Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 1:00 pm Wedding: Guest: Woman
Q My niece is getting married Sept. 12th, 1 PM, Catholic church, I am not one to wear a dress...can I wear black trouser leg slacks, white V-neck blouse, pink blazer and black heels? What would you suggest instead?

The dinner and reception is at a bar/grill place where they met.

A Your outfit sounds fine as long as the slacks are not a tight fit. Since you aren't one to wear a dress, you should be OK especially if this is the type of outfit that you would wear to church. Personally, I'm not sure about the pink jacket, but if the outfit fits you well and makes you feel good, then it should be fine.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 1:00 pm: Boyfriend's Dad's Wedding
Q Hi Didi
I am going with my boyfriend to his dad's wedding October 1st at 1 pm, and it's my first time meeting his dad's side of the family. I don't know what to wear! Please help.

A Firstly, a one o'clock in the afternoon wedding is not fancy, so you don't have to get too dressed up. Wear a very good dress that falls to your knees with beautiful shoes. You don't even need a cocktail dress, it is more about quality then glitz for an early afternoon wedding. Since I don't know your age, build, coloring or budget, this is a rather general answer. I also don't know your location, are you in the tropics, the Northeast, California? People dress differently in the different areas of the country in terms of climate and dressiness.

Wear a well-made dress with short sleeves made of good quality or a sheath with a little jacket, with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch bag for your lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 1:00 PM: Connecticut: Evening Gown
Q Attending a 1 PM church wedding on July 23rd in CT. Reception is at 6PM at an elegant restaurant on the shore. This is an Italian/Spanish wedding. I am 32 years old and my husband is in the wedding party. I have chosen a full-length evening gown in deep plum, sleeveless, with beaded detail that flows over one shoulder and under one bust line. Would this be inappropriate to wear and if so, what should I wear?

A You might feel I bit silly traipsing around at one o'clock in the afternoon in a beaded evening gown. A short cocktail dress that falls just above your knees would be more suitable for a one o'clock wedding and the reception at the restaurant. Unless the invitation specifically states Black Tie, the dress code is Suits and Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 1:00 pm: Iowa
Q What should I wear to a 1:00 PM wedding in early October located in Iowa. The wedding venue is a lake house. I'm 5'9, blonde, size 6-8. My boyfriend is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tuxedo, so I'm wondering what I should wear? (color, cut, shoes) I don't want to be over-dressed for the affair or under-dressing when I'm next to him... any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you :)

A Firstly, a one o'clock isn't dressy. The wedding party dresses formally, but the guests wear very good quality day clothing. That said, wear a beautiful, well-made day dress with beautiful shoes. Alternatively, in trend is wearing a beautiful blouse with a short skirt that falls just above your knees. Since you don't know if you'll be walking around outside near the lake, wear beautiful flats and carry a small clutch bag. By the way, a one o'clock outdoor wedding is a perfect opportunity to wear a hat.

Color is so personal. If you have blue eyes wear blue, green wear green, or Google Fall Fashion Colors 2011 to find trending colors for this fall that work for you. My two favorite styles for this fall are 1) the short-sleeved day dress that falls just above the knees, 2) a solid color long sleeve blouse with a short black skirt. Both with beautiful flats and small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 1:00 PM: Upstate NY:
Q I am invited to a wedding in June in upstate New York at a Catholic Church in 1:00 pm. The cocktails will be in a hotel at 4:00 pm and subsequent dinner at 5:00 pm. I am 30 years old. I am not sure what to wear. Do I need to change dress between church and dinner? Or is there something I can wear in both places? There is no dressing code on the invitation.

Thank you a lot!

A When there isn't a guess code for the wedding, it usually means Suits and Dresses. You don't need to change dresses. Just a wear a really pretty dress, beautiful shoes and a magnificent hat. Before going to the cocktail and dinner reception, you can leave your hat in your car at hotel.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 10:00 a.m. Wedding
Q What is the appropriate attire at a 10:00 a.m. wedding? Is it the dressiest time?

A No, it is the least dressiest time. You would dress as if you were going to church and a fancy restaurant for brunch afterwards. This means suits or jackets and ties for the men and coat dresses or suits and hats, scarves and gloves for the ladies.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 10:00 AM: Florida in May
Q I have been invited to a 10:00 a.m. wedding in Orlando, FL, in May. The wedding will take place outside with inside reception immediately following. I have a stretch taffeta dress with 3/4 length sleeves. Is this appropriate?

A Taffeta sounds a bit dressy for a morning wedding. Since I haven't seen the dress and you want to wear it, my only advice would be to take it down a bit on the accessories. For instance, wear flats or pumps instead of high heels. No tangle earrings or bangles on the wrists. A hat is always appropriate at a morning wedding and will help to make the dress more morning attire.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 10:00 AM: Hawaii: October
Q Is a brown top and light animal print chiffon skirt appropriate to wear for the guest at a beach wedding in Hawaii in October?

A Sounds perfect to me. Have a great time!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 10:30 AM: Napa Valley
Q I am going to a 10:30 am wedding Saturday, 1/28, near Napa Valley. I have been told by the man I just started seeing that the men are wearing tuxedos and that he is wearing a suit. I have not met his family and I am flying in from VA, nor have I ever been to this part of CA so I am at a loss as to what to wear. I have a little black dress and a 3/4 gold sweater I was thinking about wearing and keeping jewelry to a min. but again at a loss for what type of shoes I would wear or if this dress would be appropriate. The rehearsal dinner is on the Thursday night before the wedding - that is new for me too...Any help, advise you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

A A morning wedding in California is informal. Wear the little black dress to the rehearsal dinner with the sweater, it does get nippy at night in Napa this time of year. I don't track your question with the intake info, so I don't know your age and therefore this is a rather general answer. Wear to the wedding what you would wear to a hip shower or lunch with your friends at a cool restaurant. If you have a thin black leather jacket, wear it over a wrap dress with classic black pumps. Any fine leather jacket paired with a simple dress and classic pumps is very chic and very California. Just so you know, when the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress codes is Suits & Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:00 am Wedding: Grandmother
Q My grandson is being married at 11 am and the ceremony is a casual affair. I have always thought that the grandmother should dress in a solid color dress or gown. I have never gone to a morning wedding and also casual. Is it appropriate for me as the grandmother to wear a floral dress or suit?

A You can wear a floral dress, but I think that a solid dress with sleeves or suit that both fall just below the knees would be more appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:00 AM: California
Q I am going to an 11 am wedding in Orange County, CA in November. This is the first time I am meeting my boyfriend's parents and the first time he is introducing me to his friends. I really want to wear a mid-grey fitted cocktail dress with black heels and dangly earrings, but I feel like I would be overdressed for an 11 am affair. Please help.

A For a morning wedding, a cocktail dress would be way too dressy. Take it down a couple of notches and try to fit in to the nuances of the wedding and your boyfriend's family.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:00 AM: Charleston
Q I am a guest at an 11:00 am Charleston SC (church) wedding at the end of March. I am early 40's and would like to buy something new. What should I purchase?
Thank You,
Kim

A The great thing about buying something new for a morning wedding is that you will get a lot of wear out of whatever you buy. For an 11:00 AM wedding, you would wear either a well-tailored day dress of good quality or a skirt suit, both falling just above your knees, unless you would rather cover your knees.

As you no doubt know, morning weddings are the least dressy, so you would wear what you would normally wear to, say, a formal business meeting or a church service on Easter. In other words, you wouldn't wear a flirty cocktail dress or anything long. Coordinate the color of your shoes and bag with your outfit and you're good to go. Pearls are always appropriate at a wedding, as are a great hat and a pair of kid gloves.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:00 Wedding: 6:00 pm Reception: Cleveland
Q I'm going to a wedding Oct. 1st in Cleveland. I'm not sure what to wear because the ceremony is 11 am in a Catholic church. The reception is an adult reception at 6pm at a country club. I want to wear the same dress for the ceremony and reception. What's appropriate?

A Since I know nothing about you, age, build, coloring, lifestyle, this is a really, really general answer. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then the assumed dress code is Suits & Dresses, or Cocktail Attire.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:30 AM Charlottesville in Winter
Q I am invited to an 11:30 am wedding at the Boar's Head Inn in Charlottesville, VA. What do I wear? I am female, age 47 : )

A For a brunch wedding in winter, a light-weight wool suit would be chic. Alternatively, a day dress with three-quarter length sleeves would be lovely, too. You would stay away from looking as though you were going to a cocktail party when it is really a very nice brunch or lunch celebration.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:30 am Service: Stepmother of the Bride
Q I am the stepmother of an adult daughter getting married for the second time at 11:30 a.m. She is wearing a lovely bridal gown, her father, my husband, is wearing a tuxedo. I have several lovely pretty gowns, solid colors...could I get away with wearing a long gown?? Thanks. The bride does not care if I wear long or short!

A I am sorry but you are not going to like my answer.

Don't wear a long dress to an eleven thirty wedding because you'll look and feel very silly. Most women over forty look incredibly dowdy in long dresses anyway, so why you would wear one when you don't have to is beyond me. As the stepmother of the bride you want to look dignified.

Find yourself a dress with a matching jacket or a very nice tailored suit that falls just below your knees. Since I don't know the date or climate of the wedding I cannot be more specific about what you should wear. However, I do know what you shouldn't wear. You shouldn't wear a long dress to a morning wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:30 AM: Birmingham: Country Club
Q Dear Didi,

I am attending an 11:30 am wedding in Birmingham, Al. The wedding is at an Episcopal church and the reception is at the Birmingham Country Club. Can I wear an almond shell and pants in a soft but not shiny fabric? I would also wear a long sweater or long jacket with heels and small clutch.

Thanks, Beverly

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. A morning wedding isn't dressy. However, when I tried logging on to the Birmingham Country Club (officially called Country Club of Birmingham) in Alabama to look for the dress codes for events, it was for members only. My best guess is that any club that is so private that it doesn't allow non-members to log into their Web site, has been operating formally as a country club for 113 years, and talks about maintaining club "values" on it's only public Web page, is the type of old-fashioned club where you would be expected to wear a proper day dress that falls to the knee to a wedding luncheon reception.

So, no, I wouldn't wear pants, but you can wear a beautiful day dress or an elegant light-weight skirt suit, that falls to the knee, with beautiful shoes and a small clutch. If you want to make a statement, perhaps a lovely hat would be more in keeping with the tone of the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 15-Year-Old-Boy: Maryland: Country Wedding
Q Hello. I am a 15-year-old boy. I'll be attending my cousin's wedding in three weeks. The wedding in at an estate and is a "country" wedding. I'm not sure what to wear. Many people will be wearing tuxes; however many will be wearing jeans. The location is in Maryland. Thanks.

A You wouldn't be expected to wear a tuxedo or a suit, but out of respect for the bride, you would wear a white collared shirt, a jacket or navy blue blazer and dress khakis, along with a tie and leather shoes and belt.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 AM Winter Wedding:
Q I am doing a scripture reading in my best friend's wedding at 2:00 pm. I have a red/rose dress I was planning on wearing; is that too flashy?



A Red is such a great color. Please, do wear red. As it is an early afternoon wedding, you wouldn't wear a flirty cocktail dress. If possible that little red dress should have a short or three-quarter-length sleeve. If it doesn't, wear a pretty cardigan or shawl to cover your arms while you're in the church. Such a great honor!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Alabama in Summer
Q It is a 2:00 pm August wedding in Alabama inside church. Bride and attendants are wearing long dresses and groom and groomsmen are wearing tuxedos. I am the stepmother of the bride. The mother has chosen to wear a platinum short dress. I was told to choose a short dress also but not in any colors of the wedding: black, purple and red. I am a plus-sized 45 y/o woman. What style and color should I wear?

A Wear a navy blue short dress that falls just below your knees. Ideally that dress should have quarter-length sleeves, or at least short sleeves. A sheath would be fine with a matching jacket. If you can't find navy blue, try for a dark but not bright blue, or black. Black is very chic at weddings right now. Be sure that the fabric, no matter which color, is not shiny or has anything thing such as beads or spangles. Beige is another alternative, if you don't like navy blue or black.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Birmingham
Q What does a 55-year-old woman wear to a 2:00 pm wedding in Birmingham, Ala. at an events location, not a church, in March? Is it appropriate to wear coral tailored dress with a coral sweater jacket that hits right below the top of the knee, with taupe shoes?

A That sounds lovely. It is the perfect two o'clock wedding outfit. Have fun!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Formal Wedding
Q Hello Didi,

One of my co-workers is getting married and the invitation says the the wedding is at 2:00 pm and the attire is formal.

What do I wear????

A If you are a woman, you would wear a very good cocktail dress. Don't wear a long dress because you'll feel silly in a long dress at that time of day. If you are a man, sadly, you'll have to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a very dark suit with a white shirt and dark tie and shoes. Try to get away with the dark suit because you'll feel like a head waiter at that time of day in a tuxedo.

What kind of cocktail dress depends upon your age, build, the date, and location. If you've got a good figure and are under 45, you can wear a flirty cocktail dress that falls just above the knees. If you are more mature, then you would wear a skirt suit and dress it up with beautiful shoes and bag and real jewelry. The best thing about a two o'clock wedding is that you can wear a beautiful hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm in Boston
Q I will be attending a church wedding in Boston. The service will commence at 2 p.m. I have bought my twelve-year-old daughter a white dress with large blue floral print and a cardigan, my husband a long sleeve blue shirt with a black tie. I have no idea what to wear or if these outfits are appropriate. I am 5'6", 190 and have red hair with white/ruddy skin tone. Can you please shine some light on this issue for me?

A Your daughter's dress sounds pretty. Your husband will need a jacket, black belt, shoes and socks. I'm not sure about the black tie. If he's wearing dark pants, the black tie should be fine. Ideally, he would wear either a very dark suit with a white shirt and good tie, or grey flannels with a white shirt and a navy blue blazer with a striped tie. Again, black socks, shoes, and belt.

You could wear a dress with three quarter sleeves that falls just below your knees. If the neck of the dress forms a V shape, it will make you look slimmer. A waist will show off your curves, and that's always a good thing. Heels with a bit of height will also elongate your silhouette. Black or navy blue would be good colors for a Boston wedding. Stay away from bold colors and patterns. Be sure your pantyhose are a slightly lighter color than your legs. A small clutch bag and pearl earrings will polish off your look. For a wedding in Boston, you want to look dignified and elegant.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Newport in July
Q I am a guest invited to a 2 pm church wedding in Newport in July. I am in my late fifties, any ideas? I am about a size 12 and I do not want to be too hot...I am from Miami and am sure the protocol there is different. I am only finding fabrics here suitable for winter, cold-for some reason...heavy and dark colors...

A The temperatures in Miami this time of year I assume are in the high 80s to high 90s; in Newport, RI, they range from low 70s to high 80s during the day. If you have such a thing as a linen dress with short sleeves, that would be perfect; or a sheath with a matching jacket. A light-weight skirt suit would be perfect. All would fall just below your knees, or just above your knees depending on the shape of your legs. You certainly wouldn't wear anything longer in the afternoon.

If you're only finding dark colors, go with a navy blue or black and lighten up the darkness with a very pretty chic hat and beautiful shoes. Look on-line for day dresses and outfits in your local department stores. I'm a big fan of Eileen Fisher who does a lot of different styles in linen blends. Remember that we don't have as much air conditioning here in Newport as you do in Miami, so you do want to wear a light outfit. Ice blue and beige always seem elegant and dignified at a wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Outdoor Wedding in October
Q I'm invited to a 2:00 p.m. outside wedding with reception immediately following in October. I am in my mid-50's, size 12-14. What would be the proper dress code? My 31-year-old handicapped son has been invited also. His handicap is being non-verbal; but also he has depth vision problems; what should he wear? Would it be appropriate for him to wear shoes that he wears daily that he is accustomed to?

A For an outdoor two o'clock wedding in October you can wear a skirt that falls just below your knees with a nice sweater twin set and a light-weight jacket, along with pretty shoes that have a sensible heel because, if the soil is damp beneath the grass, high heels could possibly pierce through the turf and make it difficult for you to walk. Alternatively, you could wear a skirt suit or dress with a matching coat or jacket.

Since I don't know where this wedding is taking place, this is a rather general answer.

Your son can wear a jacket with a collared white shirt and tie of his choice. Khaki pants would probably be fine with the shoes that he usually wears.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Outdoor Wedding in October
Q I'm invited to a 2:00 p.m. outside wedding with reception immediately following in October. I am in my mid 50's, size 12-14; what would be the proper dress code. My 31-year-old handicapped son has been invited also. His handicap is being non-verbal, but also he has depth vision problems; what should he wear? Would it be appropriate for him to wear shoes that he wears daily that he is accustomed to?. By the way the wedding is in middle Georgia.

A Hi, I think I just answered this question, but since I want to be sure that you received my answer and I didn't see that the wedding was in Georgia until too late, here is a slightly better version of my answer.

You could wear a skirt suit that falls just below your knees with good jewelry, good leather shoes with sensible heels, and a good, smallish leather bag. If you have a dress with a matching jacket, that would be perfect, too. Alternatively, you would be quite proper wearing a sweater twin set with pearls and a dark A-line skirt that falls just below your knees. I want you to be warm if it is chilly, but I also want you to look dignified. If the weather has been rainy, you would not wear shoes with a high heel because the heels might sink into the ground and throw you off balance.

Your son is the easy one. If he has a nice tweed jacket or navy blue blazer, he could wear either with a collared white shirt and the tie of his choice. Please, don't worry about the shoes. If he is wearing a pair of darkish khaki pants, he can wear whatever shoes make him comfortable. He probably should wear either khaki colored socks, if he wears khakis, or black socks, if the shoes that he usually wears are black. At any rate, his socks should match either the color of his trousers or the color of his shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm Park Wedding
Q Dear Didi,

How should I dress for a 2 pm wedding (Sept.26) in the park? I'm 51 years old, but I look 35. Please help....

Thank you!

A It would depend hugely upon your gender, build and the climate.

If you're a man, for a two o'clock wedding in mid-September a cool, cotton-rich, two-button poplin suit with flat front pants in tan or navy would be fine. Accessorize with dark shoes and dark socks, a white collared button-down long sleeved shirt, and a snappy silk tie.

A woman would wear a lightweight cotton suit or a dress with sleeves that falls just below her knees. She might want to wear flats, if she'll be walking on the grass in the park.

As I said, this is a rather general answer because I don't know the facts. Late September in Arcadia National Park in Maine can be quite chilly, on the other hand, Savannah, Georgia is still quite summery at that time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM Wedding: Charleston
Q My niece's wedding is a 2:00 in an Episcopal church near Charleston. I plan to wear a black sheath dress sleeveless (Micheal Kors) with a (Dolce Gabanna) leopard print elbow- length sleeved jacket. Pearls, black pumps, flesh-colored hose. I wear a size 10 and am 57 years old.
My question is this: are black gloves appropriate? They are unlined and stop short of my elbow .

Mid December

Thanks
Jewell

A Three-quarter-length black gloves would be fine for an early evening wedding, but I fear they would be too sophisticated for Charleston. The great thing about gloves is that you can always take them off and they are easy to carry. You could roll them and put them in your clutch. Why not wear the gloves and if they seem a bit much, take them off? In my opinion, beige kid gloves would be better for daytime. Also, remember that you want your legwear to be a shade lighter than your skin tone to look dressier.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM Wedding: Women Guests
Q I am a 71-year-old female. Can I wear brown slacks,brown small heel shoes and brown floral short cotton jacket to a 2:00 p.m. house wedding?

A Sounds fine to me. If you have a sweet, pretty clutch bag in your drawers, this would be the time to use it for your keys and lipstick. Should you have a one good piece of jewelry, this, also, would be an excellent time to wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm: Covering Up Arms
Q Single 27 y/o female attending a 2 pm outdoor wedding in Nashville mid-late June. Problem is I have rather large arms with markings on them and I am embarrassed to have them exposed. Is there anyway I can cover my arms and still be cool enough in the heat? Reception is to follow also outdoors. Please help

A You can wear a thin bolero (jacket) over a short pencil skirt with beautiful shoes and look perfectly weddingish. To see what I'm talking about, look for the sheer boleros at leeandersen.com. Lee Andersen is known for making beautiful tops that cover the arms: boleros, jackets, and coats. Some are hip, some are festive; on the whole there is a wide selection for most anyone's taste. To keep cool, you might also consider wearing a great hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: Florida: Lakeside
Q My friend is getting married outside if weather permitting in Florida in December at 2:00 in afternoon on the lake at her fiance's family's house. She said keep it simple; I have a light green satin dress which hits the knee area. Is that ok and if so what color shoes and do I wear hose?? I'm 46 yrs old, 5' 7" and 160. She is wearing white and bridesmaids black... so what do I wear??? Please help.

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your choice of a knee-length dress is correct for a two o'clock wedding and green is most certainly a lovely, elegant color. There is a shade of green for everyone and for every complexion, whether it's a pebbled green skirt suit for a morning wedding or a green satin knee-length cocktail for evening. And that's my point, satin is a luxury fabric worn usually in the evening. As I don't know much about you or the wedding, I would say that you should wear a well-tailored day dress or skirt suit with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch bag. As to legwear, for a daytime wedding, wear sheer legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shine to it and nude-colored patent leather shoes to elongate the look of your legs.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: Hat Color
Q I WILL BE ATTENDING A WEDDING IN THE FALL, CHURCH CEREMONY AT 2PM FOLLOWED BY AN EVENING RECEPTION. I HAVE A OLIVE SATIN DRESS WITH ACCESSORIES, I FEEL A BLACK DRESS HAT WOULD BE GOOD, IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO WEAR A BLACK HAT?

A Only because you're consulting an etiquette expert am I answering truthfully. Please, don't use all upper case letters because it looks as though you are screaming. Take it down a notch. A black hat this time of year in summer in Virginia might seem a bit dark, dreary and funereal. I'm a huge fan of hats, but during the day you might want to wear a beige hat if your hair is light, or wear a darker colored hat if your hair is dark, such as dark green, dark blue, dark red. Is a black had acceptable at a two o'clock wedding? In my opinion, you would want to be more cheerful.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: Houston: November
Q Hi, Didi...
I am attending a 2:00 PM (Houston in November) wedding followed by cocktails and then a sit-down dinner at 6:00. I'd like to wear a long black lace skirt with a short-cropped dressy blouse...is this appropriate, as the actual ceremony is at 2:00? I am 59 and 5'7"...Thanks!

A Sounds like a two outfit wedding to me. Wear a well-tailored day dress or skirt suit to the two o'clock wedding ceremony and your long black lace skirt dress blouse with beautiful shoes to the dinner.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm: June
Q Hello,
I am attending a wedding in June at 2:00 P.M. The wedding will be in a church and the reception will be at a dinner club later in the evening. There is no dress code. I am 20- year-old woman. I was wondering if a dark jewel-toned blue chiffon cocktail dress with grey-colored pumps would be appropriate? The dress hits just below the knees and is sleeveless.

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify a dress code, you can assume the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Your blue chiffon cocktail dress sounds stunning and perfect for the dinner reception; however, perhaps a bit too much like a cocktail dress for an early afternoon wedding. If you have a day dress you could wear to the ceremony, you might feel more comfortable saving the cocktail dress for the evening.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: North Carolina in a Catholic Cathedral
Q What is the proper dress for a size 6, middle-aged woman to a 2:00 wedding in a Catholic Cathedral that is followed by a 5:30 reception at a country club? Wedding is taking place in Charlotte,NC

A Wear a dressy, well-make skirt suit of good quality with three-quarter-length sleeves and a low neckline, with beautiful shoes. If you're over sixty, the length should fall just below your knees; otherwise just above your knees. Carry a small clutch bag for your lipstick and keys. A two o'clock wedding is the perfect opportunity to wear a lovely hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: November: Upstate NY
Q I am attending a 2 pm church wedding (with reception to follow - I assume that's 3pm) in Upstate New York in November. I was planning on wearing a cocktail dress but I am not sure if its too formal. There is no dress attire noted in the invitation. Also do I have to wear stockings? It's the daughter of one of the partners in my firm.

A An early afternoon wedding isn't terribly formal. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. You could wear a pebbled tweed knee-length skirt-suit with thin leather gloves and beautiful shoes. As I don't know your age, this is such a general answer, but a jersey knee-length dress with a lovely soft leather jacket would be sophisticated and yet fun for a country wedding. Not having seen the invitation and not knowing the location of the reception, and going by the early afternoon time of two o'clock, I would say that a cocktail dress would be too dressy. Wear a very good quality dress and coat or a beautiful, well-made skirt suit with beautiful shoes and gloves. It's more about the quality of the clothing, than the "dressiness" of the outfit. For comfy legwear, go to Wolford online to find legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone because upstate NY churches can be drafty in November, and good quality legwear really can be comfortable. A department store near you probably stocks quality legwear, but I want you to see the kind of legwear I'm talking about before you go shopping.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: October: Baltimore:
Q Hi Didi,

I'm attending a 2 pm wedding on October 22nd in Baltimore, MD. The ceremony is taking place in a church with the reception to follow soon afterwards in a location nearby. I am 38 years old and am only 5'3" tall. I am clueless as to what I should wear.

Joining me at this affair is my 38 year old husband and 6 year old son, who suffers from Autism Spectrum Disorder (he doesn't like button down shirts), what should they wear as well?

Thanks so much,

Tara

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black tie, or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. As this is an early afternoon wedding, you would wear a really well-made day dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful high heels. Alternatively, you could wear a very good quality skirt-suit. Nothing works better at an early afternoon wedding than a lovely hat, which can be worn with either a short dress or skirt suit. Carry a small clutch for your lipgloss and keys.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 PM: September Outdoors
Q Will be attending a 2:00 outdoor wedding on Sept. 3rd at resort in northern Minnesota, almost to Canada. I am 52 years old, 5'9" and weigh 140. We are good friends of the bride & her family. What would be classy and appropriate for me to wear? What would you suggest for my handsome 53-yr-old husband who is 6'2" and 190 lbs??

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie,you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Because you are friends of the bride's parents, you will want to represent that relationship with the family by dressing up a bit. You would wear either a dress that falls just below your knees with beautiful shoes and a great hat, and your hubby would wear either a lightweight dark suit or a blazer or sports jacket with dress khakis, or flannels, with a white collared shirt, a nice tie, dark shoes, socks, and belt.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00 pm: Virginia in June
Q I am invited to a 2:00 June wedding in Virginia with cocktails at 4:00 and the reception from 5:30 until...
I honestly don't know if I should wear a cocktail dress or something a bit less in and in black, but again not certain. I did see a really great light gray dress but thought it was too close to white. I am a plus size 40+ woman.

A It is always best not to buy a dress for a special occasion, so try to find a dress which give you more wear. Instead of wearing black, why not navy blue or beige, both flattering in their own way. Have the dress, or skirted suit, fitted to your curves to flatter your figure. A well-tailored outfit is always more slimming than anything shapeless. A dress with a long V neckline will elongate your silhouette. To give you a crisp look, be sure that the hem of the dress falls just below your knees and absolutely no longer.

Remember, you can always dress up a simple tailored dress or skirt suit with an elegant hat for the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:00pm Ceremony: Dinner Reception
Q Going to a 2:00 pm wedding in France, the groom said ladies should wear a suit and hat. Does your hat need to match your shoes, etc.? My suit is a light blue grey and I'm thinking about at navy hat. My husband is wearing a dark navy suit. And what about the second outfit for the invite to dinner and dancing? Any guidelines?

A If we're talking about an August wedding, I would say a navy blue hat at two o'clock on a hot afternoon would be heavy looking. I'm all for wearing a hat, but the hat should either be a neutral color, such as nude, that you can match with your shoes, or a blue gray close to the color of your suit. On the other hand, if your suit was navy blue, the navy blue hat would be perfect.

For evening, wear a chic cocktail dress that falls just above your knees, if you're under 50, otherwise, just below your knees and beautiful shoes. If the invitation to the dinner doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code for dinner is Suits and Dresses. However, if I were you, I would check with the host.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:30 pm Formal Garden Wedding in October
Q I am attending a wedding in October. The church service is at 2:30 and the reception is in a tent at a formal garden. The invitation for this wedding is formal but states that women should wear appropriate shoes. Help!! I am at a loss as to what I should wear. I really appreciate any suggestions. By the way, this will be in Illinois.





A Early afternoon garden weddings--no matter how formal the gardens--are rarely formal, so you wouldn't wear a floor- length dress or shoes with high heels.

Even if the reception is in a tent, Illinois will be chilly in October at an outdoor wedding which means that you might want to consider a short dress with a sweater; or if you are older, you might opt for a pretty skirt suit that falls just below the knees. Other alternatives would be a long-sleeved dress that falls just below the knees or a sheath with a matching jacket or coat. By the way, an afternoon wedding is the perfect excuse to wear a wonderful hat that goes with your outfit.

Because you will be walking on either grass or pebbles--and remember most tents are not floored--you would wear beautiful pumps or a low heel. Pumps are very chic these days and you'll be right in style. If the ground is dry from lack of rain, heels should be fine, if they are not too pointy. On the other hand, if the ground is soft from a lot of rain, most heels will sink into the ground which is why your hosts are cautioning you not to wear your stilletos to their garden wedding. Beautiful boots paired with a short dress is the chic look this Fall, so if you can pull it off, do it.

As I don't know your age, build, or style, this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:30 PM October in Princeton
Q I am going to a wedding in Princeton, NJ on October 9. The wedding is at 2:30 in a church and the reception follows at a former estate mansion nearby. I am 57, 5'4, and fit. What should I wear, and what would be an appropriate outfit for my 57-year-old husband? Thanks

A Wear a really nice skirtsuit that falls just below your knees, beautiful shoes, and a small clutch bag. A sheath with matching jacket would be good as well, or a day dress with short or three-quarter-length sleeves. I'm a big fan of hats at weddings, so if you have a chic hat, this is your chance to wear it. You can always leave it in the car during the reception.

Your husband could wear a dark suit or a good blazer with gray flannel pants; a white collared shirt with a good tie and black shoes, socks, and belt.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:30 pm Outdoor Wedding in March
Q Hello, my name is Martha. My mom got invited to a wedding ceremony on March 27, 2010. It is at two thirty and is going to be in a patio outdoors. It is gong to be around two hundred people and just a dessert afterwards. She wants to know what will be the right outfit to wear? She is worried since it is the first American wedding to get invited to attend.

A Your mother should wear a very nice suit, good shoes, and a small leather bag that matches her shoes. Since I don't know where this is taking place, I can't help you with the weight of the suit or alternatives. A well-made dress with a jacket would be nice, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 2:30 pm: Pittsburgh in August
Q I'm invited to a 2:30 wedding - August in Pittsburgh, PA. I've purchased black silk loose fitting pants and a Lee Anderson silk silver jacket. Is that too much for an afternoon wedding?

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear pants and you wouldn't wear silver for an early afternoon wedding in August. A summer skirt suit or summer dress with a beautiful hat would be more daytime and cooler. Yes, it feels a bit too evening-ish and hot. Perhaps, you could wear the silver silk jacket and black pants to the rehearsal dinner the night before. Or if the reception is in the evening, you could wear the Lee Anderson outfit to the dinner.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 20-Year-Old Guet: Wearing a White Dress
Q I am attending my aunt's wedding on November 19th. The wedding starts at 5:30 PM. Her wedding is being held inside a building. I was thinking of wearing a short one shoulder off-white dress with heels and compliment it with gold accessories. I am 20 years old and from Louisiana. Would this be appropriate for this occasion?

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. For a 5:30 pm wedding, you would wear a cocktail dress that falls just above your knee, with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch. You wouldn't wear a white, or off-white, dress because the only one wearing white at the wedding is the bride. So the short answer is no, it isn't appropriate to wear a white dress to another woman's wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 20-Year-Old: 3:00 PM: Minnesota: Strapless Short Dress
Q I am going to my cousin's wedding on December 17th. The wedding is at 3:30 in northern MN. Everything is going to be inside, and the reception is being held at a country club. I am 20 and fair skinned. The dress I have in mind has a black skirt with a white ruffled top, it is strapless and a few inches above my knees. I was wondering if it is appropriate to wear a strapless dress? I would wear a little black shawl to keep my arms covered during the wedding. I am not so sure about the shoes, I was either going to pick strappy black heels or a little pair of black booties that go just past my ankle. Not sure which is more wedding and weather appropriate.

A Just so you know, a three-thirty wedding is not dre ssy. Why not wear a nice, thin black cardigan with your pretty dress to give you a slightly more tailored daytime look? Since I haven't seen either, I would wear the strappy black heels. You could wear the booties if you wore black legwear with the white and black dress. Black booties with a dress with a black skirt would look best with black legwear.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 23-Year-Old Woman: Country Club
Q I'm a 23-year-old female and I will be attending a wedding in September. I am attending as a plus-one and the invitation as well as the website do not actually say the dress code or where the wedding/reception will be held. All I know is it will be at a country club. What should I wear? Help!

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Wear a short cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes. Nude colored patent leather heels are in trend right now. My favorite country club dress is a short pale chiffon with a delicate floral print. Take a small pretty clutch bag for your lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 23-Years-Old: NYC: December: Rehearsal Dinner + Wedding
Q This is a time-sensitive question, please. For a wedding this weekend (12/3), my 23-yr-old niece will be in NYC for a 6 PM black-tie wedding. Her boyfriend is a cousin of the groom, and she will meet the whole family there. They are conservative (but not Orthodox) Jews; however the wedding is not to be in a synagogue; both the wedding and reception will be at a midtown hotel at CPS.

She has several not-too-short LBDs to choose from, but wonders about coat/wrap and shoes. She wants to wear sheer black hose, which rules out peep toe or strappy heels. Any particular suggestions, beyond basic dressy pumps? And any colors beside black that you would under such conditions recommend? Also, is her simple, black wool, portrait-collar coat sufficient for this event? And how much and what sort of jewelry will be appropriate? She is by nature a conservative dresser, and thinks a simple strand of pearls will do. Your thoughts, plse?

Also, she is invited to rehearsal dinner, the dress code for which she understands to be business attire. She plans to wear a black matte jersey wrap dress, black tights, and black patent pumps. Will this be appropriate?

Any other suggestions/observations are most welcome! She is quite nervous to meet the family and wants to make a good impression.

A In my opinion, for the wedding I would rather see your niece in shiny legwear a shade lighter than her skin tone than sheer black. Peep toes aren't really appropriate for NYC in December. I would love to see her wearing either red or nude colored patent leather heels. A simple black wool coat is sufficient; however, to give her a more contemporary look, she could wear a fine black leather tailored jacket. Sticking with the black wool coat for both nights, she should wear short, thin black leather gloves to polish off the look. As to jewelry, it depends upon the dress and how she wears her hair. For instance she probably wouldn't wear a necklace with a one-shoulder dress. The look right now is in a long, delicate gold chain link necklace with small discs. Against a black dress it adds a bit of glitter, but she wouldn't be perceived as wearing too much bling. Earrings would depend upon her hair whether they dangle or are simple diamond or pearl studs. One good ring on her right hand is sufficient. She wouldn't wear a watch unless it were a small evening watch. A simple strand of pearls would be lovely, if it isn't too short. Again it depends upon the dress.

For the dress rehearsal she can wear the sheer black legwear because, in my opinion, black opaque tights would look too heavy in the evening, especially in contrast with the shiny black patent leather pumps. With black patent leather pumps she would wear legwear a shade lighter than her skin tone or sheer black, but both would have a bit of shimmer and shine to them to dress up her legs.

As to other suggestions, she might reconsider not wearing a black dress both nights. For the rehearsal dinner, she could wear a small print jersey wrap dress with legwear a shade lighter than her skin tone that has a bit of shimmer to it. Personally, I like the Wolford evening legwear, or any similar quality legwear. For the rehearsal dinner, the dress should be a bit more fun, a bit more chic than black matte.

To prepare your niece for meeting her beau's family, have her remind her beau to be sure to introduce her. To have him say, "There's my Aunt Rose and Uncle Larry, let's say hi." With her beau's parents, she would say that she had "heard so many wonderful things about them," if she's looking for something to say after being introduced. It's always that first sentence after being introduced that is the hardest, so she should have a line she can roll off that isn't complicated. She should try not to say, "Nice to meet you." If she is well-groomed, and well-dressed, she should be feeling confident. Remind her that she is brilliant and beautiful as she walks out the door.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 24: Trending Fall 2011
Q Hi Didi,

I've been invited to my aunt's wedding. It's a 1:00 pm church service in a Catholic church, followed by the reception in an indoor venue at 6pm. I'm 24 and slim. What should I wear!?

I have a long-sleeved black blouse and a green/gold floral skirt which is just above my knees. Would this be appropriate? I also have a fairly plain black cocktail dress with short sleeves that's also slightly above my knees. Which do you think would be more appropriate?

Thanks for your help!!

A As much as I love little black dresses because they are so chic, the black blouse with the short green/gold floral skirt sounds divine and very much in trend. Beautiful long sleeve blouses with short skirts are the look this fall.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 26 Years Old: Coverup for a Strapless Dress
Q Hi Didi,

I read through a lot of your etiquette rules about what to wear for weddings...I prefer to be properly dressed at ALL times. I am sure what I have chose is fine but I always like to double check myself.

Is it appropriate to wear a silk taffeta strapless maroon dress that falls to about mid-kneecap to a 6:00 wedding in Houston, Texas? I am 26, slim and about 5'7. I intend to wear simple gold mid-size tear drop earrings with my aggie ring and maybe a single gold bangle as well as nude patent pumps. I was also thinking of maybe a cream or black pashmina since it is "fall".

Thank you in advance for your advice!


A Your outfit sounds perfect for a six o'clock wedding. Silk taffeta is such a lovely fabric for dancing because it catches the light and the blood red colors are trending this season. Nude patent leather pumps are great for elongating the legs. The only art of this I'm not a fan of is the pashmina. It tends to make even women with the best posture look stooped. I would rather have you wear a short thin leather jacket for a more youthful look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 28-Years Old: Califormia: August 2012
Q My husband's best friend is getting married in California (Aug 2012) his fiancee comes from a wealthy family. It is going to be a high class wedding (not sure time of wedding but the location is breathtaking)...not sure what color or style dress/shoes to wear... I am tall, skinny and 28 yrs old. Thanks for your help

A Summer weddings are all about airy fabrics such as chiffon, taffeta, organza and other sheer materials in pastels or tropical colors. A sheer pale chiffon strapless floral print dress that falls just above your knee, with beautiful flats would be perfect for an August wedding. If you find yourself towering above your peers, don't wear heels. There are so many really pretty flats and dress y sandals out there that you will find plenty of options. Carry a small clutch bag for your lipgloss.

When you receive the actual wedding invitation and know more about the time of day and the dress code, I would be happy to work with you again. In the meantime, try Googling trending Fashion Colors Summer 2012 and you'll find not only the colors showing, but the look in dress styles that are predicted to be in fashion. When you find the color and style you like, Google the designer and by the time spring comes around the best of those looks will have been copied and available in your local department store, or you should also be able to find them discounted online.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 Delaware: May
Q I am attending a 3 o'clock hotel wedding in New Castle, DE, on May 28th. I've never met the bride or groom. I was invited by my boyfriend and his family. What do I wear?? Help!

A To a three o'clock wedding you would wear a pretty short dress with beautiful shoes. If you're into hats, you can be sure that you'll fit right in wearing a lovely hat or fascinator.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 Outdoor Country Wedding
Q What is the proper attire for an August 3:00 pm wedding in Alburgh, Vermont, service at house and reception at their airplane hangar?

A There is nothing quite as nice as an at home wedding. The men will probably be wearing blazers and either white or khaki pants with colorful shirts and no socks with their loafers. There is nothing prettier than cotton sundresses on a hot summer's day with strappy sandals or summer flats. A three o'clock wedding screams for a beautiful hat with a crown of flowers--very outdoor country. A pretty peasant or linen (depending on your style) blouse with a great skirt would also be lovely.

It will be hot in August in Vermont and when the sun goes down it could get buggy, so bring along sunscreen and bug repellent. Take lots of photos.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm Country Club
Q I am going to a wedding on October 24, 2009. The wedding is at a church at 3:00 p.m. and than the reception follows at 4:15 p.m. at the country club. The invitation says: black-tie optional. I don't know what to wear - I just bought a simple short (just above the knee black dress). I was hoping with some accessories I could get by with this, but I am not sure what to wear or what color of accessories to use. Also not sure what my boyfriend should wear. Thank you

A Your little black dress sounds perfect. You can accessorize with beads and beautiful shoes. Your boyfriend can wear a dark suit or a dark blazer with good khaki pants or grey flannel pants. With either he would wear a collared, long-sleeved shirt and a tie, dark shoes (preferably a black Gucci-style loafer) with black socks.

As this is a three o'clock wedding with a reception at a country club, he doesn't have to wear a tuxedo and you don't have to wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm in California
Q I am 55-year-old woman and I have been invited to a 3:00 pm October 17th wedding at Altadena Town & Country Club, California, with the reception immediately following. The invitation has no reference to formal, semi-formal, black tie...What should I wear?
My daughters and I have talked about a long black dress with either turquoise jewelry or colored wrap/sweater. Is this appropriate or should I wear dark slacks and a nice blouse?

A Please, don't wear long black dresses at three o'clock in the afternoon, especially when the invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, meaning formal attire.

If the hosts wanted you to dress formally, they would have made that perfectly clear on the invitation. You wouldn't wear dark slacks, but you could wear a dark skirt with your nice blouse. As you are a fifty-something woman, you want to look elegant and dignified at an afternoon wedding. Think about possibly wearing a tailored day dress that falls just below your knees with a very chic hat along with your turquoise jewelry. Weddings are a great opportunity for wearing an interesting hat. You can always take it off and leave it in the car before going to the reception.

As for your daughters, encourage them to wear pretty dresses, beautiful shoes and to carry a sweet little clutch bag for their lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm in California
Q I am 55-yr-old woman and I have been invited to a 3:oo pm October 17th wedding at Altadena Town & Country Club, California, with the reception immediately following. The invitation has no reference to formal, semi-formal, black tie...What should I wear?
My daughters and I have talked about a long black dress with either turquoise jewelry or colored wrap/sweater. Is this appropriate or should I wear dark slacks and a nice blouse?

A Please, don't wear long black dresses at three o'clock in the afternoon, especially when the invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, meaning formal attire.

If the hosts wanted you to dress formally, they would have made that perfectly clear on the invitation. You wouldn't wear dark slacks, but you could wear a dark skirt with your nice blouse. As you are a fifty-something woman, you want to look elegant and dignified at an afternoon wedding. Think about possibly wearing a tailored day dress that falls just below your knees with a very chic hat along with your turquoise jewelry. Weddings are a great opportunity for wearing an interesting hat. You can always take it off and leave it in the car before going to the reception.

