dinner a barbecue or cookout, or mentions that there will be games, you would dress as though you were going to a chic cocktail party: a man would wear a navy blue blazer or summer weight jacket with good quality khaki pants or trousers, a collared shirt, a tie, and polished shoes without socks; a woman would wear a chic cocktail dress, dressy sun-dress, wrap-dress, or silk jacket or tunic with slacks and pretty, strappy sandals. Most private clubs require that men wear ties and jackets for "dinner," so unless otherwise specified, he should dress accordingly. It is better that a man wears a tie because then he at least has the option of taking it off.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Country Club: Teenage Dance
Q What suggestions do you have for my son to wear to his high school baccalaureate service at 5pm followed by a dance at a country club at 7pm? He is at boarding school in VA & this will be Memorial Day weekend.

A Your son should have been or will be given the dress code by his school for commencement. If it isn't given, then it is assumed that he knows to wear a navy blue blazer and good khaki pants or gray flannels, dark socks and polished dark leather shoes. His shirt should have long sleeves and a collar and it would be white or light blue. He would wear a tie with his school colors and a belt that matches the color of his shoes. At the dance, the boys might eventually take off their ties and jackets for dancing, but most country clubs require that all gentlemen wear a tie and jacket in the evening.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Cowboy Hats
Q What are the guidelines regarding a gentleman removing his cap or cowboy hat when meeting/greeting someone? Indoors and outdoors? At a country/western party?

A Unless he is a genuine cowboy who ropes cattle for a living, a gentleman in a cowboy hat takes it off when he is inside and when he meets or greets a woman on the street. At a country/western party, a cowboy hat might be considered part of his costume, like a fireman's helmet or a green beret. Men who dress in expensive cowboy boots and hats and wear suits are not classified as true cowboys so their hat comes off.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dazed + Confused
Q I AM 33 YRS OLD AND HAVE JUST STARTED A NEW JOB. I WANT/NEED TO LOOK PROFESSIONAL, SO I WENT OUT AND PURCHASED SOME NEW ITEMS. THESE ITEMS INCLUDE A GRAY PANT SUIT W/ JACKET, A BLACK PIN-STRIPE SKIRT W/MATCHING JACKET, A DARK TAN PANT SUIT W/ JACKET, AND THEN I ENDED UP GETTING 2 BLACK JACKETS WITH NO SKIRT OR PANTS. I ALSO ENDED UP GETTING A LIGHT CREAM COLORED SKIRT, AN ODD PIN-STRIPED SKIRT, AND AN ALMOST WHITE JACKET. ADD TO THAT DIFFERENT COLORED TANKS TO GO UNDER THE JACKETS. I WAS ALSO GIVEN A PAIR OF PIN-STRIPED PANTS THAT ARE NOT THE SAME AS THE SKIRT/JACKET SET. I ALSO HAVE 2 PAIR OF BLACK DRESS PANTS WITH NO JACKETS, THEY WERE JUST BOUGHT OFF THE RACK AS IS. NOW THE QUESTIONS...DO THE JACKETS NEED TO BE THE SAME COLOR/MATERIAL AS THE PANTS/SKIRTS TO LOOK PROPER? CAN ONE WEAR THE WHITE OR BLACK JACKETS WITH THE ODD PIN-STRIPED PANTS, THE BLACK PANTS, OR THE ODD PIN STRIPED SKIRT THAT I HAVE? WHAT SHOULD I WEAR WITH THE CREAM SKIRT? SHOULD I TAKE BACK THE ITEMS THAT DON'T HAVE MATES? ALSO, I WONDER IF THE COLORED TANKS WILL LOOK OK. I LOVE THE COLORS (RED, BLACK, WHITE, LIGHT PINK, COCOA, TAN, BLUE, LIGHT BLUE, HOT PINK FOR THE DAYS I FEEL A LITTLE ADVENTUROUS, MOSSY GREEN. THEY ALL HAVE A SMALL WIDTH OF SATIN MATERIAL ON THE NECKLINE AND ARE NOT TOO LOW-CUT.), BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOK UNPROFESSIONAL. I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO STILL LOOK SOMEWHAT SEXY THOUGH. ALSO, WHAT COLOR/STYLE OF SHOES SHOULD I WEAR? I HOPE ALL OF THIS MAKES SENSE TO YOU BECAUSE I AM SOOOO CONFUSED.! I'M A COUNTRY GIRL WHO IS GOING INTO A WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD AND I NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP. PLEASE RESPOND AQAP! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!

A My advice to you would be to go to a newsstand and buy some fashion magazines for someone your age and size and look for a "look," that suits you and emulate it. I don't know what you look like, your size, or your age, and I have no idea where you live or what climate. If you live in Florida, I guess your wardrobe is all right but if you live in a big city in the Northeast, you might not wear tank tops to work. To look professional, go to a Ralph Lauren boutique and see what is being sold to young professionals, then go back and look at your wardrobe and see how you can take what you have to make you look like a Ralph Lauren ad. Other good looks for stylish professional young women come from Marc Jacobs and Theory. Forget about trying to look sexy in the work place.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dinner Attire
Q I have recieved a wedding invitation for a 5 pm wedding with "dinner attire". What is "dinner attire"?
Thanks!

A "Dinner Attire" means that the men are expected to wear either a dinner jacket or a lightweight suit and the women are expected to wear a short evening dress or a dressy dinner suit. This is not a "Black tie" wedding, but since it is most likely a seated, candlelit dinner, you would dress-up just the same; however, you wouldn't wear a tuxedo or an evening gown.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dinner Suit
Q I need the proper term for business dinner dress. It isn't black tie but a little more than business dress.


A Perhaps you are looking for the phrase "dinner suit," which is a well-cut jacket with either a matching dress or skirt, usually in a quality fabric, often with decorative buttons on the jacket.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dinner Suit
Q What is the proper form for a dress code where the men wear suits with tie and the ladies cocktail dresses?

