When the first date goes badly what do you do?
I was set up for a same-sex date with a friend of a friend, because he frequently does business in my city. We made a plan to meet after work at his posh hotel. He texted to tell me that my key to his room was at the front desk and to make myself comfortable, order drinks from room service, take a bath and turn on the TV.
I responded that I would meet him in the hotel lobby. He texted that he hoped he would find me relaxing in his bed. Back to him, I said I was waiting at a table in the hotel lobby bar. We had a couple of drinks and cocktail appetizers while chatting amicably before I left to go home.
What are the expectations for a blind date? We both have high-level corporate jobs. We’re not kids. We’ve both been in a serious relationship at one time or another. It was uncivilized of him to think I would take off my suit, tie, and socks before meeting him and shaking hands.
Our mutual friend is pumping me for information about our blind date. He said that his friend really liked me and hoped to see me again. I do like him. However, it was a bad first date. How do I handle it from my end?
–G.W., Chicago, IL
The ball is in your court because you went home instead of going to his room on your first date. Your new friend was not wasting any time getting to the point. He knows he overplayed his hand on your blind date and it sounds as though he is up for round two.
Next time, set your boundaries ahead of time. Don’t meet at his hotel. Be civilized, make a dinner reservation at a smart restaurant for a table for two.
Gay or straight, it is disrespectful to assume sex on the first date — especially a blind first date. If a blind date asked me to wait for him in his hotel room and suggested that I bathe and order a drink before he arrived, I would be humiliated.
You’ve won the respect of your suitor, because you took control in the end.
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