As for your daughters, encourage them to wear pretty dresses, beautiful shoes and to carry a sweet little clutch bag for their lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm in Granada, Spain, in November
Q What should I wear to a 3:00 PM wedding in Granada, Spain, in November? The reception is going to be outside, and the temp is 50's. Close friends and family only. I want to look hip and classy, but not freeze (I'm Texan). The mother of the bride is wearing a gown. I thought that was reserved for after 6. I'm 47. The bride is hip - music biz.

A Assuming you are a woman, you could wear a really good medium weight skirt suit, conservative, but trendy, with beautiful shoes and bag. That way, when you do go inside to dinner later, you can always take off the jacket for dancing, if you have a teddy or pretty shell on underneath the jacket. Alternatively, a straight short skirt with a long tailored jacket. It is hard to say which, because I don't know your height or build. Trust me, you do not want to be traipsing around Granada at three o'clock in the afternoon in a long dress.

My guess is that if this is like most European weddings, the afternoon ceremony and reception with champagne and cake will be followed later that evening with a seated dinner. Guests will probably retire and change clothes before rallying for a late dinner. With that in mind, you might want to pack a great wrap-dress (cocktail) dress, high heels, and a warm shawl to wear out to dinner.

A man would wear a medium weight dark suit with a beautiful striped collared shirt and tie, black shoes, belt, and socks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm September Linen in Palm Springs
Q Hi, 3:30 wedding Palm Springs sept 25, suppose to be 105 degrees. For the man or women, too late to consider linen?

A Linen is perfect for an afternoon September wedding in Palm Springs. It is not too late, but do consider wearing linen that is anything but white. Or, If it is white, make sure it is off-white, and that the whole outfit isn't bright white. In other words, the man could wear cream colored linen pants with a navy blue linen jacket. The woman could wear an off-white linen skirt with a colored blouse. Linen isn't what is in question, it is the color white that is the issue.

Of course. The issue is wearing white. Think of the wedding photos. The bride should be the only person wearing all white. It is a matter of having respect for the bride on her special day.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm Wedding
Q My fiance is wearing linen pants to a 3 pm wedding; what are the proper shoes? Also it's my best friend/aunt; I am wearing all white with teal heels and teal and brown accesories. Is that appropiate?

A It depends upon the color of your finance's linen pants. If they are light colored, wear gray. If they are dark, wear navy blue socks. It should be a solid color. I am not sure who is the bride here. The only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride; therefore, the bride would wear white shoes with her white dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 PM: Boston: December
Q I am going to a 3:00 wedding outside Boston in Dec. I have a black dress that comes below the knees and it has a short jacket...long sleeve with some black satin designs on the front. I am in my early 60's. The neckline on the dress is scoop so I will wear a biggish necklace. The wedding is the son of a friend. Does this sound good for a 3pm wedding or not?

A A three o'clock wedding is not customarily formal. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. In my opinion, to a three o'clock wedding you wouldn't wear black satin. Black is fine, and always very chic, but you really want to be wearing a very good quality day dress or skirt suit that falls just below your knees with beautiful shoes. If you want to make a fashion statement outside of Boston at an afternoon wedding, wear a lovely hat, not a biggish necklace. So, you're not going to like my answer, but in answer to your question: no, it doesn't sound good for a three o'clock wedding. This is the kind of wedding where the quality of the fabric and design of the dress are more important than the dressiness of the dress or the size of the necklace.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm: California Winery in July
Q I'm invited to a 3 PM wedding at a winery in Lodi, California, in July. (It should be quite warm!_I am 59 years old, 5'6", wear a size 12/14, and am quite fair (brown/blond hair). What should I wear?


A For a three o'clock wedding, wear a wonderful summer dress with a great hat and strappy sandals. A small, interesting clutch and long beads would be really great accessories. If the summer dress idea doesn't appeal to you, how about a festive long skirt with a lovely blouse and you'll fit in gently with the afternoon's festivities.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm: Charleston, SC in July
Q Going to a July wedding in Charleston SC... in a church. 3:00PM. Reception at the yacht club. I am 49. Black dresses are common here for weddings as guests (which we are). Thinking linen versus cocktail dress, in dark brown or black with a raw silk shrug and strappy heels. Friends say it should be a 'satin' event. Seems a bit overdone to me... your thoughts?

A Maybe it should be a satin event, but it is a 3:00 PM wedding, and the time of day doesn't call for satin. I agree, linen instead of satin. Personally, I am not a huge fan of the color brown. I would even say black is a bit too sophisticated for a 3:00 PM wedding. I'm glad to hear from you that black dresses are common where you are because I get so many questions asking whether to wear black or not. I love black, but at a yacht club in the middle of the afternoon, I'm not so sure.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 PM: Florida in October
Q I am going to a church wedding at 3:00 in Florida October 1st. I am 37 years of age? What dress is appropriate? Long or cocktail? Thanks

A A three o'clock wedding calls for a short day dress of good quality and design, along with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. If you're stylish, you'll wear a lovely hat or fascinator.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 pm: New Orleans
Q Hello,
I am in my late twenties and will be attending a summer wedding in New Orleans with the outdoor ceremony being at 3 pm followed by an indoor reception. I do not have an invitation to take cues from as I am plus 1. My question is what would be appropriate to wear so that I am neither over or underdressed and will transition well between the two settings? I have a very petite frame.
Thank you for any input.

A First off, please ask the person who invited you if the dress code Black Tie is included on the invitation and if the wedding couple has a wedding Web site. Then you'll be able to determine the formality of the wedding, just so you know.

My guess is that you would fit in perfectly if you wore a strapless dress that falls just above your knees, with beautiful shoes. More than likely, the couple's wedding Web site will display the wedding colors and that would help you decide on color. For instance, if the wedding colors are blue and yellow, you would stay away from both of those colors as you wouldn't want to look like a wanna' be bridesmaid. No matter what the dress code, Black Tie or Dresses and Suits, you will be dressed just right in a short, pretty dress and beautiful shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 pm in November: Old Palm Springs
Q I will be attending what I can only assume will be a chic 3:30 wedding event at an inn in Old Palm Springs in early November. I am a young 55-year-old woman, 5'6" lean build
(with a limited budget) who prefers bohemian style dress - what would you suggest?

A Wear a nice day dress with a great hat. Alternatively, a sheath with a small jacket. Chic hats are perfect for an afternoon wedding. After the ceremony, you can leave the hat in your car when you go to the reception. If you want the bohemian style of dress, you can always wear a long skirt with a peasant blouse as long as it doesn't make you look dowdy. For a daytime wedding you want to look elegant and pretty.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 pm: California in October
Q Hello Didi,
I am attending a 3:30 wedding in Gilroy, California, on October 21st, 2011. The ceremony is being held at the groom's family ranch with the reception following at the same location. The invitation does not specify dress code, so I am assuming "suits and dresses". My question is, what type a dress would be proper for me to wear? I am a 26- year-old woman, 5'5 and heavy. I would like to wear shimmering champagne colored heels and a grape or black colored dress. Is this too dark for the afternoon? Would a shawl be appropriate? Maybe a nice hat? Also, my partner is thinking about wearing a charcoal colored suit, white shirt and a tie to match my dress. Would a dress shirt, slacks, vest and tie be to casual for him? Is a jacket a must? He is 28 years old, 5'11 and also heavy around the middle. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.


A Your outfit sounds perfect. Ditch the shawl. Hats are perfect for an afternoon wedding.

Your partner's outfit sounds fine as well. But tell him to drop the vest, if he is "also heavy."

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 PM: Kansas in September
Q I will be attending my great niece's wedding that my husband, (a minister), will be officiating. It is outdoors in KS., early Sept. in the couples backyard at 3:30 in the afternoon. It is also a private wedding. The main invitation is for the reception at 7 at their home, also outdoors with a dance under a tent. What do I wear? My sister. the grandmother said anything is fine....she is wearing a black dress, (don't know the length or style) and my niece, (the brides mother), is wearing a dress with a jacket, again I don't know the length or style. I am a young 68, petite, with short blonde hair and 5'2" 108 lbs. I was thinking of wearing a black a-line just above the knee dress with some beading down the front with nylons, black? suntan? (my legs aren't tan and have some broken veins) but thinking this may be too dressy...a sundress with a jacket, I also have a cute chiffon cocktail dress with butterfly sleeves and layered down the front sort of a swing skirt, but it is very bright colors (reddish orange, yellows, pinks, greens) and don't want to stand out. I have a hard time dressing my age as I don't feel or look (as others say) my age.
What do you suggest?

A The only look I can really get a hold of is the black cocktail dress for the evening reception. However, you would wear legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone; however, to cover your veins why not wear black, but not an opaque, a sheer with a bit of shimmer to it.

For the ceremony, wear the sundress with the jacket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 pm: New York City in June
Q Hi Didi,

I am invited to NYC wedding in June. It's 3.30pm church wedding followed by cocktail hour and evening reception. Invitation states "Black Tie Optional" and my partner will wear a tuxedo. I am 30, very tall and size US 6. I don't feel it is appropriate to wear a long evening gown to the church, so I chose the following outfit to last the whole day and evening: embroidered, silver Escada knee-length dress, which is nicely fitted paired with nude Christian Louboutin slingback shoes, accessorized with silver Diane von Furstenberg clutch. Does this sound ok? Also, am I required to wear a hat or any formal head piece in the church (sorry for this question, I am from the UK and we wear hats here). Thanks

A The outfit you have chosen sounds perfect. However, as this is not a country wedding, I'm thinking that you might want to check to find out what time the dinner reception starts. If it turns out that there is a lapse of several hours between the ceremony, which we can assume will be over at 4:30, and the reception starts at seven o'clock, you might wear something simpler to the ceremony and save that fabulous Escada cocktail dress for the dinner and dancing.

Whether there is a lapse in time or not, I think your outfit sounds elegant and lovely, and if you wore a hat to the ceremony, you would fit right in. As you no doubt know, traveling from the UK with a hat can be awkward, so I would recommend a fascinator, which is so much easier to pack.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 PM: New York: 50 Years Old
Q I am attending a wedding in New York Oct 15th, the wedding is at 3:30 pm on Park Avenue with the reception at 6pm at the Cosmopolitan Club. I am 50 yrs old with a nice figure size 2 and 5'7". Would it be appropriate to where a conservative dressy jacket to the church and then have a gold/champagne colored sequined dress just above the knee with a cowl neck back for the reception? The MOG tells me that the reception will be quite dressy? Need help in Cincinnati

A In my opinion, you would be over-dressed in a gold sequined dress at three in the afternoon in the church and then at the reception in the ultra conservative "Cos" Club (as we call it). NYC, is my city; it is dressy, as the MOG says, but you might feel more comfortable fitting in wearing a very good quality black dress that falls to your knee with beautiful black shoes and a small black clutch bag. In NYC, it is all about the quality of fabric and design, and not about sequins. Beige would be lovely, but the combo of the gold and the sequins is not chic in the afternoon anywhere. Sorry, but you asked and one of my best friends is from Cincinnati.

When the MOG told you that the reception would be quite dressy, what she really meant was that the quality of the clothing would be sophisticated and high-end.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 Wedding: Outside: Women
Q I am a 48 year old woman whose best friend is getting married at 3:30 in the afternoon outside (not on the beach) in Florida in March. I have no idea what to wear. I would appreciate your help.
Thanks!

A Wear a pretty dress with dressy sandals and a fun hat. I am assuming that the dress code is casual and not black tie. It is mostly about the quality of what you wear rather than the dressiness of the outfit. For instance if you have a wonderful fresh linen dress, you could wear it with a string of pearl, beautiful pumps and small clutch bag to dress it up.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30: Block island in June
Q Hi Didi
I am invited to a 3:30 wedding in Block Island in June with dinner and dancing. The MOB is wearing long. The invitation is formal. I'm 58, size 2-4, petite blonde. cI have an ecru, knee-length lace dress. Is the this ok? I'm concerned about the color.
thx

A I would feel better about the dress if it wasn't ecru or long. Out of respect for the bride who should be the only one wearing white, you wouldn't want to take the attention away from her by wearing white or off-white. Find yourself a short, chic pretty dress that isn't white or off-white.

3:30 PM is a bit early in the day to be wearing a long dress. The wedding dress should be the only long dress at a daytime wedding, especially on wonderfully, relaxed, laid back Block Island. You might feel a bit silly traipsing around in a long, white dress in the afternoon, if you're not the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 p.m. Outdoor Wedding
Q Hi, is it appropriate for a 29-year-old to wear a black and white knee-length strapless A-line w/empire waist dress to a July 4:00 pm outdoor park wedding in the Midwest? Dinner and dance immediately following at a lake-side supper club. Invitation style is informal.

A Yes, a knee-length strapless A-line, black and white dress would be appropriate. Wear bone, black, or red shoes, but not white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 P.M.: Nashville: July:
Q I am attending a wedding in Nashville in late July. It is at 4 pm at a church followed by a hotel reception. First, I am unsure about how formal it will be. The invitations are pearl and white with black scroll imprinted lettering and formally worded. My husband is a groomsman and will be in a black tux. What is proper etiquette for my attire? I don't really know if 4 pm is considered a daytime or evening wedding.

A Four o'clock is a late afternoon wedding and unless the invitation specifically states Black Tie, you wouldn't wear an evening dress. The dress code then, when not stated otherwise, would be Suits and Dresses. Wear a well-made cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes. If you're into wearing a lovely hat to the ceremony, please, do, as you can always leave it in the car before going into the hotel for the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Atlanta September Ceremony
Q My young cousin's wedding will be in Atlanta at 4:00 on Sept. 18th at a church followed by a dinner reception at a downtown restaurant. Invitation states "formal/semi-formal" dress.
I am 57 (told I look much younger), 5'4", and 120 pounds with good legs and usually wear a size 4. What would be appropriate attire for myself and my husband, who is a very fit and slim 62?

A In my opinion, you would wear a a well-made, slightly tailored pretty dress or a beautiful silk skirt-suit, both would have either short or three-quarter length sleeves and fall just below your knees. You want to look elegant and dignified and yet contemporary. Nothing is more fun at an afternoon wedding than a great hat (and it would give you a little height), which you can leave in the car before going into the restaurant. It goes without saying that beautiful shoes and a small clutch and a touch of real jewelry are the best accessories.

Your husband would wear either a light-weight dark suit with a collared shirt, a silk tie, and black shoes, socks and belt. Alternatively, a handsome jacket or blazer and gray flannels would fit in as well.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Black-Tie Ceremony
Q Hi Didi:

Urgent - wedding this weekend.

Your website has been, by far, the most helpful, but I do have a couple of questions. Wedding at 4:00 pm in Austin, TX, followed by a dinner/reception at 7:00 pm (Black Tie) in San Antonio. I called the mother of the bride to inquire because I'd been to wedding receptions at the venue (Aygyle Private Dinner Club) and seen lots of older women (I'm 60) dressed in nice suits (not business, more like MOB). I have a beautiful chocolate crepe suit with a lovely neckline, brown patent leather pumps (dressy with cut-out sides), gold pearls with some gold bling, gold bag. She said that sounds great. Do you agree?

Also - what should my husband wear to look right with me? The dressiest thing he owns is a double-vested black jacket with gold buttons. I say that he should rent a dinner jacket and pants, but not a tux. What do you recommend? Thanks so much. SueAnn

A When the invitation says Black tie, then your husband needs to rent a tuxedo. Sorry, I want you to do the right thing here and if all the other men are in tuxedos, your husband is going to feel out of place if he's the only one not wearing a black tie, white shirt, and tuxedo. Just be sure that the white shirt and tuxedo are conservative and tailored to fit him properly. My problem with him wearing his black dinner jacket is the brass buttons, which are sporty. Your dinner suit sounds fine, but I am not sure about the brown patent leather pumps with the gold bag. Patent leather pumps sound a bit tailored with a gold bag. If you have silk, satin, or suede pumps, either in brown or black, perhaps that would be chicer. Alternatively, you could wear the brown patent leather shoes and use a brown or black bag instead of gold. Gold is a bit brash at four o'clock in the afternoon. Of course, there is the option that you leave the gold bag in your car during the ceremony and use it just for the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Bride's Dress
Q What length should my wedding dress be for a four o'clock wedding inside?


A Your wedding dress length would reflect the formality of the wedding. A formal wedding might allow for a long train and veil, whereas for a less formal wedding the dress might be long but not puffy, not have a train, and only a simple veil. If the dress code is black tie, then it is a formal wedding. So, as you can see, it is not so much the time of day as the dress code. Choose a style either formal, less formal (that is not black tie but navy blue blazers or dark suits), or informal and carry the theme throughout the wedding. If your reception is a seated dinner with a live band, then it would be formal or semiformal. If your reception is a barbecue, then you would not have the men wear tuxedos. Since your wedding is inside at four, but I don't know the plans for the reception, I would say the men would wear dark suits and shoes, the bride would wear a floor-length strapless well-cut, elegant dress with a short veil, and the bridesmaids would wear short strapless dresses, if they are under forty. If you would like to return to my Web site to ask the question again giving more details about the venue of the wedding, perhaps I can give you a more precise answer. For instance, if you are over sixty and have a large build, you probably would not want to wear a strapless wedding dress. So, the more details you can give me, the more help I can be. Also, if the wedding ceremony is not in a church at four o'clock, you would not necessarily wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Ceremony: Society of Cincinnati Reception: Black Tie
Q I am attending a wedding at 4 pm St John's Church (Washington DC) with reception to follow at The Society of the Cincinnati ("Black tie" printed on reception card). Does this mean that I should wear a different dress to the wedding and change into black tie for reception? Does one wear a long black dress or what other colors are appropriate for April?

A You wouldn't need to change outfits for a four o'clock church wedding when the reception immediately follows the ceremony. You would not be expected to wear a long dress to a four o'clock wedding. A dressy cocktail dress or dressy knee-length skirt suit (also called dinner suit) would take you from the church to the Society of the Cincinnati in style. Wear beautiful shoes, carry a small clutch bag and wear thin kid gloves to the church; but you know that already.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Charleston in November
Q I would like to know what to wear to a 4 o'clock wedding in November in Charleston, S.C. It is at a church followed by a reception? I am a 44 year old female.

A As I don't know your build or coloring, this is a rather general answer. To an afternoon wedding, wear a pretty dress that falls just above your knees and a gorgeous hat. Hats at daytime weddings are always welcome, but leave it in the car when you go to the reception. Wearing a hat to the church will give you a bit of drama because when you appear at the reception hatless people will take a second look. A pretty chiffon dress with a shawl or pashmina, perhaps in one of the berry colors that are so popular right now. Wear pretty shoes that are comfortable enough to dance in and take a small clutch for your lipgloss and car keys. Then again, since I don't know your build, I would imagine that if you are short in stature, you're used to wearing very high heels, and flats if you're quite tall. Accessorize with quality legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone that has a bit of shimmer. Pearls are always proper at a wedding, especially in Charleston.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm in Botanical Garden
Q I am attending my boyfriend's sister's wedding this Saturday. It is a 4 o'clock wedding, but is a second wedding for the bride and the groom. It will be in a botanical garden by a large fountain. I am at a total loss as to what I should wear. Help!
Samantha Armstrong

A To a four o'clock wedding, wear a nice dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes and a small, pretty clutch bag. As I don't have a clue as to your age or build, this a rather general answer. Basically, you want to wear what you would wear to an upscale restaurant. Most likely there will be a reception afterwards, which would call for cocktail party attire, often called business attire--meaning the men will be wearing ties and jackets and the women will be in shortish cocktail dresses and pretty shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm in California Vinyard
Q Hi Didi,
I am a 30-year-old and don't know what to wear to my boyfriend's nephew's wedding. It is a 4 pm outdoor wedding at a vineyard in California. I am an hourglass shaped size 14, and don't know what is appropriate in this situation; it is also the first time I am meeting a lot of my boyfriend's family.
Thank you

A One of the things I like to advise readers to do is to Google the vineyard's website and look at photos and videos of previous weddings. You will see, for instance, that women your age are wearing pretty dresses that fall just above their knees. If you know the wedding colors, you would stay away from wearing one of those colors because you wouldn't want to look like a wannabe bridesmaid, but you'll get the feel for the style.

Keep it simple. You want to fit in with these people you don't know, but you also want to look your best, so wear a dress that flatters your shape. A tailored look will flatter your hourglass figure, and short or three quarter sleeves will cover your upper arms, if they aren't buff. If your legs are shapely, the hem can fall just above your knees; if not so much, the hem can fall just below your knees. Wearing high heels that are comfortable to dance in will elongate your figure.

Pick a dress that flatters your figure and have it tailored if it looks a bit sloppy around the mid-drift or waist and if it isn't the right length. The color of the dress could be a dark blue or deep berry color. If the celebration goes into the evening hours, you'll want to take a pashmina, a thin shawl. A small pretty clutch bag for your lipgloss and keys is always a must.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm in Cancun
Q Hi Didi My husband and I are invited to a Cancun wedding on Saturday, October 4th, 09. I am 5 ft and I weigh 128; my husband is 5"5 and he weighs 165. The ceremony is at 4 pm with the reception to follow on the beach unless it rains. Help please..... what should we wear?

A What fun that should be!

I gather it is not a black-tie wedding, thank goodness. You could wear a pretty cotton sundress with high strappy sandals. Your husband can wear a great Hawaiian style shirt with white or khaki shorts or trousers and sandals without socks.

The dress code in Cancun is from "Anything Goes" to "Clothing Optional." You will see some pretty creative outfits, especially after dark when you go clubbing. Nevertheless, you might want to wear a bikini under the sundress that you wear to the wedding ceremony.

You and your husband cannot go too far wrong with whatever you wear that's tropical; however, you just might dress slightly more daytime-ish to a four o'clock wedding--knowing that you can change into something more creative later on when you go clubbing.

Beware, because it is rumored that the bartenders in some of those clubs put funny pills in ladies' drinks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm in Georgia in November
Q Wow! Your site has been most helpful! However, I'd like an answer specifically for me. What is the appropriate dress attire to wear to a 4 o'clock wedding in November? Location is at a former Catholic Church in Georgia. I'm a mid 20's female and the wedding is for a co-worker. I don't want to appear too dressy. Also, what should my husband wear, he refuses to wear a jacket? Thanks so much! -MC

A Thank you for your kind words, but I am afraid that your husband is not going to go along with my answer. If the wedding couple were getting married on a farm, then he could dress as a farmhand, if they had chosen a mountain top, then he could dress as a ski bum, if the marriage were taking place on a beach in Hawaii, he could wear a lei around his neck and not much more. The problem is two-fold: Because the wedding is being held in a church (even though the church no longer holds services and has parishioners), the bride will most likely be wearing a conventional wedding gown and her groom a jacket and tie; therefore, your groom should wear a jacket and tie, as well. When in Rome, as the saying goes, do as the Romans do. The second reason is that I don't want your husband to feel uncomfortable being the only man over the age of 21 who is not wearing a jacket and tie during the ceremony. Why don't you compromise? Remind him sweetly that when he gets to the reception he can take off his tie and jacket and dance up a storm.

You, my dear, are free and clear to wear a fun cocktail dress with high heels. Yes, of course, you can wear some dowdy long dress that is not as dressy as an evening dress, but I want you to have fun with your husband and co-workers, so wear something slightly daring. Perhaps a pashmina over your shoulders during the ceremony, but if you have half-way decent legs, show them off and wear a dress that you can have fun dancing in and have a good time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm in Sweden in July
Q Dear Didi, I have been invited to a wedding the first weekend in July in Sweden. The ceremony will take place at 4 o'clock on an island and the dress code required is black tie. It is my first black-tie wedding and I would not like to be the one wearing an inappropriate dress. I know the bridesmaids will wear knee-long cocktail dresses, but being black-tie I am not sure if I should go for a long dress or shorter. The invitation says ceremony will be followed by dinner and dance if that can help. Thank you.

A There are two facts in what you have told me that make it clear to me that you would wear a short cocktail dress. Firstly, as it is a four o'clock wedding, you wouldn't wear a long dress at four o'clock in the afternoon unless you were the bride. Secondly, the bridesmaids are wearing short dresses.

Black-tie doesn't necessarily mean that you have to wear a long dress. Men usually need a dress code, whereas women dress according to the time of day and pick up the style of dress by what the bridesmaids are wearing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Iowa Outdoors in September
Q I am in my 60's, 5'9, wear size 14. I'm going to a 4:00 Iowa outdoors wedding in September. What should I wear? Can I wear flats?

A Yes, you can definitely wear flats. Probably either black, beige or nude would be best. Wear what you would wear to a very good restaurant or a cocktail party. You wouldn't wear a long dress to a four o'clock wedding, but you could wear a nicely tailored dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees or a light-weight well-made skirted suit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM Northern Florida
Q Outdoor 4:00 February wedding in north Florida-it does get cold here. Second marriage for bride who is wearing a Nicole Miller oyster-colored gown. I am thinking of a cocktail dress in black. My question is: Does anyone wear hosiery? Living in Florida one can get away with no hose in the spring and summer with a light tan or even spray tan, but not in the dead of winter. My husband will wear a black suit. This is a formal wedding, but the time of day and temperatures are making me question hosiery options.

A It may be formal for a four o'clock wedding, but four o'clock weddings don't require guests to wear tuxedos or long dresses. Your black cocktail dress sounds splendid. As I don't know whether you're wearing open-toe shoes or not, if you're not, you could wear good quality legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shimmer to it that will dress up your legs. For open-toe shoes, just make sure your legs are buff and shimmery. There are plenty of products on the market to give your legs that shine to take you from late afternoon into evening. Your husband's dark light-weight suit sounds perfect, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm October: Barelegged in Michigan
Q I am invited to an outdoor October wedding at 4 pm in Michigan. Is it proper etiquette for a woman wearing a dress to wear nylons or should she go without?

A If the lady's legs are well-groomed, she can most certainly go barelegged. Her legs don't have to be tanned, but they should have a bit of glow. That glow can be achieved with a really good moisturizer. Not to worry, bare is beautiful--especially when aglow.

A bit of talcum powder coating on the inner soles will help to keep at bay uncomfortable friction while dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Service
Q I am invited to a wedding with a 4:00 pm church service followed by a reception. I have heard that some women will change their dresses for the reception since the service is rather early and in a church. Do you know if it is typical to wear two different dresses?

A It depends upon the time of the reception. If the reception starts at seven o'clock or later and the dress code is formal, then you would change from an afternoon church outfit into a dress that you would wear to a dinner dance.

It is customary to change outfits when there is a time difference of several hours between the service and the reception. For instance, English church weddings are usually held at two or three o'clock, followed by a Black- Tie dinner dance that commences at 7:30 PM. As you can see, there are two different dress codes involved with a mid-afternoon wedding and an evening dinner dance. Since this service is at four o'clock, whether you change or not depends upon the starting time of the reception.

When the reception immediately follows the church service, you do not have to change your outfit. Depending upon your age, I would recommend wearing a flirty cocktail dress, if you are under 45. Otherwise, a dressy skirted suit that falls just below your knees or a dress with sleeves or a jacket would be appropriate. That way you can take off the jacket for the dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Wedding Casual Cocktail Attire
Q I have been invited to an August 9, 4:00 pm outdoor wedding (held in a canopy or ten)] at a river side resort in Montana. The couple is from Brooklyn, New York - the invitation states "casual cocktail attire". I would guess that Montana tends to be less formal than Brooklyn but I am at a loss as to what would be appropriate to wear for both my husband and me!
Thank You!
Julie

A Not knowing your build, or age, I would suggest that you wear a skirt that falls just below your knees with a pretty blouse, and strappy sandals. I am usually a big fan of a short dress with a bit of swing that is good for dancing, but it might be more fun to wear a festive skirt and blouse. Why not take both and ask the other women guests what they are wearing when you get there? Your husband would wear a lightweight jacket, perhaps a navy blue blazer, with light colored trousers and a collared shirt. He might take a tie in case he gets there only to find out that the other men are wearing ties. I've seen men wearing shorts at casual summer weddings with a jacket and tie, but that might be more of an East Coast look. To get back to you, if you do go the slightly festive route, wear some marvelous beads and earrings, and perhaps a wide belt, with the skirt and blouse. Casual cocktail attire in New York is dressier than it would be in Montana; however since it is a wedding, adding a festive flare to your outfit would make it more fun. In other words, the preppy East Coast look and the tailored New York look might seem a bit stiff in such a laid back, relaxed setting.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm Wedding: Mother of the Bride
Q I would like to know if it is ok for me as the MOB to wear a mid-calf length dress. The bride has a very full Cinderella-type gown and bridesmaids are all wearing long dresses. I think the MOG wants to wear a long dress too. I am a size 0 petite and not quite 5' tall and feel I look better in a short versus long dress. The dress is navy silk sleeveless The wedding is 4PM early November in VA. The dress also comes in full length so I really could do either, what do you think?

Thank you,
Carol



A In my opinion, long dresses and tea length dresses are rather dreary and very dowdy looking on most women over the age of forty-five. For a four o'clock wedding the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom would look better in a dressy dinner suit, say, a silk suit that falls just below the knees in a soft color with nice details and dainty gold or silver heels. For a four o'clock wedding, I certainly wouldn't make the bridesmaids purchase long dresses. Why not have them wear a solid color, perhaps navy blue, short strapless dresses that they will be able to wear again and again, also with gold heels. I always think that at a four o'clock wedding the bride should be the only person wearing a long dress, as well as the only woman wearing white. The long dress look with the mothers and the bridesmaids, if it is not a candlelight eight o'clock dinner dance, is so over. Make it a chic four o'clock wedding and focus on the quality of a shorter designer outfit made of a better fabric, rather than having everybody wearing dreary long dresses that nobody will want to wear again. As for sleeveless, think of the wedding pictures. Unless your arms are incredibly toned from lifting weights or plastic surgery, upper arms on women over forty do not photograph well; when you see those wedding pictures, you might wish that you had worn a chic, dressy, fitted dinner suit to your daughter's wedding. My advice to you, especially if you are petite, is to stay away from that awful MOB look that most bridal shops try to sell and find an outfit that suits you and that you will wear again. Go with your gut: if you look better in a short dress, wear a short, chic suit that hits just below the knees and beautiful high heels.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm: California: July
Q I am attending a 4 o'clock July wedding in California. The invitations are black scroll script on off-white. It starts outdoors and is followed by cocktails, dinner and dancing. I purchased an off-the-shoulder, above-the-knee gold/bronze dress. The shoes are bronze high heel sandals. Is the dress appropriate? I am 5' 6', 125lbs.

A Your outfit sounds just right. Both the dress and shoes are perfect. My only suggestion, not even having seen the outfit, is that you take it easy on the accessories. A great pair of earrings, cocktail ring, one nice bracelet, and that's it.

Not having seen this for myself, I would suggest getting a second opinion from one of your friends before wearing any kind of necklace. The only problem I see with one shoulder short dresses is how to wear long hair and do you wear a necklace? Some will wear the long hair to one side, others pull it back. At any rate with long hair and the one shoulder, earrings and necklace, there is a lot going on there in a relatively small space. A good way to handle this is to put it all on, look in the mirror and take at least one accessory off.

The short answer is, yes, the dress is appropriate, just don't over-dress it with too many accessories because gold and bronze are festive enough colors that can stand alone with out much help.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: Charlottesville in April
Q 4 pm wedding early April Charlottesville, VA -- We are invited to a wedding of a couple in their 50s/60s. The ceremony is at a church and a reception will follow at a nearby dining club. Out-of-town and other guests are then invited to their home for a late supper after the reception. I am in my 50s, around size 8, fit and from NYC and don't know the local dress customs. Would a sleeveless medium berry colored dress to my knee (a party dress that is not tailored but also not too dressy/cocktailish) be appropriate? Or should I go with a tailored black dress or soft jacket and black knee-length skirt? Also, is a suit a must for my husband or can he wear a blazer and slacks? Thanks very much.

A The berry dress sounds very chic. Dress as though you are going to an upscale NY restaurant or cocktail party. Your husband should wear a dark suit, as he is of a certain age and will be more comfortable and distinguished looking in a tie and suit with black shoes, socks, and belt.

The tailored black dress with the soft jacket sounds lovely, too, and might be warmer since the wedding ceremony is at 4:00, and you'll possibly be partying until midnight; you can always take the jacket off when you start dancing. It might depend upon the weather as to which outfit you wear, so log-on to a Charlottesville website and find the projected weather forecast for Virginia while you're packing your bag. At any rate, if you decide on the berry, it would be best to take a jacket or light-weight coat to wear out on your way to the various evening activities.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: Chicago: Black Tie
Q I have a 4:00 wedding in a cathedral in Chicago. The cocktail hour is from 6-7 and the reception begins at 7:00. The invitation states black tie. I was planning on wearing a long gown but don't want to be too dressy. Is a long gown acceptable to wear to the service?

A You will find that some of the guests who live nearby will go home and change between the service and cocktails. Yes, you could wear an evening dress to the service, but you might find that most of the women will be wearing very dressy, good quality cocktail dresses that fall to the knee, or above the knee if they're under fifty, with beautiful shoes. Black Tie doesn't mean that you have to wear a long gown, especially when the wedding starts at four o'clock. If the dinner were at eight, you would need to wear an evening dress, but before then a chic and lovely cocktail dress is much more fun.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: Chicago: October
Q I am attending a wedding downtown Chicago Oct. 15th. Church service at 4:00, cocktails, dinner and dancing at 6:00. My number one dress choice is a black chiffon, one shoulder dress with a rhinestone/ sparkly knot on the shoulder. It hits just above the knees. I will be wearing a wrap in and out of the cab. Is this dress appropriate for a fall wedding in Chicago and if so what shoe should I wear? I know no jewelry except for a ring or bracelet. My 13 year old daughter says the dress may be too dressy.

A The dress, as bomb as it sounds, might be a tad dressy for a four o'clock wedding in a church. However, I love black chiffon for dancing, which you'll be doing later on. Wear the dress and the wrap, but take it down with accessories: classic black shoes, small black clutch, possibly fake diamond earrings and possibly a cocktail ring.

Wear a classic black shoe, don't get all strappy or rhinestoney because you've already got that rhinestone/sparkly knot on the shoulder.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm: Hamptons
Q I am attending a wedding in the Hamptons the second weekend in September beginning at 4 pm. Weather permitting, the ceremony will be held outdoors and the reception outdoors under a tent overlooking the bay. The venue advises against high heels because of them sinking into the grass. I'm a 25 year old female...what to wear!?!

A When the wedding doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. For a four o'clock wedding wear a beautiful dress that falls just above the knees with lovely flats and carry a small clutch for your lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: New Jersey: August
Q Hi Didi,
I have a wedding to go to in Jersey City in August. No dress code is specified. The invitation is formally worded but not engraved; the ceremony is at 4pm with a reception to follow, both being held at the Harborside Financial Center. I'm a Californian, 28 years old, 6 feet tall, size 4, fair coloring. How formal should I be? I was thinking of wearing a dark purple satin tailored sheath dress (knee- length) with a beading detail at the neckline. Is satin too formal? Is dark purple too dark for a summer wedding? Should I wear a flowy floral dress instead?
Thank you!

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, you can assume that the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Your dress sounds fabulous; however, because you asked, in my opinion, you might find satin a bit heavy in August in New Jersey. A short chiffon, just above the knee dress might be more weddingish in August. A chiffon with a bit of swing in the skirt on the dance floor might be a bit more youthful. I fear the dark purple satin sheath with beading, as beautiful as it sounds, might be too evening dressy for a four o'clock wedding. A soft chiffon would swing both ways.

By the way, since I don't believe in buying a dress of a specific occasion, the short, purple satin would be absolutely fine, but wear nude colored shoes to bring it down a notch.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: Upstate New York
Q Hello, I am attending a wedding this weekend in upstate New York. The wedding is at 4 pm. I have a dress I was thinking of wearing. It's a short platinum grey with palettes. The sequins are in a pattern, not covering the entire dress. Your thoughts.


A Sounds lovely. However, it depends upon the color gray. If the platinum/gray is light enough to be mistaken for white, then don't wear it because you don't want to look like a wannabe bride.

The lovely platinum gray dress sounds a bit dressy for the up-country at four o'clock. Take it down a notch or two with the accessories. High heels might bring you down, if the ceremony is on grass, so you might want to wear beautiful flats. On the other hand, you could wear a great hat or fascinator at that hour.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 pm: Virginia in August
Q Hi, wedding in August, invitation 5x7 outlined is purple/pink border black print cursive, no dress indicated on invitation, wedding at a church in Virginia 4:00, reception at a hotel afterwards; any ideas on what type of dress is appropriate? 40 years old, size 10 36D...the church w/ hotel afterwards... has me confused. What is the etiquette on this type of wedding, business dress cocktail, no skin, some skin, please help?

A There is no need to be confused. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. In other words, Cocktail Attire. Since the church might not be air conditioned--even in August--don't worry about showing skin because it will be bloody hot. Wear a beautiful dress that falls just above your knees with really pretty shoes. It can be sleeveless, strapless, or just a really well-made "sundress." If you wish to wear a hat or fascinator to the church, headwear is all the rage, especially in Virginia.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 PM: Toronto
Q My husband and I are attending a 4:00 wedding in Toronto. Is it appropriate to wear a patterned dress? The dress is solid black on top with an empire cut and the lower half is white with large black circles--not polka dot. Is that too busy of a pattern?

A Sounds great. Not to worry, the dress is fun and chic.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00: September: One-Shouldered Dress
Q I am going to a 4:00 pm wedding and evening reception in mid-September and was wondering whether a one-shouldered dress would be appropriate. It is deep purple, hits above the knee, and has a Greek style to it. It also has a silver metal band cinching in the shoulder fabric, and I was wondering if I can pair a necklace with something like that.

A Your dress sounds lovely, if a bit dressy for a four o'clock wedding, although I don't know the location of the wedding. A big city ballroom wedding is far dressier than the more relaxed country church wedding. Either way, I would dress it down because, after all, it is an afternoon wedding ceremony. One-shoulder dresses are difficult to accessorize. If you have long hair and are wearing it down, then wear great earrings. If your hair is short, you can wear a choker necklace and earrings. Stay with the silver metal for the jewelry, but keep it simple and clean.

As my daughters say, "Look in the mirror on your way out the door and take off one accessory." Otherwise you can look cheesy.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00pm: Shoes
Q 4:00PM wedding - just below the knee empire waist kind of a satin material dress, is it ok to wear tan colored open-toe high heels with this dress or should I wear silver?...

A I am a huge fan of nude colored shoes right now. They elongate the legs. Silver is more wintery.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 in the Park in Minneapolis
Q Hi Didi,
4:30 pm wedding at a park, followed by reception at the Museum of Science in Minneapolis. Young-looking grandmother and very young-looking aunts (fit and healthy and appearing ageless) as well as two uncles wonder what we should wear. Read your column, which you suggested more specific info would glean more specific suggestions. Thanks for this wonderful service!
Very sincerely,
Kay Metherell
director@silverstar.com

A Assuming that this is a summer wedding since the ceremony is taking place in a park, you would not wear formal attire. On the contrary, the women would wear great day dresses, perhaps cotton sundresses with strappy sandals and the men would wear light colored slacks and jackets with collared shirts and colorful ties, and brown shoes, but not necessarily socks.

More specifically for the women, pretty, cheerful dresses or skirts with beautiful blouses. The length would be just below the knees or above the knees. Less of a tailored Ralph Lauren style and more of a flirty, festive look. Because I don't know your builds or coloring, this is a really general answer.

You might also think about the weather, because if it's been raining a lot, you wouldn't want to wear heels that are too high because they will sink right into the moist earth. It can still be sunny and hot at 4:30 PM, so a straw hat with a colorful band of flowers would be the perfect look for a late afternoon wedding in the park.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 P.M.: Indiana
Q I'm going to a wedding that is at 4:30 pm in May in Indianapolis, IN, and it's at the Avon Gardens. Should I wear a spring bright-colored dress or go more formal?

A Please, don't wear a long dress. In trend is wearing a brightly colored, chic, short dress. My advice is to wear an above the knee dress with strappy sandals or beautiful pumps.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 pm Black Tie or Not?
Q Having black tie/non-black tie dilemma for the wedding. On one hand, Manhattan in late November and venue is fairly formal (and having formal dinner and dancing party). On the other hand, perhaps a "bit much"? My ceremony is at 4:30 pm in the afternoon (which in my opinion is too early for black tie in the city) and let's be frank, I am not exactly throwing an over-the-top wedding in the Four Seasons. However, I am always happy to be invited to a black tie if only because it's so clear what both men & women are meant to wear. Any thoughts would be welcome!!!!!



A Because it is a 4:30 wedding it is not a black-tie wedding. The chicest New York weddings that I have been to in the past few years were not black tie. If the Bushes didn't have a black-tie wedding, then you know that the trend is non-black-tie weddings. At this moment in time, the trend is not black tie and a black-tie wedding seems pretentious. The exception would be if it was a candlelight ceremony starting at eight o'clock. That is a formal evening wedding these days; usually held in a glamorous (read tacky) ballroom. Dark suits are so easy for most men and little black dresses are de rigeur for most young women at weddings that time of year. I would rather go for chic than formal any day. Anybody can do formal, but to be chic is the ultimate in sophistication.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 pm California in March
Q I am attending a 4:30 p.m. wedding at the Pelican Hill Resort in Newport Beach, CA, this March. Can I wear black velvet pants and shell with a dressy jacket and beautiful jewelry? I am an older woman (early 60s...still attractive with a classy short haircut...makeup well done)? I'm not sure whether pants are acceptable and whether velvet is okay to wear in March?


A It is good that you asked. I am not a big fan of women in pants at weddings unless that is your only style of dress--your trademark. Velvet would be too warm to wear in Newport Beach, CA, in the late afternoon. Since you are still attractive, why not wear a sheath with a matching jacket or light weight coat, or a silk spring suit that is well-made and tailored to fit your figure. You ask if it is okay? No, it is not okay.

After looking at photos of the Pelican Hill Resort on the Internet, it is hard to imagine guests wearing velvet at a 4:30 pm wedding. Palm trees and velvet don't mesh. In my opinion, you would keep the shell, dressy jacket and beautiful jewelry, but substitute the velvet pants for a beautifully tailored skirt, or a chiffon skirt that falls just below your knees and pretty shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM: Black Tie Encouraged
Q What does black tie encouraged mean? This is a wedding we will be attending in the early evening. (4:30 PM)
The reception is at a country club.

A Basically, what the hosts are trying to say is that they want guests to wear their best Suits & Dresses. When the wedding doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses, which is Cocktail Attire. Men don't have to wear a tuxedo, but the hosts want men to wear suits with ties and not show up in cargo pants or jeans.