A Invitations that dictate a dress code that is not formal are demeaning to the guests because it makes them think that the host doesn't think that they know how to dress. It is one thing if you state a dress code with humor, as in "Creative Black Tie," "Festive Attire," or "No Ties or Socks" for, say, an after-wedding brunch. The style and wording of the invitation itself should tell guests how you want them to dress. For instance, if it is a "barbecue," they won't be expected to wear ties and jackets. If the invitation is inviting them to a "Cocktail Buffet," "Dinner Dance," or "Dinner Reception," you can be assured that guests will know that ties and jackets are expected. Also, the date and times of the party will give guests hints. For instance for a cocktail party after work, it would be expected that most guests are coming straight from the office. Proper dress code etiquette is not being condescending to your guests; it lets them decide from the quality and wording of the invitation that they should wear their best cocktail suit or dress. The ladies' cocktail dress part is trickier because many older women seem to prefer pant suits or dressy tunics with beautiful slacks instead of flirty dresses.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dressing for an Off Broadway Musical
Q What should one wear to an Off Broadway musical?

A To an Off Broadway musical, "anything goes"---just about. That is you might dress as if you were going to an informal cocktail party or with bohemian flair. You will find some people have come straight from work in their well cut business suits and others are more relaxed.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Dressy Casual or Tastefully Dressed
Q What is the proper way to convey the attire for an afternoon (12 noon until five o'clock) 50th wedding anniversary party? We do not want it to be formal but do not want people to show up wearing daisy dukes either.

Is dressy casual or tastefully dressed appropriate?

A In my opinion, the safest dress code to give would be "Jacket and Tie." That way the men can still wear khaki pants and loafers, but they'll have to wear a jacket, a collared shirt, and a tie out of respect for the honorees. If you state that the dress code is ties and jackets, then the women will know that they can't wear bare midriffs, short shorts, or frayed jeans. Don't forget, men can always loosen their ties and take off their jackets if there is dancing. Alternatively, you can just put "Jacket, please," or "Jacket Required," which means, once again, they have to look nice but they can't come in tank tops and cargo pants. Basically, you want the men to walk in with jackets on; if they don't wear a tie or if they take off the tie, it isn't important for an afternoon party. The problem I see with expressions such as "dressy casual" or "tastefully dressed" is that they are subjective. it is still too undefined. Who is to be the arbitrator of "tastefully dressed?" You can have a very dressy top that shows a bulging, tattooed bare midriff. In my opinion, "dressy casual" sounds like an oxymoron; you want guests to be dressy, but also casual? Set the dress code with "Jacket & Tie." Since I don't know how formal the party is, you might want to go back to my website www.newportmanners.com, click-on "Frequently Asked Questions" and look through the "dress codes" for a description that fits the kind of party that you are hosting before making your decision.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Fancy Dress
Q Invited to a gala benefit. Invitation says "fancy dress". How fancy is that for women and men?

A A man would wear a tuxedo and a woman would wear a fancy dress, either an evening dress or a very dressy dinner suit. Your host wants guests to get very dressed up for a glamorous party, so bring out the jewels, dressy evening bag and Manalos.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Finding Your Own Style
Q I want to be perfect in choosing clothes, in colour scheme - and in every design.

A Start by buying several fashion magazines directed to you. As I do not know your gender, age, or size I can't tell you what to do. Go to a large newsstand, the type one finds at an airport, and look for magazines that represent you. Flip through them. Look at the styles. Read the articles. Then when you find a look you like, the magazines will give you the information of where to locate the clothing.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Funeral Attire In Warm Weather
Q Funeral attire for male and female at an April funeral in Palm Springs, California?

A If you are members of the family, you might wear dark suits. The man might wear a dark summer suit, a gray lightweight suit, or a khaki suit, with dark shoes, matching dark socks and a leather belt or suspenders, a good collared shirt, and the tie of your choice. The woman might wear a well-cut, lightweight navy blue, gray, green, blue, or beige skirt-suit, with or without a scarf; or a dress with at least a short sleeve, preferably a coat dress, or a sleeveless dress with a jacket, with or without a hat. Wear minimal jewelry, and simple beige or black bag and low heeled sling-back shoes, which are always comfortable and yet attractive when one is on one's feet for a good part of the day. I always think short, off-white gloves add a touch of elegance to a woman at a funeral, so if you have them you might wear them. Since it might end up being a long day, it would be best if you wore layers so that whether you are in air-conditioned areas or outside at the graveside, you will be comfortable, which is why suits might be the best funeral attire for a man or a woman.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Gaudy Colors
Q This matter is probably a beauty/manners concern rather than one of etiquette. Are strong contrasts of color, other than black with white, in one's dress, a room, or for anything not found in nature, gaudy?

A It is difficult to achieve except for something one-time temporary and deliberate, like party decoration, and then should be used unabashedly. Any strong color and white would be much easier to get right on this basis than two colors. But it has been done well. Look at Manuel Canovas' toiles in burgundy on orange, purple on yellow. Strong color is reappearing in decoration and (more slowly) in dress and is looking fresh, dynamic and welcoming. Don't discount it but be careful with it.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Green Fashion
Q I have a friend that just purchased a new wool jacket and insists that she should keep the 100% wool label on the outside of the arm of the jacket. Is this the new fashion?

A Yes, proudly sporting Green fashion is very popular. One hundred percent wool means there are no synthetic materials in the fabric, and, therefore, it is an environmentally correct jacket which for many of us is a badge of honor.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Half Mask
Q What is "half mask"?

A "Half mask" means that your eyes are hidden. For instance, Zorro wore a black half mask that just covered his eyes. A full mask would cover the nose, and perhaps the forehead, cheeks, and chin.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Hats
Q What is proper hat wearing etiquette?

A Hats can be functional, festive, and fancy. Used primarily to shelter the head from the sun, wind, rain and snow, they are fashioned accordingly. As a matter of respect, men remove their hats when they enter a private home, restaurant, church, private club, theater, airplane and funeral parlor. Women wear hats for many of the same reasons men do but they also use them to accessorize---for instance, at church, a garden party, outdoor sport event, wedding. In choosing a hat you might use these guidelines:

Don't wear a hat with a crown that is too deep for the shape of your head: the crown like your hair style follows the contour of your crown.

Your hat should match or blend with the color of your bag and shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Hats + Caps Indoors
Q So many men today wear hats or caps indoors. Many celerbritiees set the style. Is it still inappropriate for men to wear their hats indoors?

A Men should leave their hats and cap at the door; however, the trend is that caps are cool. I think it is because many young men can't face the fact that their hairlines are receding and they think they are covering it up by wearing a cap. A guy with great hair doesn't wear a cap.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Hats Off + Hats On
Q Proper hat wearing - when not to wear a hat - hats on or off in church?

A A man takes off his hat when he goes inside a church, restaurant, or private home; the exceptions might be public places such as a train station, subway, mall, department store, supermarket, or airport. A woman might leave her hat on in church, in a restaurant and in a private home and club.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: High Tea
Q What do I wear to High Tea?

A Not your Janis Joplin costume. Seriously, it would depend upon the time of year and the weather. A seasonal suit would be perfect and if you wanted to wear a hat, you could. The days of wearing matching shoes and bags and little white kid gloves are behind us, but that would be the look your hostess would be trying to create. A cashmere sweater set with pearls and an A-line skirt and pumps would be appropriate, too. You wouldn't wear the family jewels, but you would be very well groomed.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: How to Wear a College Ring
Q What is the proper way to wear a college ring before and after graduation?

A Customarily, you would wear a college ring on the left ring finger before graduation, with the name of the school facing you. After graduation, switch the ring to the ring finger of the right hand, with the name of the school facing away from you.

Traditionally, most women wear their college ring only until they get married (a college ring looks silly juxtaposed against an engagement ring); men may wear it after they get married, but should be careful that it complements their wedding band (e.g., both are gold).

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Jeans
Q I have been invited to a suite in a sports arena--we will be watching the game--can my husband and I wear jeans with nice shirts and sweaters???

A Yes. Nowadays, jeans are not considered work clothes the way they used to be. In this day and age, the fashion experts say that you can wear nice jeans with good shoes and a top on the red carpet. Carry a nice bag and wear one good piece of jewelry. Your husband might wear a sports jacket and good leather shoes and belt.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Kids + Patent Leather Shoes
Q When can a child wear patent leather shoes? And when are they out of season? Thank You

A Black and red patent leather shoes are worn during the winter months and white, red, pink and light blue patent leather are for spring and summer.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Linen: Seasonal
Q When is it okay to start wearing linen? In the past it has always been Memorial Day to Labor Day. Does that still apply?
I'm going to spend a week, mid-May in NYC, and want opinion on linen pants.

Thanks

A There is nothing finer, more comfortable, and chicer than linen pants on a hot day because they feel cool and they look fresh. Mid-May in NYC is rarely hot. Let's put it this way, by all means wear your linen pants in mid-May, if they are lined. Why not check out the weather in NYC before you pack your bag? The Memorial Day to Labor Day rule is not carved in stone. It really just has to do with the weather and whether your linen pants are lined or not.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Luncheon
Q What should you wear when you are not sure what everyone else is wearing? For example: When you are going out to a luncheon and you are invited as a guest because you are dating someone in their family but have never met them. OR If a friend calls you that you haven't heard or seen in a while and asks you out to lunch to a resturant you've never been to?

A The trick is to figure out the dress code of the restaurant. If you do not know the restaurant, try looking the restaurant up online, or stop by and check out the site in person. If the waiters are dressed in white jackets and there are table cloths on the tables, you would dress up. In other words, if it is a luncheon, you would dress as if you were going to church or to a lunch wedding. Meaning, you would not wear jeans or be showing a lot of skin, unless it is a hot summer day when there is nothing fresher than a cotton summer dress. However, if you are sure the restaurant is air conditioned, then you might want to bring a cotton sweater, pretty jacket or blazer in case you get seated in a cold spot. If you are being treated to lunch, you would dress up.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men
Q Has it now become socially acceptable to button all buttons on a suit coat? I see it happening more and more often these days.

A The custom these days is often to button the two top buttons; less frequently all three. Personally, I prefer to be old-fashioned and button only the middle button.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men + Baseball Caps
Q When do I have to take off my baseball cap? When is it unacceptable?

A In Newport, it is a sign of respect to take off your hat when you enter someone's house or when you are meeting someone in a restaurant. The purpose of a hat is to keep the sun, rain and snow off the head. Often baseball caps are warn 24/7 by young men who are insecure about their receding hairline. Once they accept that hair loss is a part of maturity, they reserve the baseball cap for sunny days.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men + Bracelets
Q Should a male wear gold bracelets(2) and a gold watch on the same arm?

A You are not going to like my answer. I am not a big fan of men wearing jewelry. The exception might be a good watch on a leather strap and silver or gold cuff links. Personally, I think bracelets on men are really tacky.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men + Hats
Q Why is it acceptable, or not acceptable, for a man to wear a cap in church?

A Men do not need to wear hats inside, so it is not acceptable for men to wear hats inside. Hats are to protect the head from the cold, rain, and the heat of the sun. It is customary for men to remove their hats when entering a private home, theater, restaurant, house of worship, etc.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men + Jeans
Q We live in an academic town and our church is rather informal. I have started wearing jeans to mass but my wife says I shouldn't wear jeans to church. Can I wear jeans to church?

A The dress code for jeans is this: If jeans are clean and pressed and can pass for dark blue slacks, then wear them to church. However, older people would feel you were being disrespectful if you wore jeans to a funeral or a holiday service. Here in Newport, jeans (no matter how expensive) are not acceptable attire at any of the private clubs or finer restaurants, and definitely not at church.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men + No Socks
Q We actually received an invitation to a brunch that said in the lower right hand corner: No socks. Do I still wear a tie and jacket or not?

A Sounds like a pretty preppy crowd. Wear a jacket, put a tie in your pocket, shine your shoes, and skip the socks.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Black Tie Encouraged
Q What exactly does "Black Tie Encouraged" require of me at a fundraising ball? I would like to wear a dark business suit with a bow tie. Is this appropriate? Thanks for the help.