The problem is this: 4:30 PM is too early to call it a formal wedding because a formal wedding is after six o'clock, so they are edging on wanting it to be formal, but are saying that if you don't have a tuxedo, you don't need to rent one if you have a good suit. Country Club dress code at that hour would be Suits & Dresses (short cocktail dresses) and no tuxedos. "Black Tie Encouraged" is my least favorite dress code because it is a wannabe formal dress code for a party that isn't formal. Please, don't tell your hosts I told you that. Thanks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 pm: California: Wearing Black
Q I have a wedding to attend this Saturday in Hollywood , CA. Church ceremony is at 4:30 and reception is at 7. My husband wants me to wear my black dress 3/4 sleeves and the length to mid-legs. Is it ok to wear it?

A Can you wear a black dress to a late afternoon wedding? Yes, you can, but you might want to lighten up the all-black by wearing nude colored shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM: Hats
Q I am going to a wedding next weekend and want to wear a hat. The wedding is at 4:30 in the afternoon. What should I do?

A Wear a hat, hats are perfect for weddings. If you don't have a hat already, look for one that doesn't have a huge brim because you'll have to hold on to it every time you go to kiss someone.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 pm: Indiana in September
Q I am attending 4:30 wedding in late Sept. in Indiana. What is the proper attire for a woman?

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM: Minnesota September
Q What to wear to a 4:30 pm wedding Memorial Day weekend, outside under a canopy at a lakeside resort (Drummond Island)in Upper Peninsula, MI.? Temp range could be 40* to 70*...! (Bride and groom moms said they are prepared to wear long underwear under their long dresses with jacket.) I'm 50 and fit, hourglass figure, 5'8" but, blown veins mean I no longer wear knee-length skirts which you seem to generally advise. It's either long or pants for me. Which would you advise? I do have a sleeveless, collarless, chocolate brown knit long sheath which I have paired with both a seafoam green jacket or a tan, with lilac flowers jacket but both have small rhinestone buttons....too dressy? I do have a pashmina I can add to that for warmth but am concerned that I may still be cold. Help please!

A You've pretty much decided what you will and won't wear, so I certainly won't try to talk you into wearing anything else. Of the two, wear the jacket that doesn't have the rhinestone buttons. And pack the pashmina, because you might need that, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 pm: October
Q I am attending a fall wedding. (Early Oct.) The ceremony is outdoors and the reception will take place on the terrace. Is it okay to wear an aqua/teal charmeuse dress with a square neckline and a an A-line silhouette? I thought about accessorizing with browns. The ceremony is at 4:30 on a Friday with the reception following immediately.

A Be fair warned, I am not a fan of accessorizing with the color brown for a late afternoon into evening wedding, and the brown/blue combo is very last year. That said, I would suggest that you wear nude-colored patent leather heels with your satin dress. As I don't know what other accessories you're planning on wearing, I can only recommend that since aqua/teal is such a strong and earthy color duo, that you keep to a neutral hue. Or stay with a totally aqua/teal look.

Alternatively, think about accessorizing with navy blue or black, if you don't like nude and want to introduce another color. And I wouldn't mind a really good looking small bright red clutch bag to give you a bit of pop. Or you could wear a beautiful felt hat or feathered fascinator to a late afternoon fall wedding to look more fascinating.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM: Summer Heat: Suits & Dresses
Q Hello,I LOVE your site ;)
Wedding- JULY 30 @ 4:30p.m.-

My husband an I are attending a 4:30 p.m. wedding reception in a Presbyterian Church with a sit down reception following at a historic train station that basically has a banquet hall. I am baffled at what we should wear considering the time and the difference in venues. The invitation is pretty casual and the bride and groom are more fun, laid back people...but do dress nice and our trendy. I have a trendy, floral, a-line, semi- cocktail dress with nude pumps I could wear- but didn't want to look to dressy/fussy..? Or, I have a trendy one- shoulder dress that is red in the background with a fun, bit more casual floral pattern with a darker nude strappy sandal..? My husband has just about anything to wear. He has everything from suits to sports coats to trendy button- downs as well as suspenders/braces- ;) I would love any comments and advice you would love to share.
Thank you!

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your short cocktail dresses sound perfect, but do remember that since the ceremony is being performed in a church, the dress code might not be as laid back as you imagine. My point is this, it is a church wedding and a short above the knee cocktail dress would be perfect. Not all churches are air conditioned, so your husband will want to wear his lightest weight summer suit or a summer blazer with white or off-white pants, with a collared shirt, great tie and loafers without socks. He can dust a bit of talcum powder in his shoes to keep his feet from sticking. Remind him that he can always take off his tie and jacket at the reception.

If you want to add a bit of trendy flare, why not wear a great fascinator or hat, which you can leave in the car after the church service?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 P.M. North Carolina in April
Q I was invited to a wedding recently and the invitation did not state a dress code, I have no idea what to wear! The wedding is at 5:00 PM with a reception following, in the middle of April, and at a plantation home in North Carolina. I am 22 years old tall and slim. I was wondering if a knee-length fuchsia cocktail dress with a decorative warped front that is not flashy would be appropriate with strappy gold heels that have large gold jewels down the front? This is the outfit that I wore to my sorority's winter cocktail if that helps give you a better idea of the type of outfit it is.

A Your hosts assume that if you're being invited to their daughter's wedding, you know how to dress and they are right. When the invitation doesn't state Black Tie, then assume that you would wear what you wore to your sorority's winter cocktail. Non-black-tie weddings are very chic right now. It is the quality of the dress and the men's suit that is important. Any man can rent a cheap tuxedo. You're on the right track.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm Black and White Wedding
Q Is it ok for the stepmother to wear a black dress to a 5pm black and white wedding?

A In my opinion, a black dress is always incredibly chic. If you want to make that little black dress more wedding-ish, load on the pearls. To lighten up the look, wear slightly shiny or shimmery legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone. To summerize the look of the black dress, wear something turquoise of aquamarine, perhaps a ring, brooch, earrings, or a nice, small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM Florida:: Outdoors
Q We are attending a destination wedding in Florida. It is a 5pm wedding, formal and outdoors. What to wear??

A Traditionally, a five o'clock wedding is not that formal, especially if it is outdoors, so you wouldn't want to overdress. If the invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, you would wear your best dark, lightweight suit instead of a tuxedo. If you're a woman under fifty, you would wear a beautiful cocktail dress that falls just above your knees, with great shoes and pearls. Otherwise, a dressy dinner suit that falls just below your knees would be appropriate. As I don't know your builds or ages, this is a rather general answer. Remember that just because the groom and groomsmen are wearing tuxedos, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is an ultra formal wedding, so find out.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Atlanta in August
Q What do you wear to a 5 pm wedding in Atlanta in August; reception at a private club; formal invitation?

A Depending upon your gender, if you are a man, you would wear a tuxedo when the invitation is formal. South of the Mason-Dixon Line (which divides the North from the South, as any state south of Pennsylvania and Delaware is considered to be in the South), he also has the option in the warmer months to wear a white dinner jacket with black tuxedo pants, a collared white dress shirt, and a black bow tie, along with black leather shoes and black garter-length socks.

A woman would wear a dressy short dress, dinner suit, sheath with matching jacket, or blouse and skirt, that, depending upon her age, either falls just below her knees or just above her knees (if she is under fifty).

A five o'clock wedding, even though it says formal is not as formal as an eight o'clock wedding, which is why the woman probably wouldn't wear a floor-length dress to a wedding that starts before six o'clock. Since long dresses tend to make most women look dowdy, the option to wear a short dress is usually taken.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Charlestown, Ma.
Q Hi Didi,
I'm attending a wedding in Charlestown, Ma., at the end of May at 5 o'clock. I'm on the heavy side and would appreciate any suggestions for attire.

A What you wear would depends upon so many factors: the formality of the wedding (Did the invitation state Black Tie?), your gender, and age. Since I know nothing about you, or the event this is a general answer.

For a five o'clock wedding, you would wear a dark suit, with a white shirt and silk tie, along with black shoes, socks, and belt. If you are, say, in your twenties, you could wear a dark navy blue blazer with grey flannel pants or dress khakis, with the same accessories.

A woman would wear a dressy skirt suit that is nipped-in at the waist. A sheath with a matching jacket or pretty sweater would work as well. Luckily, you are off the hook about having to wear a long dress because it is a five o'clock wedding, so there is one thing we know: no long or tea-length dress. Women over a certain age tend to look dowdy in lengths more that an inch below their knees. You would wear beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch. As I said, if you are over forty, you want to look dignified and elegant. A well-tailored outfit that follows your curves would flatter your figure, whatever your age. If you are under forty, do wear a dress with a flirty skirt good for dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Chicago in May
Q I am attending a 5:00 pm wedding at the end of May (in a suburb of Chicago). It will be held on a golf course with the reception to follow in the clubhouse. My husband is the best man. What kind of attire would be appropriate? A black cocktail dress or a mid-calf black and white printed dress?

A The mid-calf black and white printed dress would be more appropriate for a spring wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Memphis
Q My husband and I are attending a 5:00 wedding October 30th at a vineyard in Memphis, TN. My husband is wearing a black suit?? I have no clue what to wear. I am 24 and slenderly built. The wedding will be outside if weather permits.

A Wear a pretty dress with a flirty skirt that falls just above your knees and beautiful shoes. You want to look pretty when attending a wedding so wear something special. You'll be going to lots of weddings so have that special outfit in your closet for just such an occasion. The dress should be slightly glamorous and yet comfortable enough to dance in. Take a small sweet clutch bag for your lipgloss and ID.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Philadelphia
Q I am invited to a 5:00 wedding in October at a beautiful historic building in Philadelphia. The wedding and reception are in the same location. The invitation does not specify the attire. I am 53 years old and have a pretty slender figure. I bought a 2 piece dark purple outfit that looks like a gown and drags on the floor in the back, i.e. slight train as is the current fashion. It has no sequins or beads and the top is very fitted with 3/4 length sleeves and a little low cut. The skirt is straight with a slight flare at the bottom. I am concerned that it is too dressy given the 5:00 hour. I am wondering if I should buy a short dressy dress instead.

A In my opinion, the outfit you describe is too formal for an informal wedding. When the invitation doesn't state Black Tie and the ceremony is at five o'clock, you would wear a dressy skirted dinner suit or a cocktail dress, not a long dress and especially not with a train of any length.

The reason there is no dress code on the invitation is because a five o'clock wedding is not formal. Your instincts were correct and I'm sure your dark purple outfit is stunning, but at this wedding the only woman wearing a long gown will be the bride. Do go out and buy yourself one of those chic draped cocktail dresses that falls just below the knees.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm in Shreveport, La.
Q Didi

I am going to a 5pm church wedding, with dinner reception in a casino ballroom. I am 53 and wear a size 16; would a nice pair of black pants and a dressy blouse be okay for this wedding? I don't wear dresses often and hate to have to buy something I probably will not wear again. This wedding is in Shreveport, LA.

A You're not going to like my answer: I'm not a big fan of women wearing pants to a wedding. At your age you want to look elegant and dignified. Wear a simple well-tailored dress. Alternatively, a skirt suit that falls just below the knees would be fine. If you wish to wear the dressy blouse, that's fine, too, but buy yourself a flattering skirt and some beautiful shoes. You might find that it's fun to have a new look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm Maine Wedding in August
Q I'm attending a 5 o'clock wedding in Boothbay, Maine, August 2nd . The wedding is going to be outside . The bridesmaids are wearing a tank-style baby blue dress just below the knee. I think a satin material The reception is then going to be inside the inn. I'm not sure if a black dress would be ok or a sold color dress, what length to wear, or even what color. Would it be ok to wear a strapless dress? Please help.

A Yes, do wear a strapless, but maybe not black. If it were a big city wedding, I would say black is where it's at, but Boothbay, Maine, is more laid back. Depending upon your build and age, you can certainly wear a strapless dress that falls just above your knees. The color would depend upon your coloring. I, personally, love white chiffon with a floral pattern dress that has a good swing for dancing, with strappy sandals. Alternatively, a wrapdress or a silk sundress would be fine, too. For a solid color, you wouldn't want to wear baby blue; any color but red would be fine. At a wedding, you wouldn't want to draw guests' attention away from the bride by wearing red. As to length, I am not a huge fan of long or tea-length dresses, as they tend to make most women look dowdy. If you're under fifty and your legs are fairly decent, by all means, let the hem fall just above your knees. Older, the hem should fall just below the knees.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm New York City: Summer
Q I am a 30-year-old woman whose boyfriend will be in the wedding, and wearing a tux. The ceremony is being held in a large catholic cathedral and the reception will be held in an old and distinguished club in New York City at 5:00 pm in the summer.

A When a wedding invitation doesn't specify a dress code, then you can assume that the dress code is Suits and Dresses, despite the fact that your husband, who is in the wedding party, has to wear a tuxedo.

Wear a short cocktail dress that falls just above your knees, with beautiful shoes and a pretty small clutch. Wear the kind of dress you would wear to a dressy cocktail party or to a very upscale restaurant or club.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm Newport in July
Q We are attending a weekend wedding in Newport RI end of August; there are 2 occasions: rehearsal dinner on boat cruise at 4:30...next day 5PM formal wedding at the Goat Island Marina.

What is the proper dress for both men and woman for these occasions? Thank You

A For the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation didn't state "Black-tie" or "Jacket and tie," then a male guest would wear either a blazer and khaki pants or a shirt with shorts; a woman would wear a skirt or slacks with a nice top. A lightweight sweater casually tied over the shoulders is always a practical good look. How dressed up you get really depends if the rehearsal dinner is on a sailboat or a dinner cruise boat. It could be either. Some of the dinner cruise boats are quite formal and a jacket and tie is de rigueur; however, the less formal boats are more relaxed. For the formal wedding, if the invitation states "Black-tie," it means that the man would wear a tuxedo or dark blue lightweight suit and the woman would wear a short, dressy cocktail dress. Five o'clock is really too early for a "formal" wedding, which is why, in my opinion, you would not be required to wear a tuxedo or a long evening dress. It is best in an ambiguous situation such as this that you talk to a member of the bridal party, who is also attending the rehearsal dinner, about the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm Outdoor Formal Wedding
Q Is it appropriate for a man to wear a teal jacket , navy pants to a 5:00 PM outdoor formal wedding?

A Teal and navy are a great combination, but not for a formal wedding. If the invitation states "Black-tie," you will need to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a dark navy blue lightweight suit with black shoes. You better check with someone in the wedding party to find out about the dress code because five o'clock is early for a formal wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm Service
Q My wife is 51. We are attending a 5:00 PM wedding. She wants to wear a red dress which has a red jacket. What kind of shoe and what color should she wear? This is a Fall wedding indoors. The dress is long. She dresses very conservatively. She really never wears heels.

A In my opinion, your wife shouldn't wear a long dress to a five o'clock wedding. If she does, she will feel overdressed. She could wear her best cocktail dress that falls just below her knees and has sleeves. Alternatively, a dressy skirted dinner suit in a fine fabric would be a good fit. If she doesn't normally wear heels, she doesn't have to because pumps and ballet style flats are very much in fashion.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM Wedding In France
Q My husband and I have been invited to a French wedding. This is a family my daughter lived with while studying abroad and we have become good friends. They have come to U.S. for her wedding and my son's and we are invited to her daughter's. She happens to be a countess also. I thought it would be very formal but she said just to wear a short dress. How formal? The wedding is Aug. 30 at 5:00 p.m. in the church in the small village. Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres are back at the Chateau for 1 1/2 hours and then the dinner will be in a tent after that on the grounds of the castle (her words). Her attire at our weddings was a nice short dress but not real formal. My husband was told no tux just a suit. Can you help me?

A For a five o'clock wedding you wouldn't wear a long dress or a tuxedo. The short cocktail dress is perfect for such an elegant occasion. Try looking on-line for a cocktail dress at local department stores. Look for a very simple, well-tailored, sheath with a matching jacket or short sleeves or, alternatively, a short, dressy, well-cut dinner skirt suit. Stay away from pale colors and stick with a solid color. For a wedding such as this, it is all about the quality of the fabric and design. A good department store will have a tailor who can fit the dress or suit to you. Your hem would fall just below your knees. A small evening bag and beautiful low heeled shoes would also be of good quality. Wear your best jewelry, but not too much of it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: California
Q Dear Didi,

What do I wear to a 5:00 wedding at the Four Season's Hotel in Westlake, Ca?

Thank you1

Marilyn

A What I usually do is go to the wedding event website and look at the photos. In this situation the Four Seasons in Westlake, CA, and click on weddings to see what people seem to be wearing. When the invitation does not specify black-tie, you can assume that the dress code is Suits and Dresses. With that in mind, remember that CA tends to be a bit less dressy than the East Coast.

In my opinion, depending upon your build and age, you would wear a well-made beautiful cocktail dress that falls just above your knees if you are under fifty, just below the knees otherwise. Fabulous shoes always look great on the dance floor, and a small pretty clutch for your lipgloss is a must.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: Castle Lawn in July
Q Hi Didi,

I am attending my boyfriend's mother's second wedding, which will be fairly small and take place in July at 5 pm on a castle lawn with a reception on site. My options are a dark green flutter sleeve lace dress which is knee-length in the front and slightly longer in the back, a cream lace dress which is about knee-length and which I would wear with a hat, or a fitted gold and black brocade sheath with a matching bolero jacket. The family is very conservative, so I would like to look classy without looking matronly as I am 19 years old.

A Such great choices. Love the cream lace dress, but you probably want to stay away from wearing anything close to white, even off-white, because you don't want to look like a wanna-be bride. Without having seen any of these three dresses, my guess would be the dark green with the flutter sleeves. It sounds charming and youthful. The fitted gold and brocade sheath with the bolero jacket might be a bit dressy for a country wedding, which is why I have less difficulty imagining the dark green dress with the flutter sleeves on the green lawn. I always try to imagine the photos. When you see the photos, how do you want to be remembered?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: Colorado
Q I'm going to a wedding on October 1st in Beaver Creek, Colorado, reception to follow in Vail, Colorado. The wedding will take place at 5:00 p.m. The attire is black tie. I've bought a dress that is long and one shoulder. It is a aquamarine, light blue color. I'm doubting the dress now, hearing that it's smarter to wear a darker color to a black tie wedding. The wedding is a close family friend, and I would like to make a good impression for me and our family. Thoughts? Advice?

A First off, you don't have to wear a long dress to a five o'clock wedding. Just because it is a formal wedding, it doesn't mean you have to wear long before six o'clock. Wear a chic black cocktail dress that falls just above your knees (if older than sixty, just above your knees), with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag.

Personally, I think the light blue dress sounds lovely, so if you look and feel great in it, wear it with nude colored high heels and a small pretty clutch. As I don't know your age or build, this is a very general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: Country Club
Q I am attending a 5 o'clock church wedding with a dinner and dancing reception/sit down dinner at a country club. I live in Ohio. The wedding will be early May. Attire was not requested on the invitation. Do I have to wear a long dress? Is it okay for me to wear a knee-length dress?

A Please don't wear a long dress. If the dress code Black Tie is not stated on the invitation, you are off the hook about having to wear a long dress. I have no idea of your build, age, or style, but for a five o'clock church wedding followed by a seated dinner and dancing at a country club, you would wear a very good cocktail dress that depending upon your age would fall above your knees or just below your knees. Wear beautiful shoes with a heel, but not too high because you'll be dancing. Your legs will look best in quality legwear that is a tone lighter than your legs and that has a slight shimmer to it. May can be chilly in Ohio, so you want to have a pashmina or dressy sweater to wear if there is a chill in the air. A pretty clutch bag is always chic. Pearls are de rigueur for weddings, so if you have them, wear them or buy good imitations.

About the dress. A lot depends upon your build and age. If you're under 45, by all means wear a dress that has a flirty skirt that makes dancing fun. If your arms are not as buff as you wish they were, wear a dress with short or three quarter length sleeves. Remember that a dress with a V neck will make you look slimmer and that a dress that shows your curves always flatters your figure.

If you are older, a dressy dinner suit or a dress with a matching jacket are both perfect for a wedding. A dress with a matching light-weight coat is lovely as well. The older you are the more dignified and elegant you want to look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: Country Club
Q What should I wear to a 5pm wedding..reception is at a country club. There will be cocktails, dinner and dancing. Could I wear linen white pants with a dressy blouse and sling-back shoes?

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear white linen pants unless you were a man and it was a summer wedding or the wedding was taking place in the tropics. As I have no idea of your age, gender, build, or the dress code, I would recommend country club dress code, which for a five o'clock wedding would be a cocktail dress with a flirty skirt, if you're under fifty, and a dressy skirt-suit or sheath with a matching jacket if you are older.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: Formal Attire
Q Wedding 5:00 Outdoor Wedding and reception, invitation states "Formal Attire". The entire evening will be at the groom's parents home. Ceremony will be held under an old, beautiful tree, the reception will be under a large event tent which will include a sit down buffet dinner with dancing, open bar and dancing. What is the etiquette for a woman guest to wear? Can I wear black or should I stay with a dark grey lace overlay fitted above the knees dress I have purchased? And what color shoes would you wear grey, neutral or would you add a pop of color? Thank you.

A You can definitely wear gr ay lace if it is a dark gray and clearly not an off-while. Have satin shoes dyed to match the dress or wear black for evening.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: Garden Wedding: Men
Q Please "dress" my husband for a 5:00 garden wedding.

A Assuming the dress code is Suits and Dresses, he would wear a navy blue suit or a navy blue blazer with off-white pants, either would be worn with a white collared shirt with a great tie, and black Gucci-style loafers. He wouldn't need to wear socks in the summer.

Since I don't know the age of your husband, this is a very general answer. If he's older than forty, men of that age are more comfortable wearing a light-weight dark navy blue or gray suit to a wedding and not loafers but tie black shoes, black socks and black belt, perhaps with a white handkerchief in his breast pocket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: Hats
Q Hi Didi,

Is a hat appropriate for a summer evening wedding? The ceremony is scheduled for 5pm on a castle terrace, and the reception will also be outdoors. I have a beige halter dress with a black sash and some black heels that I intend to wear, and I had hoped to wear a big black hat for the ceremony and take it off for the reception. The sun doesn't set around here till almost 9, so the atmosphere is more nearly that of an afternoon wedding.

A Shall you or shall you not wear a hat to a five o'clock wedding? In my opinion, you would be very silly not to take advantage of such a fun weapon of coquetry. A little silk or straw hat would be quite elegant, I say "little" because little is much more convenient to travel with and to greet with a kiss. Weddings, and their receiving line, are very much about kissing, sometime one check and then the other, so a hat with a wide brim could be awkward should you have to hold on to your hat while greeting someone with a kiss. The shape, or line of the hat, and the quality of the materials is of course terrifically important.

A beautiful hat, whether it is dignified, happy, or elegant, is the quintessence of femininity.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: Memphis: Black and White
Q Sorry - I sent a wedding etiquette question about the 5PM Memphis wedding in July...forgot to mention that it is a church wedding. Not sure about the location of the reception.

A No need to apologize, the time doesn't really make a difference. Black and white dresses are always chic, they always fit in and are appropriate for most occasions, just don't wear white accessories.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: North Carolina: October
Q I am attending a wedding at Bald Head Island NC late October at 5 pm. Wedding will be held outside at the lighthouse. What is the appropriate attire? I was told the mother of the bride will be wearing a short "skirt" length. Not sure about the shoes because I don't know if the turf is sand or boarded, so to be safe wear beautiful pumps or flats.

A Depending on your age, build and gender, the dress code, unless otherwise stipulated, would be Suits and Dresses. An early evening outdoor wedding ceremony and on the sea, no less, will be chilly. Again depending on the above, a dress with a matching jacket would be great, as would a skirt suit, both would fall just above your knees if you're under fifty, otherwise just below your knees. A fall dress with a pretty cardigan sweater would be lovely as well. Not sure about the shoes because I don't know if the turf is sand or boarded, so to be safe, wear beautiful pumps or flats as you wouldn't want your high heels to sink into the sand or get caught in the space between the boards.

A man would wear either a mid-weight suit or a jacket or blazer with dress khaki pants or gray flannels, both with collared shirts and a great tie. Dark loafers and socks with a matching dark belt would be appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 pm: September: Golf Club
Q Hello, I am attending a 5 in the evening wedding with reception to be followed at a golf club on September 17. Please help, I have my eye on a espresso brown strapless evening gown. Is this okay

A My guess is that an evening gown is too dressy. You want to be wearing a short snappy cocktail dress with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 PM: Tea-Length + Ankles
Q DIdi, I am wearing a pale pink chiffon tea-length dress to a 5:00 wedding. I would like to know what color nylons and shoes to wear. I do like closed-in shoes. When
I ordered the jeweled neckline dress, the model was wearing silver strap shoes. Although very pretty, my feet are not. Please help...

A I'm not the person to ask, as I'm not a fan of tea-length, although, I do love chiffon. Wear a quality legwear, such as a piece from Wolford. It should be a shade lighter than your skin tone and have a bit of shine to it that will make your legs glow as though they were well-groomed and buffed. For a five o'clock wedding, nude colored heels would be lovely. Personally, I think straps at the ankles tend to make ankles look thicker than they actually are, so if you don't like strappy sandals, look for a beautiful pair of nude colored pumps or high heels and you'll find that you'll get a lot of use out of them. They are very chic just now.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 Wedding: Women Guest
Q What is the proper attire for a lady to wear to a 5:00 P. M. wedding?

A It would depend upon the climate and the style of the wedding, as well as the age and build of the woman. The invitation should give you clues. For instance, if the wedding is taking place on a beach in Nantucket and there is a reception and dancing in a tent afterwards, you might wear a mid-calf dress with a pretty shawl or jacket. If the invitation states Black Tie, you would wear the kind of dress that you would wear to a dinner dance. If you are under 60, that might mean a flirty low cut dressy dress. If you are older, it might mean a dressy dinner suit or dress with matching jacket of good quality with, say, dressy buttons and trim. Wear comfortable but pretty shoes for the service that are also good for dancing and carry a small, dressy clutch bag. Shawls or jackets are a must because you might be going from a chilly church to an overheated ballroom, so dressing in layers is always a good idea when the venue changes locations. If you would like more specific information, you will have to tell me more about the wedding and yourself and I will help you find a flattering look for the wedding. For instance, I am a big fan of hats and gloves at the wedding that can be left in the car during the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00pm: Wearing Nude to a Wedding
Q I am attending at 5 o'clock wedding at a mountain resort. Cocktails and ceremony are outside and reception inside. Is it ok to wear a nude/cream colored short dress to wedding?

A Sounds perfect to me. I know you're asking about the cream aspect and as I don't know how close this nude/cream is to off-white, I would suggest you wear nude/beige shoes and accessorize with coral or/and turquoise, if it is an upcoming summer wedding; a fall color of burnt orange or jade green if later in the year.

Obviously, you're sensitive to the fact that you don't want to look like a wanna' be bride, but I too love nude/beige and understand. So, the colors you accessorize with make you look authentically you.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 Atlanta n August: Women
Q I am invited to a 5:30 PM church wedding in Atlanta the end of August. The reception will be in a nearby club. I am 60 years old. If it's Black Tie, I know what to do, but if it's not, any suggestions? I have a tea-length pink linen with a white linen cut jacket with pink beading. Strappy sandals, beaded purse and simple jewelry?

A If the invitation doesn't clearly state black-tie, then you are off the hook about having to wear an evening dress. Since the invitation states 5:30 pm, you do not have to wear a long dress. Because I don't know your style or your build, my best guess is that you should wear a cocktail dress with three-quarter-length sleeves that falls just below your knees.

In my opinion, tea-length is rather dreary unless you are a teenager. Dresses that are too long tend to make older woman look dowdy. Have your pink dress shortened to just below your knee caps and wear legwear a shade lighter than the color of your legs. If the legwear has a bit of shimmer or shine to it, then they will look slightly dressy.

Even if you find out that it is a black-tie wedding, 5:30 is still too early to be in a long dress. You want to look elegant and dignified--which you would look, if you wore a just below the knee-length, dressy skirt-suit (often called a dinner suit) or dress with a matching jacket.

Not sure about the strappy sandals. If you have really great legs and ankles, fine, but when in doubt, don't call attention to areas that aren't your best asset. Strappy sandals tend to cut your legs off from your feet visually and therefore make you look shorter; they are usually worn by those under fifty. Look for a comfortable pair of soft leather or satin sling backs with a small to medium heel that would be comfortable for dansing. A beaded purse sounds a bit dressy for a late afternoon-early evening wedding. A plain colored satin, linen, silk or soft leather clutch would be simpler. Wear your good jewelry, but remember that less is more.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 January in Georgia: Country Club
Q What should I wear to a 5:30 p.m. January wedding in a Georgia Church with reception following at the Country Club?

A This is a really general answer because I don't know the formality of the wedding or anything about you, your gender, age, build, coloring.

Wear what you would wear to an upscale restaurant. A man would wear a dark business suit, a collared, non-button down long-sleeve shirt, great tie, black belt, shoes, socks and watch band, if it is leather. A woman would wear a dressy skirtsuit, a dress with matching jacket, or cocktail dress that falls just above her knees, or if she is older than sixty, just above her knees and the dress would have sleeves. Accessorize with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. I'm a huge fan of wearing a chic hat to a wedding and leaving it in the car when you go into the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 p.m. on May 1st
Q Hi Didi! My sister and I are attending a wedding, in a church, 5:30pm. The wedding is 5/1/10..... We are both between 170-200lbs... We are shapely and have cleavage.... We want to make sure we are dressed appropriately for the event. There is no specification of "black tie" or anything to give me clues about what to wear! Thanks in advance for your help.

A If the invitation doesn't state Black Tie then you are off the hook about having to wear a long dress. Since I don't know your age or where the wedding is taking place, this is a rather general answer. On May 1st the temperatures could well be in the high 50s as far south as South Carolina, so you would wear a dressy skirt suit with at least a three quarters length jacket, or take a sweater or shawl. A dress that falls just below the knees with a matching jacket would go well, too. You made no mention of the reception, so if there isn't dinner and dancing you wouldn't be wearing a dress with a lot of cleavage just to go to the church.

The formality of your outfits would depend upon the venue for the reception. How much leg and how much cleavage you show would depend upon how young you are and how cold the temperature.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM Atlanta: Ceremony Outdoors
Q What do you wear to a 5:30pm wedding in middle October?
The wedding is being held outdoors and will be in Atlanta, Georgia.

A Depending upon the dress code of the wedding, whether it is informal or formal, your gender, age, build and coloring, that's how you determine how to dress. If the invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, which I assume it doesn't, then 5:30 would mean men would wear light-weight dark suits, collared shirts that are not buttoned down, a bright silk tie, black socks, shoes, belt and watch band (if leather).

A woman under fifty, once again depending on her build, would wear a flirty cocktail dress with beautiful shoes and carry a clutch bag for her lipgloss. An elegant, dignified, well-made skirt suit or dress with any kind of a sleeve, would be most well suited for the rest of us.

When you say outdoors, I am assuming that that there will be a floored tent for the tables, chairs, and the dance floor.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 pm in Pittsburgh on July 4th
Q Hi Didi-

I am going to a 5:30pm wedding in Pittsburgh on Sunday the 4th of July. The invitations don't say specify whether it is formal or not, but it does say 5:30 pm in the afternoon, not evening. It is indoors. How formal should my dress be? Will my boyfriend need to wear a tux or will he be ok in a suit?

Thanks!

A You've picked up quite a few cues on the invitation for the 5:30 in the afternoon wedding. Since there is no dress code stating Black Tie, your boyfriend should not wear a tuxedo; a good suit is perfect; however, because it is summer he could also wear his best blazer with cream colored (or colored) pants, as long as he wears a collared shirt, silk tie, black socks and shoes and black belt.

You would not wear a long dress, instead a pretty dressy cocktail dress with a flirty skirt that falls just above your knees would be perfect. It is a great outfit for dancing. Beautiful shoes are always best on the dance floor. Your dress does not need to be formal, but it should be well-made and of good quality material. I am thinking a pale chiffon with a floral pattern that flatters your waistline. Carry a soft, pretty small clutch for your lip gloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 pm in Vegas
Q I am attending a wedding at 5:30 pm in Vegas. I have a right above the knee black satin dress kinda form fitting. What type of shoes, earrings and necklace if one is needed?

A Any sparkling, dangling earring that you would wear in the evening would be smashing. Strappy high heels are always fitting for a short black satin dress. They don't have to be black; silver or gold would work, too. Whether you wear a necklace or not would depend upon the earrings. If the earrings are significant, then skip the necklace, but you could wear a cocktail ring.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: August: Dress Length
Q I am attending a 5:30 pm wedding in late August (ceremony outdoors and reception will be indoors). The invitation says "cocktail attire". I am 45 yrs old and a size 12/14...5'-7". I want to wear a long "understated" patterned skirt (flowy fabric) that hits right above my ankles. My top is a v neck draped black top...not sure it is dressy enough? Can I wear all black or would that be inappropriate for a wedding? I am not a dress kinda gal...tend to wear black dress slacks. Am I correct to avoid any shimmer and bling?

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, meaning formal attire, then you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Cocktail Attire is Suits & Dresses. Cocktail Attire doesn't mean long dress.

You're not going to like my answer because I am not a fan of long patterned skirts. Personally,I think they are dowdy and tend to make a woman look dreary. I'm not talking here about getting into the shimmer and bling, I'm saying don't look dowdy. Wear a short cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag for your lipgloss and keys.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 pm: Black Tie in California
Q What would you wear to a black-tie wedding at 5:30 PM in California? The wedding and reception are at a resort, and weather will be warm. My husband has a tuxedo, do I need to wear a floor-length dress? (I am in my thirties.) I have a teal satin floor-length dress that is strappy on top.

A You do not have to wear a long dress to a 5:30 PM black-tie wedding. At a warm weather resort, a silk chiffon dress with a flirty skirt that falls just above your knees would be perfect with beautiful shoes.

Of course, if you wish to wear a floor-length dress, you certainly can do so, but for dancing at a resort in warm weather, you might feel more comfortable in a short chiffon with a skirt that has some swing to it. A long satin dress sounds a bit hot for a warm summer night.

You asked what I would wear: I would wear a pale chiffon dress, perhaps with a floral pattern, that falls just above my knees and really good quality, elegant, open-toed, sling-backs with a medium height, thin heel. I would accessorize with a soft cloth clutch, a pearl necklace or beads, and a colorful cocktail ring on my right hand.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Black Tie: Chicago
Q My daughter and her fiance will be attending a wedding in Chicago in August. The ceremony is at 3:30 in a downtown hotel with cocktails at 5:30 followed by the reception. It is a very large, elaborate affair. The invitation says black tie. Given the daytime wedding and going into evening, we are a little torn with appropriate attire for the both of them. What is your advice? Thanks.

A Understandably, it is upsetting as 5:30 weddings are not traditionally Black Tie. Your daughter's fiance can wear a white dinner jacket with black pants, shoes, socks, belt, and bow tie. It would be totally appropriate for your daughter to wear a dressy cocktail dress that falls just above her knees, with beautiful shoes and a small, pretty clutch bag. Just because it says the wedding is black-tie, be assured that guests don't want to be traipsing around Chicago on a horribly hot afternoon in an evening dress or tuxedo. Others will fall into the "just barely BT attire," so don't let the kids suffer. Recommend that they take it down a notch from Black Tie because of the time of day. Not to worry, they will fit in.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Georgia
Q Not sure what to wear (I have options)...am attending a 5:30 p.m. wedding on the lawn of a B&B, May 21, in Athens, GA. Help PLEASE!

A If you're a woman, you would wear a short dress that falls above your knees, otherwise just below your knees with strappy sandals or beautiful pumps. A man would wear a light weight suit or a blazer with dress slacks, a collared shirt and tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Kentucky in May
Q I will be attending a late May wedding in Kentucky as a guest with my boyfriend. The ceremony will be held in the chapel of a religious college and the reception will be held on campus as well. The ceremony begins at 5:30. I am 23, 5'5, 120 lbs with blonde hair and green eyes. I have a bright floral print one shoulder dress that is fitted at the waist and falls above the knee. Would this dress be acceptable with nude pumps and pearls?

I will be attending a wedding later in May that begins at 6:30 and will be held at a historic building in downtown Lexington, Kentucky. There is a reception following and an after party thrown by the grooms family at a hotel downtown. The venue is a very nice location and guests will include many college friends and sorority sisters. What sort of attire would be appropriate for this wedding?

A Your bright floral print one shoulder dress sounds perfect. As it is a religious college, you might want to wear a lightweight pashmina or pretty cardigan, which you can take off and leave in the car before going to the reception.

You could wear that same outfit to the 6:30pm wedding. However, if you wanted to take it up a notch, you could wear bright colored shoes that are one of the bright colors in the dress and wear dangle earrings instead of the pearls, or a different necklace. I'm always curious with one shoulder dresses whether you wear your hair on the bare shoulder side or strap side, or both, or pull it back? You certainly could experiment by wearing it one way for the first wedding and another for the second, if you're looking to refresh your look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Men: Not Black-Tie
Q Hi Didi,
My husband and I, along with our 28-year-old son will be attending a late August wedding. The ceremony is at 5:30 pm at a chapel on the property (Bonnet Island, NY). reception following in the beautiful ballroom. The invitation states Formal Attire but not Black Tie. What is the proper attire for the men? The Mayor of NY along with Judges and Attorney's will be there.


A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. In this case, where politicians are present, the uniform will be dark suits with white collared shirts, ties, and black socks, shoes, and belt. Your son can certainly get away with wearing a navy blue blazer and white or off-white pants with a white shirt, tie and black loafers. If he doesn't have white pants, he can wear dress khakis.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Pinehurst, NC in June
Q I am 52 years old, 5'5", 150 lbs, athletic (but not buff) build. The wedding I am attending is to be held late June in a Catholic Church, 5:30 pm, in Pinehurst, NC; reception following ceremony at the Country Club. I have a very flattering v-neck, shawl collar, 3/4 sleeve dress....the color is a deep plum. I plan to wear my gold jewelry. I have 2 questions:
1.) Is the color too dark for a June wedding?
2.) What color shoes should I wear?

Many thanks!

A No, the color plum is not too dark to wear to a June wedding. As for shoes, to soften the dark plum and elongate your overall appearance, wear shoes that are closer to your skin color. Wearing beautiful shoes that are near in hue to your skin tone will make you appear longer and leaner, especially if they have a bit of a heel to them and your legs are well-groomed and shiny.

Since you didn't mention the length of your dress, I wanted to remind you to keep it short. No longer than just below your knees will keep you from looking dowdy. You want to look chic and elegant, which it sounds as though you are.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: Shoe Color
Q I am attending a wedding at country club at 5:30 in Warrenton, VA. I purchased a berry colored sleeveless dress. I don't know what color shoes to wear with it. Please help me.

A Look for a nude or beige/nude colored shoe. Black would be too wintery for right now. You can also accessorize with a beige/nude small clutch bag. Alternatively, navy blue is equally chic.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM: South: Men and Women
Q Hi Didi, my boyfriend and I are going to a 5:30 pm wedding in the South in November. I am planning to wear a knee-length cocktail dress. He's considering just a button down dress shirt, dress pants and shoes with no coat or tie. Is this sufficient? I am 25 and he is 30.

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your dress sounds perfect. Out of respect for the bride, your boyfriend would wear a tie and jacket. Remind him that dress shirts are worn after six o'clock, so he needs to wear a white shirt that does NOT have a button down collar. If your boyfriend was a teenager or still in college, he could probably get away with not dressing up for the wedding, but in the South weddings are a fairly dressy affair. Take him to your local thrift shop and have him buy a dark suit, dress shirt and handsome tie. Alternatively, dark dress khaki pants with a well-made jacket. He'll also need dark shoes, socks and belt.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 Wedding
Q What is proper attire for guest of a 6:00 pm wedding? The invitation did not specify.

A As the invitation did not specify "Black Tie," you would not wear a tuxedo or a long dress. What you do wear depends upon your gender, age, build, the location of the wedding, climate, and whether it is a formal, semiformal or informal wedding. We've ruled out formal and time of day, so for a summer, semiformal evening wedding, a man might wear a dark lightweight suit or summer jacket with lightweight gray flannel trousers, a collared long sleeved dress shirt and a summer tie. Black shoes and black or navy blue socks that are high enough so that they don't let flesh show when the man is seated. Or he might wear a navy blue blazer with white pants, a colored or striped dress shirt and a tie with light socks and dark brown shoes. With either, he would wear a belt or suspenders but not both at once.

The location of the wedding reception might give you a clue as to whether you should dress up or dress down. For instance if the reception is a clambake on the beach, you might not wear a tie, jacket, socks or tie shoes or high heeled shoes. However, if the reception is at an expensive restaurant or private club, you would want to dress your best.

A woman might wear a pretty dress that falls just below her knees or is three-quarters length, with sling-back or strappy heels. She might wear a lightweight shawl or scarf and a small decorative evening bag. An older woman might wear a dinner suit in a quality fabric with decorative buttons or a beautiful long sleeved blouse and skirt that falls below the knees with sling-back low heel shoes for dancing, and a pretty evening bag. If the reception is at a hotel or restaurant she might want to be sure that she takes along something to cover her arms in case the facility is air-conditioned. The emphasis would be on simplicity of cut, quality fabrics, and small decorative touches, such as piping and buttons, pretty earrings or brooch.

If you would like to return to my Web site and ask the question again telling me more about the location of the reception and the climate at the time of the wedding, I will give you a more precise answer. I would also need to know your gender, age, and build.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM
Q Can I wear long white button-down skirt w/ black top to 6:00 pm wedding?

A Out of respect for the bride, you wouldn't wear white as one of two of your primary colors. Quite frankly, you wouldn't wear a long dress either.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm at Southern Baptist Church in April
Q I am 56, my neice is getting married in a southern baptist church at 6:00 pm, April '09. Can I wear a spring floral tea-length skirt? or should I wear something darker. I am 5-2 and about 140 lbs., white/silver hair Thanks Cathy

A Cathy, in my opinion, most women look dowdy in longish skirts and dresses. Go with a more tailored look that will flatter your figure. For instance, a dress with a matching jacket or a dressy suit, both of which would fall just below your knees and have a nipped waist to show off your form. A tailored dress with short or three quarter length sleeves would also be appropriate. You can wear a hat to the church and leave in your car when you go into the reception. A spring floral dress or skirt that falls just below your knees sounds fine, though a solid color or subtler pattern or texture might be more sophisticated, especially in April. For solid spring colors, blues, reds, and greens are always good with white/silver hair.

If your skirt is silk and you have a gorgeous solid silk blouse, you could certainly wear them with pretty high heels, although I think a more coordinated look will elongate your silhouette.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm Atlanta in September
Q I'm a California beach girl (used to be, now I'm 54 & married) and will be attending a late September wedding at 6 pm at Park Tavern, Atlanta, Georgia. The invitation is black with pink and white and then wrapped with a black bow. Apparently the bridesmaids are in black and the flower girl in pink. What would be appropriate to wear?

A Wear a very chic black cocktail dress that falls just below your knees, or any well-made cocktail dress. When I say cocktail dress, I refer to a dress that you would wear to a very upscale restaurant where you know the waiters will treat you better if you're well-dressed. Black and white would be fine, too. Wear beautiful shoes comfortable for dancing and take a small, pretty clutch for your lipgloss. Since I don't know your coloring or your build, or the dress code for that matter, this is a rather general answer--but it's probably accurate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm in October
Q I have a wedding to attend at a small church on October 16, 2010, at 6:00 p.m. What should I wear? Also, the reception will follow at the groom's house. Should I wear the same dress to the reception or should I wear something else?

A As the reception immediately follows the church ceremony, you would wear the same dress to both. Put on a hat for the ceremony and leave it in your car when you go into the reception. Weddings are always a great excuse to wear a chic hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm in Arkansas: Woman
Q I'm invited to an outdoor wedding taking place at 6:00 pm in the deep, humid south of Arkansas. I know the bride has told male guests that no tie is required although the wedding party will wear ties. I'm 60 years old and would like to wear a just above the knee print silk dress? Is this appropriate? Thanks.

A I guess it would depend upon the dress and your legs. A moo-moo, would be a no-no. A well-tailored pink linen, silk or linen-silk blend, would be fine. People expect women of a certain age--whether the wedding is in Boston or Arkansas--to be and look elegant, refined, and dignified. Try on the pink print silk dress, look into a full-length mirror and ask yourself, "Do I look elegant? Do I look dignified?" If the answer to either is resoundingly "No," then move on to an alternative.

To start, unless your legs are buff, well-groomed, and devoid of unsightly spots or veins, the length of your dress should end just below your knees. Knobbly knees don't always age well--and certainly don't make you look any younger. You don't want to look like as if you are trying to compete with the ingenues at the wedding. Rethink your priorities. There is nothing, whatsoever, wrong in going for a dignified, elegant look. Dressing your age, acting your age is all about being elegant and dignified. I'm not saying you have to look severe and stuffy, I'm saying look in the mirror. In answer to your question, just above the knee is not appropriate for women over fifty in either Boston or Arkansas.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm in Birmingham
Q What attire to wear to a wedding in Birmingham, AL, on a Saturday that starts at 6:00 pm?

A What you wear depends on some huge factors: the dress code, which helps determine the formality of the wedding, your gender, age, and build.

Assuming that the invitation does not state "Black Tie," you are off the hook about having to wear a tuxedo. You would, however, wear your best dark suit with black belt, shoes and socks, a straight collared dress shirt, and a very good silk tie.

If you're a woman, depending upon your age, you would either wear a dressy cocktail dress or a skirted dinner suit (if you're over fifty) that covers your knees, or a flirty silk chiffon dress that falls somewhere above your knees. A six o'clock wedding usually means dinner and dancing, so you will need to wear your sexiest dancing pumps and carry a clutch bag for your lipstick. A good piece of jewelry in Birmingham is always appreciated, and you won't have to worry about a wrap because it hasn't gotten chilly there yet.

You must realize that with the limited amount of info, this is a rather general answer. How dressed up you get, also depends upon the place where the wedding is being held. A wedding at a banquet facility would be less sophisticated then, say, a wedding at a private home or club. Sophisticated doesn't necessarily mean "dressy." It means well-dressed; where less is more and when quality of fabric and design, and not fussiness, are key.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM in Los Angeles
Q My sister is getting married at 6m in July in Los Angeles. She wants to have a "Black and White" wedding. Does this mean it would be ok for guests, including females, to wear white or to wear colors other than black and white? Would a long dress be considered too formal for this "suit and tie" event? What should be labeled on the invites so the guests know how to dress appropriately?

Thank You

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses, otherwise called Cocktail Attire. Since I don't know the time of day of the wedding, I'll assume it is around six o'clock and in that case the proper dress code would be Suits & Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm May Church Wedding + Country Club Reception
Q I'm going to my cousin's wedding at 6 o'clock in the evening" at a Lutheran Church on May 15th, Saturday night. Reception to follow at the Country Club. I am 38 and single, and bring my boyfriend. What do you think would be appropriate dress for the two of us? Thanks so much! Oh, I do like to dress up, but don't want to be over dressed.
Amy

A Assuming that your cousin's wedding is not Black Tie because that dress code doesn't appear on the invitation, your boyfriend is off the hook about having to wear a tuxedo. He can wear either a dark suit with a white collared shirt and a tie, or a navy blazer with grey flannels or dress khakis, black shoes, socks and belt. As you both probably know, country club dress code usually requires a man to wear a jacket and a tie after six o'clock. Your boyfriend can always take off his tie and jacket when the dancing gets going.

Your outfit can be fun. Wear a flirty black cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful high heels and shimmery legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone. Add a great pair of earrings, a small clutch bag for your pink lip gloss, and a pashmina, shawl, or pretty sweater--as I don't know where this is taking place and it can still be quite chilly in mid-May in the northern half of the country.

You don't have to wear black, but if you don't have a great short black dress, this is the time to find it. I love a short chiffon dress for dancing, but they are not always easy to find. The look you're going for is sophisticated yet fun, and is both elegant and glamorous. Have fun!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm Wedding: Guest: Women
Q Southern summer wedding - what should a female guest wear? Ceremony is outside in a garden of a Victorian house at 6pm. Reception is inside house. Invitation was not formal, but funky. Groom is from England and there will be guests from many parts of the world.

A Depending upon on your age and build, you could wear a silk chiffon flirty floral dress that falls just above your knees. If you are over forty, you might want to look dignified and elegant by wearing a dress with short sleeves that falls just below your knees. Whether the dress is cotton, linen or silk chiffon, the quality of the fabric and design should be your top priority. Beautiful shoes, real jewelry, and a small clutch would be your only accessories.

British women love their hats, especially at weddings, so if you have a special summer hat, this is the time to wear it. However, you would leave your hat in your car before going into the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm: Atlanta on a Farm
Q Hi Didi-
I found several of your responses on “proper etiquette” regarding dress attire but thought I would email to you the specifics with the wedding I am attending. The wedding is in a “rural” area west of Atlanta on Saturday, August 20 at 6:00 pm. It is going to be outdoors in a farm-like setting (rustic, next to a pond). I am attending as a guest to the father of the bride..,not sitting with the family. The invitation did not specify the attire; however the guys are wearing black tux and the bridesmaids (2) are wearing short pink dresses. I have 3 dresses (1) being purple silk (sleeveless) and royal blue sleeveless chiffon with diagonal flat ruffles in front and back (both were purchased at Nordstrom’s). I have a 3rd, that is primarily white with appliqued flowers (I was not able to attach a picture as it is my favorite as I purchased it at RoseMary Beach last week) as know you should not wear white but it isn’t all white : ). Any advise you can provide would greatly be appreciated!

http://www.foxwoodsga.com/index.html Location of wedding and inside reception.

If you can provide another email, I can send the picture of the white with flowers.



Many thanks!
Rhonda




A I love the sound of number three. You can accessorize with color to get away from the all white look. Please send the photo to this email address, which I use only for follow-up questions. So, for future questions, please go through the NewportManners.com web site. Thanks.

In the meantime, just so you know: when the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses, or Cocktail Attire.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Beach: Black Tie
Q I have been invited to a Black-Tie wedding at 6:00 pm on the beach. Reception will be in the ballroom. I am 50. What should I wear as a guest?

A It would depend on your gender. You say it is a Black-Tie wedding, then wear a tuxedo or a dressy cocktail dress that falls just below the knees and beautiful shoes. You can take your beautiful shoes off for the ceremony and walk in the nice warm sand barefoot. A man would not necessarily have to wear a tux, and who wants to wear a tux for a beach wedding? Nobody. If you you have a white dinner jacket, that would be perfect.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm: Charleston in October
Q Party after wedding 6 to 10 pm, invitation says casual will be held at a park in Charleston S.C. in October - I am over sixty, what should I wear?

A If you are a man, you would wear either a two-button dark poplin suit with a white collared shirt, silk tie, and dark shoes and socks, or a pure cotton, two-button seersucker suit with white bucks. Alternatively, a navy blue blazer with dress khakis or grey flannel pants are always classic.

If you are a woman, you would wear a dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees, or a beautiful blouse with a long skirt. If you have a decent figure, you can wear pants with a gorgeous tunic. As the reception is outside, you will want to wear flats or pumps because high heels will sink into the grass, if the soil beneath the grass is damp.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Civil-Christian Service
Q Hello Didi, I am attending a civil-Christian wedding at 6 P.M. followed by a small reception at the church on January 30th. It's supposed to be casual. I have no idea about what to wear. I have a dark blue flowered dress, v neck (no sleeves), the length is right below my knees. Do you think it is appropriate? What should I wear on top of it to cover my shoulders and arms? What color?

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your navy floral print knee-length dress sounds perfect. A short jacket or knee-length swing coat would be appropriate. If you're young and hip, a thin black leather jacket would be very cool.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Cocktail Dress
Q What should I wear to a six o'clock wedding that said coat and tie on the invitation? I am sixty-two and a size six. I have a silky two piece cocktail dress. Would that be too dressy?

A A two-piece, silk cocktail dress that falls just below your knees sounds perfect, with beautiful shoes. When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, you can assume the dress code is Suits and Dresses, even though the invitation states Coat and Tie, which basically means the same thing. In different areas people call those two dress codes one or the other. At a six o'clock wedding all the men should be in jackets and ties and the women in dresses, dressy dinner suits, or dresses with bolero jackets. After all, it's a wedding!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Colorado
Q I am the makeup artist for a wedding at The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park Colorado and I have been invited to stay for the wedding at reception with my friend. The ceremony is on the lawn of The Stanley Hotel and the reception is in the Concert Hall. I did not see the invitation but the wedding is at 6ish. I have a very lovely long black bustier, center jewel and straps. And a long full skirt, 38" in length, white with large black different size circles and tulle under the skirt.

A Your dress sounds fabulous; however, it sounds a bit much. In order to give you the best advice, I would need to know if Black Tie is specified on the wedding invitation, as a six o'clock wedding does not necessarily require an evening gown. Since you're so close to the bride, heck, you're the one who is making her look good in the photos, you should be able to text her or talk to her long enough to ask if it is a Black-Tie wedding. If you don't want to do that, wear a dressy above the knee cocktail dress with beautiful shoes. What I'm saying is this: Don't assume that just because she can afford to hire you, evening dress/ballgowns are de rigueur for the wedding. I would be happy to work with you further, should you have more information. Remember when Black Tie isn't specified on the invitation, then the dress code is Suits and Dresses, which is the chic current dress code.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Georgia: Khaki Polin Suit
Q I am attending a 6:00 pm wedding in Athens, Ga, this weekend. Ceremony takes place in the UGA Chapel, and the Athens Country Club is hosting the reception (bar scene immediately after, according to their wedding weekend agenda timeline). Can I wear my khaki poplin suit for this event?? Or should my wardrobe colors be darker due to the time and place??

A You can get away with wearing a khaki poplin suit to a six o'clock wedding, if you're under twenty-five years of age because they'll figure you don't know any better. Otherwise, wear a dark navy blue or even gray suit, or a navy blue blazer with dress khaki pants. In my opinion, the all-khaki look is a bit too daytime for a six o'clock wedding unless, as I said, you can get away with not knowing any better.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm: Michigan
Q Wedding, September 17, Southeast Michigan, 6 PM, reception to follow immediately...my question, can I wear a pink linen short sleeved dress, ankle-length or a black shift dress, knee-length, poly/cotton/spandex blend? Or could I wear pants and dress shirt that I would wear to work, adding heels and a black shimmery crocheted shawl, and evening jewelry? Help!!!
Side note: second wedding for both bride and groom, groom is my brother...

A Definitely wear the short black shift dress with nude colored patent leather heels and carry a small clutch. I'm not a huge fan of the shawl over the shoulders look because I think it makes most women look dowdy, no matter how shimmery it is. If you're looking for a bit of shimmer, wear good quality legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shimmer to it to dress up the solid black dress (see examples at Wolford.com).

As I don't know about the temperatures in SE Michigan in the evening in mid-September, and you feel you need a cover-up, wear a dressy cardigan sweater or a good quality jacket, both of which you can pair with your pants and dress shirt for another occasion. As your brother's sister, no matter what number marriage this is, you want to look dignified and elegant out of respect for the bride and groom, which is why I like a dress best.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Mother of Ring Bearer + Flower Girl
Q Hi Didi. My husband's niece is getting married at the end of September. The wedding invitation didn't say what kind of dress to wear. It will take place in a club in N.J. I am 36 years old, 5.2 height, around 117 is my weight. The ceremony will take place at 6 pm. My daughter will be the flower girl and my son will carry the rings. What should I wear? Thank you. I will appreciate it.

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses, or Cocktail Attire. From what you tell me, you're going to have two small children to chase after at the wedding, so I want you wear a cocktail dress that is both chic and comfortable and falls just above your knee, with beautiful shoes. That might mean breaking in your shoes a head of time, if you haven't already done so. Also, you might want to bring a babysitter to help you so that you can take the children back to the motel and leave them with the baby sitter while you and your husband have fun at the reception. I want you to have a good time at the wedding as well as looking lovely. It can be stressful being responsible for the ring bearer and the flower girl, so do try to have them organized for the rest of the evening ahead of time allowing you to dance with your own groom.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 pm: New York State: June: Outdoors
Q I am invited to an Upstate New York 6 pm outdoor wedding in June. I am dating the bride's brother. The bride's mother has informed me that it is not a formal affair, and the women in the family are not going to wear heels, as it is outdoor/grass. What should I wear? I am 37 years old, 5'5" tall 120 lbs and in good shape. The sisters of the bride are wearing red and most of the women are going to wear hats. Any ideas on what I should wear?

A Wear a pretty, well-made summer dress that can go from day to evening with beautiful flats or pumps. You wouldn't want to wear high heels anyway because the heels could spike into the grass and get stuck causing you to go forward without them. As I don't know your coloring, it is rather difficult to suggest a color, but you wouldn't wear red because you don't want to look like a wannabe member of the bridal party. Coral and turquoise are always great summer colors, if you like that look, and they work well with red. Yes, and do wear a lovely hat to shade your face from the sun during the outdoor wedding; you can always put it in the car when the sun goes down. Since it can be a mite chilly in June Upstate after dark, take a pashmina to wrap around your shoulders.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: St. Louis Seminary
Q Wedding Attire. 6:00pm. June. Concordia Seminary, St Louis. Reception & Dinner to follow at downtown venue.

I questioned the bride about attire, since my daughter and I were last minute invitees, and did not receive a written invitation. She said it will be "too hot for formal" and "definitely more cocktail". But, I feel uncomfortable wearing what I consider a cocktail dress to a very traditional, conservative cathedral-like chapel at the Seminary that educates Lutheran pastors. They have very few weddings there. I have a dress that is dark blue, slightly shiny fabric. I wore it with silver shoes to a country club wedding and reception recently and fit in perfectly. Not so sure about this event. I read somewhere that the dress should be a dark color, but a "daytime" fabric. Help!

A Your navy blue dress sounds perfect, as long as it is short, falling above your knees if you are under fifty, otherwise just above your knees. Not to worry, a short cocktail dress is the dress code for the wedding. Most are these days.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 PM: Wearing a Hat
Q Is it proper etiquette to wear a hat to a wedding at 6pm.?

A It is totally appropriate to wear a dinner hat to a six o'clock wedding. A hat can be the perfect accessory when you choose well and it is elegant and dignified; you wouldn't want to ruin the line of a well-designed hat with too much decoration. The line of the hat and the fabric which it is made of are key to presenting your most flattering look. An evening dinner hat has a trim line and is made of felt or velvet, possibly with a small metal ornament; in summer a "little" black straw hat with a tightly rolled narrow brim is very Chanel. For an evening wedding you would want to have to keep the hat small and brimless because otherwise you will have to hold on to the brim of the hat every time you greet someone with a kiss. You might also want to look into wearing the trendy fascinator that was all the rage at at least two royal weddings this year.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00: Tennessee
Q I am invited to a wedding on April 30, 2011 at Camp Marymount in its St. George's Chapel in Fairview, Tennessee at 6:00 p.m. This camp is where the bride attended summer camp when she was young. The invitation does not specify what type of attire but the invitation is on heavy, cream stock and includes RSVP information and is written in calligraphy. I am 73, slim and still fairly attractive and need to know what would be considered in good taste to wear.

A For a six o'clock formal wedding when the invitation does not specify black tie, it is assumed that the dress code is "Suits and Dresses."

That means you can wear a cocktail dress, a dress with a jacket, or a dinner suit (a skirt suit), that falls just below your knees. Wear beautiful, comfortable shoes and carry a small clutch bag. If you have pearls, weddings are the perfect place to wear them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 Black Tie Optional
Q To a July black tie optional wedding, 6:30 p.m. in Houston, Texas, if my husband wears a tuxedo, can I wear a cocktail dress, i.e. plain black Suzy Chin dress, mid-calf length, V-neck in front and back, small-pleated skirt, dressed up with sparkly earrings and Weitzman black satin sandals?


A Absolutely, that entire outfit sounds rather chic, if not quite stunning.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 pm in Georgia in April
Q What do you wear to a wedding in April to an outside wedding at 6:30 p.m (in Georgia)?

A Of course what to wear would depend upon your gender, age and build and the level of formality of the wedding. Since I don't know those details, I'll have to guess here, so forgive me if I'm off base. Outdoor weddings are usually informal, but that doesn't mean jeans and flip-flops. It means that a woman would wear a knee-length, flirty but flattering cocktail dress with strappy sandals if she's under fifty, or a dressy skirt suit or sheath with matching jacket or shawl and sling back low heels if she is over fifty. She wouldn't wear a long dress unless she is going for the ethnic look of a long skirt with a pretty peasant blouse, interesting beads, and strappy sandals. Long dresses tend to look dowdy at receptions such as this, so don't wear one unless there is no alternative. Apparently the invitation didn't state black-tie, therefore a man would wear a navy or gray lightweight suit with a collared shirt, tie, and polished shoes. A navy blue blazer or other good jacket with light weight gray flannel slacks or dark khakis, would also be appropriate. Even though the wedding is not formal, you would wear your best informal dressy clothing and shoes and of course your best jewelry. Just a few pieces, but weddings are the perfect time to wear your pearls or cufflinks. Those small details and being well-groomed are important.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM Outside Wedding
Q What should a man wear to an outside wedding on the coast at 6:30 pm? Can a man wear a white suit? The reception is at a church after. What should a women wear.

A The only person wearing white at the wedding is the bride. Why not wear a navy blue blazer with cream colored pants? A woman would wear a sheath dress that falls just above or just below her knees, or it could be a short dress with a jacket or a simple, short cocktail dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 pm Rainy in October
Q I am going to a 6:30 wedding on October 23, 2009. I am a 66 year old female. The weather will be in the upper 60s with rain. What should I wear.

A Sorry for the delay, we had a temporary computer glitch here at the office.

If the wedding is indoors, the rain shouldn't be a problem, just take your umbrella and wear black patent leather shoes. Patent leather is virtually waterproof, while still keeping a very flexible texture, furthermore the glass-like finish catches light, which makes them perfect for more formal dancing.

Otherwise, take a discreet bag for your dancing shoes, and wear your best rain boots. You can change into your dress shoes in the lady's room or cloak room, and check the boots there. If there isn't a coat check, then hang the shoe bag with your boots in it under your raincoat on the hanger, should you fear leaving them on the cloak room floor.

Wear a dress with sleeves that falls just below the knees and your best raincoat. Since I haven't seen the invitation, it is hard to know how dressy that dress should be. Because it is a six thirty wedding, I am assuming that you would wear a very good quality cocktail dress accessorized by a couple of pieces of your best jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM Wedding
Q What do women, meaning the guests, wear to a 6:30 p. m. wedding to a church and to a reception at a country club in the Mid-Atlantic states in the summer?

A If the invitation doesn't state "Black tie," then a woman could wear a flirty cocktail dress, the de rigueur little black dress with pearls is always safe. For a summer wedding, she could also wear a pale, floral, chiffon, short dress or short, patterned wrap-dress, either with strappy sandals. An older woman would wear a dressy dinner skirt-suit, a dress with sleeves that falls just below the knees, or a short dress with a jacket; all with sling back, open-toed, low heels. Add a pretty evening bag to any of the above. Stay away from wearing a long dress because a long dress can look dowdy, if the dress code is not "Black tie." For a wedding, the quality of the fabric, design, and jewelry as well as the fit of the dress or suit is what you want to be thinking about.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM: August
Q Going to a wedding on August, formal attire at 6:30 pm. Can I wear a long dress (navy) with silver sandals? Thanks for your response. I am going to buy the shoes today if case you have another suggestion. Thanks again...

A Hope this gets to you in time. I'm not a big fan of long dresses because I feel they make most women look dowdy, so I would go with a short above the knee cocktail dress with nude patent leather heels, which are in trend right now. Just because the invitation states Formal Attire, it doesn't mean you have to wear a long dress. Not sure about the silver shoes in August, wait for the holidays to wear silver and blue. However, you could wear nude patent leather high heels with the long navy dress, because they will freshen up the look of the dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 pm: Chesapeake Bay in August
Q We are invited to a 6:30 PM wedding at the Chesapeake Bay Beach Club, August , 2010. Can I wear a below the knee back empire waist dress with a satin sash, empire line? The top of the dress is a faux lace overlay with a diving neckline with short capped sleeves. The top is off-white over the black and the design is tulips. I bought cut-out fabric sandals in black to wear.
I also have an ankle-length brown gauze dress, with a ruffle on the bottom. It has an elastic bust with two straps over the shoulders. I wear it with a brown short shrug. I have bronze and yellow accessories, earrings, necklace and bangle bracelets. I have a yellow, short- heeled sandal to wear with the dress.
Which dress would be more appropriate? I would wear pearl earrings and short pearl necklace with the black dress. HELP ME! I am 61 years old, but I keep my wardrobe young and fresh and updated appropriately. I am a size 14, short and I know what to cover up and what not to, at my age. HELP...........

A The black cocktail dress that falls just below your knees sounds perfect with the pearls. Since I am not a huge fan of long dresses because they tend to make most women look dowdy, I would forget the long brown dress with the shrug. Especially if you're short, go with the short dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM: Dressy Pants
Q I am a guest at a wedding 6:30 pm. Reception will follow at the same location. Cocktails and apps. What type of a dress should I wear? Would black dress pants and a dressy Blouse work?

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Wear the dressy blouse with a black pencil skirt that falls to your knee, with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch bag. A 6:30 pm wedding is fairly dressy, even if it isn't formal, so you would want to dress up as opposed to dressing down by wearing slacks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30: Georgia in July: Groom's Cousin
Q I am the cousin of the groom and have a lot of involvement in the wedding (dad is a groomsman and being direct family we will be involved in a great deal of pictures, etc.). The wedding is at 6:30 on July 1 in GA, at a church with the reception at a country club. The invitation doesn't state "black tie", etc., but I know my husband is to wear a suit and tie. I haven't decided what to put my 4 year old in OR what I should wear.

Can I wear a cocktail dress? If so, what would be a good color? I'm trying to stay away from black, if possible.

Need all the help I can get. Thank you so much!



A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Yes a cocktail dress is perfect. Even if it is black. In my personal opinion, you would leave your four year old home with a sitter because it is too late in the day to take him/her out and it will ruin your evening if you have to leave the wedding to take him/her home. Have a grown-up night out. Kids that age at a wedding become overstimulated and sometimes out of control.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30: Labor Day: Florida: Alpine Calf-Length
Q I am a 66-year-old matriarch great aunt who is attending her fashionable great niece's wedding this Labor Day Sunday 6:30 pm at the Seagate Beach Club, Delray Beach, FL. Her invitation states "Business Casual - no jeans or shorts please. Bring your flip flops, linen pants, Tommy Bahama shirts and those flowy dresses! This is a beach wedding without the stuffy black ties :)".
What do I wear???? I'm 5'7" 165 lbs, not fat and not slender. My upper arms have always been big but now sport angel wings. I live in the mountains of Colorado, so no humidity here but Florida in Sept with hot flashes and night sweats!!! I'm afraid I will be so overheated that the ocean may be just too close! Would a backless halter top, A-line calf-length, chocolate chiffon dress with same material shawl be too dressy or should I just wear a sheath (or sheet!)? Not much time to decide, huh?

A In my opinion, linen would be a cooler fabric than silk chiffon. I'm thinking a linen skirt or loose pants with a beautiful tunic or blouse that would cover your arms and, yet, would also be cooling. Then a simple pair of pretty but unadorned sandals and a small clutch bag would be lovely. All of these you could find use for again in Colorado.

Although, on second read the chocolate chiffon dress with same material shawl would be chic as well, however, the color chocolate might be a bit heavy for Florida Labor Day Weekend. Only wear the sheath if it is comfortable, and then what about the arms in a sheath? Would you use the shawl to cover them? I'm also not sure about backless and the problem with finding the right undergarment, but I must say it does sound cool.

By the way, I'm curious, what is Alpine calf length?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30: Texas Ranch
Q Dear Didi,
My husband and I have been invited to a 6:30 pm wedding at a ranch. It is an outdoor wedding and dinner reception outdoor under the starry skies. It is north of Dallas. I am 66 and have no clue. We were told we probably would not want to wear open-toed shoes or sandals because of sandspurs.

Thank you
Kathy

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your husband would wear a dark suit, collared shirt, tie, and dark shoes or boots. You could either wear a well-made dress of quality fabric that falls just below your knees, or a dressy skirt suit, both with beautiful flats and a small clutch.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30pm: Botanical Garden NYC
Q I am attending a wedding and reception this Saturday August 6 at 6:30 pm at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Would it be appropriate to wear a blue linen Armani pantsuit with white shell? Also, does the footing allow one to wear heels? The invitation does not specify a dress code.
Thank you

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Since I've actually attended a fantastic wedding at the NY Botanical Gardens, I can assure you that you are in for a real treat. It is quite up-scale, up-market, not sure which term clicks with you. As much as I love anything Armani, a pantsuit isn't going to help you fit in. Believe me, there will be Armani, but they will be sleek summer dresses (and since it is August, some will be linen) with beautiful shoes. If you're in your early twenties or younger, you could probably get away with wearing a pantsuit, otherwise, dress up.

As for the shoes, you'll be ushered through glass conservatories with slate or stable/hard pathways, so there is not need to worry about high heels sinking into turf.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:50 PM: Georgia: Country Club
Q I am going to a 5:30 wedding in GA., in July. It is a church wedding with dinner and dancing immediately following at a country club. Are loose black pants and a beautiful black/lace shirt ok to wear? The shirt hits right above the knee and is very elegant. I usually wear pearls with this shirt and it really looks sharp. Thanks! Georgia Girl!

A To a wedding? I would say if you are under 21, you could get away with wearing a tunic-and-pants-style outfit, but if you're any older, you would want to fit in with the dress code. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Wear the long shirt and pants to the rehearsal dinner where tunics and pants fit in. Instead, wear a chic cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes to the wedding and you'll feel more in step with the country club crowd. Over fifty, the dress would fall just below the knees. In my opinion, you want to look snappy rather than sharp for this wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 PM Black-Tie Military Wedding
Q What does a female guest wear to a 7:00 p.m. Black-tie military wedding at a Temple? Husband will wear tuxedo.

A A dressy dinner suit with a pretty small hand clutch and dainty sling-back heels. The dressy dinner suit is made of high quality fabric and is often trimmed with a matching or contrasting color and interesting buttons. Because it is a military wedding, I would suggest dressing slightly tailored as opposed to wearing, say, a sweeping chiffon gown, and wear a very pretty dinner skirt suit with white kid gloves and good earrings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 pm Wedding
Q My husband and I will be attending my cousin's wedding in South Carolina in July at 7:00 p.m. as well as the rehearsal party the evening before. The wedding is formal and the rehearsal party specified "cocktail attire".

Would it be appropriate for my husband to wear a dark blue pinstripe suit? If so, could he wear the same suit to both events but with a different shirt and tie?

I will be wearing a LBD to the rehersal and a plum tea-length chiffon overlay halter dress to the wedding.

Also what should teen (15 & 16) girls wear to such a wedding? And what about a 4-year-old girl? Would just a cream eyelet lace short dress be appropriate for the 4-year-old?




A If the wedding is a "black-tie," then your husband will have to wear a tuxedo to the seven o'clock wedding. If the wedding invitation does not state "Black-tie," then he could most certainly wear a dark blue pinstripe suit to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, with different shirts and ties. If he has a navy blue blazer he could wear that with cream colored pants to the rehearsal dinner, then his suit would be fresh for the wedding. I don't know about your husband, but if there is dancing at the rehearsal dinner, or if it is hot that night, he will probably need a fresh jacket for the wedding the next night. South Carolina in July will be hot, air conditioning or not.

A long black dress sounds a bit dressy for the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation states "cocktail attire." For "Cocktail Attire" you would want to wear a cocktail-length dress that falls at the knees, either just above or just below. The plum tea-length chiffon halter dress sounds fine for the wedding; however, I am not a huge fan of tea-length because that length tends to look dowdy. For dancing there is nothing more fun than a short chiffon dress that moves with the music.

The teenage girls would wear knee-length short dresses to the wedding. I've always found that teenage girls are very good at figuring out which dress makes them feel the most comfortable. Since their comfort is of importance here, I would just take them to a department store with a good selection of junior dresses and let them try on as many as they like until they find the right dress. For the four-year-old, you would want to stay away from white because the only person at the wedding wearing white is the bride. On the other hand if the dress has a wide ribbon of another color around the waist, it wouldn't look so all white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 PM Wedding on the Beach
Q We are attending an outdoor 7:00 pm wedding in South Carolina on the beach. What is the appropriate attire for men?

A If the ceremony and the reception are both literally taking place on the beach, then you would wear Casual Attire as opposed to the more formal Cocktail Attire.

However, if just the ceremony is on the beach and the reception is in a tent with a dance floor and tables and chairs, you would wear a jacket and tie, both of which you can take off. Fold your tie and put it in your jacket pocket and place your jacket on the back of your chair.

More specifically, you would wear a light-weight blazer or jacket with dress khaki pants, a collared shirt, bright tie, best loafers, and no socks. The pants can be off-white or colored and the shirt can be short-sleeved, but should be collared and not buttoned-down (no button-down shirts after six pm).

When in doubt check with the bride or groom. If they say that the dress code is Hawaiian shirts, shorts and flip-flops, go for it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 pm: Montana in August
Q Dear Didi, My husband and I are invited to a 7:00 pm August wedding in Montana...with a reception to follow. The recommended attire is "summer evening, outdoor chic".
We are in our mid-fifties. What are your recommendations? We are open to a western theme but do not want to look as if we are in a costume. Thank you, Kiki

A When the dress code isn't dress specific, then Suits and Dresses are the assumed dress code. If your husband has a summer suit, he could wear that and you could wear either a chic dress that falls just below your knees or a great tunic with silk pants and beautiful sandals. In using the dress code "Summer Evening, Outdoor Chic," the wedding couple is telling you not to wear Black Tie, and that they want you to feel comfortable and dress as you would when attending a summer dinner party or going to an up-scale restaurant. They don't want guests wearing denim, bluejeans, flip-flops, baseball caps, t-shirts with logos, cargo pants, ripped clothing, or bare midriffs.

If your husband doesn't have a summer suit, then have him wear a very good jacket, or blazer, with really good summer trousers and a collared shirt. Depending upon his style, he might feel more comfortable wearing a tie, which he can always take off.

In my opinion, it doesn't sound as if the wedding couple wants guests to wear Western attire or they would have stated that on the invitation. Since guests may be coming from different areas of the country, they wouldn't be expected to buy a Western outfits to wear to the wedding; this is not a costume party, it is a wedding, so dress as yourselves. However, if you have dress Western boots and you want to wear them, than do; if your husband has a Western hat, then he can wear that, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 pm: Texas: June
Q I am attending a 7 pm wedding in June in Dallas, Texas, at the University Park Methodist Church. I plan to wear a 3 piece suit. The suit is bone-colored with a little bit darker skirt, not real dark. Would leather bone-colored
heels be appropriate for a wedding at this time of day?


A I'm all for suiting up but a three piece suit for an evening wedding sounds a bit business-like. In my opinion, you might want to wear a dressier skirt suit. It is the three piece part that sounds a bit daytime because I'm imagining it looking too tailored, if the third piece is a vest.

When you say bone, how light is the bone? If the bone is off-white, you wouldn't wear any shade of white out of respect for the bride. You say the skirt is darker, which is fine, but how close to off-white is the bone? And overall, looking at you from a distance, what percentage of your outfit, including your shoes, is off-white? Perhaps wearing shoes the color of the darker skirt, or darker, would help you get away from too much bone.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 PM: Twenty-Four in New York City
Q Dear Didi, I am a 24-year-old size 4/6 going to a 7 pm wedding late September at a country club in New York. My boyfriend is in the wedding party...should I wear a long dressy gown or is a short cocktail dress more appropriate?!? Thanks!

A Find out what the wedding invitation says about dress code, usually in the lower right hand corner. If the dress codes Black Tie and Formal Attire aren't specified, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Wear a short cocktail dress that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag for your lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:30 PM: October: Birmingham
Q I am planning my October 8th wedding in Birmingham, Alabama. The reception will be at the fellowship hall of the church. My goal is to make it as elegant and romantic as possible. I want to do all in candlelight and have a lighting specialist that I am working with. The florist and a decorator will be using cloth to decorate the reception hall. Is it appropriate to have the wedding at 7:30, with the main emphasis on a variety of desserts (including a wedding cake and candy bar for children) and a variety of coffees? There will be some light Hors d'oeuvres served including cheeses, crackers, and fruits. No alcohol will be served. There will be sparkling water and some punch. Black Tie is not expected so is there a need to make any statement on the invitation regarding attire? Thank you for your advice.

A Usually when you don't list "Black Tie," guests understand that the dress code is "Suits and Dresses." If the reception is not a seated dinner with dancing, then you can't expect people to get too dressed up. However, a 7:30 PM wedding is late for children, so you might not want to include young children who will be overstimulated and tired by seven and out of control and crying by eight--especially after eating all that sugar. If you expect a lot of children, I would serve tea sandwiches of chicken or egg salad. However, if you serve sandwiches to the kids, the grownups might want them, too. Have a "kids food" table with food that does not include sugary desserts and drinks. The wedding cake will be more than enough sugar before bedtime. You also have to remember that 4% of all children have known food allergies.

Please, be sure to check the fire code with the church before ordering all those candles because children wound up on sugar around tablecloths and candles could be a disaster waiting to happen. They do make battery operated candles that you could recycle, or give to the church, to use over again. Be sure to check the fire code for your fellowship hall before going forward with your decorating plan.

I am sure that your decorator and florist will be able to make the hall romantic and elegant with other forms of lighting and that you can work with the food staff to create a fun but healthy snack table for the children. I might add that for a 7:30 PM wedding even grownups might expect a more substantial grazing than cheese, crackers, and fruits. You might want to have a carved ham and turkey with interesting breads so that people can make sandwiches and have a bit of salad on the side. On your invitation, you might want to make it clear that the invitation is not for dinner by stating in the left hand bottom corner, Cake & Punch. That way your guests will know to have supper and feed their children a healthy meal before setting out for your lovely and fun wedding and that delicious wedding cake.

Alternatively, if you held the wedding at two, three or four in the afternoon, you wouldn't have to worry about feeding your guests dinner or candles and fire codes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 8:00 PM November Reception
Q I am attending a wedding reception at 8:00 pm the first weekend of November. The bride and groom got married in an exotic location and are having a reception when they return. I am 25 and pear-shaped. I have always had a problem wearing short dresses because I look heavier in the hips and upper legs though I am not overweight. I am about 5' 8" and weigh 160. Are long dresses still appropriate? What about coverage on the top half for November? I have found a lot of sleeveless dresses. I have found a strapless/sleeveless dress with an empire waist that is long and black with silver beading under the bust. Would this be appropriate?

I have also selected a spaghetti strap dress with an empire waist that is a dark fuschia color and also has some beading under the bust. It is long as well with a chiffon/silk overlay on the skirt.

Kristen

A As you did not mention that the dress code is "Black tie," you might feel overdressed wearing an evening dress with silver beading. If it is a "Black tie" reception, the dress sounds fabulous; however, if it is not, you might want to wear a dressy knee-length skirt suit. As you say, it is difficult to find dressy dresses with sleeves, so for a pear-shaped figure, you might want to wear either a halter-style cocktail dress, or a dressy dinner suit because you can always take off the jacket for dancing. Alternatively, it might be more practical to wear a short dressy black dress with a pashmina or beaded sweater. If you really want to wear long sleeves, why not wear a flattering short black skirt with a long-sleeved lace blouse. In my opinion, long dresses can be dowdy and because you are twenty-five, short and snappy would be more fun. As nice as the empire waist dress sounds, it might look a bit too serious and you wouldn't want to appear overdressed. If you do go with the knee-length dress and you are self-conscious about your knees, then make sure that the skirt covers your knees. Another thing that you can do if you have that concern is to wear dressy stockings, either slightly shiny or fine, silky black. Experiment with the color so that a beige doesn't look too orange or tan; instead of covering up your legs, show them off.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Alabama In April: 6:00 PM
Q Wedding at 5:00pm April in Alabama.

Hi, I'm 5'7, a thicker women, and have no clue what to wear to an outdoor wedding that leads into a grand ballroom reception. Any tips on colors or style?

The invitation did NOT specify black tie.

A Because the invitation doesn't state Black Tie, which it wouldn't for a five o'clock wedding, you are off the hook about having to wear a long dress. The dress code is then Suits & Dresses. Dress as though you were going to a very up-scale cocktail party by wearing either a dress with three-quarter-length sleeves that falls just below your knees, or a dressy skirt-suit. The trick is to have a dress or suit of good quality tailored to your body to give your body more definition. It's all right to have curves, and the right tailor knows how to accentuate and flatter those curves. You want to look elegant and dignified so you wouldn't want sparkles or beading adorning your outfit.

Color is a matter of your coloring and your age, neither of which you've mentioned. Beige, ice blue, and navy blue are always safe colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: April in Puerto Rico
Q I'm invited to a 5 PM April wedding in Puerto Rico, not formal. Is it proper to wear an oyster-colored dress or a black and white dress? What about the color of the shoes/sandals? Thank you!!

A Either the oyster or black & white dress would be fine. For the oyster-colored dress, you could wear either oyster or black shoes or sandals. For the black & white dress, black patent leather would be perfect. I'm a big fan of elegant black patent leather shoes or sandals for either dress, because they are slightly dressy, yet fun. A small patent leather clutch or handbag would be useful.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: April: 2:00 PM Ceremony + 6:30 Recepion
Q The wedding is April 2 in Brooklyn at 2:00 but the reception is in New Jersey at a catering hall and starts at 6:30. What would a woman in her sixties wear and should I wear something different from the church to the catering hall?

A You'll be wearing either a good quality dress or a skirted suit to the wedding ceremony, which certainly should carry you over to the reception. It's all about quality and how you feel in the outfit. A good one of either, well-made and tailored to fit your curves and height (which, by the way, should be slightly below your knees) would work for both occasions with the same beautiful but comfortable low- heeled shoes. If you love hats, a wedding ceremony is always a good excuse to wear a great hat and gloves. The only reason to change and dress it up a notch would be if the invitation to the reception stated Black Tie, otherwise the dress code is mostly likely Suits and Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Arizona: Woman: Wearing White Ruffles
Q Hi Didi... I'm going to an outdoor 4:00 PM wedding in the middle of March in Glendale, Arizona. I bought a white and khaki dress that cuts above the knee, it's two-color with ruffles, white on top and khaki on bottom, but feel as though that might not be okay for this time of year, regardless of weather. Would a black above-the-knee-length dress be better?

Thanks so much.

A Go with the black above-the-knees dress. You wouldn't want to wear white ruffles to a wedding out of respect for the bride. After all it is the bride's special day and she doesn't want to look around and spot you in white ruffles. Yes, I know khaki and camel are popular right now, but black is always chic.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Arkansas: September: Suits and Dresses
Q I am the bride to be of a Sept evening wedding in Ar. I do not want men to have to rent tuxedos as guests but I want a formal almost black tie event. How would I word this for the guests? If they show up in casual wear, they will not be permitted. I know that sounds harsh but I have spent a lot on this occasion and refuse to have someone dressed casual in my photos. How do I word all of this with tact?

A Good for you. Bravo! The trend in weddings these days is the dress code Suits and Dresses. Your wedding is the perfect example of an in-trend wedding. The bridal party can still wear whatever, but quite frankly, as long as everyone is coordinated, and that's possible with a wedding Web site, you can get everyone on the same page about what to wear.

What you say doesn't sound harsh. Guests like instructions whether it is a quirky costume, or Jacket and Tie, or Suits and Dresses; they would rather know than agonize over what to wear. By having the dress code "Suits and Dresses" printed in the lower right hand side of your invitation, your guest will be grateful.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: At Home Wedding Ceremony
Q What do you suggest for a bride and groom to wear at their new in-home ceremony besides the traditional wedding and groom attire? This will be an informal wedding at their new home.

A Some of the chicest, nicest weddings are held in the privacy of one's home. As I don't know the age of the wedding couple or the time of year of the wedding, this answer as to what they should wear is quite general. The bride could wear a white or off-white knee-length cocktail dress or a dressy dinner suit. The groom could wear a dark suit with a white collared shirt, or a navy blue jacket with cream-colored pants, a striped tie and black shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Atlanta: May
Q What should female and male guests wear to a formal traditional May wedding in Atlanta at a beautiful Methodist church with the reception to following at an upscale country club?

A Assuming that the dress code is not "Black Tie," because that would have been mentioned on the invitation, the dress code is "Suits and Dresses."

Depending on the time of year and the time of day, you would wear a beautiful dress, that falls just below your knees if you are of a certain age, or just above your age if you're younger. The kind of dress would depend upon the time of day. It goes without saying that you would wear a day dress during the day and a cocktail dress from early evening on. Alternatively, you could wear a sheath with a matching jacket or a dressy skirt suit. Beautiful shoes and clutch bag along with pearls are always perfect wedding attire, and for a daytime wedding you could even wear a beautiful hat that you can leave in the car when you go into the reception.