A Guests like to know the dress code because most people want to fit in. When in doubt always overdress. When the invitation says, "Black Tie Encouraged" it means that the hosts would prefer that all the men wear tuxedos, but they do not want to deter men from attending just because they don't own a tuxedo and cannot afford to rent one. Many fundraisers include the staff and often many of the people who are being serviced by the nonprofit as guests; they want to encourage their attendance by stating "Black Tie Encouraged," which would allow them to wear attire customary to their culture. If wearing a dark business suit with a bow tie is your lifestyle, then you will fit in.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Business Attire: Flat Front Pants
Q My co-worker and I were just debating something and I thought you might be a good resource. What is your stance re: flat front pants in the workplace on men? Is it inappropriate and too casual, or is this appropriate at this time? He thinks all men should wear pleated front pants in a business setting.



A The easy answer is this: it depends upon where you work. If you are working at Goldman Sachs or White & Case, then you are going into meetings all the time and you need to be prepared during the weekdays---even though many of those workers work into the early morning and on weekends when the dress code is less formal. To be safe keep a best jacket, jacket, tie, shoes and a pair of pleated front pants in your office so that you are never caught off-guard.

The current theory is that if you are ambitious, you dress up, even on casual Fridays, but not on weekends. In other words, if you aspire to your boss's job, then dress like him. If you don't care about becoming top management, you would dress less formally.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Buttons
Q What buttons do I use on a coat with three buttons?

A You would use the middle button.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Cowboy Hats
Q As a grandson of John B. Stetson, I was very interested to read the numerous queries on your Web site about hat eitquette, particularly with regard to western (cowboy) hats. In my experience, most working ranchers (cowboys) have as good, or better manners, than most of the young people I have met recently on Wall Street and none of those that I have known over the years have had to ask if they should remove their hat when meeting a lady (or older gentleman) or entering a building.



A Thank you for clarifying the cowboy and the hat dilemma. I always appreciate input from readers.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Eton Suit
Q What type of socks and shoes should be worn with an Eton suit?

A Black shoes with black socks.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Festive Military Dress
Q I am always amused by civilians who invite military guests with terms such as Military Dress (steel pot or stiff collar?), Highland Evening (walking the dog in the rain or dancing a reel?), and lastly Highland Dress. There are as many forms of Highland as Lowland dress today. Does Highland mean feilidh-mhor, or Tee shirts? Normally I would judge by the nature of the function but that no longer seems to be indicitive.

A Thank you so much for your opinion on festive military dress.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Formal Military Dress
Q I recently read with interest your letter to T&C concerning "Dressing for Dinner". I would add to your extensive list of dress codes; Evening Dress (Marine Corps.), Evening Mess/Blue Mess (ARMY), Dinner Dress (Navy. C.G. & others), Mess Dress/Dress Mess (UK) and now Combat for the occasional "dining in" while in an active war zone (not kidding). All of these are used for "formal" occasions and are fairly well understood as they are codified forms of uniforms but I have always thought it interesting that there are so many terms for what is essentially the same form of dress.



A Thank you for your input.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Hats, Kilts, + Military Dress
Q Dear Didi,

This is not a question but rather a comment from an fan.

I recently read with interest your letter to T&C concerning "Dressing for Dinner". I would add to your extensive list of dress codes; Evening Dress (Marine Corps.), Evening Mess/Blue Mess (ARMY), Dinner Dress (Navy. C.G. & others), Mess Dress/Dress Mess (UK) and now Combat for the occasional "dining in" while in an active war zone (not kidding). All of these are used for "formal" occasions and are fairly well understood as they are codified forms of uniforms, but I have always thought it interesting that there are so many terms for what is essentially the same form of dress.

I am always amused by civilians who invite military guests with terms such as Military Dress (steel pot or stiff collar?), Highland Evening (walking the dog in the rain or dancing a reel?), and lastly Highland Dress. There are as many forms of Highland as Lowland dress today. Does Highland mean feilidh-mhor, or Tee shirts? Normally I would judge by the nature of the function but that no longer seems to be indicitive.

Lastly, as a grandson of John B. Stetson, I was very interested to read the numerous quiries on your Web site about hat eitquette, particularly with regard to western (cowboy) hats. In my experience, most working ranchers (cowboys) have as good, or better manners, than most of the young people I have met recently on Wall Street and none of those that I have known over the years have had to ask if they should remove their hat when meeting a lady (or older gentleman) or entering a building.

Best regards,
Lewis Stetson Allen

A Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate your input. I would welcome any additional suggestions that you might have. As you see, my archives are a learning process for myself and research for my book, Newport Etiquette & Modern Manners. I would love to incorporate your suggestions into my dress code section. Having been to Texas once for a long weekend wedding, I never saw a hat and therefore assumed that the country club set didn't wear hats. I would love to post your suggestons on my site, if that's all right with you?

Most Sincerely,
Didi Lorillard

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Loafers
Q What does it say about a man who wears loafers?

A It shows he has a great sense of style. They are multi-purpose, but usually you would not wear them with a suit.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Pants: Flat or Pleated
Q My co-worker and I have a debate going on about which is better flat front or pleated front pants? What's your opinion?

A I like both flat front and pleated front trousers, but it depends on the man. Flat front pants look great on slim men, but they’re not as flattering on heavy men. I also think flat front looks more hip/youthful. Pleated trousers have a slimming effect, particularly on someone carrying a few extra pounds. Flat front and pleated front trousers are equally dressy/casual. You can buy suits with either and you can buy casual trousers with either. Some men always make a distinction between their white tie trousers (pleated and visible, since they’re not covered by the front of the jacket) and his black tie trousers (flat front and covered by the front of the jacket), although I have no idea whether that’s just a particular distinction or tradition.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Pocket Square
Q What is the proper color pocket square to wear? White or match the color of the tie? And should it not be worn at all with a tuxedo?

A In my opinion, white is the safest way to go. It is so much more difficult to find a colored pocket square that matches your tie. You don't have to wear a pocket square with a tuxedo unless you are anticipating having to mop your brow, in which case the square is better left in a side pocket.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Removing Your Coat
Q Can one remove his coat while at the table?

A You would hang up your coat in the entrance way of a restaurant or in the coat closet of a private house. If your host removes his jacket, then you can remove yours. If your host hasn't removed his jacket and you are uncomfortable, then ask your host or hostess if she or he wouldn't mind if you took off your jacket.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Seersucker Suit
Q I am going to a wedding in Savannah GA. the last week of July. It will be hot and muggy, but the wedding is at 6:30 which is a evening event, even though the sun will still be bright. Is it ok to still wear my Seer Sucker suit??