Once again, since I don't know the details, your husband would wear a gray suit during the day or in the warmer months and a darker suit at night or in winter with a white collared shirt and a handsome tie, along with black shoes, socks and belt.

As I said, this is a rather general answer as I don't know the details of the wedding or your ages, builds, or lifestyle.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Aunt of the Bride
Q I am a 45-year-old female going to my niece's wedding in Savannah GA - Thanksgiving weekend - wedding starts at 2:30 p.m with reception following. What do I wear? I am a size 14/16 - and short.

A As the aunt of the bride, you want to look elegant and dignified in a lovely skirt suit that falls just below your knees with beautiful shoes. A wedding is a great opportunity for a marvelous hat, which will give you a bit more height. Carry a small clutch bag, and if the ceremony is in a church, wear thin leather gloves.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Aunt/God Mother Usher
Q i am going to be a hostess/usher for my niece's wedding in January of 2010. I am 60 years of age but look 40. Wedding takes place in Minn. at a prominent hotel. She is also my goddaughter. What do you suggest I wear? Should I go for a feminine suit, maybe with a tuxedo look or a dress? Smaller wedding 125-175, her colors are sage green and eggplant. I respect your ideas and logic. This is her day and I want to be very careful as to what I choose. Thank you.

A Dressing savvy is all about the time of day that the ceremony and reception are taking place. Please get back to me with the time of the wedding and the venue, i.e., church ceremony, then dinner dance reception, as this is a rather general suggestion for a daytime wedding.

When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Formal Attire or Black Tie, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. If it is a daytime wedding in Minn. in January, I'm thinking a beautiful pebble tweed skirt suit with soft suede pumps would be lovely and dignified. Plus, as you'll be on your feet, you'll want to be wearing beautiful, comfortable shoes with and a small clutch bag to carry. As the church doors will be open while you're ushering, you'll be stylishly warm in a slimly tailored skirt suit and thin leather gloves.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Backyard Chic
Q I'm in a bit of a quandary deciphering what "backyard chic" dress might be for a backyard wedding and reception in Cincinnati this upcoming Labor Day weekend, Saturday at 4pm. Ladies are discouraged from wearing heels, which makes sense, but as I have no sense of "chic", I'm at a bit of a loss. The invites are cutesy (lavender print) but on nice paper and the bride and groom are 30-ish. My husband and I are mid-30's, I'm short and he's tall, we're both average build. Please help.

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume that no matter how cutesy the invitation, Suits & Dresses are the dress code, and that you can take it down by degrees depending on the informality of the invitation.

The "Backyard" part means your husband can wear a jacket, khakis (chinos or white pants), a collared shirt, and loafers, but he doesn't have to wear a tie or socks. No socks is in trend as "Chic." "Chic" also means you can wear a great short dress that isn't glitzy, but is of good quality, with beautiful flats (the backyard part, again, no heels). To give yourself a bit more height, wear a lovely hat, that you can take off when the dancing begins.

Your hosts want you to be well-dressed in good quality and well-tailored casual clothing. They probably don't want guests showing up in cargo pants, shorts, t-shirts, ripped jeans, shorts, flip-flops, sneakers, or baseball caps for their chic backyard wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bare Arms
Q I am a slim (size 6 to 8) 62-year-old woman who will be attending my nephew's wedding at a very upscale hotel in Chicago in the evening. I am not from Chicago but am told by my sister all the women wear short black dresses lately. Can a woman of my age wear a strapless dress? My arms are not "chiseled", but they are o.k. The wedding is this summer.

Thank you.

A If you're not self-conscious about your arms, then wear your strapless black dress next summer. In the meantime, if you come across a sweet little silk fitted jacket or black silk cardigan, you might want to consider taking it along as the hotel will be air conditioned and you could find yourself hot in the church and cold at the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Barefoot on the Beach: November
Q Attending beach wedding in Clearwater, Florida, in November 2011. What type of shoes do the wedding party and guests wear? Bride and groom and everyone will be walking in the sand.

A Having been married on he beach in Nantucket, I can tell you the shoe situation wasn't a big deal. Those wearing high heels will leave their heels on the boardwalk and go barefoot; those in flats will probably keep them on. If this isn't a private beach, guests would stick their shoes in a small tote and carry them to the ceremony site and back. You've got to admit that shoes neatly lined up on the boardwalk would make a great wedding photo for the album.

With the men, it isn't so much of a problem, especially for those not wearing socks. Men would probably wear loafers and leave them on the boardwalk, unless it is a public area when they would either wear them or carry them.

As I don't know the lay of the land, private vs. public land, or the formality and size of the wedding, this is a rather general answer. What I can say for sure is this: the wedding couple should stipulate on their wedding Web site that their will be a short walk on the sand to the ceremony site. One of my favorite dress codes is: No Socks.

Hint: If the wedding favor is a small tote with the date and initials, or first names, of the wedding couple on it, then guests can put their shoes in their tote and take the tote to the ceremony. At the location where the boardwalk ends, have a junior bridesmaid with a basket of the totes that guests can choose to take at that time or pick up on the way back. Or, you can always have someone standing guard over the shoes left at the boardwalk during the ceremony.

As for the bridal party, if the men wear loafers without socks and the women wear beautiful flats without legwear, there shouldn't be a problem with walking on the sand because everyone will be in the spirit of a beach wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bargain Shopping In NYC
Q Attending a wedding in Johannesburg in early November with my boyfriend. Want to look hip and hot, but respectful. The bride is kind of traditional but liberal -- I'm a mid-20s hipster in Cambridge, Mass., who is petite, curvy, and looking for a good style, as well as a few shops in NYC where I can find a dress -- maybe something retro? -- for a few hundred bucks. Thanks for any suggestions!

A Your best bet is to look in the yellow pages or go online for the addresses of thrift shops. The charity thrift shops on NYC's upper east side are amazing; you can get everything from a short cocktail dress to beautiful gently worn shoes and a small clutch bag, all reasonably priced, to wear to the wedding in Johannesburg.

There are also several consignment shops where the quality and condition might be slightly better because the styles tend to be more in-trend, but the prices will be a bit higher.

Lastly, for inexpensive new clothing and shoes try one of the Daffy's chain stores as they are known for their off-price, just off-season European clothing; there is one on 57th between Park and Lexington Avenues, one in midtown, and another in Chelsea. I assume you've shopped H&M, which is similar, but seems more organized. Also, lots of people swear by Carlisle at 423 West 55th Street at 9th Avenue. Then randomly there are sample sales at such places as the University Settlement House on the lower East side, 184 Edlridge Street, but you would need to find the date of the next sale online. New York Magazine is a good source for up-coming sample sales.

If you think of it, I would love to know how you made out and whether or not any of my suggestions were helpful. Thanks in advance.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: BBQ Reception at 6:00 pm in Georgia in May
Q What is the proper attire for an evening outdoor wedding? The wedding is at 6 pm and they are serving bbq for reception. I am a middle-aged woman and large. This wedding is in Georgia in May.

A You would probably want to wear an outfit that consists of a loose fitting skirt or flowing pants with a matching flowing, light-weight jacket over a matching shell. Go on line to EileenFisher.com and look at the loose fitting styles, then go to a large department store and look for outfits that follow that style. Stick to one solid color in a soft muted shade such as a blue, grey, taupe, or beige; or a solid navy blue or black.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Beach Wedding: Aruba
Q Now we have the upcoming wedding which is on the Beach in Aruba....I am looking at wearing a long flowing gown very simple in a beautiful orange with a hand-painted gold hibiscus on the lower half of the dress. My daughter's
wedding colours are red and white...what do you think?

The Hotel is the Gran Occidental Aruba. It's an all inclusive hotel. The wedding is approx 4:30 pm in the afternoon. Very small group of 14 persons including the bride & groom. Family and very close friends. One of the attendees is a former friend that is now my ex-husband's girlfriend. Very uncomfortable with that whole situation.
Not sure why she needs to be there?

A Since I know nothing about the formality of the wedding, or the time of the wedding, or the location of the reception, it is difficult to advise. If they are being married on the beach, I can't see a middle-aged woman traipsing around in a long flowing gown with gold decorations. Is it a morning, afternoon, or evening wedding? With a brunch, luncheon, cocktail, or dinner dance reception?

I'm thinking more in terms of a simple knee-length linen dress with a lovely hat and beautiful sandals.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Beach Wedding: Oceanside, CA:
Q I have been invited to a wedding in Oceanside, California, on December 17th - on the beach! What do I wear? The invitation states "black and white attire". I was considering a knee-length black sweater dress, tights and ankle boots/wedge heel - as I am sure it will be cold - but not sure that would be appropriate for the "beach". I am 48 yrs old, 5'4" size 8. What do you suggest? Thank you.

A The ceremony may be on the beach, but the reception will most likely be in restaurant on the beach, so you probably wouldn't be outside the whole time. Especially if the ceremony is during the day, the temperature will probably be in the mid-to-low 60s.

Your idea of a sweater dress is perfect. You could wear higher boots (but not above the knee) and a well-tailored leather jacket if you're worried about being cold. My only concern is that your boots, whatever the height, be comfortable enough for dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Best Man's Wife
Q My husband is the best man for an outdoor wedding in late May. He's wearing grey; bridesmaids are wearing yellow. Is it okay for me to wear yellow, too?

A Since you know the bridesmaids are wearing yellow, it would be better if you didn't wear yellow, because you wouldn't want to be thought of as a wanna-be-bridesmaid. Just about any color goes well with gray and yellow, why not wear green, coral or blue? If I were you, I would stay away from yellow.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Best Man's Wife: May: Afternoon Wedding
Q I am attending a garden wedding for my father-in-law in May, 2011; what do I wear? My husband is the best man in the wedding so I will be alone until after the reception.

A As this is a garden wedding, I am assuming it is during the day or late in the day; therefore the dress code would be Suits and Dresses. As the best man's wife, you'll want to wear a beautiful dress with the hem falling just above your knees, if you're under fifty, or longer if older. It would not be an over-the-top dressy cocktail dress, but it could be a very well-made dress with either short sleeves and a nice decollete or a sheath. A strapless might be nice, too, but if you are north of the Mason-Dixon line you'll need a pashmina or a sheath with a matching jacket in May.

The great thing about daytime weddings is that you can wear a beautiful hat. When wearing a hat, let the hat be the focus and make the dress simple and well-tailored to accentuate your curves. If there is a dinner reception inside, you can always leave your hat in the car. Beautiful shoes are always a plus, but you'll want them to be broken in before you have to wear them for six hours straight, so wear them around the house before the wedding. You'll also want to wear legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shine to them to dress them up. A small clutch is always helpful for lipstick and car keys. Pearls are the perfect wedding jewelry, and not to worry if they're not real because good copies are everywhere.

Please don't fret that you'll be alone because the only people at a wedding that are alone are those that choose to be alone. You will be spotted as the groom's daughter-in-law and people will seek you out to introduce themselves, and in turn they will introduce you to those around them and you will introduce them to whomever you know. The secret about introducing yourself is telling the person your relationship to the wedding couple and the fact that you are married to the best man.

Since I don't know the details of the wedding or anything about you, this is a rather general answer to what I am sure to you is an important question.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Big Arms
Q I have been invited to a 4 pm wedding on Sept 10. The ceremony will take place at hotel called Hilton Garden Inn in Atlanta. I'm 23 yrs old and hate to show off my big arms. What do you suggest I wear?

A Look for a short wrap dress with long sleeves, or a short cocktail dress with short sleeves. You might even be able to find a strapless short dress with a bolero (small jacket).

Also, by accentuating your legs with shimmery legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone and nude colored high heels, you can elongate the look of your legs and thus give people another focal point. By calling attention to your legs, your arms will be less prominent.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black + White in April
Q Is a black and white outfit acceptable for an April afternoon wedding?

A Assuming you are a woman, a black and white outfit is terrific for an April afternoon wedding. Black and white are one of those chic, classic combinations that work well year-round in any climate. You might wear black shoes and tote a small black bag. I love white gloves at an afternoon wedding, so if you have them and it is a city wedding, you might wear them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black and White in Nashville: 5:00 pm
Q Wedding attire - guest - 5pm.

The wedding we will be attending is in May, in Nashville. Church wedding, followed by reception in a nearby country club. The invitation does not specify black tie. The wedding colours are black and white. Would it be appropriate for a mid-thirties female guest to wear a cream and black toile sleeveless dress that falls at the knee along with a black lightweight shawl, shoes and clutch? Is it appropriate for a male guest to wear black slacks and jacket with white shirt + tie?

Thank you.

A Traditionally, if you are not in the wedding party, you don't wear the wedding colors. Although, you can wear variations of the colors, for instance pink if one of the colors is coral, French blue with turquoise, moss green with kelly green. That said, in my opinion, the combination of black + white is very chic and wearing black and white is absolutely fine for both of you. Your outfit, in particular, is perfect.

In my opinion, it would be more appropriate for your male guest to wear a dark suit with a white shirt, silk tie, and black shoes, socks, and belts. "Country club attire" is not as edgy and sophisticated as "clubbing attire." You don't want him to look like a head waiter in a black suit. A "bankers" dark suit would be better. Alternatively, at a five o'clock wedding with a reception at a country club, he could wear a navy blue blazer with grey flannels, white collared shirt, and black shoes, socks and belt. If you don't want to rock the boat and your male guest already has a black jacket and black pants, then that's fine as long as he wears the white collared shirt and the silk tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dress in Oklahoma
Q Hi Didi,
I'm going to be in the House Party at a friend's wedding in October in Oklahoma. The wedding is at 6:00 pm and will be held indoors. The only thing the bride said about the attire was that we needed to wear a little black dress and heels which wouldn't be a good idea because the reception is outside and there will be a lot of gravel (she'll be wearing Toms). Would it be inappropriate to wear a slightly above the knee one-shoulder dress? And what kind of shoes would be acceptable? I haven't been to many weddings and I don't really know what rules apply.

A The dress sounds perfect. As for the shoes, look for pretty black or nude colored flats.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dress to a Spring Wedding
Q I am attending my friends wedding in Boston on May 12th. It is at 5:30 pm. Is it proper for me to wear a simple black dress?? My mother is telling me I shouldn't wear black to wedding. Is she right or just old fashioned? I don't want to insult my friend or feel out of place. Should I buy a new outfit that is spring colors??? Thank you for your help!!!

A For a May 12th, 5:30 PM wedding in Boston, you most certainly can wear a little black dress. Perhaps you might accessorize with dangly earrings or a string of pearls, a small pretty spring bag (turquoise paisley design on a black background) and black or turquoise open-toed sling back shoes. Nowadays, at the chicest city weddings, you might find most of the women dressed in little black dresses and pearls. If the wedding were in Dorset, Vermont, or Northeast Harbor, Maine, I would say black might seem a bit too dressy, but Boston is quite sophisticated. Perhaps, you might wear a spring-colored pashmina or decorative sweater which you can take off while you're eating and dancing that will give your dress more of a springtime look. I understand what your mother is saying and she is correct, but the style at the moment is just as you say, but do add a touch of springtime.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dressy Dinner Suit to Wedding
Q Is it acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX?

A It is acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy dinner suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX; however, be sure there are some feminine touches: evening bag, pretty shoes for dancing, decorative buttons on the jacket, and good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Lace Halter Dress in November in New York
Q I am going to a wedding In November in New York; can I wear a knee length black lace halter dress?

A It would depend upon the time of day of the wedding, the formality of the wedding, as well as the location. It is impossible to advise you on how to dress when I don't know the time of time or the location. Please return to my Web site NewportManners.com with this information and I will be happy give you a much better answer.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Patent Leather Shoes
Q At a 6:00 wedding in June in the South, can I wear a knee-length black dress, black with black patent leather 2 to 3 inch heel to a wedding that has the reception after at a country club? The club reception and the dancing will go on for several hours indoors at the club.

A The dress sounds perfect for a 6:00 PM wedding. Black is the new chic for weddings these days. The only thing that I question---which you obviously do, too---is the black patent leather shoes. Black patent leather is a more tailored look more suitable for daytime and even cocktails, but you need to think of the comfort factor: dancing for several hours in patent leather. You might want to go for a softer shoe, even a strappy sandal, open-toed or sling back. Think about a soft, black suede, satin, or silk texture because that might be more flattering and dressier. If you have small feet, the patent leather should be fine, as long as you're comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Shoes with Brown Dress
Q I am going to a wedding my dress has a lot of brown in it; can I wear black pumps?

A Yes, most definitely black pumps, especially if they are a bit dressy, would be fine with a dress that has a lot of brown in it. Beige might work well, too, if it is an afternoon wedding. Or even red, but since I don't know the other colors in the dress, this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Sleeveless Dress in Virginia at 4:00 p.m.
Q I am attending a wedding at 4:00 p.m. in St. Mary's Church, with reception to follow outside at a historic home in Colonial Beach, VA. I have found a dress that I like but it is sleeveless and black. My concern is that it will be hot outside and I want to be comfortable. Do you think this would be appropriate with a fancy sandal?

A The dress sounds fine, the only thing that I am not sure about is the date and having bare arms. Do you have buff arms? Will it be warm enough to have bare arms? Dressy sandals would be fine, as long as they are not too glitzy. Go for quality.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Tie
Q If black tie is on the wedding invitation, does that mean only a tux is acceptable? Or, is a dark suit appropriate? If men wear a tux, should the woman wear a full-length dress?

A Yes, it means only a tux is acceptable. No, a dark suit is not appropriate, if the wedding invitation states "Black Tie." The woman does not necessarily have to wear a full-length dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Tie
Q Hi I am invited to a wedding on a Friday at 6pm the dress code is Black Tie. I am a female. Please inform me on what I should wear.

A Happy to help but I first need to know the location, climate, and time of year of the wedding, as well as your build, style, and age. You are welcome to return to my website and ask the question again adding more information and details. Understand that I wouldn't recommend the same outfit to a nineteen-year-old as I would a ninety-year-old.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Tie Versus Semi-Formal
Q What is the difference between semi-formal and black tie? Could a gentleman wear a light colored suit to semi-formal evening wedding in a hot climate?

A The difference between semi-formal and Black Tie is this: Semi-formal in most circles today means Cocktail Attire, for which a man would wear a business suit with a collared shirt and a tie of any color. Black Tie calls for the gentlemen guests to wear a tuxedo with a black tie.

Yes, a gentleman could wear a light colored suit to a semi-formal evening wedding in a hot climate. He could also wear a good blazer with pants. At both the gentleman would wear black shoes and a black belt.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Velvet: Northeast: March: 6:00 PM
Q Attending 6 pm wedding ceremony and reception in the Northeast at the end of March at a hotel. It is a large wedding and dressy affair. Please advise if it is appropriate for me to wear a simple long black skirt with a velvet top.

A It is still chilly enough in March here in New England to wear velvet, so by all means wear that luxurious velvet top to an evening wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black-Tie
Q We are attending a 'black-tie' evening wedding and reception. I assume my husband 'has' to wear a tuxedo. Is it appropriate for him to wear a black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund?

Also, would I wear a dress pair of black slacks to the wedding or is a dress the only acceptable thing to wear?

Thank you.

A If the wedding is "Creative Black Tie," then you and your husband can wear whatever you would like: the black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund and the black slacks. However, the wedding couple sets the dress code and if it is not creative black-tie, then it would be better not to call attention to your outfits. Therefore, your husband would wear either a black bow tie and cummerbund, or a bow tie and cummerbund that are not black, but without the sparkle. In my opinion, a lady would not wear slacks to a black-tie wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Blue Velvet or LBD?
Q I AM INVITED TO A WEDDING ON 12/30/2011 AT 5:30 P.M. IT WILL BE HELD IN A MANSION WHICH RENTS ROOMS FOR WEDDINGS. IT IS AN ELEGANT SIT DOWN DINNER OF EITHER FILET OR LOBSTER. THE BRIDE-TO-BE TOLD ME IT IS BLACK TIE....THE INVITATION DOES NOT SAY IT. HER BRIDESMAIDS ARE WEARING BLACK EVENING OR COCKTAIL DRESSES. THE BRIDE IS 50...THIS IS HER 2ND WEDDING. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LONG BLUE VELVET DRESS WHICH I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO WEAR...IT IS SLEEVELESS WITH A COWL NECK AND HAS A SLIT IN THE BACK. MY OTHER CHOICE IS A BLACK COCKTAIL DRESS WITH LONG SLEEVES, JUST BELOW MY KNEES. SINCE IT IS THE HOLIDAY SEASON...DO YOU THINK THE BLUE VELVET WOULD WORK ?? I ALSO WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR IDEAS ON SHOES FOR BLUE VELVET.....THANK YOU...

A When you type in all CAPS it feels as though you're screaming. Try not to use ALL CAPS when having a pleasant dialogue. Thank you.

Quality velvet is one of the great luxury fabrics, so if you decide on the blue velvet, take it easy with the accessories. Less is more. I'm a big fan of the LBD, but in this case you don't want to look like a wannabe bridesmaid, so go with the blue velvet. There are a lot of shades of blue, and since I don't know the color blue, stick with black shoes, or possibly dainty silver shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boston: Suits and Dresses: 6:00 PM
Q We are invited to a Saturday evening wedding in Boston, April 16th, at 6pm at the State Room. What is the proper dress to wear? It does not state black tie. Is a black dress appropriate? Full-length, above the knee or mid-calf? With hose or not? I am over 55 so I do not want to look like a 30-year-old, but I want to be stylish.

Thanks

A When the invitation doesn't state Black Tie, for a six o'clock wedding the dress code is Business Attire or Suits and Dresses. For a woman this means a knee-length cocktail dress with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. Black is always chic. There are also many dark colors popular this season such a a deep berry or burgundy, and of course gray and navy blue.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boston: Men: Shoes: July or October
Q Hi Didi, love your blog...we all need so much help in this area.

We are going to a wedding in July and another in October - both will be very high-end events - at the Four Seasons and the Taj in Boston.

I plan to wear a beige dress/jacket Chanel-style (I'm 51 and an unhappy size 10 but still have great legs). What would you recommend for my husband? After spending many summers in Newport, I love the black Gucci loafer--not trying to hard look...what's your take on this?


A When the dress code is not stated on the invitation, then the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Black Gucci loafers is perfect for a wedding in Boston anytime. Your outfit sounds perfect, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boutonnieres + Guests
Q I am attending my godson's wedding. Although I'm not a member of the wedding party, is it bad form to wear a boutonniere (a different color than the wedding party)?

A No, it is not bad form to wear your own boutonniere in your left lapel to your godson's wedding. If there is one waiting for you at the church, you would be told in advance to arrive early to receive it. There are still gentlemen who wear boutonnieres, just the way there are men who sport a pocket hankie in their breast pocket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boys 9 to 14: Outdoors: LA, CA
Q Attending a 3:00 wedding in LA, CA in Nov. Wedding is outside. What is appropriate dress for boys ages 9 to 14 who are involved in "helping", but not part of the wedding party?

A Jackets, chinos or khakis, with a collared shirt, tie, and loafers. Your lads can always take off their ties and stuff them into their jacket pocket before they inevitably take off their jackets and hang them on the back of their chair.

When I say "jacket," I mean a light-weight navy blue blazer, or other such sports jacket appropriate for an afternoon, outdoor wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boys: Flower Girl Escort
Q My 8 year old son is in an evening wedding in New Orleans in mid-May. He will be escorting a much younger flower girl down the aisle (to insure that she makes the walk). She will be wearing an off-white dress. The groomsmen are wearing white dinner jackets, black pants. Bridesmaids are wearing tea-length or knee-length dresses. The ceremony is outside with a reception following inside and outside. The bride has asked that I choose what my son will wear. I do not care for the little tux look but don't know exactly what he should wear. I was thinking of either a flax or white linen suit or tan and white seersucker suit with white shirt and a tie that coordinates with the color of the bridesmaids' dresses. I don't know if this is inappropriate for evening or still too early in the summer. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you !

A The least expensive course would be to rent a white dinner jacket for your son and buy him a pair of navy blue trousers that he could wear with brown loafers. I agree with you about small boys in tuxedos.

What I want to tell you is that if you don't want to buy your son a suit that he might not wear again, you could just get him a navy blue blazer and a pair of white or tan pants that he can wear with a tie in the wedding colors--or even better a bow tie.

If that sounds too informal, you could go in another direction and he could wear a colored jacket, say, light blue, with white trousers. Other than cost, the important thing is that your son is comfortable with what he is wearing because he is going to have to be in the outfit for at least six hours. Before you decide, you might want to find out what the ring bearers are wearing and coordinate your son's outfit with theirs.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride
Q Who gives the something blue, something borrowed, something new, something used to whom for a wedding? Are these gifts for the bride?

A No, they are not necessarily gifts for the bride. For instance the something borrowed could be a string of pearls that the bride is borrowing from her mother, sister, or godmother. The something new could be a garter (usually sold in bridal boutiques); customarily the groom takes it off with his teeth. I have never heard of "something used." Borrowed yes, used no. But there is usually something the color blue. For instance the garter might have a blue ribbon or her panties might be pale blue. She could borrow sapphire earrings. So: the bride is not necessarily given these things, they are usually loaned to her by close women relatives, the maid of honor, matron of honor, or perhaps whoever is helping her get dressed. Think of these as talismen, such as a rabbits foot, that are considered trinkets for good luck.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride + Bridesmaids: Dress Length
Q Didi,

I REALLY need your help! I am the father of the bride and the whole length of the brides dress versus the bridesmaids' dresses is causing a HUGE fight.

My wife insists that it is wrong, tacky, improper, not right, etc., that the bride wears a full-length dress and the bridemaids are wearing knee-length dresses.

Wedding time is 5:30-6:00 pm at a nice church. Evening reception at a nice hall.

"Only" being a man I don't see that it matters. The bride likes what she has picked out, but my wife (mother of the bride) is seriously mad about it.

Please help me.

Warner Orr
602.206.1071

A First off, you need to make your whole family understand that your daughter's wedding is a happy occasion that shouldn't be tainted with bad memories.

Having a family crisis over dress length shouldn't be the main memory all of you take away from your daughter's wedding. And it will be a tainted memory, if this issue isn't resolved right away. Look at the big picture, it has a lot to do with control; as a mother of daughters myself, I know first-hand that mothers, on many levels, hate losing control of their children. We don't need to get into that, as I am sure you are cognizant of parent/child control issues, and I'm not a psychologist.

The bride is correct. It is her wedding and she understands the fashion of her generation. Especially in this time of economic uncertainty, bridesmaids cannot be expected to buy a long dress for your daughter's wedding. Bridesmaids incur lots of expenses from the many showers and presents they are expected to attend, and in some cases travel and accommodation expenses. It just doesn't make sense to make them buy a long dress for one wedding. By having the bridesmaids wear a short cocktail dress that they can wear for other occasions makes more sense, because it is more practical. When planning a wedding, a good hostess always thinks about financial details that can be a burden on the bridesmaids. Your daughter understands this issue and the fashionable dress code for her generation.

After all, it is your daughter's wedding. This is not a battle to be fought.

As an etiquette consultant, I understand your wife's position and that it is hard to give in when you've been so adamantly against an issue. Having watched the trend in short bridesmaids dresses evolve with the downturn and continued sketchiness of the economy, I understand that for many women our age, it is hard to acknowledge the changes in etiquette. This is the current wedding dress code:

When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, guests will assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses, or Cocktail Attire. More often than not, at weddings these days, the bride is the only woman in a long dress, and that's marvelous because she is the star! It is her special day, why shouldn't she be the belle of the ball?

What your wife might be reminded of is that she has to let go and trust her daughter on the matters of style and fashion of her generation. What your daughter can do is to assure her mother that the dresses will all be identical, as will be the shoes and the color of the nail polish, if the shoes are open-toed or strappy sandals.

Your wife can also be reminded that during this economic downturn, there are many families who are more effected than others and, therefore, it is important, as the hostess, to curtail costs for the bridesmaids. (In my opinion, short dresses are much chicer than long on most women most of the time.)

As you said, the huge problem is that your wife has closed the door on the subject. Because it has become a matter of pride to her, it has become a matter of proper etiquette. Help her look at the big picture: it makes sense in terms of dollars cents for the bridesmaids to wear short dresses. For the following reason: 1.) short dresses are less of a financial burden on the bridesmaids because less fabric and workmanship are involved; 2.) a short bridesmaid dress is more practical because it is more apt to be worn again as a cocktail dress; 3.) the best hostess thinks about the financial pressure on all the members of the wedding party, but especially the bridesmaids.

I would be happy to talk to your wife over the phone. If you think she would talk to me, let me know a date, time and phone number, and I will call her to express my concern for her feelings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride and Mother of the Bride: 2:00 PM: Chiffon and Crepe
Q Dear Didi,

My personal etiquette specialist (my Mom) has developed dementia and I need some guidance.
My daughter is getting married this summer and has decided on a floor-length chiffon dress, no train. Her bridesmaids are wearing cotton (matte) knee-length dresses. The wedding will be an early afternoon event at a local park with a dinner reception following (at same location).

I found some beautiful crepe-backed satin that I could use to make a color block knee-length dress, but am concerned that if I use the "satin' side on the bodice it might look too flashy. I found a Neue Mode pattern that I love and what I have seen retail is either black, grey, or would clash with the wedding colors.
Help!

A I agree, satin is too shiny for an early afternoon wedding; for a summer dress I like a pleated dress in a crepe in a pastel shade. Since I don't know the wedding colors, I can't help you with the color.

As for your daughter, chiffon of course is one of the loveliest and most feminine of all fabrics and as you know one of the hardest to work with, so you would want to make sure the dress is well made. In French, chiffon means "rag," which is why it is hard to use for a dress and we are more apt to see it used for a small accessory, such as a scarf or blouse. My point to you is to make sure the workmanship is good because you wouldn't want your daughter's wedding dress to look like a rag at the end of the evening.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride at 42
Q What does a first-time bride age 42 wear to her wedding?

A What is the style of your wedding? Is it formal, semi-formal, or informal? Once you've chosen a style, everything from the invitations to the wedding dress reflects that style. The style is defined by the time of day, the location, and the venue for the wedding. Does the ceremony take place in a church at six o'clock and is immediately followed by a seated candlelight dinner? Or is it a morning ceremony followed by a brunch? For the first you could wear a long white dress with a veil, for the second you would wear a very snappy white suit or dress with a matching jacket or coat that falls just above the knees.

Then there are all those options in between from a destination wedding in Mexico to a ceremony on top of a mountain in Sun Valley where the guests ski down for the reception in the lodge.

More than likely the style depends upon the budget. So I suggest that the first thing you do is talk to your groom about where you want to get married and how many people you want attending your wedding. Then talk to your parents to see how much they are willing to contribute. My last suggestion is to browse through the wedding magazines at a large book store to try to get the feel for the ambiance you are looking for and perhaps for the style of dress that you hope to wear. Another way to help decide upon a style is to go to one of the many bridal shows around the country; they feature fashion shows as well as samplings from the various florists, bakers and bands in your area that specialize in catering to weddings. It is a great way to help figure out what you want and what you definitely do not want.

Decide upon a style and stick to it. Then do return to my Website NewportManners.com once you've chosen a style and ask your question again telling me which style you've chosen with the time of day and the venue. The more information you give me about the wedding, the better I am able to answer your question. You are also welcome to browse through the wedding archives on my site for free information on weddings.

By the way, if the reference to your age means that you're concerned as to whether you can wear a long white dress or not, it is not a factor. If you were previously married and were in your fifties, I would suggest a knee-length, dressy, white dress. At forty-two you can wear whatever suits the style of the venue of the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: April: 2:00 PM: Woman
Q Hi Didi,

My fiance and I are getting married at the courthouse in FL. We are having a reception in my family's backyard at 2pm in April, we rented a tent for the occasion. Even though I'm not getting my wedding dress, I would still like to look beautiful without going overboard. I would love to wear a coco and cream-colored long dress. Any suggestions??

A Just because you're not getting a wedding dress, that doesn't mean that you can't wear a beautiful white dress that falls just above your knees and a string of pearls. I say pearls, because they are such a wedding piece of jewelry. They don't have to be real, nobody knows the difference.

Coco and cream sounds fine, but why the long dress? Many brides are opting not to wear a long dress in favor of buying a pretty cocktail dress that they can wear again and again. If you do wear the coco and cream-colored long dress, you might feel a bit silly walking around downtown in a long dress at two in the afternoon. However, if you wear the long dress with a pair of strappy sandals and a pretty floppy hat with a crown of pretty artificial flowers and look real casual, you will look lovely.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Chinese Red Wedding Gown
Q My daughter will be getting married next summer. She would love to wear a red wedding gown. She lived in China last year and really likes their customs. Would it be okay for her to wear red to a church wedding in the US? If not, how could she incorporate red? Thank you.

A Wearing a red wedding gown is unique and cool; however, your daughter needs to look into the tradition, because my understanding is that the the bride changes to a white wedding gown at some point. To be authentic, your daughter will need two wedding dresses, one red and one white. Look into it before you proceed. Personally, I'm all for it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Choosing a Theme
Q My wedding will be December 8, 2012, at 2:00 pm in Birmingham, AL. It will be a sort of vintage, shabby chic w/ a modern flare wedding. What should I advise guests to wear?? (I plan on including a little something on the invitation)

A Take some time to think about the theme of your wedding because if you get caught up in a particular theme now, so far out, you might find yourself stuck with it a year from now when you're more sophisticated and might not think the shabby chic theme so chic. It's good to bat around ideas, but you really don't want to be too cutesy. "Shabby chic w/a modern flare" is an oxymoron. Shabby means not new (old) and modern means very new.

That said, since you are having an early afternoon wedding your guests will be wanting to wear their best day time outfits. Which, depending on your lifestyle, is the dress code Suits & Dresses: men in business suits or blazers and women in chic short dresses, with beautiful shoes. An early afternoon wedding begs for a lovely hat, so you could encourage your guests to wear hats or fascinators.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Early Afternoon: Beach Ceremony
Q What type of wedding gown should a bride wear if the wedding in on the beach early afternoon and reception follows as an outside buffet (in a restaurant)? What should the length of the wedding gown be?

A Traditionally, the bride wears a long white, or off-white, dress no matter what the venue of the wedding. The style and length of the dress reflects the bride's taste and aesthetics, and therefore the formality of the wedding. Even if the bridesmaids are wearing short dresses and the groomsmen and groom are not wearing tuxedos, and that happens to be the trend these days, the brides are still wearing a whitish, long dress. However, for a second, third, or fourth marriage, the bride is more apt to wear a short white or off-white dress, dressy skirt suit, or sleeveless dress with a bolero top. Bridal departments and shops carry all lengths.

The wedding ceremony and reception locations don't necessarily determine length. On a personal note, I wore an off-white, actually champagne colored, ankle-length lace dress with a gently shaped straight skirt, not a bouffant skirt, for my wedding ceremony on a Nantucket beach followed by a reception on the lawn and a garden luncheon in a nearby French restaurant. My dress wasn't full-skirted, it wasn't a gown, but it was off-white and long. The soft, seashell patterned lace dress was the color of Nantucket sand, and edged with scalloping. Even though the dress looked simple from afar, up close the details were lovely and feminine.

My point is this, nowadays, there are fewer and fewer black-tie weddings, but brides are still wearing long white dress. Whether the bride wears a full-skirted gown or a short, pencil thin skirt, it is her choice. There are no rules carved in stone. Personally, I find it charming when the dress fits the bride's personal style and she doesn't look as though she's been dropped into a bouffant wedding gown. Should the bride not wish to wear a puffy long dress, she certainly doesn't have to. My wedding dress wasn't a wedding gown per se, but it was made of beautiful lace. I just happened upon it and knew it was the dress I wanted to be wearing at my wedding.

To make a long answer short, the length of the wedding gown is at the discretion of the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Engagement Photos
Q I'm taking my engagement pictures this weekend in Pismo beach. I'm not sure what to wear for the pictures! Should I wear a dress and high heels or should I wear a nice dressy shirt with shorts and sandals?

A Wear what you would wear to church during the day or if you don't attend a house of worship, wear Business Attire, what you would wear to a business meeting. A dress with high heels is perfect. In my opinion, shorts and sandals are a bit too informal for a formal engagement picture. Save the shorts and sandals for the honeymoon photos.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Jewelry
Q Is it appropriate for a daughter to ask a father for expensive diamonds for her wedding day? This is not as a wedding gift but as a sentiment gift.
Curious but out of touch father of the bride

A Traditionally, the parents of the bride give her a piece of jewelry to wear on her wedding day, if they can afford it. Lately, the trend has been in dangly diamond earrings.

What you might do is take your daughter to your local jewelry store and let her pick out something to wear on her wedding day, then ask the jeweler if you could borrow the piece for the wedding. A good local jeweler will loan them out in the hope of promoting the piece of jewelry to the groom and the wedding guests. Because it will have a sentimental attachment, the jeweler might be game to loan. If the jeweler won't loan the diamonds, then offer to rent the piece for the day. Believe it or not, this is done more than you think.

That way you will please your daughter because you arranged for her to wear diamonds on her wedding day, but you are saying that she'll have to work for them if she wants to own them. You just might appease her by borrowing them for the wedding. At least she'll know that you're doing your best to make her happy.

It is appropriate for her to ask, if she thinks that there is a chance that you'll want to give her a sentiment gift.

By the way, traditionally, the groom's parents give the bride a piece of significant jewelry as a wedding present, if they can afford it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Leather Jacket with Bridal Gown
Q I am a 24-year-old female and we are going to be having a Halloween wedding, with the ceremony outside at sunset. If I am wearing a strapless gown, is it appropriate for me to wear a fitted leather jacket with my wedding gown? Our ceremony will be fall/ vintage/rock n' roll inspired and the reception will be Halloween themed. Thanks so much!

A I love the look of the strapless gown with a fine leather jacket, but I want you to think about your shoes. On the Internet try to find an image of the wonderful contemporary portrait painter Alex Katz called "Wedding Portrait." The bride is wearing a long, column white gown with black shoes. It is stunning, so I want you to be thinking about about black satin shoes with a fine, thin leather jacket. Mixing textures in white and black is lovely and chic.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: New Orleans: January
Q I already have my strapless wedding dress. Due to illness in the family, we have had to push back the wedding date. Is it appropriate to wear a strapless dress in January? I live in New Orleans, LA.

A Yes, of course, you can wear a strapless wedding dress in January. If you think you'll be chilly, then add a bolero jacket or a lace shawl that you can take off when the dancing begins.

Ask the manager of the shop where you bought your wedding dress to come up with a bolero jacket or something to drape over your shoulders until the reception. Once you start dancing, you'll be happy to be wearing the strapless dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Noon: New York City: Civil Ceremony With Restaurant Lunch Reception
Q Hi Didi.
Wedding Etiquette: Bride's dress Code: 12:00 am, in New York
On Dec. 3. Only civil Wedding ceremony in a nice Restaurant Reception in Manhattan. I am a 49-year-old woman but I look like 39, with a nice figure...I will like to know if I have to use short or long dress.
Thanks

A For a noon civil ceremony in New York City followed by a restaurant lunch reception, you will want to be wearing either a beautiful day dress that falls just above the knees, or a lovely, soft skirt suit with three-quarter- length sleeves and a low neckline. Either with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. You can also wear a small hat with a good line.

To quote Christian Dior, "Quality is essential to elegance." You want to look elegant, dignified, and lovely. Wear only the best quality whether it is the leather for gloves, shoes, and clutch, or the fabric of your dress or skirt-suit, which could be a silk or fine wool, but stay away from elaborate brocades because they are too dressy for early afternoon. In a city such as New York in winter, you cannot really be dressed without a hat, it is really the completion of your outfit and shows you have a sense of style. In winter, velvet and good quality felts are lovely and very versatile, fur is lovely too, and besides being warm, a little fur hat is very feminine. If you're going to carry a spray of flowers, don't wear too much jewelry or you'll look like a Christmas tree. One of my favorite colors for winter is Winter White, a warm creamy white with the slightest hint of very pale yellow.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Not Wearing White
Q Hi Didi,
I am an experienced Bridal Consultant/Wedding Planner.
My younger sister is getting married in the Spring of 2012.
She's not wearing white, nor anything close to it (don't want to expose her color choice). Here's the dilemma: she wants me to wear the exact same color she is wearing, (we are very close) but I know this isn't proper. I have told her so many times but she refuses to listen. She says this is her special day and she wants what she wants no matter what her 600+ guests think. She doesn't understand what this could do emotionally all day while her guests are making negative remarks, most of them know what I do for a living (wow doesn't she know better? And such remarks). Help me with this please.

A If this isn't your sister's first wedding, then she can wear whatever color she likes. The truth of the matter is this, there is no rule carved in stone that says all brides have to wear white. If white washes her out, or she doesn't think it flatters her, then she should wear a color that is flattering. As you know from being a wedding consultant, not all brides wear white, some wear red, others black. I understand your angst, but my best advice is that you go with it, play along with it, let her do what she wants to do.

If you don't, you might be sorry. You are obviously well aware of the importance of creating good memories and not bad of the wedding so you really want to be careful about not creating bad memories that will ultimately be all your fault.

At this point, her only bad memory is that you think she should wear white. If you make a bigger deal out of this then it is, you will not only be alienating your sister but creating a bad memory which is the last thing you want to do.

If anyone says anything to you, just laugh it off and say that your sister has a mind of her own and dances to her own tune. Support her, give her credit for being an original. Nobody is going to make a big deal out of this, and whoever does will have to live with that karma.

Be careful, she is your sister and you need to support her 100%. I'm not saying you have to be a hypocrite, I'm just saying let her be free to express herself on her special day. Spring 2012 is a long ways off, a lot could happen. She might even change her mind on her own, if she feels the door isn't closed on the topic. You don't want to back her into a corner leaving her no way out to change her mind. By not harping on it, that door might slowly open wide enough so that she feels her pride isn't hurt and she can change her mind with dignity and grace.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Two Cousins Wear the Same Dress
Q Is it poor etiquette to buy and wear the same wedding dress that a cousin just recently bought and wore for her wedding?

Thank you in advance for a reply to this question.

Sincerely,
Brenda

A The problem with family is in the wedding photos. Do the the two brides want it on record that they wore the same wedding dress? I don't think so.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Wedding Dress Shopping Without Mother
Q My Mother passed away 2.5 years ago very unexpectantly. She was only 49. I am 21 and now engaged to be married. My mother has one sister, my aunt, who is 10 years older than my mother. My father put his trust in her to help him with the details of my mother's funeral. What would be the proper etiquette for me with my wedding and dress buying, concerning her? My aunt and my mother are a lot alike. Should she take the place of my mother concerning my wedding? Would it be wrong for me to allow aunts by marriage on my father's side to do things my mother would do over my mother's sister? Should my future mother-in-law help? Can they all go with me to help find a dress or should I just stick with my mother's sister? My future mother-in-law and my aunts on my father side have all offered to help since my mother is dead. Should they have offered knowing my mother has a sister that would do what my mother was suppose to do?---HELP!!! CONFUSED BRIDE-TO-BE!!!

A Nowadays, brides usually take their friends, their bridesmaids, wedding dress shopping with them. So not going wedding dress shopping with any of your aunts would be just fine. There are no rules carved in stone about who helps you with what, so why don't you figure out different jobs for the different women members of your family to be responsible for and that way nobody will feel left out? You might want to consider enlisting the help of a wedding coordinator because there are so many, many details involved with orchestrating a wedding.

First off, you might want to have a face-to-face conversation with your mother's sister over lunch or coffee to discuss your wedding plans and to ask for her advice. The wedding dress is the least of the decisions that you'll be making. At that time, you might suggest that one aunt be in charge of coordinating the wedding ceremony, which would include transportation to and from, the flowers for the church and wedding party, music, the program, reserving the ceremony space, and coordinating the procession and recession. Another aunt could be in charge of the invitations, which is a huge job because she would also have to keep track of the regrets and the acceptances, do the seating, and record the gifts. Another aunt could be in charge of the reception, which means working with the caterer, florist, decorator, and band and making sure anyone who needs to be tipped is remembered.

As you can see, there are many details to be tended to and if you don't have a wedding coordinator, you might want to divide the responsibilities between all the aunts. As I don't know your wedding plans, this is a very general answer, but out of courtesy to your mother's sister, why not start with talking to her? You might find out that she would be greatly relieved not to have to shoulder all the responsibilities herself. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride's Brother's Girlfriend: Christmas Country Club Attire
Q Dear Didi,

My boyfriend's sister is getting married in early December (5:30 pm) at a country club-like location. I have never met her, but he tells me that she loves Christmas and has always wanted a holiday wedding. We found a beautiful, knee-length red cocktail dress (modest in cut also), but I worry that red is too "loud" a color when I am not actually in the wedding party.

Normally, I wear a lot of black, as I am a musician, but the dress fits perfectly and I really like it.

Would you advise that I wear something else? I plan to wear it with black tights/shoes and some kind of shrug/sweater, since I know it will be cold.

Also, does he need to wear a jacket? He tells me his family won't expect "too fancy". No black tie or formal attire was specified in the invitation.

Thank you very much,
Leah

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. That said, your boyfriend will have to wear a jacket, white collared shirt, tie, and dark pants or gray flannel pants, with dark shoes, socks and belt.

About your red dress. Traditionally, you wouldn't wear a red dress to a wedding because red is the most attention-grabbing color and one would never want to take attention away from the bride. However, because the bride loves Christmas and it is that time of the year, you can certainly wear red, although, you could also wear green or beloved black. If you wear red, please, don't wear black tights or any kind of shawl. Wear legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shimmer to it. Shawls are dreary. They tend to make any woman with good posture look stooped. I would rather have you wear a leather jacket that you can leave on the back of your chair or a nice cardigan sweater.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride's Daughter: South Carolina: 2:00 PM
Q Didi,
This is my daughter's second wedding, but the groom's first. It is going to be outside at 2 p.m. in late September. We live near Charleston, SC. We are somewhat unconventional. The wedding is on a Saturday and the "party/reception" will be on Sunday in our neighborhood's clubhouse. There will be no regular attendants. The bride's daughter (9) and I will stand up with my daughter.
What kind of dress should my daughter wear? The groom wants it to be more traditional. The bride wants chocolate brown and teal to be the colors for decorating at the "party/reception". Would it be appropriate for me to wear a sleeveless form fitting slightly above the knee dress to the wedding? I am 50 and in very good shape. I found a dress that fits me perfectly. Also, what would be appropriate to wear for my daughter and me at the "party/reception"?

A The granddaughter is easy, pick out two outfits and let her choose from one or the other. Let her wear what feels comfortable to her. Don't buy her a dress and expect her to wear it because she needs to feel that it is a special occasion for her, too. As the wedding isn't until September, why not wait until closer to the wedding to have her pick out her outfits because in the life of a nine-year-old five months is a long time and tastes can change. Steer her toward wearing a dress and flats. The color of the dress could be teal or a floral with teal in it. The flats should be comfortable, so to break them in, be sure to have her wear them ahead of time. Most likely your daughter can wear the same dress both days to the ceremony and the reception.

You seem to be pleased with your dress. You didn't mention if you are going to wear the same dress both days, so I am assuming you are. Same for your daughter.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaid Sister of the Bride: Pink vs. Black Shoes
Q I am a bridesmaid in my younger sister's wedding this coming October. It is an evening wedding, and I am in a black strapless satin dress with high-low hem. She has asked that, due to the other dresses' color being a rose pink, that I get my shoes dyed to match that pink as my dress is the only one that has my feet showing. Is this appropriate? Would it be rude to tell her no based on etiquette? I was under the impression that, even with a pink headpiece as a highlight, the shoes should still be black. Can you clarify for me please? Many thanks!

A Personally, I agree with you, pink shoes in October would be ghastly. Black satin heels would be much chicer. You can tell your sister the bride that, "In your opinion, pink shoes would be way too cute for October." You can tell her I told you to tell her that.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids + MOB: Wearing Black
Q My daughter will be having a 1:00 afternoon wedding in a Catholic church in October. She wants her bridesmaids to wear their favorite short black dress. This means they will not all match. What are your thoughts about mix-matched bridesmaid dresses? The men will wear a tux. The reception will be at the Augusta Country Club in GA. at 3:00. Would it be appropriate for the MOB to wear a short black dress also? Do you have a better suggestion?





A Bravo to your daughter for being considerate of her bridesmaids in this downturn economy' she knows that some of them will undergo great expense to attend the various events around the wedding as well as having to purchase a shower and wedding present. What she could do is to choose a shoe from an online store, such a J.Crew, which would have a lot of sizes, and have all the bridesmaids wear that shoe in that height, so that all the shoes will be alike. The trend in shoes when wearing black is nude colored patent leather.

In my opinion, you wouldn't want to wear a short black dress because you don't want to look like a wannabe bridesmaid. How about wearing a black, or black and white, dressy skirt-suit that falls just below your knees with three-quarter length sleeves and a low neckline? Or even a sheath with a bolero jacket? It is all right to wear black, but probably not all black. Beige is a lovely compliment to black and quite appropriate for an afternoon wedding at a county club.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids and Guests: Little Rock: 2:00 PM:
Q I have a few questions for you:

One: As a Little Rock, Arkansas bride, would it be appropriate to state "Wedding Hats Welcome" on my wedding invitations? Or is there a more tactful way of putting it?

Two: My wedding is at 2pm on a Saturday. It will be indoors and is semi-formal. Also, do you think it proper for my bridesmaids to wear hats or fascinators in my wedding?

Three: Because it's a 2pm wedding, should the bridesmaids wear a long dress or a knee-length one?

Your help is very appreciated. Thank you!



A Please, do have your bridesmaids wear short dresses--above the knees. Short bridesmaids' dresses are totally in trend right now, and let's face it, your bridesmaids will get a lot more wear out of short dress than a long one. So be kind to your bridesmaids. And,let them wear hats. My only problem with hats is that hats with wide brims are harder to social kiss in, so if your friends are into social kissing, you might suggest that they wear fascinators, or hats without wide brims.

I just wrote an article on fascinators--and wearing hats--which I'll email you separately. Since you love hats, too, you might like my article.

About asking women guests to wear hats, it might be fun to have that request on the reply card. On your reply card you will have a reply date, after that phrase,"Kindly reply by July tenth" you can add: Ladies, please do wear your best hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids' Dresses
Q My wedding dress is navy blue and white. What color should my briedsmaids' dresses be?

A Your bridesmaids' dresses could be navy blue or green. Certain shades of yellow and pink go quite well with navy blue, so it would depend upon the season. For instance, navy blue or burgundy might be better in the fall and winter, whereas green, pink, or yellow would be best in the warmer months.

Think about the wedding photos and the seasonal flowers that you hope to use in your bridal bouquet and the bridesmaids' bouquets. That should help you decide.

Usually the bridesmaids' dresses are the color of one of the wedding colors. You told me that your bridal dress is navy blue and white, but I would need to know the two wedding colors in order to give you my best answer.

For instance, navy blue and yellow are good wedding colors for spring because there are so many different shades of yellow flowers in season that time of year. Since your dress has navy in it, using navy and yellow would be perfect. Then the bridesmaids could wear navy blue, short, strapless dresses and carry a bouquet with shades of white and yellow flowers.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids Wear Black
Q Is it proper etiquette for bridesmaids to wear black dresses for a 2 o'clock in the afternoon wedding? Should the dresses be tea length due to the time of the wedding? What would be proper wear for the groomsmen? What length is appropriate for mother of the groom for a 2 o'clock wedding? The wedding is to take place at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Savannah, Georgia. We are also considering a 7:30 pm wedding.

A Whether you are considering an afternoon or evening wedding, black bridesmaids' dresses are considered the height of sophistication. Long dresses tend to be dowdy and dreary, especially in the afternoon, so have all the dresses fall just below the knees or mid-knee. Tea length can look drab. The bridesmaids dresses need to be all the same length, just as the silver shoes would be all the same height. The groomsmen could either wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants in warm climate or gray flannel in the fall and winter, with white shirts and regimental striped ties and black shoes. The mother of the groom and the mother of the bride would both wear a dressy dinner suit or a sleeved dress that falls just below the knees. Traditionally, a 7:30 or eight o'clock wedding is referred to as a "candlelight wedding" and is often black-tie. A two o'clock wedding would not be black- tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids: Don't Wear White
Q Are short, above the knee WHITE dresses appropriate for bridesmaids' dresses in early Oct.? Wedding ceremony and reception are at a fancy country club early Oct, starting at 6:00 PM, black tie. Trying to advise the bride, as I think this look would be inappropriate. Thanks

A As you know, the only person wearing white at the wedding is the bride. Out of respect for the bride's special day, she is the only person wearing white. Traditionally, the wedding couple picks two wedding colors that are used, one or both, in the ushers' ties, the bridesmaids' dresses, and picked up in the bouquets and flowers at the ceremony. The reception would use those colors (or shades of those colors), as well in the tablecloths, flowers, wedding cake, etc.

As you know, the key to a chic wedding is consistency and continuity, which is why you stick to two colors and one style, which you say is formal. At an "informal" wedding, you could dress the bridesmaids in white and nobody would care because you're not following the "formal" style. However, since the style of this wedding is formal, it needs to be consistently formal. Lastly, from Labor Day on, they wouldn't be wearing white anyway, as October is a month early for "winter white."

As this is a formal wedding, you would be following the tradition of having the bride the only person wearing white. Just because the bridesmaids can't wear white, doesn't mean they can't wear short strapless bridesmaids dresses. Short bridesmaids' dresses are the trend right now, and so much more practical for the bridesmaids who can wear them again as a cocktail dress.

Also, you probably don't want to be referring to the country club as "fancy" because country is not fancy. "Conservative," "formal" or "upscale,""traditional," but not "fancy." A hotel ballroom in Miami might be called "fancy," but calling a country club "fancy" is an oxymoron. Thanks for your interesting question and I hope to hear from you again.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids: Hosiery, Pantyhose, Stockings
Q I am 35 years old and will be in the wedding party for my sister's upcoming wedding. She has let all of us bridesmaids choose our own knee-length black dress. We are all wearing black heels as well. I am not comfortable going bare legged so she said I could wear pantyhose. Would you recommend a sheer black or sheer color to match my light skin color? My shoes will be closed toe as I have large feet and a very long 2nd toe which looks scary in an open toe shoe. I believe I will be the only one in a pantyhose.

A Go to the Wolford website wolford.com and look for a shade of stockings lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shine. The same shine the other bridesmaids will have from slathering their legs with a shimmer body cream. Click on Legwear, then the color Memor and look at Satin Touch 20 and Neon 40. There is also Pure Energy 30 push-up that lifts and shapes the butt, which a lot of women love. The prices range between $35 and $45 but they last for years when treated gently.

There are less expensive brands such as Donna Karan that are excellent as well. Go to Donna Karan, click on Lifestyle, then Hosiery, and then Nudes, which cost $20. By looking at these examples at Wolford and Donna Karan, you'll get the picture. Your local department store should have either choices. Just be sure to look for sheer or shimmery, and find the lightest tone. You don't want your legs to look orange in the wedding photographs, which often happens when you go for a tanned look.

You wouldn't wear sheer black because the other bridesmaids will be barelegged and your black legs will stick out in the wedding photographs. Either all the bridesmaids wear sheer black or all the bridesmaids have a shimmery skin tone.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids: Matching Shoes
Q Wedding Etiquette, September Wedding, Bridesmaid, 6pm Wedding, Northeast

Hi Didi,

I'm a bridesmaid in an old friend's wedding this September. The dresses are short black satin. I'm in a dilemma over the shoes--bride hates sandals, peep toes, and bright colors. Can I wear black patent leather pumps, or will they look tacky with the satin? Bride encouraged it, but I'm still not sure. Thanks!


A Black patent leather shoes would be lovely with the shiny satin black dress; however, be sure they are delicate and lovely, and not clunky. Traditionally, the bride goes online and finds a shoe from a Web site such as J.Crew, which is able to accommodate all sizes, and the bridesmaids buy that shoe in their size. Or on their own they can find a shoe in exactly that style and height.

Anther suggestion would be to find a nude colored patent leather shoe online. A classic shoe that is very much in style right now for a reasonable price. Having a closed toed shoe in September is fine because it eliminates the need to have all the brides wearing the same color nail polish on their toes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids: Shoes: Who Pays?
Q Does the bride have the right to decide what shoes her bridesmaids should buy???

A When the bride is asking the bridesmaids to wear a particular shoe, she gives up some of her rights to pick out the shoes if she doesn't buy the shoes for them. It is difficult to ask people to buy something, if you're not paying for it.

Customarily, the bride and/or the maid of honor will pick out a moderately priced shoe that she wants the bridesmaids to wear on a website such as J. Crew and email the image and description to all the bridesmaids. Then the bridesmaids either buy that shoe or one that fits that description. For instance, some of the bridesmaids might buy the shoe from J. Crew, another might buy a similar shoe from Manolo Blahnik, and another might buy a knock-off of that same style, color, and height shoe at a discount outlet. Therefore the bride should choose a shoe for the bridesmaids that is fairly traditional and can be found easily at different price levels. In doing this, the bride can be assured of getting the look she wants at the price the bridesmaids can afford.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids: Wearing Black: Midday: April:
Q My daughter is getting married in April 2011, mid-day wedding. Her wedding colors are black and white. Her younger sister is 11 years old and will serve as Jr. bridesmaid. Are there rules of etiquette for an 11-year-old wearing a black dress?

Thanks!

A Between now and April 2012, your daughter might change her wedding colors. Your then twelve-year-old will probably feel very gown-up in a black dress. As long as the bridesmaids dresses are short and snappy, it will be a very chic wedding. However, if their dresses are long and black, they could be a bit dreary unless it is candlelight at 8:00 PM, instead of noon. You still have time to discuss this.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Brooklyn Botanical Garden: 7:00 PM
Q Dear Didi,
My husband and I are attending a wedding this Friday. The ceremony is held in Bklyn at a Catholic church at 5pm and reception follows at 7 pm at Brooklyn Botanical Garden. It is indoors enclosed with all glass. I heard there is a 40-50% chance shower. I am torn between wearing a skirty dark grey suit or my beautiful off-shoulder red dress, below the knee, with a shawl. My husband is wearing a dark suit. I told him that if I decide to wear the red dress, he is going to wear a red shirt with the suit. If I wear stockings what color? The invitation did not specify black tie,but I know it is formal attire because the bride is a doctor. I am in a state of "I don't know if this is okay".

A When the invitation doesn't stipulate that Black Tie is the dress code, then the dress code is Suits and Dresses. In my opinion, you would definitely wear that great red dress. I didn't get a sense of the gray skirt suit, but if it is dressy, and gorgeous, wear it. Believe me, Brooklyn Botanical Garden weddings are professionally prepared for all types of weather. I've attended a wedding there at this time of year and it is absolutely glorious. Take lots of photos while you're walking through the first glassed in garden and you'll have them forever. By the way, you will be able to check your umbrellas and raincoats, but keep your cellphone for photos!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: California Formal
Q Dear Didi,
We have been invited to an evening wedding in California and the invitation states "California Formal." I would think a coat and tie for men would be appropriate for this, am I correct? This would not be Black Tie or it would just say so, right?
Thanks you for the advice,
Kate

A You are totally correct. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: California: 40 Year Old: November: 2:00PM
Q What would you wear to a California November vineyard wedding at 2pm? I'm in my 40s and want something fun, not too trendy. Much of what's out there is skimpy and for very young women. Any ideas?

A What I like to do is Google Fall Fashion Colors 2011 to see what's trending that works for me. For instance, for an early afternoon wedding, you might see a blue-ribbon-blue satin fashion blouse (that fastens in the back) paired with a knee-length black pencil skirt. You have the skirt and the luxurious satin blouse will also be useful for the coming holidays to wear with slacks or a different skirt. Another look I like this season is wearing a jersey dress (think Diane von Furstenberg) with a lovely soft leather or suede jacket. Pairing different materials is always interesting (plus, you feel good when you see something that you can pair with something you've been longing to wear). You'll be inside/outside in November at the vineyard wedding so you want to be thinking long sleeves, which is why I suggested either a long sleeved satin blouse or a soft leather jacket. Neither outfit is too trendy, but they're both sophisticated and fun for a country wedding. As you no doubt know, a knee-length dress with a leather jacket is very Parisian.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: California: 6:30 PM:
Q Hi,

The wedding details are California wedding and reception with 6:30 PM church service in July. My husband is a groomsman and he will be wearing a tux. Would it be OK if I wore an all black dress? I may or may not end up in some of the wedding pictures.


A By all means, wear a great short black dress with beautiful shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: California: Central Coast: 4:00 PM
Q I am wondering what to wear to a 4:00 pm at a winery on central coastal California in late April. There is an adult reception following. It does not specify dress code in the invitation. This is a cousin's wedding. I am 53, size 6. I am wondering if a black cocktail dress with a wrap would be appropriate or if a short or long floral dress with jacket would be better.

A In my opinion, the short black cocktail dress would be very chic. Perhaps nude or red shoes, not black. When you are not asked to wear black tie, the dress code is usually Suits and Dresses. The short floral sounds fine, too, but I wouldn't wear a long floral, as you might feel silly traipsing around in a long dress at four in the afternoon. Personally, I think that long is a bit dreary, even dowdy, for most women, especially during the day.

About the wrap, definitely pack one, but you might not need to wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: California: October
Q I am going to wedding in California in October. It begins at 5:30; can I wear black chiffon pants and a white silk shirt, is that too dressy or not enough; it is a sit-down dinner reception in La Jolla California?

A Personally, I am not a huge fan of women wearing pants to a wedding, so I am not the person to ask.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Campground: Canada: September Morning
Q My brother is getting married in early September 2012. The wedding is in a small village church just outside Toronto, Canada. The reception is at the campground where my brother proposed to my future sister-in-law. The ceremony will be late morning, and we are able to change for the reception in the evening (the time between the ceremony and the reception is spent doing campground activities).
I'm about 5'5 and I have blonde hair, blue eyes.
I read I should wear blue to match my eyes, but I want to know if September is too late to wear a bright floral print or not.

A No, September is not too late for a bright floral print, just be sure to wear dark shoes and a cardigan sweater or jacket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can Mother of the Groom Wear Black
Q Is it ok for the mother of the groom to wear a black dress to a very small, immediate-family only wedding?

A Queen Victoria in 1840 set the dress code for weddings by wearing a white wedding dress and dictating that black was not to be worn by women at a wedding; however, times have changed and since there is no rule other than Queen Victoria's, you might wear what you wish. However, you might want to run the idea of your wearing a black dress pass the bride and her mother. If it is a city wedding, black is fine; however, wearing black at a country wedding in a rural area might make you feel overdressed.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can the Mother of the Bride Wear a Pantsuit
Q Is it appropriate for the mother of the bride to wear a pantsuit instead of a dress????

A Personally, I do not feel it is appropriate for the mother of the bride to wear a pantsuit to her daughter's wedding. The dress code for the wedding is set by the bride and groom, so it is really the bride's call to tell the mother of the bride what she should or should not wear.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can the Mother of the Bride Wear Black
Q Can the mother of the bride wear black to the wedding?

A If it is an evening wedding, yes, by all means the mother of the bride can wear black. However, if it is an afternoon wedding, she might not wear a black suit or dress because she would not want to look as if she is going to a funeral. An alternative to black for a morning or afternoon wedding might be navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Cape Cod in October
Q Can you suggest what to wear to an October wedding in Cape Cod? The 4:00 ceremony is on the beach, with the reception following at the yacht club. The bride and groom recommend "dressy casual" or something you would wear to a country club or yacht club for dinner. I am 60. Thank you!

A Not sure if you are asking about a couple or a single man or woman. A man would wear his best lightweight jacket with a collared shirt and leather shoes. Also for Dressy Casual, a woman your age would wear a very good quality dress with three-quarter-length sleeves, that falls just below your knees, with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Attire
Q I'm going to an afternoon-evening wedding in June and the invitation indicated "casual attire". How casual does that mean? I was thinking of wearing a cotton sundress or even a cotton knit dress...would a knit be too casual? Also, would black be appropriate in this case? Thank you so much.

A When unsure about what to wear for an occasion when the invitation sounds vague, talk to close friend of the bride, if not the bride herself, and ask advice. Unless you are a large size person and need black to make you look slimmer, save black for night. Traditionally one is not supposed to wear black to a wedding, especially in warm whether. It is more appropriate to wear a cheerful color or print. The cotton sundress sounds fine especially if you accessorize with a pretty hat, strappy sandals, and one good piece of jewelry. "Casual attire" means the wedding will be relaxed and fun.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Attire, No Tee Shirts
Q Is it proper etiquette for the wedding couple to put a dress code on their website for their wedding? This couple put under dress code casual attire, no tee shirts.

A Yes, it is totally proper for a wedding couple to put a dress code on their wedding Web site. It is their wedding. This wedding is all about them. They want their family and friends to understand the informality of their dress code as seriously as another wedding couple might insist on all the men wearing tuxedos.

By stating "no tee shirts" they are defining the dress code to mean: nice casual clothing but no tee shirts. Notice that they used the word "attire" as opposed to "clothing." That is your clue that quality is more important than being hipster/biker/cute/grunge/goth/retro.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Dress
Q What do would I wear to a 3:00 pm wedding with casual dress on the invitation? I am 52 year old female and have lost 95 lbs. help

A As I don't know the climate or location of the wedding, this is a very general answer. You would dress more warmly for a wedding in Burlington, Vermont, than in Taos, New Mexico.

If you live in the North, you could wear a well-tailored warm suit or a long-sleeved dress, that falls just below your knees, with a coat and sensible yet pretty pumps for dancing. In the South, you would wear a short sleeved dress that falls just below your knees and a pretty hat. The nice thing about an informal three o'clock wedding is that you can wear a nice hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Dress: Boots With a Dress
Q Going to a wedding at 4:30 Casual dress, can you wear classy boots with a dress?

A Whether you're wearing a skirt or dress, for those under-35s, knee-high boots are the equivalent of ballet flats. Please do wear your "classy" boots with a dress, if you're comfortable dancing in them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Waterfront Restaurant: 6:00 PM
Q I'm attending an outdoor wedding at 6:00 in November in Florida. The reception will be at a casual waterfront restaurant. I'd like to wear my matte black sequin pencil skirt but am struggling for the appropriate top, shoes and accessories. I'm middle-aged, 5'5" and size 4. Can you help?

A The trending look right now with a black pencil skirt is to pair it with a solid jewel-colored satin fashion blouse; the kind that doesn't have the buttons down the front but has a rounded collarless neckline. The jewel colors this season are fabulous and it's the sort of outfit that would be perfect for a casual waterfront restaurant as well as for a holiday party. The jewel colors are stunning, but since I don't know you're coloring, why don't you Google the Fall Fashion colors 2011 to get some ideas? Don't forget to wear beautiful black patent leather shoes and to carry a small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Central America: Formal: 6:00PM
Q Hi Didi,

I am attending a 6 PM wedding in Central America next weekend, where women don't typically show their legs. As we are among the half of the guests not from Central America (it's not a destination wedding), they made sure to tell us that women wear long gowns. My date helped me buy a long teal satin gown that I love while we were looking last weekend, but I am concerned about being overdressed/too flashy at someone else's wedding. The invitation states the event is formal, and I have a long gray jersey gown I could wear (and have pashmina's for both dresses to cover my shoulders in the catholic church) but don't want to hurt my date's feelings after he helped with the purchase of the teal gown. Is a long satin gown too formal for a 6PM formal wedding? I have only ever seen bridesmaids and mothers of the brides/groom wear long satin gowns before. I know the bridesmaids are wearing purple.

Thanks!

A In my opinion, your new long satin teal dress sounds perfect for a formal six o'clock wedding in Central America. As I'm not a fan of the shawl look, I would slip out the pashmina for a very good cardigan sweater, especially if you're in fear of looking overdressed. Shawls of any weight tend to make even a woman with good posture look stooped. Also, go easy with other accessories, such as jewelry. Wear a great pair of hierloom-style earrings and a cocktail ring and perhaps a bracelet that's delicate not chunky. Carry a small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Central Florida: March 6:00 pm
Q My husband (40) and I (33) have been invited to a commitment ceremony for two of my male friends at a church with reception immediately following. March 5th at 6 pm in central Fl. My husband and I have both lost a significant amount of weight recently but would still be considered overweight. Also, any ideas for a gift? Thanks so much! Michelle

A What you wear would depend upon the dress code. As it is a six o'clock ceremony at a church, you would most probably wear a very good quality day dress, or understated cocktail dress. Your husband would wear a light-weight dark suit, white shirt, good tie, and black shoes, socks and belt.

Find out where the couple is registered. Most couples register at a department store in the hope that their guests will send them a gift that they've chosen from their registry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Charleston, SC: 5:30 PM
Q I am going to a South Carolina, Charleston wedding this coming Sunday. The ceremony starts at 5:30 and the reception is following. And the weather has dropped rather quickly and I was wondering if i black one-shoulder cocktail dress with black tights and black high heel booties, paired with a cream shawl, and a dark red snake skin clutch would be appropriate? Please let me know at your earliest convenience!

A Please, don't wear black tights with an elegant cocktail dress. They're just the wrong texture, too thick and dense. Wear legwear a shade lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shimmer to it for a more glam look. Please, don't wear a shawl, a black cashmere sweater would be far chicer for the ceremony. A shawl tends to make even women with great posture look stooped. If the clutch is small, that's fine. As for the booties, I'm just not too into them myself, why not go with a more classic black pump because you've got two huge fashion statements going on already with the red snake clutch and the one shoulder, and that's plenty.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Charleston, SC: 6:00 PM
Q 6 o'clock wedding in Charleston, SC location Lowndes Grove Plantation. It does not state black tie on the invitation ...hearing from several that it is. In this case, my hubby is wearing a tux, is cocktail attire (dress) ok for me? I live in Palm Beach ... attire here and in SC differs slightly!!

thanks,

kitty silverstein

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. That means your husband would wear his best dark light-weight suit, a beautiful shirt and tie, black shoes, socks and belt. You would wear a lovely well-made cocktail dress that falls just above your knee (or just below your knee if you are over sixty). Worn with beautiful shoes and an elegant pretty clutch, you'll fit in just fine.

Yes, it is a six o'clock wedding, but if a formal dress code is not printed on the invitation, then men will be wearing their best business dark suits, either navy blue, black, or gray. What you may have heard is that the groomsmen/ushers are wearing tuxedos, which doesn't mean it is the dress code for the guests; after all the bride will be in a long dress, but the women guests will be wearing chic short cocktail dresses. The chicest weddings these days aren't necessarily black-tie, it is all about the quality of the Suits & Dresses. The Suits & Dresses wedding dress code is also on trend in Europe, CA, NYC, Houston and Boston.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Charleston: April: 6:30 PM Family
Q My nephew is being married in Charleston, SC in mid-June of this year. The wedding is being held at a country club venue, and I would like to know what is appropriate for a man to wear at a 6:30 wedding. It can be rather warm here in June. Is a linen suit all right, or a dark suit better? Please Help and thanks.
Ron

A For your nephew's 6:30 PM wedding, you should probably wear a dark suit, unless you are younger than he is. It wouldn't be wrong to wear a light-colored linen suit, but because you are related to the wedding couple, you might want to dress up a notch.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Charleston: Covering Bare Chest + Arms
Q I am attending a wedding in April in Charleston, SC and am unsure if my selected attire is appropriate. I am planning to wear a royal blue one shoulder cocktail-type dress that is knee-length. The wedding is in a church with a reception elsewhere. Is it appropriate to wear this one shoulder dress and do I need to have some sort of cover-up for it in the church? I am 22. What kind of cover-up can I wear besides a pashmina?

A Out of respect, you probably should cover the tops of your arms with either a nice, pretty cardigan sweater or a thin bolero jacket. Often brides wear a lace bolero jacket over their strapless wedding gown for the church ceremony. Right now in the stores, you can find bolero-style, elbow sleeve, dressy cardigan sweaters where you can see the waist that would be perfect.

Depending on how high the church, you might not need to wear anything to cover up. If it is a very formal wedding, cover up, if not, your bare arms won't be a big deal. However, if the wedding is in a Catholic church, you will want to cover up.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Chic In Louisiana
Q OK, in general I am pretty good at this sort of thing, just not now. I live in a big city (Dallas) where black is acceptable just about everywhere no matter the season or time. However, I have to attend an August wedding with my husband who is an usher, and at the request of the bride, is to wear a tuxedo. The invite does not state a dress code. It is to be held at 2 PM in a Baptist church in Louisiana! Think, "as Southern as they come" for me and understand my in-laws will be present (they were raised by wolves and are judgmental). I am a Christian Louboutin fan if that helps with my tastes. PLEASE help me with this!

A OK, when the wedding invitation doesn't state Black Tie, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. So wear a great dressy dinner suit or dress, nipped in the waist, with three-quarter-length sleeves, that falls just above your knees, with, of course, a nude colored pair of Louboutins. The outfit will take you through the wedding ceremony and into to the reception with style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Chicago Country Club 6:00 PM
Q I'll be attending an evening reception (6:00 p.m.) in November. The location is at a country club in Chicago. The couple will be married a month earlier on an island. What's the best attire for a 30 year woman?

A Wear a flirty cocktail dress that falls just above your knees and high heels. The dress can be draped, wrapped, or tailored, but if there is dancing at the reception, you would want the dress to have a skirt with a enough fabric so that you can dance comfortably. Make sure the dress fits your body to a T. If it doesn't, take it to a good dressmaker, or tailor, and have it altered to fit you as if it was made just for you.

To accessorize, carry a small clutch bag and wear a great pair of earrings. Take a warm coat and gloves because Chicago can be cold in November.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Children: Florida in July
Q We are attending a wedding at 6pm July 16th. Yes, this Saturday. My children are invited. What should they wear? It is in Florida on a plantation. It will be very hot. Church wedding then reception under a big tent. My question is specifically for my 10-year-old daughter who is way more sporty than girly. Thank you!!!

A First off, unless this is a family wedding, I'm not a huge fan of having children her age at a wedding. If it is a close family wedding, hire a college student to take care of your kids, and let them all go to the wedding ceremony to experience the ritual, but when it comes to the reception have grown-up time and leave them with the sitter in the motel. Have the children supervised in the motel by the babysitter.

Trying to get a tomboy, as they use to be called, into a dress is a dead end. If this is a family wedding, and she has to be in attendance, then let her pick her outfit. Believe me, many families are accepting the fact there is more than one lifestyle. Allowing her to be whomever she wishes to be will be huge for you in communicating with her. Let her work it out. Making her conform will only create distance between you. The last thing you want is to have an occasion such as this to cause distance. Ten is such a great age! Take her to your local store where kids her age get their clothes and let her choose what she wants to wear to the wedding. By letting her do this, you are acknowledging that she has an authentic self and, therefore, she will be more apt to keep connected to you if you recognize and appreciate her need for authenticity.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Choosing a Dress Code: Mid-August
Q My wedding is set for 08/18/2012 in a church with the reception at a high school gym. My fiance is wearing a tuxedo with tails. Is this considered a black tie affair and should it be held at 5 p.m. or later? My colors are black, white, and turquoise.

A Just because your fiance chooses to wear black-tie and tails, does NOT mean that the dress code has to be Black Tie or Formal Attire. If you don't specify a dress code on the invitation, it will be assumed that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Of course, you can include the dress code Suits & Dresses on the invitation. A Black Tie or Formal Attire wedding usually starts after six o'clock.

Whether you decide on a Black Tie or Formal Attire dress code for your wedding is up to the two of you. Think about your guest list and what would be the most convenient attire for them? Do most of the men own tuxedos? Will those who don't be willing to rent one for the evening? Do most of the men have dark suits already that they can wear? Or perhaps tan or khaki suits? An alternative could be navy blue blazers with cream-colored or khaki pants. Then I want you to think about the climate where you are getting married in mid-August, does it ever get unseasonably hot? Is the high school gym air conditioned in mid-August? I ask about weather temperature because your male guests would be very uncomfortable wearing tuxedos in August if the high school gym isn't air conditioned. Think of all the above factors and I'm pretty sure you and your fiance will come to an agreement about the dress code for your wedding. A good host and hostess thinks about the comfort and convenience of their guests.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Coastal Town 6:30 PM Ceremony in October
Q What should women and young daughters wear to a 6:30 wedding in a coastal town on October 2nd. The invitation did not specify dress. It is in an historic church site, with courtyard cocktails while the sanctuary is being set for dinner.

A As the invitation did not specify Black Tie and the ceremony is at 6:30, you will want to wear a dress with short sleeves that falls just below your knees with a jacket, shawl, or nice cardigan sweater. A dressy light-weight skirt suit would be nice, too. Wear beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch for your keys and lipgloss.

As I don't know the ages of your daughters, my best advice is to let your daughters wear dresses they feel comfortable in, but that are also festive. For instances, a dress they would wear to a holiday party.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Cocktail & Boots: Dallas: 6:00
Q Going to a 6:00 pm wedding in Dallas, TX. Attire states on the invitation "Cocktail & Boots". I'm not sure what to wear.

A I understand. That would stump me, too. I would start with thinking about my boots. Quite frankly, I don't find boots feminine. I'm OK with my Todd boots in winter in NYC and Newport when it's snowing, but I never think of them as a fashion statement, so perhaps I'm not the right person to ask.

You need to be yourself. Look at the dress code, which you've done, and then adapt to who you are. Since I know nothing about who you are (gender, age, lifestyle) this is really a stretch. When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. So if you are a man, you would wear your best dark suit, with a collared shirt, great tie, and on your feet whatever you wear for dancing, since wedding receptions are largely about the dancing. As long as the soles of your shoes are leather, you'll be fine on the dance floor.

I've been to really elegant upscale weddings in Houston, and boots weren't the fashion statement. For a 6:00 wedding, a woman wouldn't be expected to wear boots with her very dressy cocktail dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Color Clothing Not to Wear
Q What colors of clothing should the guests not wear to a wedding?

A Guests should not wear white to a wedding. The only woman wearing white at a wedding is the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Color for Mother of the Groom
Q What color dress does the mother of the groom wear?

A The mother of the bride wears navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Connecticut: September: Clambake Rehearsal Dinner
Q My best friend is attending a wedding in Conn. during Sept. The rehearsal dinner is a clambake on the beach. Any suggestions on the ensemble? She looks like a teenager, but she is 50. She loves vintage clothes.

A Are you asking about what your friend should wear to the wedding and to the rehearsal the night before? I would need to know whatever she knows about the dress code for both events and her build.

This is a very general answer: For the clambake, she could wear well-cut pants and a tunic. For the wedding, if the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, the dress code would be Suits & Dresses. I would be happy to give you a more personal answer, if you return to my Web site and ask the question again with more details.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple In Their 30s With Baby: 4:30 pm: Hawaii
Q What to wear to a 4:30 pm outdoor October wedding in Hawaii when dress code is summer formal attire? My husband and I are mid 30's. And have an 8-month-old attending also. Thanks

A Your husband can wear a white dinner jacket with black trouser and shoes, and a white shirt, but he wouldn't necessarily have to wear a tie or socks. He could get away with a colored bow tie.

You would wear a short, snappy cocktail dress that falls just above your knee with beautiful shoes and carry a small clutch. My best advice about the eight-month-old is either to take a babysitter with you to the wedding, or ahead of time, hire someone through a local nursing service to take care of your baby as eight-month-olds aren't much fun at a wedding. Once they can dance, they're fun, but at eight months they are squirmy and can't be put down just anywhere. If you don't want to leave the baby in the hotel with a sitter, then take the babysitter with you to the wedding so that she can spell you while you dance with your husband. Eight-months-olds are great, but not so much fun at a wedding. I know, I have one! If it is a family wedding, then have the baby at the ceremony, but take the baby to the hotel room and go back to the reception. I've been to weddings with babies, and it isn't always easy, especially, if they are off their schedule. I want you to have fun!

This is a rather general answer because I don't know anything about the wedding couple, or the lifestyle. For instance if this is a native Hawaiian wedding, you will need to find out a more specific dress code from your hosts. If this is a destination wedding, then what I've told you is fine.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: 11:30 am Ceremony at an Art Center: Massachusetts: October
Q My husband and I have been invited to an outdoor wedding at an art center in October in Massachusetts. The wedding begins at 11:30 am followed by an indoor reception at the same location. The invitation did not provide a dress code; however it did mention that the reception included a BBQ and dancing. I have been told it is casual; however, I want to be appropriately dressed. I would appreciate your guidance!

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, or Formal Attire, you can assume that the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Your husband, along with the other men, will put their ties in their jacket pocket and take off their jackets for the dancing. He can be assured that a good sports jacket and dress khakis, or gray flannels, can be worn with a collared shirt and tie as an alternative. By the way, for a late morning wedding, you might want to wear a beautiful hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: Clambake Wedding
Q Hello, we are going to an outside wedding (under tent) in mid-September. Wedding will be there also. The invitation was beautifully done. It's a clambake wedding. What do you think the attire for both of us (husband and wife) should be? It says nothing on the invitation.


A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, which it wouldn't for a clambake, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Depending upon his age, your husband would wear a light-weight gray or navy blue suit with collared shirt, tie, black shoes, socks and belt. If he is under fifty, he can wear a navy blue blazer with dress khakis, a collared shirt, tie and loafers.

Depending upon her age, she would wear a well-made dress of good quality fabric and design, that falls just above her knees (or just below the knee, if older) with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. Although she might want to wear flats as the clambake is outdoors and spike heels can get stuck in soft turf.

As I don't know the time of day, or your ages, this is a rather general answer. Also, a clambake wedding at a private club would be dressier than a clambake at a public clambake facility. I've suggested the more up-scale dress code because out of respect for the bride, it is better to dress up than dress down.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: Matching Outfits: Houston: 7:00 PM
Q Attending a 7 pm wedding in downtown Houston, TX, on Sat Oct 1, 2011 - Have Mr. wearing a black suit, I have 2 choices - a black/cream Prada cocktail dress that hits just above the knees or a purple drape cocktail dress that hits just below the knee, black pumps w black clutch, pearl necklace & earrings - if I wear the purple, is it appropriate to put him in a black shirt w purple tie? If I wear the cream/black, can I put him in a cream shirt with a black tie or a color tie?

A In my opinion, you wouldn't want to be too matchy-matchy, it's just not chic. Try to avoid cliches. Also, never wear a necklace and earrings at the same time, because it's too much.

Please, let him pick out his outfit. If you don't like one of the details, then suggest that he, say, wears a different tie. Wearing a black tie with a white shirt and black suit, he might be mistaken as the headwaiter, whereas a striped tie or jewel-colored tie would look more festive and weddingish. If he wears a black shirt and black suit with a purple tie, he'll look as though he's trying too hard. The black suit, black shirt look is best with a black tie or no tie, but that look is over. However, I love the look of your black/cream Prada dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: One O'clock: Outdoors: San Francisco
Q Hello!

I'm going to a 1:00 outdoor wedding in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco in early September. I'm not a fan of dresses and I always tend to be chilly. One of the grooms said to dress like "you are going to a garden party" but I will need to wear sensible shoes because we'll be walking in grass. I'm a size 4 (normal proportions) and do not like floral print, either. Help me! Can I wear a white pant suit after Labor Day?
Also, what would be appropriate attire for my husband?

A You could certainly wear flowing silk pants but you would stay away from the color white as much as possible because, traditionally, the bride is the only woman wearing white and you don't want to look like a wannabe bride. By the way, a one o'clock outdoor wedding with a garden party theme screams for a beautiful hat or fascinator.

Your husband can wear a lightweight jacket with a collared button down shirt and leather shoes without socks. He should probably take a tie, or wear one as he can always put it in pocket. Garden Party has a certain formal ring to it where you think of ladies in beautiful hats and men in jackets and ties. Out of respect for the wedding couple you want to dress up a notch in celebration of their special day.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: Same Sex Wedding Reception: 6:30 PM
Q My husband and I are invited to a same sex marriage reception (not the wedding) in the D.C. area; the event begins at 6:30 p.m. in a wealthy area. The invitation states sports coats required. How should my husband and I dress? Does this mean suit and tie? Sports coat and khakis? And what for me? I bought a sleeveless above-the-knee dress with jewels around the neckline. Please help. Shopping tonight for him 9/23/11. Please respond quickly. Thank you.

A Since I have 76 friends coming for cocktails tomorrow, I've been a bit busy and apologize for answering so late in the day.

Your husband can wear his best sports jacket. They are either showing off their British sports jackets or Scottish Harris tweeds. Since I don't know how hot it is in DC (we've got dog days of August here in RI.), dress khakis would be fine, but lightweight gray flannels would also be good, along with an interesting tie. Your dress sounds perfect; with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag, you'll fit in perfectly.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couple: Vancouver BC: 3:00-7:00 pm
Q Hello Didi,

I just stumbled across your website and have found it a great help. I am thinking about sending your Dos and Don'ts lists to my boyfriend who is constantly struggling with etiquette as he has come from a very different background from me and we have quickly become quite successful business owners. That's another story.