A In my opinion, seersucker is too informal for an evening wedding. Remember that the South tends to be more formal than the North. You wouldn't wear a seersucker suit to an evening wedding. You will find that most men will be in white linen suits. You need not worry too much about the heat because everything in the South is air-conditioned and no one living in the South would plan an outdoor wedding at the peak of the summer. If you don't want to purchase a linen suit for the occasion, you can wear a linen jacket or a lightweight navy blue blazer with cream colored or white slacks.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Seersucker Suits
Q What's the skinny on seersucker? My son wants to wear a seersucker suit to his prom, which is being held at the country club. We live in Savannah, GA. Would a seersucker suit be appropriate? It is not a black-tie prom.

A A lot of people like seersucker. It’s a uniquely American fabric, very comfortable in the summer and looks great with white bucks and a bright tie. But it’s less formal than a dark suit so people are sometimes confused about when and where to wear it. I think seersucker, like linen, is more appropriate for social events (cocktail parties, outdoor weddings and other celebrations, church) than business events, although you do see seersucker around some offices in the summer. It also depends where you live – a seersucker suit in downtown Atlanta may be perfectly appropriate, whereas on Wall Street, it might be too casual, and in Los Angeles, it might look like an anachronism. The only hard and fast rule is that seersucker is seasonal. No one should wear it in the middle of winter. Wear it after Memorial Day and before Labor Day, although those dates might vary depending on where you live - you might be inclined to wear it earlier or later in the year in a warm climate. I think seersucker probably would be fine for a non-black-tie prom in the South.

I like seersucker suits, but I don’t like seersucker jackets. I don’t know why. Somehow they seem extra frumpy and not pulled together. A seersucker suit can be part of an entire ensemble, with white bucks, a white or blue button-down shirt, a red tie, perhaps even a boater.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Semiformal
Q Could you please define semiformal for a dance in South Texas? Would this include starched jeans with ostrich boots, tie and jacket?

A I would not consider jeans, even starched jeans, appropriate for semiformal. Since I have never been to South Texas, I do not know the dress code. However, I have been to semiformal dinner dances in Houston where gentlemen don't wear jeans to semiformal dances.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Semi-formal
Q Semi-formal dress men?

A Tie and jacket, good trousers (depending on the season: gray flannels, best khakis, linen), shoes and socks would be high enough to cover the bare leg when seated and perhaps held up with garters. The jacket could be a navy blue blazer, either double-breasted or not, but certainly not, say, seersucker. You would wear suspenders or a belt, but not both. You could add a handkerchief in the breast pocket, but not if you are wearing a boutonniere. The color of the shoes might depend upon the season. For instance, in summer bucks with white linen pants and a navy blue blazer are very handsome. In winter, black or dark brown shoes with gray flannels would be more appropriate. It goes without saying, that the belt would be the same color as the shoes. Whether to wear a bow tie or straight tie is often a matter of choice.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Single-Breasted Suits
Q On a single-breasted suit, should one of the buttons be unbuttoned?

A It might depend upon the single-breasted suit. The newer designer suits are especially designed so that the bottom button is left unbuttoned. In certain older traditional designs, only the middle button should be buttoned. In a lot of the designs today, you will find that you have to button the top two buttons.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Steak + Cigars
Q The event is a "Steak & Cigar" dinner night. What do you wear to something like this? It is held at a winery. I'm not sure if you need more information. I was thinking jeans and a short jacket? Please help or refer to correct place to go. Thank you!

A I don't know your gender but assume if it is steak and cigars, it is the "Boys Night Out." Jeans might be fine but gray flannels and cigars always pair well, as do corduroy pants. The jacket might be a sports jacket. Think Ralph Lauren and you will be fine.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Tee Shirts + Button Down Shirts
Q Tee shirts in or out with button-down shirts? Thanks!

A Please, never wear a T-shirt under a button-down shirt. It just looks proletarian.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men: Unbuttoned Last Button
Q Should a man keep the last button of his vest unbuttoned?

A Yes, for comfort of sitting down. When a man sits down, every stitch is doing double duty, therefore you want to relieve that stress on the last button, whether it is a suit jacket, blazer or vest, so that it doesn't eventually pop off.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men's "Cocktail Attire"
Q What is "cocktail attire" for men?

A It would depend upon the climate and your age. A business suit, or a blazer or sports jacket with gray flannels or good khaki pants would be appropriate. You would definitely wear a tie, shine your shoes, and arrive well-groomed. Your socks would need to be high enough so that hairy flesh is not seen should you sit down.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Men's Wake + Funeral Attire
Q What is the appropriate men's clothing for a wake and funeral?

A A man would wear a dark suit with a white collared shirt and a tie of his choice. He would need a dark belt or suspenders, and perhaps cuff links; dark shoes and dark socks, but the socks should be long enough so that the flesh of his legs does not show when the man is seated. If the wake and funeral are in a rural area, the man might wear whatever he would wear if he was a guest at a church wedding. If the man is an usher and is given a carnation to wear on his lapel, he would remove the lapel pocket handkerchief.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Military Ball
Q I'm going to an Army mess ball and I have been told to wear a cocktail dress...what sort of dress would be suitable?

A A cocktail dress is a slightly dressy short dress that falls just above or just above your knees. The "little black dress" is one of those wardrobe staples of most women today and is worn with white pearls and black strappy sandals. Depending upon your body type, the dress could be a short strapless dress with or without spaghetti straps, a wrap dress, or a sheath.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Monograms
Q Are monograms tacky or acceptable? A co-worker wears collared button down shirts with his monogram on his shirt cuff. The shirt cuff is long enough so that his monogram shows with the movement of a hand.

A In general it is tacky to draw attention to one's rank and wealth, which is why most monograms on shirts appear over the left breast hidden by a blazer or jacket. Monogrammed shirts are not as bad as personalized license plates, which are a bit jokey. Even though monogrammed slippers are fine when worn at home because they are slightly jokey, you wouldn't wear them out socially. Equally, cocktail napkins, coasters, and hand towels are fine in your house and perhaps on the door of your car, but don't over do it.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Newport Casual
Q I'm going to a rehearsal dinner in Newport, RI. The invitation says attire is Newport Casual. What would be appropriate to wear?