Recently, we received an invitation to a wedding reception (only a couple of family members are attending the ceremony), I might add that it was an "evite". The wedding is in February and is "standup cocktails" 3-7 PM on a Sunday, at an Art Gallery. What do I wear? There is no mention of attire on the invitation. Is it polite to ask the bride what is expected?

Sincerely,

Michelle, Vancouver BC

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. A Sunday afternoon wedding reception is not formal so your husband would wear a good jacket but not necessarily a tie. The art gallery look, depending on where you live, is usually black. So he could go tweedy and you could wear a knee-length black dress or a black pencil shaped skirt with a jewel colored blouse and a thin black leather jacket with your best boots or heels. By the way, if the bride knows you well enough to invite you to her wedding reception, then you can certainly ask her what to wear. But the above suggestions should help you fit in.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Couples in Their 20s: 7:00 PM: Atlanta: Suits + Dresses
Q My husband and I are both in our late twenties. We are attending a June wedding in Atlanta, GA. It's a 7 pm church ceremony and the reception is at a country club. The invitation does not specify black tie. What is the appropriate attire for both of us?

A When the invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, then the dress code is Suits and Dresses. The trend in weddings right now is dark suits and short dresses with beautiful shoes. Wear what you would wear to a very upscale restaurant or fancy cocktail party. Or better yet, think of a wedding where everyone's wearing either a beautiful short dress or a handsome suit with a collared shirt, beautiful tie, and dark shoes, socks and belt. Except the bride who might be the only one in a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Cover-Up for Evening Dress
Q I'm going to a December wedding to be held at 7:30 pm as a guest and the invitation says that formal attire is requested. I have a great, dark grey floor-length satin-like dress with an empire waist and spaghetti straps but I need something to keep me a little warmer in case the place is drafty. I've found a number of ivory lace boleros that I really love, both capped sleeves and long sleeves (the latter being my preference) but I'm wondering if it's too bridal. I don't like the colored laces, though, and a plain-colored satin jacket or something seems too boring. I'm 5'6", 128 lbs, very slender on top, and pretty small in the chest (A or AA), so many jacket shapes just don't work for me, and a sweater seems too casual. I can't think of a good solution besides the lace bolero.

A Two ideas. Think about wearing a fichu. It's a triangle, or square piece of material folded into a triangle, and is quite elegant and gentle with an evening dress. And far less cumbersome than trying to manage a stole. In my opinion, boleros aren't chic right now, and you certainly wouldn't want to wear ivory lace when you're not the bride. But you knew that. A fichu can be embroidered and/or have a fringe, and would be in a luxurious fabric such as satin, silk or organdy for evening. With your gray dress a scarlet, fuchsia, emerald green, or blue-ribbon-blue would be stunning. If you're young, a lovely pastel.

Personally, I am a big fan of the glamorous look of long gloves. And I mean long, that go over your elbow a couple of inches a quarter of the way up your upper arm. Long white gloves are smashing with an evening dress. Because they are kidskin (or they can be nylon) and long, they actually help keep you warm. Long gloves also make arms and hands look ever so elegant, slim and long. It is far chicer to have the Italian nylon long gloves than cheesy long leather gloves.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: D.C.: 4:00 pm: Small Childrenh
Q My Dad is getting married May 21st at 4:00pm in the D.C. metro area. It is supposedly a small ceremony at a Country club with dinner and dancing to follow. He gave me the impression that it was a semi-casual affair being that it is a second marriage for both but I'm afraid that his definition of casual may differ from mine. I can't imagine a country club being casual and I don't want to be over or under dressed. I am 27 with a slim & somewhat curvy build. Would a black strapless, knee-length chiffon dress with pearl earrings and necklace, and black heels be too dressy? My husband planned on wearing a black suit with a white shirt- Is a tie necessary? Our daughters' dresses are white with a colorful floral print- is white and pastels acceptable for a 4 pm wedding? Do the same dress rules apply to children (ages 6&3)? I think my Dad is a bit clueless when it comes to dress codes.
Thank You!

A When the wedding invitations doesn't specify Black Tie, the dress code is Suits and Dresses. What you and your family are wearing to your father's wedding sounds perfect. There is nothing that I would change; however, your husband should wear a tie. When the wedding dress code is Suits and Dresses, a suit means a collared shirt and a tie as well. Your husband can always take off his tie, but since most country club's require gentleman to wear a tie and jacket after six o'clock, your husband should wear a tie.

The only other thing I might recommend is to take a babysitter with you. Have her in the background to help you should one of your children become overstimulated. It might seem extravagant, but it would be less stressful for you and your husband if you had a backup person who could take the child into a quiet room, if need be. I'm sure you're children are perfect little ladies, but this will be a very long day for them, especially the dinner and dancing. I don't want you to have to leave the party early because your children are winding down.

A lot of people will have a baby sitter in the hotel, so that they can take the children back to the hotel between the ceremony and the dinner. That way you and your husband can have fun at the dinner and kick up your heels dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: D.C.: 5:30 PM
Q What do I wear to a 5:30 wedding in DC? The ceremony and reception is being held at the Meridian House? I am in my 30's. Thank you!

A This is a general answer as I don't know the formality of the wedding---if it's Black Tie, for instance. Nor do I know your gender, build, or coloring.

Assuming from your email address that you are a woman, you would wear what you would wear to a very up-scale restaurant or a dressy cocktail party. Wear a flirty cocktail dress with great shoes and a small clutch bag.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dallas Garden: 7:00 pm: June
Q What do you wear to a June, 7:00 PM garden wedding that says Jackets Optional- Dallas. Man and woman

A What fun, an evening garden wedding! When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Quite frankly, Jackets Optional to many means that jackets are preferred, but don't go out and buy one just for the wedding. Plus, it is outside in the heat. The great thing about jackets and ties is that you can take them both off. The woman in this duo should wear a dress, beautiful shoes and a pretty, small clutch for lipstick.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dallas in May: 6:00 PM
Q I am the mother of the bride. The wedding is in late May at a historic mansion in a park in Dallas, TX. The wedding will take place on the front porch of the mansion with cocktails and the reception taking place in the ballroom. The wedding is at 6:00 pm. I am 51, and I don't know what I should wear.

A As I don't know your lifestyle, build or coloring, this is a rather general answer. I would be happy to work with you further, if you ask the question again with more detail. For instance, I would need to know the wedding style, is it formal Black Tie?

In my opinion, you would wear a beautiful ice blue dress ensemble with a matching, flowing coat or fitted jacket, perhaps in a chiffon or heavy silk. My favorite designer for the mother of the bride, and for the bride and bridesmaids as well, is Carolina Herrera, so if you know her style, you know the look I'm talking about. I am a big fan of the MOB wearing a thick silk, snug fitting dressy skirt suit with three-quarter-length sleeves and a decollete, in other words a scooped neckline. The hem would fall just above your knees and the jacket would be nipped in at the waist. The key to this look is all in the tailoring, so you will need to schedule the final fitting closer to the end of May.

There are certainly many other styles, but I personally feel that a woman our age looks really chic and snappy in an above the knee dressy skirt-suit that is well-fitted to accentuate our curves. Two or three strands of pearls with a low cut dressy suit is always a beautiful MOB look. Beautiful shoes are essential, but they must be comfortable so the sooner you start breaking them in, the happier your feet will feel because you will be on your feet pretty much for at least six hours. Whether the shoes are a soft leather or a satin dyed to match your outfit, it doesn't matter as long as they have a low, slim heel, and even a sling-back, if that's more comfortable for you. Wear legwear slightly lighter than your skin tone with a bit of shimmer to them and you'll be an elegant and beautiful mother of the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dallas in October
Q I am planning on attending a 7:00 pm wedding in October, Dallas Tx. I am a senior citizen....how formal do I need to dress?
Thanks.

A That depends upon the invitation. If this is not a black-tie wedding--that fact will be duly noted on the invitation--you can assume that for a seven o'clock wedding the dress code will be "Suits and Dresses."

Why don't you get back to me when you've received the invitation, or when you learn whether or not the wedding is black-tie, because there are a lot of options for you and we can work it out. I will need to know your gender and build as well as a bit about the venue of the wedding, in other words, is it a BBQ or is the reception in a hotel ballroom?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dallas: 7:00 pm: Ceremony Cover-Ups
Q My boyfriend and I are attending a Saturday wedding at 7pm in an Episcopal church in Dallas, TX. It is immediately followed by a black-tie reception in a private member-only golf club. My boyfriend is renting a tuxedo and I am planning on wearing a full-length gown. I had planned on wearing a cover-up over my shoulders for the ceremony. Would this be appropriate?

Thanks

A Yes, a cover-up would be appropriate; however, I think you'll find that there will be quite a few bare shoulders.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dallas: Church Ceremony: May
Q What clothes should I be shopping for when the wedding is in May in a Catholic church in Houston, Texas?

A Assuming the dress code "Black Tie" didn't appear on the invitation, the dress code would be "Suits and Dresses." A man would wear a gray or a dark blue suit with a white collared shirt, black shoes, socks and belt. A woman would wear a short sleeveless dress with a jacket, a short dress with sleeves, or a three-quarter sleeve silk skirted suit, with beautiful shoes and a small pretty clutch. If this is a day wedding, she could wear a beautiful hat or fascinator which is easier to pack and can be found as a headband or hard clip. Both are decorative hair ornaments and are a lovely look for a May wedding anywhere.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Date of Groomsman: Kentucky in August
Q I am going to a wedding August 20th. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is in the wedding party, and I will be sitting at the main table with the wedding party. I need to know what kind of dress to wear. The guys in the wedding party will be wearing tan suits and the colors for the wedding are blue and yellow. I am a petite built. The wedding is in Kentucky.

A Wear a beautiful summer cocktail dress that falls just above your knees. This time of year I love a lovely light-colored chiffon short dress with a gentle floral print. You don't want to wear bright colors or patterns because you want to fit in a lovely, elegant fashion. Wear nude-colored patent leather heels because they'll elongate your legs. Take along a small pretty clutch for your lipgloss.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Daughter of the Groom: Wearing White
Q I am attending my boyfriend's father's second wedding on November 11th, at 11 am. Although it is also the bride's second wedding, she will be wearing a white floor-length gown. I am under 20, slender, and of modest height, and have found an ivory cocktail dress with a lace bodice that feels appropriate for the occasion (her bridesmaids will be wearing black). Is an ivory slightly above the knee cocktail dress inappropriate for this occasion?

A In my opinion, out of respect for the bride you would not wear a white or off-white dress. You don't want to look like a wannabe bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Deciding on Dress Code: Suits & Dresses
Q I am having a wedding November 11th of 2011, at 1 pm in a small chapel garden in Palm Springs, Ca. with a reception there as well. There will be about 25-35 guests and also about 10 small children. It will also be a family reunion of sorts as people will by flying in to join us. I am having trouble deciding how formal the occasion should be and what to specify on the invitations for attire.
I have a white lace strapless gown that is close fitting with a short train and a fingertip veil with a black satin ribbon that trails down the back. My colors are lilac and black with magenta accents in the bouquet. I only have a maid of honor who will be wearing a knee-length white halter dress with black flowers and carrying a small lavender spray roses bouquet. The buttonholes will be a lilac spray rose. I want my fiance to wear a nice black suit with either a lilac shirt and white tie (my fave look but may not be appropriate?) or a black suit, black shirt and lilac tie or a black suit lilac shirt and black tie and his best man to wear a black suit, white shirt and a lilac tie. Is my MOH dress appropriate or should she wear lilac? Her bouquet might blend in though. Also should I and my MOH (my twin sis) wear matching lace boleros, hers black and mine white?? How should my guests dress?
Thank you for your advice, I am so confused and running out of time and $$!!

A Please, don't panic because you've got plenty of time. First off, the trend in dress codes for the kind of wedding you've described is: Suits and Dresses. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie, it is assumed that the dress code is: Suits and Dresses. That said, that is the dress code most wedding couples are using these days.

Your dress sounds lovely and the MOH's dress sounds pretty; the two of you will be absolutely beautiful. However, personally, I'm not a big fan of men in lavender. It just isn't flattering to most male skin tones. In my opinion, the groom would wear a black suit with a white collared shirt and a magenta tie. If I left anything out, you're welcome to ask the question again, but I think I covered your issues. I don't want you to be confused because this is supposed to be fun, so go with the flow and simplify, simplify.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Desert: June
Q My grandson is getting married on the 25th of June, the location is in the desert. Would a light-weight 3-piece suit be appropriate ? I'm pretty sure this is an early evening wedding. Thank You

A A suit is always perfect attire for a wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dinner Attire
Q I was invited to a Saturday evening wedding, followed by a reception (may be a sit down dinner)- the invitation says "dinner attire". What does that mean?

A "Dinner attire" means that you will be seated at a table with a tablecloth and waiters will serve you so you would wear a well-cut business suit. As I don't know your gender, you would have to go back to my Web site and ask the question again if I guessed wrong and tell me your age and whether you are large or small; I will answer your question in a timely fashion. Also, you can click on Frequently Asked Questions on my Web site and scroll down and you will find Dinner Attire appropriate for men and women.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Doesn't Do Dresses: Ohio: 1:00 PM
Q I'm attending a 1 pm wedding this Saturday Oct 8, 2011. I'm a 40 yr young female and I don't do dresses. I do have a nice pair of white dress pants but still have to shop for a shirt. I'm not sure if this is acceptable or what. The wedding is in Illinois. Any ideas I.e colors?

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. If you don't do dresses, then wear a dark colored, well-made pantsuit with beautiful black flats and carry a small clutch bag.

If the nice pair of white dress pants are important for you to wear, then wear them with a beautiful black jacket that has a nipped-in waist. Instead of a shirt, think about wearing a shell or good quality T-shirt under the jacket in a jewel color; either a sapphire, fuchsia, or bottle green to give you a bit of pop.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Don't Wear Red
Q Is it permissible to wear a plain ruby red chiffon mid-calf cocktail dress with matching jacket to a 6 pm church wedding? I am very slender. I do have an ankle-length beige lace dress with beaded jacket, if ruby red is not acceptable. My daughter is one of the bridesmaids. Thank you.

A Yikes, if there is one color, other than white, you don't want to be wearing it's red. Weddings are all about, "All eyes on the bride." Red is the most attention-grabbing color; you wouldn't want to call attention to yourself and away from the lovely bride on her special day.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dress Length
Q I am attending a 5:30 wedding in Mississippi. The month is November. My question concerns the length of the dress. The dress is a brown silk with a bolero jacket. What is the correct length? At present the length is about half way between my knees and my ankles. Do I need to hem the dress or leave it where it is?

A Not knowing your age or build, this is a rather general answer. If you are over fifty, then the hem of your dress would fall just below your knees. Otherwise, the hem would fall just above your knees. The problem with a tea-length dress is that if you don't have the right build for the dress, the dress wears you. Shorter is snappier. Tea- length tends to make most women look dowdy. Pin the hem of the dress up and look in a full-length mirror to decide which length suits your age, height, and style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dress to Impress: 3:30 PM
Q My other question is, what in the heck should I wear if the invitation states, "dress to impress" for a wedding at 3:30 pm in November (it'll be warm in California that time of the year) I am a size 6, 5'7" 130lbs. Is a formal, form-fitting long gown too formal or should I buy something with peacock feathers sewn all over?? haha

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress codes is Suits & Dresses. As this is a mid-afternoon wedding you would wear a very good well-made day dress that falls just above your knee with beautiful shoes. Dress to impress doesn't mean formal, it means dress in clothing of quality design and fabric that is chic and tasteful. It doesn't mean a long form-fitting dress with peacock feathers. If you wish to wear a glorious hat with peacock feathers, go for it with a beautiful skirt suit or day dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dressing During Chemotherapy
Q I am invited to a 6 pm Black tie event at the St. Regis for a 6 PM Wedding. I need to find just the right dress and style. I am in the middle of chemo treatment and have a port under my skin that bulges right below my collar bone. I haven't "dress shopped" in 8 years since I had kids. So I want to dress super nice and not pick out something outdated....Oh and I live in MN right now so I am a little behind on West Coast Style. Please help! Thanks

A In my opinion, you would wear a dressy skirt suit, sometimes called a dinner suit, that falls just below your knees. Alternatively, you could look for a cocktail dress with a bolero top, or a cocktail dress with a high neckline; pay attention to the shape and the fit of the collar as an ill-fitting collar can throw the whole look of the dress out of balance.

My best advice would be for you to go on the Internet to major stores in MN and browse "dresses" or "cocktail dresses" on line. Order a few outfits in your size and try them on in the privacy of your home where you could have a friend, or a daughter, come for coffee and vet the outfits with you. You are more likely to get an honest opinion from a daughter or friend, as salespeople are sometimes more apt to push merchandise for other reasons.

Most large stores will pay the return postage, so try out quite a few outfits. Don't worry about being under-dressed; the important thing is to find a dress that you feel comfortable in and therefore confident wearing. You can always add dressy accessories to dress up a dress or skirt suit. Once you find the dress, look for a beautiful pair of shoes and a small, pretty clutch.

As to color, look for neutral colors, because you will get more wear out of the dress if it is a gray, beige, black, navy; but the color will depend upon the color of your hair, skin and eyes. For instance, some beiges are hard to wear if you have gray hair. And not more than two colors. Two colors in one outfit are quite enough and two touches of any one color are enough. The second color for shoes, brooch, belt, or clutch, would draw the viewers eye to, for instance, a pretty turquoise clutch.

The reason that I suggest a dinner suit is because they usually have padded shoulders which will pull up the fabric, and therefore eyes, away from the area that makes you feel self-conscious. Once you find an elegant dress or skirt suit, have it tailored to flatter your curves and shortened to fall just above your knees if you are under fifty, just below otherwise. Since I don't know your age, build or lifestyle, I don't think I can recommend particular designers for you, which is why you should spend some time looking at "better dresses" and dresses for evening online. If you are petite, don't waste time and click on petites, if you are the opposite, click on misses.

Lastly, MN must have small boutiques with evening clothes where you can go and get assistant on deciding on what looks best on you and the shop will have their own tailor to alter the outfit to your figure. However, I want you to be aware of the fact that on the West Coast, they dress slightly less formally than they do elsewhere. The emphasis should be on quality of design and workmanship, as opposed to sequins and bright colors.

To get a sense of what other women will be wearing, I usually research the the venue or hotel where the reception is taking place and click on weddings, where you can see the style of the location, but not always.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dressy Casual
Q As the parents of the groom, my husband and I are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We are sending out invitations (in large part to get guests' entree choices) and want to indicate expected attire. Is the term "dressy casual" appropriate?

A The term "dressy casual" is an oxymoron. Dressy is dressy and casual is casual, they are opposites. You might find it would be less confusing to use the word "Informal" in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation across from your RSVP. "Informal" will tell your guests that the dress code for the dinner is not Black Tie, but it is dressy. Nowadays "casual" means jeans and "dressy casual" might be interpreted as designer tee-shirts, jeans and cowboy boots.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dressy Casual
Q I am 39 and a curvy hourglass shape. My BF's bestfriend is getting married Oct 7, Ft Worth, TX. My BF is in the wedding and is wearing a Tux. I have never met the bride nor groom but was told it's an outdoor wedding and its dressy casual. I know Formal, semi-formal, business casual and casual....what's dressy casual HELP

A Dressy Casual means you would wear a really good quality well-made short dress. Just because the dress code isn't formal or semi-formal, it doesn't mean you wouldn't wear a well-made outfit of good quality fabrics. Think about the dress code Business Casual, and go up a notch to Cocktail Attire, which is all about quality of fabric, design, and sophistication and not about flounce (semi-formal). Look for a beautiful solid jewel colored dress and have it altered to accentuate your curves and hemmed to fall just above your knees. Since I don't know the time of day of the wedding, this is a general answer, but when you wear a quality dress, everyone knows. It's not about glitz or glitter, but style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dubai in November
Q 7:00 p.m. wedding reception in Dubai at the One and Only Royal Mirage in November

A Although the city of Dubai can be very, very hot, in November expect temperatures between 68 and 77 degrees; however the nights tend to be quite cold. Assuming that this is a Black-Tie wedding reception, you will want to wear either a tuxedo or a very dressy dinner suit (skirt suit) or long dress with a bolero or cashmere wrap. The wedding couple and their bridal party may very well wear two outfits, changing after the ceremony into even more festive attire, but you don't have to do so. Expect to have a very long night with entertainment and dancing well into the wee hours of the morning.

As you no doubt know, the One & Only Royal Mirage is one of the most luxurious hotels in the world, so don't spare the jewels; you can check them in the hotel safe. The shopping malls are amazing, which means if you have forgotten to pack anything, you'll find more than what you need from the latest cosmetics to the snappiest Jimmy Choos. Do check out the hotel and the city of Dubai on Wikitravel because you won't want to miss any of the many points of interest.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Early Afternoon Wedding
Q I was invited to a 2 pm wedding on September 23 in Toronto. Elegant wear is suggested on the invitation. I am 40, 5'6, 135 lb and found a really pretty periwinkle chiffon cocktail dress. It has spaghetti straps and I would wear a shawl over my shoulders, the same colour as the dress with silver shoes and clutch. Is the colour too light for a late September wedding?
Thanks,
M

A Chiffon is my favorite fabric for a woman wedding guest's dress, but later in the day. Chiffon is elegant and I understand why you think it is perfect, but I think you want to be thinking about a very good day dress, either sleeveless, or with short sleeves, that falls just above your knees with beautiful shoes. Think of Jackie Kennedy's style and type of elegance, and you'll get the picture.

As I said, the chiffon dress sound absolutely lovely, but you need to go with a more tailored elegant look for an early afternoon wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Early Spring: 5:30 PM
Q What should I wear to a 5:30 p.m. early spring wedding? I am a 61-year-old female aunt of the bride.

A As I don't know the dress code or anything about you but your age and time of the wedding, I'll have to guess that the dress code is "Suits & Dresses." A dress that falls just below your knees is always dignified and elegant. Three-quarter-length sleeves or short sleeves are always a good idea, if your upper arms aren't buff. Alternatively, a dressy skirt suit or sheath dress with matching jacket is always appropriate. Beige or navy blue are safe colors, as I don't know your coloring or build. Beautiful comfortable shoes that you have worn in sufficiently are best for a long evening.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Elegant Casual
Q This is the info I have: Oct 18, 4:30 Asheville, North Carolina, The Country Club of Asheville. Wedding invitation basic. Bridesmaid said their dresses are "elegant casual"(didn't specify length). MOB is wearing a dress like you would wear on Sunday morning to church (tea- length). My question: would a pantsuit be appropriate if I wear the right accessories? Houndstooth (long..like a dress jacket) jacket with dressy black pants? and a blouse in a fall color or is that too casual?

A In my opinion you would not wear a pantsuit to a wedding. The dress code states "elegant casual," which is why you feel that you can wear a "casual" pantsuit; however, "elegant" is not a houndstooth jacket with pants.

Picture young women dancing in short, strapless, chiffon dresses and you'll see what I mean. It sounds as if you are keen on the jacket, so why not wear a short, dressy, black skirt instead of the pants?

I'm not sure about a fall color for the blouse, a pretty white one might be more elegant. As for accessories, a good pair of gold earrings and an interesting brooch or necklace would go well, depending upon the neckline of the blouse. Again, think of pretty pumps for the dancing and carrying a small clutch bag in a fall color.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party Attire
Q What is the proper attire for an engagement party? It is being held in a restaraunt.

A The invitation will give you the clue you need to know how to dress. Check out the restaurant, either online or in person; if the restaurant is high-end and the waiters are wearing white jackets, the tables are covered with table cloths and there are fresh floral arrangements, you would dress appropriately. If you are a man, you would wear a lightweight summer suit, or a blazer and gray flannel pants, a long sleeved shirt with an attached collar and a tie, your shoes would be dark and your dark socks would cover the flesh of your leg when seated. If you are a woman, you would dress the way you would dress to go to a cocktail party, by wearing a dress. Depending upon the time of day of the party as well as the climate at that time of year, along with the style of the restaurant determines, you should be able to determine what to wear. If the restaurant is a fine old Irish pub with waiters in khaki pants and open blue collar shirts and there are peanut shells on the floor, you would dress down. To dress down, you would not wear a tie and you probably would take off your jacket at some point. A woman would be comfortable in a pair of well-cut slacks and a pretty blouse or thin sweater.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party: Attire Smart Casual
Q What to wear for engagement party: Attire smart casual. Start at 7:00 pm

A When the invitation states Smart Casual, you would wear your best business clothes in a casual fashion. What the host is really trying to state is No jeans and No T-shirts, but because you never want to put a negative vibe on an invitation, you tell guests, in this case, to dress smartly casual.

Don't mistake Smart Casual as Casual Friday, because this is an engagement party and therefore men will be coming from work in suits, ties and polished leather shoes, so you wouldn't want to look unemployed, underemployed, or unemployable. A woman would wear either a well-made skirt suit or cocktail dress with beautiful shoes and she would carry a small clutch bag. Smart means well-made and Casual means fun. For anything to do with a wedding, out of respect for the bride, you would dress up a notch in terms of quality, and quality doesn't necessarily mean dressy.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party: BBQ Guest: White Pants: October
Q I am attending an afternoon bbq engagement party on Oct 1, in still warm California. Is it wrong to wear lined white lined slacks?

A If it is a hot day, then it's fine to wear the white slacks. If it's chilly out, you probably will want to wear something warmer. I love linen, it is such a great luxury fabric, I just wouldn't wear all white because it might look as though you hadn't gotten your act together for cooler weather.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party: Casual Chic: Hosts MOB and FOB
Q I am the mother of the bride-to-be and my ex-husband and I are hosting an Engagement Party entitled "Casual Chic".
I am 54, 5'4. Not sure what to wear...the party includes appetizers w/punch, followed by a sit-down dinner, music by a DJ and dancing until the wee hours.
Much thanks in advance!!!

A Your daughter's engagement party sounds like a lot of fun. Wear either a great casual dress that isn't a dressy cocktail dress, or a flattering pair of pants with a beautiful blouse or tunic. An outfit from Tory Burch comes to mind; you might want to go to her website where you'll see lots of "Casual Chic" outfits. Comfortable, beautiful shoes for the dancing are a must because you'll, no doubt, be on your feet most of the night.

If your build is slight or average, go in for one of the bright colors that are chic this season; on the not so slight side, wear black or a dark solid color such a deep berry or burgundy.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party: New Year's Eve: Jewels and Jackets
Q Going to a New Year's Eve Engagement Party in Florida. The attire is Jewels and Jackets. How formal does this sound to you for both men and women?

A This is not a black-tie party, it is crisp jackets and ties for the men and chic short dresses for the women. Your hosts are having fun with the dress code by suggesting guests wear jackets and jewels because they don't want guests showing up in collarless shirts (t-shirts), cargo pants, and sneakers. Chances are, if you're wearing your best jewels, you won't be wearing sneakers or showing off a bare midriff.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: England: 3:00 PM: July
Q Please help me know what to wear to my nephew's wedding in England in July. It is at 3:00 pm. I am 49 years old. The dress code states: "Morning suits or lounge suits for gentlemen. Glam! for ladies." Also, the invitation says: "Carriages 12 0'clock"...what does that mean? Thank you!

A British weddings are far more interesting than ours. The only drawback is that they require two outfits. The men all wear grey suits with tails and the women wear pretty day dresses to the afternoon ceremony. But then there is usually at fancy dress dinner in the evening. So don't expect to have one outfit that day. You'll need a simple dress for the ceremony and then a cocktail dress for the evening reception. Since I don't know the venue here, this is a rather general answer. I would be happy to work with you further, when I have more info.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: England: July: 2:00 PM Ceremony: Garden Cocktail Reception
Q We are attending a church wedding at 2pm in England in July, formal. The ceremony will be followed by a garden cocktail reception and then the wedding breakfast. What would be the appropriate thing to wear? I�m 41 and size 10. My husband is wearing a blue suit.

A I'm a bit confused. You say the ceremony is formal, do you mean black-tie formal, or do you mean more formal than "Business Attire" or "Suits and Dresses?" Any unusual dress code would be explained in any extra information that comes with the wedding invitation.

Traditionally, dress code for an afternoon British wedding for a male guest would be "morning dress," which is "Business Attire," a suit with a shirt and tie.

A woman guest would wear an elegant and dignified suit or dress and you have the option of wearing a beautiful hat. As traveling with a great hat can be awkward, you can pack a decorative head band with, say, feathers or a simple "little" silk hat with a good line. Short gloves are not necessary in summer.

When you say the wedding breakfast, I'm assuming it is the following morning, which would entail a second daytime outfit? Usually, there is a dinner at eight o'clock the night of the two o'clock ceremony, which would require more formal attire; for instance your husband would need a tuxedo and you an evening dress or dressy cocktail dress. The breakfast would follow the next day at which your husband could wear the same suit but, of course, a different shirt and tie, and you could wear either a really good suit or tailored dress with or without another hat.

To get back to the outfit for the 2:00 PM church ceremony followed by a garden cocktail reception: the hemline of your dress or suit could fall just above your knees and your legwear should be of a slightly lighter shade than your skin tone to dress up your legs with a bit of shine. At a garden reception, you might find yourself on a lawn with your spike heels sinking into the turf, so you might want to wear beautiful shoes that don't have a high heel. Beautiful pumps with a medium short heel might be safer. A small clutch bag would be perfect. I suspect you'll be traveling with a few pieces of your best jewelry that you'll want to wear the whole time.

My question is about the evening of the wedding. If you are sure that the reception is just cocktails, you'll be fine in what you both wear to the church; however, if the reception is followed by a formal dinner, you will need to change into evening clothes for dinner.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: English Country Wedding: 3:00 pm
Q I am invited to a 3 PM English country wedding at the end of November. I am 41 and female. What should I wear?

A English country houses tend to be a mite drafty the end of November. Wear a beautiful skirt suit or a very well-made day dress with sleeves and a matching coat, with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag. Hats are of course THE accessory for an English wedding, however hard to pack, but you could wear a fascinator, which is often far easier to slide between tissue paper into your suitcase. Find out if you need a cocktail dress or evening gown for dinner, because at many such weddings there is a champagne and cake reception after the ceremony followed by a seated dinner and dancing at eight o'clock.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Escorts and Divorcing Couples
Q Wedding etiquette: I am a bridesmaid and I was in the process of getting a divorce more than a year and a half ago. My dear friend addressed the invite to myself and my gentleman friend. We were honored to accept and RSVPd 9 months ago. Unfortunately, my legal spouse has delayed the divorce proceedings and as a colleague of the groom (who is also my dear friend and gave him a job because of me) was invited to the wedding at the last minute two weeks ago as the groom felt awkward when he quite bluntly assumed he was invited in front of other colleagues. The groom even pointed out that I was a member of the wedding party and my legal spouse blithely said he didn't mind, thus they felt forced to invite him, which is of course their prerogative.

My gentleman friend is travelling from Europe to attend this wedding and the holidays at my home and we had already purchased the tickets when my friends let me know of this situation. He has never met my ex and is appalled at the idea of having to, especially in such a situation and would like to regretfully decline to attend. What is the correct thing to do as I must attend and it seems impolite for my friend to withdraw at this late date?

A In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with your gentleman friend escorting you to the wedding. Would he rather have you invite another escort, or take you himself? You have done nothing wrong here in assuming that you and your gentleman friend should attend. Tell him that you and your ex-husband are civilized, intelligent people who both accept the fact that the marriage is over and that you are both free to move forward. Who knows, the ex-husband might even bring a date, then you would be sorry that you hadn't encouraged the gentleman friend to escort you. If you are legally separated, there is no reason whatsoever why he cannot escort you to the wedding. You are correct, it is impolite of your friend to withdraw at this late date because it means that you do not have an escort, and it is probably too late to ask one of your guy friends. Why not telephone your gentleman and, in your most wispy voice, tell him that you were very much looking forward to having him do the honors and that you would rather have him escort you than any other man. That way you're not threatening him, but you are being honest by saying that he is number one and you don't want to invite number two. Be slightly mysterious about the fact that you would have to have an escort because there will be dancing. If you can get him to put himself in your shoes, he might fear that he has competition; he might start worrying that you'll find someone else. Tell him that it is perfectly acceptable for a legally separated person to take a date to a wedding. If he out and out refuses to escort you, he might be using this as a way of ducking out of visiting you for the holidays. Could it be that he doesn't think that he has the proper attire for the occasion? You might run the dress codes for the wedding past him so that he knows exactly what is expected of him because many European weddings require men to wear cutaways, which are expensive to purchase and difficult to rent. My guess is that there is something else going on here, which is why he is reluctant to go to the wedding. It might not even have anything to do with you, it might be as simple as not knowing what to wear. Believe it or not, men can get just as intimidated by dress codes as women. Find out exactly what the other male guests are wearing and casually drop that information into the conversation. If he would also be escorting you to the rehearsal dinner, or, say, the post-wedding brunch, give him that dress code information, as well. Even if you think that he is savvy about what to wear, the dress code drill might not have been made crystal-clear to him and he needs to know exactly what is expected of him in terms of his attire for the wedding weekend. Don't assume that he knows what to wear. On the other hand, early on at the start of divorce proceedings, customarily lawyers advise their clients not to flaunt a new relationship too soon for fear of losing a bargaining edge. As you have been separated for some time now, your lawyer would probably say that it would be fine for you to have him escort you. If you think that might be what your gentleman friend is thinking, than ask your lawyer and assure your friend that your lawyer says that enough time has passed that his presence as your escort wouldn't be an issue. If he still is reluctant, tell him quite gently, that it is not a big deal and drop the subject.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Evening Bag at 6:00 pm
Q Is it proper to carry an evening clutch bag to a formal wedding held at 6 pm?

A Yes, you can carry an evening clutch to a formal six o'clock wedding. Formal dressing starts at six o'clock, so an evening clutch would be most appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Evening Wedding
Q I am a 50-year-old size 8 woman invited to an evening wedding. I have selected a light grey chiffon halter top dress with a coordinating wrap. It has full frontal coverage and is knee-length Would this be appropriate for me to wear? The wedding is at a formal venue.

Thank you

A The light gray chiffon halter top short dress sounds perfect. My only concern is that you wouldn't want the light gray to be mistaken for an off-white, because out of respect for the bride, the only woman wearing white or off-white is the bride. I'm wondering about the shoes; hope they're either black or silver, or possibly dyed to match the dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Family of the Bride's Boss: 3:00 PM: Maine
Q We are attending a wedding tomorrow here in Maine (November) at 3pm - ceremony outdoors, reception following inside at Pineland Farms - children are invited as well. What to wear and what is protocol for a gift? Cash or present? Bride is friend of our family, and is currently an employee at my husband's place of business (he is technically her boss now!) Have only attended wedding in/around NYC so my perception may be skewed?? Thanks!

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. A wedding at three o'clock in the afternoon is fairly informal, but your husband, the bride's boss, would wear a dark suit or whatever his equivalent. You would wear a jersey or knit day dress dress with a leather jacket or coat, or a pebbled tweed skirt suit, that falls to your knee with classic pumps.

At the wedding tomorrow, ask the bride, or her mother, where the wedding couple are registered. Then when you get home send a wedding present from the newlyweds online bridal registry, as the registry will have their home address. That way you will be sending your husband's employee something practical that they need and will be sure to use. If they've registered for dinner plates or wine glasses and you see only half the set are "complete," help fill it out by sending them two of their dinner plate or six wine glasses. By sending them a wedding gift from their registry, you know you are sending them a gift that will be well received. In my opinion, your husband wouldn't want to set a precedent of giving cash gifts to his employees, a present from a bridal or baby registry is more than sufficient.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Family Weddings: Three Within Six Months: 19-Year-Old
Q Dear Didi,
There are three weddings coming up in my family, two in May and one in November. What can I wear to these? I am 19 with an athletic body and about 5'4. Would it be a faux pas to reuse a dress or shoes for the weddings? All three weddings are to be outdoors and in California, though one is decidedly casual (May, daytime), another is traditional and in the evening (Nov, evening), and the other is semi- formal without a decided time as of yet. What is appropriate for each?
Thank you so much for your help.

A No, it would not be a faux pas to wear the same dress twice or same shoes twice, especially since two of the weddings are over six months apart. For the outdoor, daytime casual wedding in May, wear a well-tailored shirt dress or a wrap dress that falls no shorter than two inches above your knees, with beautiful flats or pumps. For the November evening wedding, wear a knee-length cocktail dress with heels. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. The later in the day, the dressier the dress.

It sounds as though you can wear the same cocktail dress and heels to both semi-formal weddings, the wedding in May and the one in November. That means you only need two outfits, one day dress with flats and one cocktail dress with heels. You can probably find a small clutch bag for your lipgloss to carry to all three weddings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Farm Cocktail: Virginia in September
Q I will be attending a wedding on a farm in Virginia in late September. The ceremony will be held at 5 pm with outdoor reception following. Dress is "farm cocktail". This is a second wedding for the bride and the groom. When I asked the bride what is farm cocktail, she said something similar to what you would wear to a steeple chase. ????? Please help.

A A steeplechase is an annual horse race with obstacles, such as jumps, sponsored by the business community to benefit a local charity (for instance, the hospital) and attended by families, many of whom pay a higher admission to hold their own tailgating party. Think of the traditions associated with the Kentucky Derby (which doesn't benefit a charity) of seeing all those ladies in a great hat and beautiful dresses and men in light suits, blazers and sport jackets with ties drinking mint juleps; that's the look of the wedding guest dress code "farm cocktail"

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Fashion Colors for 2011
Q I had bought a beautiful hot pink cocktail dress for a wedding in mid-October. This is an indoor wedding. Is this color appropriate for a fall wedding?

A The best wedding guests don't wear attention grabbing colors or prints. All eyes on the bride, because it is her special day and you don't want to take the spotlight away from her. Personally, I love hot pink and a hot pink cocktail dress would have snapped amongst other pop colors last spring and this past summer.

Colors this fall are still spirited but a bit more sensitive: warm golden yellows with red undertones (Burnt Sienna and Marigold), Lemon Yellow, Fire Engine Red, deep teal (Peacock), rich burgundies, Felt Gray (heather-gray), fuchsia, champagne, Bottle Green (a military green), rich purple (plum, eggplant and grape), Yves Klein Blue (super-saturated blue). If you're looking for a pink, the pink for fall 2011 is fuchsia. As you can imagine, fall colors are warmer and earthier than the pop colors of last spring.

The short answer, sadly, is that hot pink is not in trend this fall.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Father + Stepmother of the Groom: April: 3:30 PM: Plantation
Q Didi, thank you for answering my question yesterday about what dress to wear to my stepson's 3:30 pm wedding in Miss. at a plantation, outside, you said red (I like that)! Well, my husband wants to know if I could wear a knee-length, black velvet, see-through across the shoulders, dress (he likes it). Would that be ok? Thanks. Cj Your web site is great, thanks so much.

A Please, tell you husband that a black velvet dress is not really appropriate for an afternoon wedding.

For an evening wedding it would be fine, but you would wear a daytime dress to a daytime wedding. Of course, you can do exactly what you want and nobody will tell you to your face that it is not appropriate, but they might snicker behind your back.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Father and Stepmother of the Groom: April: 3:30 PM: Plantation
Q My stepson is getting married April 30, 3 afternoon, outside, at a plantation in Miss. He has 2 sisters and his mom, (we are all close) and they are all trying to get dresses that sort of match the wedding color which is lavender. I don't want to be a spectacle but I do want to make a statement. 1)I have a red or gold knee-length dress, would one of these work? 2)He requested his dad wear his suit, it's a 10-year-old double breasted suit that he has worn twice, should he get another? Thanks! Cj

A Go with the red knee-length dress. Gold is too dressy for a 3:30 PM wedding. Your husband can wear his suit, but perhaps he should take it to a good tailor to make sure that it flatters his shape and he doesn't look lumpy. If it is a good quality suit and isn't frayed looking or shiny, it should be good for the wedding. He can wear a white collared shirt and a red tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Father of the Bride: June: Outdoors: White Dinner Jacket
Q My daughter is getting married next June, outdoors on our lawn. It will be more of a lawn party- no tuxes for the groom and groomsmen. I am thinking to wear a white dinner jacket and thinking black slacks. I don't want to wear a white shirt and bow tie- too formal, but want your thoughts on how to "casualize" a white dinner jacket?
Thanks

A I am a huge fan of the white dinner jacket. By all means wear your white dinner jacket, if the wedding is during the late afternoon-going-into-evening, or later. If it is a morning or early afternoon wedding, you wouldn't want to be mistaken for a waiter. Alternatively, wear a navy blue suit or navy blue blazer with cream colored pants, and black leather shoes, belt and socks. A white or light blue collared shirt with a handsome tie in one of the wedding colors would be quite fitting, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Wedding: Women
Q What is proper attire for a 57-year-old aunt of the bride to wear to her niece's wedding at 5:00 p.m. July 10th at Padua Hills Theatre in Claremont, Ca.? Where is the best place to shop for this type of dress for Size 16? Thank you!

A It all depends upon whether or not this is a black-tie wedding. Let's assume that five o'clock is a bit early for a black-tie wedding and that the wedding is what is called "cocktail attire." Meaning that you would wear either a dressy skirt-suit or a cocktail dress. As the mother-of-the bride sets the dress code for her gender and generation, ask her to e-mail you a photo of her outfit. If she doesn't have one, then ask her to explain it or ask to see it. Even if you just find out where she bought it, you can go on-line and look for it yourself, if you have a good description and the name of the designer. If you just have the name of the designer, you can go directly to the designer's Web site to find the outfit that fits the description of your niece's mother's outfit. Then look on that Web site to see where there is a store near you.

In general, a size 16 woman would wear a well-tailored dress with three-quarter length sleeves, a skirted dressy suit, or a dress with a matching jacket. Since I don't know your coloring, I would say to stick to beige, or darker shades of blue, green or burgundy. If you know that it is a dressy wedding, then shades of taupe or silver can be most flattering.

Women our size need to look for good quality in the fabric and design, as well as the experience of a good tailor to give us a bit of a nip to our non-existing waistline.

Not knowing the dress code for your niece's wedding, this is a rather general answer. Try going on-line to some of the major designers and stores for examples of the above suggestions and perhaps an outfit will catch your eye. Designers that I personally like for our size are: Carolina Herrera, Anne Klein, Dana Buchman, Max Mara, Donna Karan, A-K-R-I-S, Armani, and Eileen Fisher, to name just a few.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five Thirty Wedding: Men
Q My daughter is having a wedding on October 4th at 5:30 pm in a small church in a small town. The groom is wearing a coat and tie. She wants the groomsmen to wear matching pants and white shirts with matching ties. Should they be wearing suits in a church at that time of year and time of day?