A In my opinion, "Newport Casual" would mean that the men would be wearing navy blue blazers, probably with brass buttons, but not necessarily because good horn buttons are just as good, if not better. With a blazer, this time of year a man would wear white or off-white, or even a cream or yellow, perhaps even colored pants, say a Nantucket red. A good pair of khaki pants or gray flannels would also be perfect. Of course, you would wear a tie, probably a regimental or nautical tie with a collared long sleeved shirt. Black or dark brown loafers and dark socks would be fine. If you are older, you might neatly fold a white handkerchief into your lapel pocket.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Nude with White Blouse
Q When wearing a white blouse, what color bra is best to wear underneath?

A A flesh colored brassiere would look better under a white blouse because white would show through.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Opera Coat
Q How are opera coats different from regular coats and am I restricted to wear them only to an opera? I just recently saw an opera coat in a magazine and I had never heard of such.

A Men and women wore opera coats as cover-ups in the days before opera houses and theaters had heat. Because the opera coat covered the woman's ball gown or the man's tuxedo, they were either full length or floor length and often were adorned with elegant or dramatic collars made of fur, velvet, or satin. Perhaps the outside of the cloak was elaborately brocade or embroidered or adorned with decorative fasteners. Opera coats can be long capes called cloaks, or have long sleeves and be slightly tailored with padded shoulders. Generally they were not as fitted as a coat because by the third act the heat from the other theater or opera-goers would have sufficiently warmed the air enough so that the opera coat could easily slide off the shoulders and be laid over the back of the chair at which time everyone could then see the colorful lining. Because one wouldn't' want to disrupt the other members of the audience, the opera cape was easy to dislodge from the shoulders and uncoil over the back of the seat, unlike a fitted coat that would be difficult to get out of while seated. No, you are not restricted to wear them only to an opera. Often women wear them over ball gowns or other evening attire. It is much easier to get in and out of a vehicle in an opera coat than when buttoned into a long fitted coat because movement is less restricted.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Semi-Casual Attire
Q Is "semi-casual attire" a good way to suggest the attire for an afternoon garden party to celebrate an engagement? Thanks!

A "Semi-casual Attire" for an engagement garden party means that you want the women to wear nice slacks with a sweater or a skirt with a shirt, but not a dress, and that you want the guys to wear khakis and a buttondown shirt but they need not wear a jacket. However, you don't want anyone to wear jeans.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Semiformal
Q What should I wear to an evening semiformal?


A If you are a man, you might wear a dark suit, dark shoes and socks. If you are a women, depending upon your age and build, you might wear a short strapless dress in a dressy fabric. Alternatively, you might wear a flirty three-quarter length dress with high strappy heels. If you are a woman of a certain age and build, you might wear a dinner suit with dressy buttons. No matter what the dress, you would tote a pretty evening bag and coordinating shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Semiformal Attire
Q I have been invited to a semiformal 50th birthday celebration for a dear friend at a 5 star hotel. What exactly is considered "semiformal" for both men and women?

A "Semiformal" means that the man does not have to wear a tuxedo and the women does not have to wear a ball gown. You would wear whatever you wear to a dinner dance or charity dinner or wedding. The men would wear a dark suit. The women might wear a dinner dress with a matching jacket, a dinner suit, or very dressy slacks and a stunning top, or a cocktail dress. The quality of the fabric and the decorations on the garment would make the outfit semiformal as opposed to informal. The women would carry evening bags and wear appropriate jewelry.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Sleeveless Dresses at Formal Dinner
Q Is it okay to wear a sleeveless dress to a formal dinner during the winter?

A Strapless formal dresses are all the rage this winter so you will be in good company. As for the sleeveless dress, as long as it is in a luxury fabric and doesn't look like a day dress, go ahead and wear it. If you feel self-conscious about your upper arms, wear a dressy jacket or an evening shawl.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Summer Northeast Luncheon: Summer
Q When traveling to a different part of the country, how do you know what is appropriate to wear when? Obviously, there are some "basics" which everyone follows, but (for instance) how does one know if a Lilly Pulitzer dress (which one starts wearing in the South in April or May) is appropriate for a Sunday lunch in New York or the Hamptons or Maine in June?

A Dress codes are tricky. As you know, they largely depend upon the location, occasion and climate. For instance, the dress code at a beach club in Newport, which is located between the Hamptons and Maine, is stylish, but jeans would not be permitted and bare midriffs are not seen. The best thing to do is to text, email, or call a friend who summers, say, in New York, the Hamptons, or Maine and ask for advice. You can start by telling her what you would like to wear and then ask her what she thinks. When I am unsure, I ask the hostess what she is planning on wearing; a good hostess always generously shares the details of her outfit because she sets the dress code when she chooses the occasion and the location. Depending upon your age, in my opinion, you would not wear a Lilly Pulitzer dress in New York City or the Hamptons, if you are over the age of eighteen; in Newport and Maine, I would say twenty-one, unless it is vintage Lilly. If you are twenty-one or older and are comfortable with your body, you might wear, say, a Diane von Furstenberg-style print dress to a luncheon in New York City or the Hamptons. In Maine, you would fit the dress code by wearing a linen sheath or a skirt or slacks and top of good quality cotton or linen. An older women, say, over the age of 50, would fit into the dress code by wearing a tunic with slacks or a dress with short sleeves in either fine linen, cotton, or silk. A white summer suit is always chic at a summer luncheon. As I said, it would depend largely on the occasion. For instance, to a bridal luncheon at a private club or house, when choosing your outfit you would focus on the quality of the fabric and design.

Here is a list of youthful designers, who in my opinion, are worth taking a look at online to get a sense of the style and quality of design, that I think you are looking for either through the individual designer major stores, such as Neiman Marcus, Saks, Bloomingdale's, Bergdorf Goodman, Lord & Taylor, Garnet Hill, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, etc.:

Nanette Lepore
Milly
Rebecca Taylor
Elie Tahari
Marc Jacobs
Theory

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Sunday Chic
Q Dear Didi,

I was really intrigued by your letter in Town & Country listing all the invitation dress codes you have encountered through your wonderful etiquette website. I was fascinated that there could be such an amazing variety and I need your excellent advice regarding an invitation I received recently. What is "Sunday chic"? The invitation is for cocktails and buffet. Thank you for your help.

Perplexed in New York

A Sunday chic usually means nice slacks or skirts and top for the ladies and jackets but no ties for the men. It is more casual than cocktail attire, therefore, you wouldn't wear a little black dress or a dinner suit and not too much jewelry. No gold stiletto Manolos or emerald necklace. Traditionally, Sunday night is always more casual.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Symphony
Q I am going to an afternoon symphony concert. I am not really sure what the proper attire will be like...please help!

A To an afternoon symphony concert, you would wear business attire or business casual, which is the middle attire between formal business wear and street wear. That means that you wouldn't wear jeans, workout clothing, sweat suits, micro-miniskirts, gym socks with leather shoes, underwear as outerwear, any revealing attire such as bare midriffs or wife-beater undershirts, and no flip-flops. Be well-groomed, which means shave and shine your shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Symphony Attire
Q What is appropriate to wear to the symphony - both male & female?

A It might depend if the concert is a black tie benefit, or not. If it is not an opening night or benefit, then both the man and woman would wear what they might wear to a traditional, first class restaurant. Depending on the weather and climate, a man might wear a dark suit, or gray flannels or dress khakis, with a jacket; a collared shirt, a tie, dark shoes and socks. A woman might wear a well-cut skirt suit or a dress with a jacket, in case the hall is air-conditioned. In general, symphony goers tend to get more dressed up in cities such as Washington, D.C., and New York City, than in Boston, Providence, Seattle, and San Francisco.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Synagogue Teenager Attire
Q What is the most casual acceptable attire for Saturday morning synagogue for a teenaged girl?

A The teenage girl would wear either a dress with a coat, a suit, a skirt, blouse, and sweater, or well-cut slacks with a blouse and sweater or jacket. Her arms would be covered, she would not show any bare skin on her chest or legs. Also, she would wear polished, comfortable shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Teenage Girls + Church
Q What should teenage girls wear to church on Sunday mornings?

A Traditionally, a teenage girl might wear a skirt and sweater, tights and shoes or boots, depending upon the weather and season. Nowadays, they tend to wear nice pants, but not jeans. Churches in rural areas are a lot more casual about standards of dress than big city churches, so once again it would depend upon where the teenager lives.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: University Music Recital
Q How do I dress for a university music recital? I am female.

A It would depend upon your age. If you are affiliated with the university or are a guest of one of the musicians, then you would wear business attire or what you would wear to church or place of worship. If you are a student, anything goes. Unless the invitation states "Black Tie," you would assume the event is informal.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Wearing Pearls
Q Are there any rules as to the wearing of pearls? I will be attending an afternoon wedding with an informal reception directly after. I will be wearing a just below the knee, crisp, classic cut, cotton floral dress in a sage green. Will pearls be appropriate?

A Pearls are appropriate with practically any dress. The dressier the dress, the longer the pearls and the more stands worn. For an informal afternoon wedding, one strand of pearls, either graduated or not, might fall as much as six inches from the neck. You might not want to wear pearls as a collar, because that is a tailored look. Since I don't know the decolletage of the dress, it is difficult to say what length.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Western Chic
Q We are invited to an anniversary party beginning at 5:00 p.m., Dinner and Dancing, Attire: Western Chic. What is Western Chic?

A Western Chic always means cowboy boots. Whatever else you wear would reflect your station in life. With jeans and a cowboy hat, you would pass as a cowhand. A jacket and sweller hat, would make you an oilman. A woman could definitely wear a cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots, with whatever else she would wear to an informal party.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Western Hats
Q When should one remove a western-style hat(cowboy hat)?

A A real cowboy rarely takes off his cowboy hat because it is part of his uniform, much as a turban is part of the uniform of men from the Middle East. A man in a sports jacket or suit who wears a western-style hat takes it off when he enters a private house, restaurant, office, etc.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: When to Stop Wearing Velvet
Q What time of year do you stop wearing velvet?


A It would depend upon where you live, how cold it is, and what article of clothing. For instance, velvet evening shoes are comfy for dancing year round. Velvet pants, jackets and skirts can be worn until it is too warm to wear them. People wear cashmere in summer and velvet is considered a luxury fabric, too.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White Dinner Jacket Season
Q What time of the year is it appropriate to wear a white dinner jacket?

A It depends upon the climate where you live. For instance in the South, white dinner jackets are worn year-round. In the North, they are generally worn between Memorial Day and Labor Day because they are lighter in weight.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White in Florida in Winter?
Q May I wear white pants in Florida during the winter months? Thank you.

A Yes, wearing white in Florida anytime of year is appropriate.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White in Winter
Q I live in Florida and was wondering if a white denim jacket is a real break of etiquette in February under the rules of no white unless after Memorial Day and before Labor Day.

A Winter White is very fashionable. The old rule about no white after Labor Day until Memorial Day is a real northern notion. Wearing white depends upon the climate. If I lived in Florida, I would wear white whenever I liked, although maybe not white shoes and bag.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White in Winter
Q Is it OK to wear shoes that are darker than your pants or skirt? For instance, today I'm wearing a pair of winter white corduroys with a white-trimmed brown collared shirt. May I wear brown shoes to match the top? Or should I stick to winter white shoes to match the pants? Thanks.

A Go with the light brown shoes.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White Is the New Black
Q When is it appropriate to wear white in Michigan?

A "Winter White" was a big color this past winter everywhere and many feel that white is the new black. Traditionally, if the weather is warm enough not to wear socks, it is warm enough to wear white.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: White Long-Sleeve Shirts
Q What should men wear under a white long-sleeve shirt?

A Please, don't wear a white tee-shirt or tank top, commonly called "wife beater," because white shows very white through white. It is best not to wear anything underneath a white long-sleeve shirt.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Woman's Divorce Hearing
Q How would a woman dress for a divorce hearing in order to project an image of professionalism and business?

A To attend a divorce hearing, a woman might wear a well-cut black or gray suit or a gray or navy blue coat dress. The length of either would be an inch to an inch and a half below her knees, the taller the woman the longer the length. She would wear flesh-tone pantyhose and a white blouse. No jewelry or hair ornaments; however, if her hair is long, she might wear it up in a French twist. Her shoes would be black with low heels, perfectly simple with a slightly rounded toe and a simple black bag with no adornments of charms or chains. Think Grace Kelly dressed by Talbots.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women + Black Tie
Q What is the best way to ascertain how women should dress for a black tie event, since black tie can mean anything these days, from a cocktail dress to a dinner suit to a ball gown?

A Talk to your host or a close friend of the host to find out what other women are wearing and you will get a feel for the dress code. If your host has requested the men to wear tuxedos, then women guests are expected to dress up. When in doubt overdress for special events in respect for your host. If you have great legs, show them off with a fancy short dress. If you are overweight, a dressy jacket and slacks are fine. However, a long elegant strapless dress always makes a woman feel special.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women + Black Tie
Q When the invitation says Black Tie, does a woman have to wear a long dress or can she wear a short one?

A If the invitation is for a ball, your dress must be long. It does not have to be a ball gown but it should fall well below the knees. I usually find out what the hostess is wearing and dress accordingly. One hostess I know loves to wear a ball gown and diamond necklace to greet guests at the front door of her beautiful mansion, and I know that she wants me to dress up, too, so I do. Otherwise, if you have good legs, show them off. Short dresses can be just as dressy. However, if it is a six o'clock wedding and the bride is wearing a long dress, she probably wants you to wear one, too. Ask her, or someone close to her, what to wear. Even very dressy pants are acceptable at many Black Tie events.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women: Bare Legs + Feet
Q Do you wear hose with open-toed and backless shoes if it is a formal occasion?

A It depends. If you use self-tanner on your legs to give them a bit of shine and color and your feet are pedicured, then you do not have to wear panty hose with open-toed and backless shoes for a formal occasion. However, if your toes are not nicely polished and your legs are flaky and pasty, your look might benefit from wearing sheer panty hose that are a shade darker than your natural tone.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women: Black Shoes With Navy Pant Suit
Q Is it appropriate for a woman to wear black shoes with a dark navy pant suit (for business attire), or must they be navy as well?

A No, you do not have to wear navy shoes with a navy suit. You could wear black, brown, or beige, as well.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women: Handbags
Q Handbags and shoulder bags. Can each type of bag be used with slacks and with a dress/skirt? I'm going to call a handbag, which may be the correct definition anyway, as a short-strap bag held in the hand. A shoulder bag, likewise, would be a long-strap bag placed on the shoulder. Is it ok to pair a handbag with slacks? Conversely, may I use a shoulder bag with a skirt or dress? If so, should the shoulder bag not extend beyond the waist? Some shoulder bags have extra long straps and the "bag" portion is usually small, flat, and square-ish. Is the latter type worn across the body?

To me, a woman's choice of purse either gives her a cumbersome appearance or a look of someone who's got it together; there's no middle ground.

A Yes, but why not include the clutch bag. With slacks use either a clutch or a shoulder bag. It would depend upon the size of the shoulder bag you use with a skirt or dress. For instance, a dressy evening bag on a long chain that hits just below the waist looks great because it swings with you when you walk. Shoulder bags need to be in proportion to the size of the woman. When short women wear large shoulder bags or handbags, they look as if they are being weighed down by the bag. Short women should only wear small, short shoulder bags, small hand bags, and clutches. Medium sized women look best with small to medium size shoulder bags, handbags and clutches. The big bags that are so popular today look great on models because they can carry the bulk with grace, whereas shorter women look over-burdened with a big bag hanging from their shoulder or fist. So, it is not so much about whether a big, long bag is bad or good, it purely depends upon the build of the woman. The taller the woman, the less important the size of the bag. The shorter the woman, the more she needs to be aware of proportions.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women: Kilt Attire
Q Is it considered proper for a woman to dress in a kilt, complete with belt and sporran, knee socks and flashes?

A Yes, it is proper; however, it might depend upon the occasion.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Women: Smart, Dressy + Petite
Q I am short. What type of clothes will suit me which will look smart and dressy?

Cheryl

A A lot would depend upon your build, age, and the event you are attending. For instance, if you have good legs, you would flaunt them. You would stay away from long dresses because they have a tendency to make most women look dowdy. If you have a good figure, you would accentuate the positive. A dressy well-tailored pantsuit on a woman with a good figure will make her look taller. On the other hand, a short, flirty, pale, chiffon cocktail dress with flowers or a wrap dress with a symmetrical print would look great, if you have a good figure. For women over the age of fifty, I am a big fan of the well-tailored dressy dinner suit that falls just below the knees. If you can wear high heels, then go for them. It is not so much about what you wear as how well you wear it and that depends upon the fit. If you are short, then find a well-made outfit of high quality fabric and design and have it fitted to your build. If you cannot find a good tailor, then shop in the petite departments where you will find the clothing of designers who specialize in petite styles, because those designers know that you want to look taller.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Code: Womens' Proper Funeral Attire
Q What is the proper woman's attire for a church funeral starting a 5:00 pm?

A A well cut dark skirt suit is appropriate, as is a coat dress, or any day dress with sleeves. A young woman might where a cashmere sweater set with a skirt and pearls. It is best not to wear anything irksome that might seem disrespectful or which might bring attention to yourself, for instance jingly charm bracelets, low riding pants, or loud colors. Do wear short leather gloves, a hat or scarf, but not all three.

Codes + Conduct: Dress Codes: Gloves + Rings
Q Please forgive me if this is something I overlooked in reading through the page provided. I am curious as to what is appropriate in wearing gloves for any occasion<(wedding or funeral), as far as rings are concerned. I have seen rings worn under as well as outside of the gloved hand and wondered which was appropriate. Thank you.

A In my opinion, one would never wear a ring over a glove. It would be perceived by all as being incredibly tacky. The exception would be if you were going to a costume party dressed as Marilyn Monroe. Only then would you be considered chic. Marilyn Monroe could get away with it. You might not be so lucky.

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