A No, the groom and groomsmen do not necessarily have to wear suits. They can wear navy blue blazers with gray flannel pants, dark belts, and dark socks with black Gucci-style loafers, along with collared white shirts and striped ties in the colors of the wedding colors. However, I would suggest that the fathers wear dark suits with solid colored ties in the wedding colors. As you no doubt know, the wedding couple usually chooses two colors, which become the color theme of the wedding; those two colors are played out in the bridesmaids' dresses, flowers, decor, and in the ties of the men in the bridal party. If it was a more formal wedding, starting after six o'clock, then all the men--in the bridal party as well as the guests--would wear dark suits or tuxedos. The dress code follows the formality of the wedding and visa versa.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Flat Shoes for Sister-In-Law's Wedding
Q I am honored to have been asked to be in my sister-in-law's wedding, and I love her very much... but, we are wearing long gowns. I am short, everyone else is tall. The bride wants us all to wear silver flats, I have always been a heel girl. It's a ceremony on grass and the walk is on cobblestones and not very far!! I have bought the heel guards for the heels. The bride still demands flat sandals. The reception is on normal flooring. Without heels I feel Very self conscious, I am a very fashion forward person, but I am having a really hard time with this. Am I being unreasonable? Thank you for your help in this. p.s. she says our sandals don't have to match, just be silver, I don't see the big deal. I know it's her day, I have been in a lot of weddings, and I am a young 52. LOL Is it wrong for me to be so agitated about this? Thank you for your advice. :)

A As you say, it is her day and you love her, so you're going to have to go with the flow. However, why not take along your high heels and change into them for reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida and White Shoes in March
Q I will be attending a wedding in Tampa, FL, on March 4th. What is appropriate dress? I am from MI and don't wear white shoes or handbag until after Memorial Day. Is it okay in FL since it will be about 80 degrees to wear summer dresses and white shoes or sandals?

A Yes, the wearing of white is determined by the climate because white is easier to wear in the heat than darker colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida at Five O'Clock
Q What do you wear to a 5:00 pm wedding in Florida? It is at the beginning of May and the service will be held in a chapel with the reception to follow at an activity center. I am 27 years old and roughly 5 feet tall so I am unsure if I need to wear a long or short dress? I am afraid of being too dressed up or not dressed up enough. My husband is part of the wedding party and will be in a tuxedo so his attire does not help me at all.

A Wear a pretty dress with a flirty skirt that falls just above your knees and great high heels. Take along a colorful scarf to cover your arms if the chapel or activity center is air- conditioned. Add a small clutch hand bag for your lip gloss and you're good to go.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida: 2:00 PM Ceremony + 5:00pm Reception
Q I am traveling from the UK to attend my friend's wedding in Florida this coming January. The ceremony is being held in a Catholic church at 2 pm, followed by a 3:30 pm cocktail hour with dinner and reception from 5 pm. I know the bridal party and mothers will be wearing floor-length gowns. To me the weather will feel positively balmy but I don't want to look out of place with other guests dressed more for winter! I am a size 12-14, 28-year-old female. Many thanks in advance.

A Wear your very best knee-length dress with a fabulous hat or fascinator, and that will get you through the day and evening (minus the hat). If the dinner and reception were starting later (in the evening), I would say you would be expected to change into an evening dress for dinner.

In this country, when the wedding invitation doesn't specify "Black Tie" or "Formal Attire," you can assume that the dress code is "Suits & Dresses." I understand that you don't want to be traipsing around Florida in a long dress starting at one o'clock in the afternoon (when you'll have to start getting dressed) until midnight. Which is why you will want to be wearing an absolutely splendid well-tailored, knee-length dress, if the dress code doesn't specify "Black Tie," because most of the women guests will be in short, dressy dresses, wearing beautiful shoes and carrying small clutch bags.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida: 3:30 PM Garden Wedding: Suits and Dresses
Q I am organizing my wedding for October 15th, 2011, in Singer Island, FL at 3:30 pm in a garden. The ceremony would be right before 4 pm followed by an outdoor cocktail (by Yacht docks) and then early indoor dinner served by 5:30. The bridesmaids chose long dresses and I am not sure if this is appropriate. Also, I am not sure what to write on the invitations. Would "Black tie" be appropriate? If not, what should I say? What about "Cocktail dress" at the bottom of the invitation? What my mother should wear? Thank you very much in advance for your advice, Victoria

A Convince your bridesmaids that short is the way to go. For a 3:30 PM garden wedding, followed by cocktails and dinner, they should wear cocktail dresses.

Tell your bridesmaids that it is your call and if they're buying a dress for your wedding, you want them to be able to wear that dress as a cocktail dress after the wedding.

On the invitation list the dress code as:

Suits and Dresses

It's too early for a black tie wedding. You can have the groomsmen wear tuxedos, but don't make the guests wear long dresses and tuxedos to a garden wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida: November
Q Hi Didi!
Just found your website from here in Germany. Am invited to a wedding in Clearwater, FL, in early November and as I'm traveling lightly, want to make sure I have the right attire for the wedding. The luau and brunch call for Florida Casual and the reception Florida Semi-formal. Any tips for me? I'm a size 6, 42 years old. Thanks in advance!

A When the wedding invitation doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. Since I don't know the time of day of the wedding, this is a rather general answer, but if you wear a well-made day dress of good quality that falls just above your knee, with beautiful shoes and a small clutch bag, you should be perfectly dressed for the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Florida: October: 3:00 PM
Q I am getting married in a small church in Florida in October at 3:00 P.M., and then the reception will immediately follow at a family member's outdoor pavillion where the food will be barbecue. What should I wear in the ceremony that will be appropriate for the reception?

A For an afternoon wedding and reception, unless otherwise stated, the dress code would be Suits and Dresses. Wear a pretty dress, beautiful shoes and a lovely hat. You can always take off the hat when the sun goes down.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal Attire
Q The wedding invite says "Formal Attire requested", does that mean a Tux? The wedding is at 6:00 pm on a Saturday.

A Formal attire means that a male guest has the option of wearing a tuxedo or a dark suit, with a white collared shirt, silk tie, black shoes, belt and tie. In other words, if you don't own a tuxedo or if you would rather not wear a tuxedo, then a male guest can wear a dark business suit.

Formal attire for a woman means that she does not have to wear a long dress; depending upon her age, she can wear a knee-length dressy skirt-suit (sometimes called a dinner suit) or a cocktail dress.

When in doubt, ask someone in the bridal party or a member of the family. However, even if the bridesmaids are wearing long dresses and the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos, your hosts are not requiring guests to wear tuxedos and women to wear evening dresses. If your hosts were requiring male guests to wear tuxedos, the dress code Black Tie would be printed on the invitation.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Friday Night
Q What do you wear to a Friday night wedding?

A Hey, what you wear depends on so many things, such as your gender, the venue (is the reception at a BBQ or a hotel ballroom?), and the invitation. A good invitation clues guests into what to wear. If the invitation is engraved on very, very heavy paper, then you know to wear your very, very best outfit. If the invitation looks like a flyer made up at a copy store, dress dressy casual: in other words, you're not going to wear flip-flops, cargo pants, bare mid-drift, wife-beater undershirt, jeans, or shorts.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Garden Ceremony: 5:00 PM
Q Didi,
I will be attending a wedding on May 28th at 5:00 pm. The invitation says it is a garden ceremony. I am a 57-year-old female, size 12. I bought a pretty sleeveless floral dress just below the knee and it is form fitting. Could I wear it to the wedding? Should I wear a shawl with it? If so, what kind of shoes should I wear? Thank you for your advice.

A Your new pretty sleeveless dress sounds festive for a garden wedding. A shawl would be fine, but a thinner pashmina would be even better. You can buy them on line in a myriad of colors; I'm sure you can find one to accent one of the colors in your dress. A pair of beautiful beige or nude-colored flats would be best in a garden setting because heels might sink into the moist spring ground.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Georgia: Early Spring: 3:00 PM
Q I am invited to a 3:00 in afternoon church wedding in April in Georgia. The invitation doesn't say what kind of dress. I am 31 years, 5'3 tall and 120 pounds. I have no clue what to wear and also don't know what colors to wear. Please help!

A When the invitation doesn't state "Black Tie," then the dress code is "Suits and Dresses," unless otherwise stated. An afternoon church wedding is the perfect time to wear a pretty dress with a great hat that you can always leave in the car when you go into the reception. If a beautiful dress that falls just above your knees doesn't appeal to you, then a really nicely tailored light-weight suit or a sheath with a matching jacket would work as well.

As to color, color is such a personal thing. Black is very chic for weddings right now, and then you'll have a brand new "little black dress" to wear again and again. You wouldn't wear white because the bride is the only person wearing white, but you could wear a lovely ice blue or one of the paler taupes that are so popular now. Bright colors seem to be all the rage for spring this year, so don't shy away from stepping out in style. You wouldn't want to wear a really flirty cocktail dress that early in the day, as you've no doubt figured out, but you can wear a great dress that you will be able to wear again and again with beautiful shoes and a soft, pretty clutch for your lipstick.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Georgia: March: 5:00 PM: Expecting a Baby
Q Hi Didi! I am attending a late March wedding in White Plains, Georgia, at 5:00pm. The wedding will be held at Shoulderbone Plantation with a reception to follow. I have no clue what to wear, the wedding party is wearing tuxes and baby blue cocktail dresses. I am about 5'2 and slender, and am 22 years old. I also am 4 months pregnant, so I have a small baby bump. Any advice would be very appreciated.

Thank you,
Sally

A Congratulations on having a baby. How exciting! I usually recommend to guests that they checkout the website of the wedding place; I see that Shoulderbone Plantation has a nice website. The weddings photographed looked fairly informal, with the bride being the only person in a long dress, for which I'm all in favor.

Only you can decide what you would be most comfortable wearing. You might be able to wear a regular cocktail dress that is either a sheath with a pashmina or large scarf to throw over your shoulders, or a dress that is tiered. The tiers would gently disguise the baby.

Alternatively, there are lots of maternity shops online and off that specialize in dresses that grow with the size of the baby and your breasts. They often drape crossing over your breasts and look like a wrap dress, but are made of an expandable material; which means you'll be able to wear it for months and after the baby is born, as well. Whatever you find, it should be short and fall just above your knees; wear beautiful flats that you can also continue to wear even after your baby is born. Groom your legs to shine so you won't have to wear legware and you'll be more comfortable.

It is best not to buy an outfit for one event, so look for something that is comfortable and expandable. Alternatively, get yourself one of those great short maternity skirts with the "soft" waist and belly and a beautiful print blouse to wear untucked. You'll get a lot of wear out of both.

Accessories will make you feel more glamorous; find a pretty clutch for your lipgloss, a long strand of beads, and you'll be all dressed up.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Germany: Two Dress Codes, Day + Evening
Q I am accompanying my aunt-by-marriage to her great-niece's wedding in Germany in May. The 3 pm ceremony and formal dinner/dance are being held in an historic castle near vineyards. The invitation states black tie, then goes on specifically to request "tuxedo for men, long dress for women".

I purchased a floor-length royal blue jersey dress (plain with one small beaded embellishment, slit above left knee) and strappy sandals.

I am now second guessing my choice, especially because of its vibrant color. I am the guest of a guest and do not know the family. On the flip side, they show a relaxed attitude and good sense of humour on the wedding website: "Someone is bound to show up in a suit, so don’t be embarrassed if you do also. We have no idea if there will be mosquitoes. If so, a long dress is better than a short one. In a worst case scenario, Uggs will be permitted with long dresses and tuxedos."

Should I find a less showy long dress, wear a cocktail dress in the afternoon then change, find a cape to subdue the gown at the ceremony, or smile and carry on?

Thanks in advance. Love your site!

A It would be best to check with someone inside the wedding on this, or I can ask a friend in Germany for her advice. Otherwise, this is my opinion.

Most weddings in Europe with an afternoon ceremony and an evening dinner dance, have two dress codes. A very well-made tailored dress or suit, often with a hat, for the daytime ceremony and a chic short cocktail dress or evening dress for the evening. If you're worried about being bitten, pack a small stick of Off and apply before leaving the hotel. Of course, you can wear a long dress in the evening; however, you really don't want to be traipsing around in a long dress at three o'clock in the afternoon.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Girlfriend of the Bride's Father
Q I am attending my boyfriend's daughter's wedding in September. It is an evening wedding approximately 6pm. My boyfriend will be wearing a tuxedo being the father of the bride. My question is, is it inappropriate for me to wear a long dress? I have a black dress that is stylish, yet not flashy; however I do not want to insult anyone as I am not the bride's mother. Should I be wearing a short dress?

A You don't want to appear more glamorous than the bride. Presumably, you've already impressed the boyfriend, the bride's father, so take it down a couple of notches and think about fitting in. Weddings are all about fitting in and not so much about outshining the bride.

Instead, wear a really well-made dressy silk skirt suit with beautiful shoes. On the arm of the bride's father, you want to look elegant and dignified. A beautiful cocktail dress, with a bit of sleeve, that falls just below your knees would be appropriate as well.

Stylish is fine, but at a six o'clock wedding a beautiful cocktail dress or dressy skirt suit is the dress code. You can accessorize with a small, precious clutch bag. The quality and elegance of your outfit, including your shoes and bag, will be more important than showing "style."

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Girlfriend of the Father of the Groom: June
Q I am invited to a June 25th wedding. My boyfriend is the father of the groom. He is wearing a tux. What would be the appropriate color, style, long or short, fancy or jus t ordinary, etc.? Do I need to be dressed up as well? I am also short so I know that long dresses do Not look good on me. I am also leary about dresses, but I am told that I will be in the picture so I would like to wear something very nice. Please help!

A I think that you should wear a dressy skirt suit, a dress with a soft jacket, or a dress with some sort of sleeve. As I don't know the time of the wedding I can't tell you much more. If there is a daytime ceremony, you could certainly wear a beautiful hat and shoes with a bit of a heel. If the reception is later in the day, you can always leave the hat in your car or the cloak room.

"The mothers," as you are all called because you fit into the category of that generation no matter your age, should look dignified and elegant, which I'm sure won't be hard for you. You want to look lovely and gentle to fit into the wedding and the photos.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Glitter at a 2;00 Wedding
Q Hi Didi,
I'm attending a church wedding next weekend in Toms River, NJ. The ceremony is at 2 and the reception beginning at 6 at the Lakewood Country Club. I bought a black lace dress with some sequins throughout: http://www.dillards.com/product/Marina-Beaded-Lace-Dress_301_-1_301_502683325 I honestly have not felt this hot in a dress in a very long time! I'm 5'6", 190lbs, with an hourglass figure.

I'm wondering if it's too much for the wedding and if I should wear something else and just change for the reception. I do have a convenient place to do so as my date lives nearby. Also any fashion tips on shoes and jewelry? I'm a "young" 34 y/o and pearls are not my thing, I'm very trendy with jewelry. Want to look sexy, but sophisticated and not trampy by overdoing it on accessories. Would nude shoes be ok, or should I stick with black? Closed toe or sandals?

Thank you so much!

A A two o'clock church wedding is not dressy. I would take it down a couple of notches in terms of the glitter on the dress, UGH, and the jewelry or you will look "trampy," as you say. Wear a well-made tailor day dress that falls just above your knees with short sleeves and beautiful shoes. Less jewelry is more, so either the earrings or the necklace, not both. Wear either black or navy to look slimmer. My site doesn't link to other sites to protect it from spam, so I was unable to view your dress, but it sounds as though you should go with a tailored more church/country club look than you're going for, in my opinion.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Golf Course: 2:00 PM: 70 degrees
Q 49-year-old female attending a 2:00 PM church wedding and reception to follow at golf course club house what to wear?
Spring 70 degrees


A Ideally, you would wear a summer dress with a small sleeve and the hem would fall just above your knee if you feel good about your legs; otherwise just below your knee. When the invitation does not state the dress code as"Black Tie," then you can assume that the dress code is "Suits and Dresses."

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandfather: Florida: Mountain Outdoors: 11:00 AM
Q What to wear? Grandfather and aunt of bride need to dress for 11:00 am wedding, outdoor-riverside ceremony in the mountains, outdoor catered barbecue reception near the same site. I think I can do a nice summer dress, but not sure how to help the grandfather dress. Please help!

A Does grandfather have a collared shirt and a blazer or jacket of any kind? That with a pair of dress khaki pants or gray flannels would do just fine. Have him shine up a pair of his best leather shoe and he'll be comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother and Grandfather of the Bride
Q I am 75 yrs. old and the grandmother of the bride. The wedding is on the deck of an event center, in Louisville, Ky. at 3:30 P.M. in late Oct. The bride is wearing a formal gown, without a train, and the guys are wearing a tux. I am short and a little stocky, size 10 or 12. What should I wear? My husband will be wearing a navy suit. What color shirt should he wear and what would be proper attire for me?

A Wear a very good skirt suit with three-quarter-length sleeves, that falls just below your knees, with beautiful shoes. An afternoon wedding is the perfect occasion to wear a lovely hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q What is appropriate for the grandmother of the bride to wear to an afternoon wedding?

A Whatever you do don't wear a long dress. Why not wear a lovely dressy silk suit with pretty buttons that falls just below the knees, matching shoes and bag, a beautiful hat and off-white kid gloves? Alternatively, you could wear a silk sheath with a matching jacket or coat, or a dress with long sleeves. Check with the bride about the wedding colors, because you wouldn't want to wear the same color dress as the bridesmaids. As I don't know your build or coloring or the style of the wedding, this is a very general answer. If you have a lovely brooch or pearl necklace, wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q Is it appropriate for a woman over 75 to wear a strapless formfitting formal dress to her granddaughter's wedding? (mermaid style)

A Women over a certain age tend to look dowdy in long dresses and unless her arms and abs are buff, she certainly wouldn't show bare arms and wear a skin tight dress. A dressy dinner suit that falls just below the knees is far more attractive, dignified, and elegant for the grandmother of the bride than the aging mermaid look. Alternatively, a dress with sleeves or a sheath with a jacket would be appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q I am the grandmother of the bride who is having an outdoor wedding at 6 p.m. in July. She has not requested any particular style of dress. She said we can wear anything that will look good in the pictures and that is cool and comfortable. The reception is going to be a sit down affair inside. I don't do well for a long period of time in air conditioning, so I was thinking about something that has some type of sleeve in it. I recently lost 40lbs so my under arms are somewhat flabby. Her mother is wearing a long light blue dress. Her colors are dark blue and a brick or burnt orange so she said no red. Should I wear a long or short dress/suit? I have found several long dresses that have various types of jackets at Dillard's which I like. They are dressy but not formal wear and something I could wear again.

A I am not a huge fan of women over a certain age wearing long dresses because I feel that they make most of us look dowdy. I like the idea of a short dress with sleeves or a jacket, or a dressy skirt suit that falls just below the knees. Any shade of beige or taupe is always flattering for the mother or grandmother of the bride or groom. Sleeves are a blessing at most any age.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q I am 60 years old and my granddaughter is having a church wedding at 3:00 on August. 1st. Is it appropriate for me to wear lavender, light weight, long sleeve, below the knee ensemble?? Also can you recommend shoe style??...Thank you.

A That sounds like the perfect ensemble for the grandmother of the bride. I would recommend good quality, beige, soft leather pumps with a slight heel. Sling-backs might be the most comfortable because you can adjust them as you see fit before the wedding. Alternatively, you can have a pair of satin sling- backs dyed to match the color of your outfit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q Could I as a 60-year-old grandmother wear black to granddaughters' wedding in august....3:00 p.m. church wedding??

A You could wear black to your granddaughter's church wedding in August, especially if the ceremony is taking place in a large city. Black can be hot in August and not all churches are air-conditioned, so you might want to opt for a dignified beige. Since I don't know your coloring or build, this is a rather general answer. Most big city churches are air-conditioned these days, so you might be absolutely fine in black, just be sure to wear beautifully soft black shoes with your black outfit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q My stepson is getting married at a posh Mexican resort in February. The wedding is being held in a chapel at 5:00 pm. Bride is wearing a beautiful white gown. Bridesmaids are wearing long dresses. MOB is wearing a long dress so as not to call attention to herself in photos. What do I wear?

A Personally, I think long dresses make most women look dowdy. The MOB sets the dress code, so find out exactly what she is wearing and follow suit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride: 3:00 pm Service
Q My granddaughter is getting married at 3 in the afternoon. Her mother will be wearing a long dress and of course the bridesmaids. The other grandmothers are wearing pant suits or something with pants - is that appropriate? I really hate to invest in a dress because I never wear them. Her colors are champagne and brown. I currently have a brown suit I am thinking of wearing - it has both pants and a skirt with it. The jacket is called a cardigan cut - it looks fairly dressy.

A Do wear the brown suit with the skirt. I'm not a huge fan of women over a certain age wearing pants or long dresses. As the grandmother of the bride, you want to look dignified.

It would be nice if you could soften up the brown suit with a lovely beige hat. Hats are great for three o'clock weddings. A pretty hat would give your brown suit a fresh look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride: Virginia: August: 2:00 PM
Q My granddaughter is getting married in the Pagoda here in Norfolk, VA, on a Saturday afternoon - at 2 - in late August. I am 75. What is proper for me to wear? The bride wears a lacy and frilly cream, the groom and grooms- men wear khakis. I look good in black. I have a nice just barely below the knee little black dress. Is that too much for Saturday afternoon and August? I love to wear hats. Yes? Cream? White? Little? Big? Shoes and bag in cream? White? Thank you for helping!

A There is nothing I love more than wearing a chic little black dress; however, black might seem a bit severe at an August afternoon wedding, but I do understand the comfort of wearing black. With the black dress, you might want to go with beige accessories only because the contrast of the black and white can be a bit loud, beige being softer than white and black because a neutral color goes with everything. Nude or beige shoes with a beige hat would be dignified and elegant: sophisticated but gentler. You could even wear beige pumps with a black toe or a beige hat with a black ribbon. But actually I think the simplicity of beautiful beige pumps and a lovely beige hat would be more elegant.

Since you love to wear hats, you probably know what looks best with your shape head and face. I will warn you, however, about not wearing a hat with a wide brim because it is awkward trying to kiss granny on the cheek when you have to duck under the brim of her hat, but I'm sure you know that already.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride: Wearing Pants Outfit
Q I am a 50-year-old grandmother of the bride. I don't wear dresses because I have terrible varicose veins. Is it ok to wear a pants outfit?
Wedding is end of September

A I'm not a fan of women wearing pant outfits to a wedding, especially their granddaughter's. As the grandmother of the bride, you want to look elegant and dignified. Depending upon the time of time, wear a long skirt with a beautiful blouse for an evening wedding, or a day dress or skirt suit with three-quarter-length sleeves for a daytime wedding.

There are amazing products these days to cover varicose veins, that and the combination of good quality legwear and you shouldn't have to feel self-conscious about your legs.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom
Q My grandson is getting married August 23rd. The attendants are wearing royal blue and silver. I would like to know if it would be ok if I could wear a navy blue long dress. The dress is sleeveless but has a jacket. My concern is if navy blue would be too dark for an August wedding. Mother of the bride and groom are wearing silver. I most likely will accent it with pearl jewelry and light shoes. Please reply ASAP. Thank you

A It would be fine to wear a sleeveless long navy dress with a matching jacket. Don't be concerned about navy blue being too dark for an August wedding. Navy blue is a very chic summer color. The white of the pearls will summer-it-up. What I am not happy about are the light shoes. It would be far better to wear navy blue shoes, or even black. Never wear light colored shoes with a dark dress, unless they are a metallic silver or gold.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom
Q Grandmother of the Groom: Attire Etiquette.

I just bought my dress for my son's wedding which is in October. My mother saw my dress and went out and bought a dress that was the same color. Should I take my dress back and get a different color or insist that my mother get a different dress. Does it matter that the mother and grandmother of the groom have the same color?

Need answer as soon as possible, going shopping tomorrow.

Help Help Help

A Your mother is trying to fit in by following your lead. They say copying is the highest form of flattery so be pleased with your mother's good taste. If you are in love the dress, then have a conversation with your mother and tell her that you would rather that she didn't wear exactly the same color dress, so would she please find another color or a different shade of the same color. You could suggest that, as the grandmother of the groom, she should wear either beige or ice blue because they are the preferred colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom Floor-Length Dress
Q The mother of the bride is wearing a floor-length dress. Does etiquette require that the grandmother of the groom also wear a floor-length dress?

A No, floor-length dresses, except at, say, an eight o'clock evening candlelight wedding, tend to make older women look dowdy and frumpy. A silk dinner suit that falls just below the knees is much more elegant and dignified.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom:
Q I am the grandmother of the groom. The wedding party colors are black,white and red. Would it be appropriate for me to where black pants with a white and black top?.

A In my opinion, you wouldn't want to wear pants. As the grandmother of the groom, you want to take it up a notch and wear either a dress with a sleeve that falls just below your knee, or a skirt suit. A sleeveless dress with a jacket would be appropriate as well.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom: 6:00 PM in Texas
Q Hello,
I am a 71-year-old grandmother. My grandson is getting married at 6:00 p.m. in Fort Worth, TX.
The bride's colors are deep purple and red.

I understand it is an informal wedding.

Please help me. Is there a color more appropriate for the grandmother of the groom? I have had no luck looking at dresses/suits knee-length. I do not want to look young, but I do not want to look like an old lady either. Something simple and elegant I would love. Where might I find something like this?

A Your question about where you would find something is daunting because I live on an island in Rhode Island with no dressy shops. Fort Worth is a sophisticated city; there must be a dress shop for such occasions. When the dress code isn't formal, then you can assume the dress code is Suits and Dresses. Look for a simple dress and beautiful but comfortable shoes. As I don't know your build or lifestyle, it is difficult for me to tell you what to wear because I don't know you. However, I do know that there must be a shop to accommodate you. As the grandmother of the groom, you want to look elegant and dignified, the length you should wear would be just below the knee, the ideal sleeve length would be three-quarter length, and the color should be ice blue or beige, unless you are overweight, then wear navy blue.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom: Black and White
Q My Grandson is being married Dec. 17 in Ohio. It will be a black and white wedding and my daughter is wearing a long gown. What is appropriate for me to wear?

A Look at the invitation, if Black Tie or Formal Attire isn't specified then you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses or Cocktail Attire.

Wear a dressy dinner suit that falls just below your knees with beautiful shoes and use a small clutch bag for your lipstick and keys. For more ideas, you are welcome to return to my Web site archives and do a search for the dress code by using the appropriate key words.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom: Please, Don't Wear Pants
Q I am grandmother of the groom. Bridesmaids are wearing dresses with black/champagne. I had selected a pant suit with black pants and top is black/white/and taupe. I am elderly and might need to wear flat shoes due to feet and knee problems. Will pants be appropriate and black? Evening wedding.

A My answer is no, you wouldn't wear pants to an evening wedding. Evening weddings are customarily a dressier affair than afternoon weddings. I'm fine with you wearing a beautiful pair of flats or pumps, but you will need to wear either a dressy skirt suit that falls just below your knees, a dress with a matching jacket or a dress with three-quarter length sleeves. I'm all for you wearing either black or beige.

As the grandmother of the groom you want to look dignified and elegant at your grandson's wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother Wants to Wear Pantsuit
Q The bride is getting married in November in a small evening non-church wedding. The bride's mother is battling with the bride's grandmother (who is 85 years old) over the grandmother's insistence on wearing a pants suit -- not a dress -- to the ceremony. The grandmother hasn't worn a dress in 30 years and does not wish to start now (and there are mobility issues for her that preclude being able to put on pantyhose). The bride's mother is insisting that Grandma wear a dress and heels in the wedding party's colors (the color choice is also an issue for the grandmother). How would you rule on this?



A Since this does not appear to be a particularly formal wedding, the grandmother doesn't have to conform strictly to formal attire. Perhaps instead of a tailored pantsuit, the grandmother can compromise by wearing a lovely soft flowing skirtpant (wide legged soft pants), or a long skirt, topped off by a beautiful blouse or tunic. It is important for the grandmother to be comfortable and mobile because it will be a long night for her. It is also possible to find soft decorated flat shoes made of a dressy fabric, an equally dressy clutch, and a soft shawl to wear as accessories. Because the grandmother would be compromising by wearing something closer to a long skirt or pantaloon than a trouser, the mother might compromise by letting her wear a color of her choice. The grandmother does not necessarily have to wear the wedding colors. She can wear a color, or colors, within the palette of the wedding colors. For instance, if the wedding colors are blue and yellow, the grandmother could wear a moss green. Have the grandmother and the mother make a deal in which they both make compromises. You might also remind them that the wedding is not about either of them; that the wedding is all about the daughter and her groom, both of whom will pick up on the unpleasantness of this situation if it isn't resolved amicably and quickly. Good etiquette is all about compromise, compassion and consideration, so make it work. As you know, the mother and grandmother are role models for the daughter; how they handle the situation will teach the daughter the importance of compromise - a lesson that she will surely need to know going into marriage.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother: 5:00 pm in Texas
Q I will be attending my grandson's wedding at 5:00 in the afternoon in October in Texas. It is a church wedding with reception at a large banquet hall. I am 74 years old. Would a black & white suit be appropriate and what length should it be? Also, I have black patent & suede pumps and a black clutch. Do I need to wear light black pantyhose?
Please advise.
Thank you so much.

A A dressy skirt suit is the perfect outfit for a five o'clock wedding. Black and white, of course, is a very chic combination; however, I am wondering about the wedding photos. If the men are wearing black jackets with white shirts, you might want to consider a softer color. Traditionally, the mothers and grandmothers wear beige and shades of blue, green, and coral, depending upon the time of day, in order to fade in.

If the suit is a bold print, I would definitely say no, but if this is a black suit with, say, white trim or a white shell underneath, that would be fine with either of the black shoes, preferably the most comfortable of the two--especially if there will be dancing. The clutch is the perfect handbag for your lipstick and keys.

What I'm also not sure about is the color of the legwear. This is a dressy occasion, so you want to wear legwear that is a shade lighter than the color of your legs. If they are of good quality and have a bit of shine to them, they should cover any flaws. I caution about the choice of light black legwear, which might look a bit funereal; again, it would depend of course on the quality of the legwear. I understand that you don't want the photos to show you with orange legs, or some unnatural tan, which is why it is best for dressy events to wear a slightly lighter shade than your natural skin tone.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother: 5:00 pm in Texas
Q What do I wear to a October 10th outdoor wedding at 4:00 p.m. in Texas? Reception to follow. The bride is wearing a chiffon-style eggplant color dress and the bridesmaid is wearing an above the knee dress, not sure about the color. The groom and groomsmen are wearing tux-style shirts with jeans and cowboy boots. Help please. I need to shop for a dress asap.

A So much depends upon your age, build, and style. You could wear a little black dress, or any color cocktail party dress, that falls just above your knees. If you go to my archives and look under Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: then Four, Five, and Six o'clock weddings, you should be able to find an answer that fits your age and build type. If not, ask me the question again and add the details.

Didi Lorillard
NewportManners.com
http.//newportmanners.blogspot.com

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother: 6:00 PM
Q Going to my grandson's wedding at 6 pm Sept 3. I have a tea- length lace mauve dress. Do you think this is o.k.?

A Sorry, I'm just not a fan of tea-length. Love lace, but in all honesty, I think women of a certain age look dowdy in the tea-length. As the grandmother of the groom, you want to look elegant and dignified in a well-made dressy skirt suit or dress with 3/4 length sleeves that falls just below your knees, with beautiful shoes and a small pretty clutch.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmothers
Q My stepgranddaughter is planning a formal wedding. She wants the 3 grandmothers all to wear silver chiffon in different styles or lengths but same shade and material. I've never heard of this and dread the thought. We will look like the Andrew's sisters. Please advise against it
Wedding party is wearing black, bride mom, blue, groom mom pewter. Granny's silver. Ulgh!!

A I'm with you. Traditionally, the colors for the grandmothers, as you no doubt know, are beige, ice blue, and depending upon the season shades of berry, blue, coral, and green. As for the chiffon, customarily the grandmothers wear dressy skirt suits in a silk or brocade. The bride cannot dictate what the grandmothers wear, so wear an elegant, dignified dress with sleeves and a hem that falls just below the knees. Add pretty shoes that you will be comfortable dancing in and carry a small clutch bag for your lipstick.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmothers of Bride and Groom
Q My granddaughter is having a six o`clock wedding. Should
I wear A long dress or can I wear one that falls below the
knee or if her other grandmother wears a long dress, should
I wear a long dress also?


e...

A I'm with you, I think women of a certain age look ever so much more elegant in a dress that falls just below the knees. Just be careful not to wear nude pantyhose or stockings because they tend to look less elegant. In photographs nude or tan colors often show up too orange looking. You want a dressy stocking or pantyhose that is a slightly lighter color than your legs--they'll look dressier.

In my opinion, long dresses tend to make older women look dowdy. I always feel chicer when I'm wearing a really good silk suit that's tailored to fit me--so that I'm wearing it and it's not wearing me, if you know what I mean. A sheath dress with a matching coat would also be appropriate. The grandmothers of the bride and groom should look elegant and dignified. Not frumpy and dowdy. If you get the opportunity, as soon as possible let the other grandmother know what you're planning on wearing. Say, "I'm wearing a beige silk suit that falls just below my knees." Then it is up to her as to what she wears. Customarily the grandmother of the bride chooses the style for the grandmothers and lets the groom's grandmother know immediately. However, all you can do is to make a suggestion by relating what you you have decided.

If the groom's grandmother tells you that she is wearing a long dress, it doesn't mean that you have to wear a long dress, too. And you don't have to be dressed alike, although it would look better in the wedding photos and going down the aisle if you both were wearing knee-length dresses. Who knows, she might be relieved that she doesn't have to wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Greeters: Cocktail Suit
Q My husband and I have been asked to serve as greeters at the country club reception for a 6 p.m. church wedding in South Carolina on November 19. Should I wear a brown sequined cocktail suit or a LBD or buy something new? I'm 58. Also, do I have to wear heels?

A I love the idea of the brown sequined cocktail suit. They are great for the role of a greeter and wonderful to wear to a wedding. No, you do not have to wear heels, there are so many options for beautiful flats that I'm sure you'll find a pair that will look beautiful with your cocktail suit. Just be sure your sheerest legwear is a shade lighter than your skin tone and has a bit of shine to dress up your legs.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen
Q Is it okay for the groom and groomsmen to wear beige to a morning wedding in a church in August or is the black tux more appropriate?

A In my opinion, beige suits would not be appropriate because there are so many different shades of beige. Think ahead to the wedding photos where the various different shades of beige will be evident and you might then wish that you had gone with a dark color. Why not have all the men wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants, white collared shirts with a striped tie in the wedding colors? The older men, say, the fathers of the wedding couple, could then have the option of wearing a navy blue light-weight suit with white or blue collared shirts and solid ties in one of the wedding colors. With this slightly more casaual look you would want to designate the shoes so that all the men wear, say, black Gucci-style loafers or a less casual brown loafer. The color of the belt would, of course, match the color of the shoes. The groom's present to his groomsmen could then be the wedding tie, belt, or shoes of the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen: Braces + Suspenders
Q At my daughter's outdoor wedding, she has a very formal wedding dress. The groom and his groomsmen do not want to wear tuxedos. They will be wearing black pants, colored shirts to match the dresses and a painted tie (done by the groom). I have suggested that wearing silk suspenders would look nice. Would that be appropriate, are suspenders in sytle? Thanks

A What? No jackets? The groom and groomsmen do not have to wear tuxedos, but unless this is a Texas hoedown, the men should wear jackets. The key to a chic wedding is choosing a style and sticking to it. If the bride is wearing a very formal wedding dress and the men are not wearing tuxedos, then I suggest that the men wear either navy blue blazers with cream colored pants and a tie with the wedding colors, or navy blue or black suits with colored shirts and the painted ties. If the men are wearing jackets, then by all means, it would be appropriate for them to wear suspenders. The only hitch, not to pun, is that some men are not comfortable wearing suspenders. Another thing is that not all pants have the waistband to accommodate suspenders, so you would have to be sure that all the men order the same trousers. At a very formal wedding, either all the men in the bridal party would wear suspenders or, alternatively, belts the same color as their shoes. Perhaps the best man should take a poll of the groomsmen to find out how many are in favor of suspenders (or braces, as they are also called) and how many are not. If only the groom wants to wear braces, he can wear braces and the groomsmen can all wear belts the color of their shoes, which presumably would be black and worn with black socks. Remember that the painted ties would perhaps be best matched with a solid color suspender.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom and Groomsmen
Q We are planning our daughter's wedding. I need help choosing what the groom and groomsmen will wear. The wedding will be June 26th in North Carolina outside on the lawn of a family estate. The bride will come out of open french doors, cross the terrace and out onto the lawn to be wed. The invitation is simple, traditional, engraved with a side fold. The wedding will be at 6:00. (I will write another question about that in a moment.) The reception will be indoors at a club. The bride will wear a strapless a-line gown of lace with a veil that reaches just to the end of the train which is short - perhaps 18 inches or so.
What should the groom and groomsmen wear as far as formalwear? A tux (with cummerbund or vest?), a white tie? White jacket? Are tails worn anymore? Even though the wedding is outdoors, I expect the male guests will wear suits because of the time and invitation. Do you think that is right?
Thank you for your help.

A The plans for your daughter's wedding sound splendid, and I would be happy to be a sounding board for you and your daughter over the course of the next nine months. It is my understanding that the plan is as follows: the ceremony will be held outdoors at the family's estate immediately followed by a reception inside a private club towards the end of June in North Carolina.

As this is not a seven o'clock Black-Tie wedding, there is no need to put a dress code on the invitation. Therefore, you can expect that gentlemen guests will wear dark business suits or dark jackets and slacks.

What the groom wears should be left up to him. The groom, his father, brother(s,) and best man decide between them what their dress code will be. Dark suits would be fine. Also, a lot of men are deciding on navy blue blazers with cream colored trousers, a white shirt and a striped tie in the wedding colors (which the groom would supply).

Alternatively, the men in the wedding party could wear white jackets with tuxedo pants and a black bow tie. Whichever, the men would wear black leather shoes (possibly Gucci-style loafers) with black garter length socks and black leather belt. The fathers of the bride and groom would definitely wear very good dark suits.

If you moved the wedding to seven o'clock, then you could have the groomsmen wear tails but then the invitation would state "Black Tie". Six o'clock is too late for morning clothes, which in this country are occasionally worn to morning and afternoon weddings, but if the reception is a seated dinner, the men would change into black tie for the reception, which makes it complicated for out-of-towners. It is just one too many costumes for them to have to worry about.

It has been my observation that the least amount of items the groomsmen have to worry about the better. It is one thing to forget to bring one's cuff links, but another to forget one's studs. The chicest weddings these days are not black-tie weddings, so, please, do not feel that the groomsmen's dress code has to be formal, because it does not. Most men in that age group have good blue blazers, whereas they might not have a good tuxedo and, if they do, there are so many variations on style of tuxedos that you would want them all to be the same style. A groomsman should not be expected to buy a tuxedo for this one occasion, as splendid as it may be.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: 4:00 PM: May: Vermont: Outdoors
Q Hello, Didi. I am 43. On May 28, I will marry my high school sweetheart at a small outdoor 4 pm ceremony at her uncle's house in southern Vermont (followed by a reception at my parents' house nearby). I know she is looking at several simple, white wedding dresses. What about me? I had thought of (a) navy or dark gray suit, (b) a light-colored suit, or (c) a simple navy blazer with gray trousers. What do you think is best? And if I chose (c), could I get away with colored (brick red or perhaps green) trousers? Thanks!

A You are at that dress code age divide between wearing a dignified, handsome dark suit or a blazer with with gray flannels or colored slacks. Also, a four o'clock wedding is less formal than an early evening wedding. Then there is the light-colored suit, which might be a bit summery for the groom to wear at his end of May Vermont wedding.

Perhaps, you should coordinate with your fiancee. Ask her if her dress is short or long. If it is long, then a dark suit would be more appropriate for someone your age. The dark gray suit would be quite distinguished for a four o'clock wedding, very British. On the other hand, if she is wearing a short white cocktail dress or dressy white skirt suit, the navy blue blazer with the gray flannels would be fine as well. I would hold off on the colored trousers until June as groom wedding attire.

In making your decision, you want to think about the wedding photos. Imagine your fiancee in her dress with you beside her and what image you want to portray. Chances are time will be more on your side the more dignified and respectful you are attired. Sure, it would be more fun to wear bright colored pants, but if your fiancee is traditionally dressed, then you will want to compliment her by dressing in sync.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: Formal: Palermo, Italy
Q 7:00 PM wedding in Palermo, Italy.

What does the groom wear to an all out wedding in Palermo at 7:00 PM with a formal dinner/reception immediately after? We have been told (by the mother of the groom) that grooms do not wear black tie. And the mother of the bride and guests? We have also been told that you do not wear a long dress to a church, although the brides family would like to make this a formal wedding.
Thank you.

A The groom would wear a morning suit with a wedding waist coat (an elegant vest) and a cravat (worn with a loser knot because it is wider than a tie) or a tie. Formal Attire, especially in Europe, does not necessarily mean long dresses and tuxedos. The men guests would wear lounge suits and the women guests would wear beautiful cocktail dresses that fall to the knee with elegant shoes and carry a small clutch bag. The men would wear dress black shoes and socks.

As I don't know where the groom is located, I would suggest that he go online to look at renting a morning suit, waist coast and cravat before buying one. It is possible to rent the entire outfit. There are many sites in the US and UK that have formal attire for hire which you can find by Googling, for instance, Moss Hire and then clicking on formal weddings. Once he sees the options, he can rent his wedding attire online, or perhaps he'll decide to spring for his own.

Alternative to the morning suit, he might want to check to find out if a white dinner jacket would be appropriate. Both are customary for formal weddings, so ask the bride and she'll tell you which she prefers.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: Savannah: 3:30 PM
Q My fiance and I are getting married in April (3:30 wedding) at our Catholic church in Savannah. He is dead set against wearing a black tuxedo; would a tan or khaki suit be too informal?

A The trend in weddings is off the tuxedo. Especially for an afternoon wedding. A khaki tan cotton linen suit is very in trend for grooms and their men. A navy blue suit would work as well. I'm actually a huge fan of a navy blue blazer with khaki dress pants and black Gucci-style loafers.

If he goes with the khaki suit, he would wear a white shirt and a striped tie in the wedding colors. Very in trend. Your fiance knows what he's doing.

Then your bridesmaids would wear chic little short dresses in one of the wedding colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: Seersucker Suit
Q My son will be getting married April 24, 2009, it will be an outdoor wedding, bridesmaids will wear tea-length, but the bride will be in a long gown, he wants to wear a seersucker suit, is this proper, or would a tux be more appropriate?


A If it is not a black-tie wedding and the ceremony is performed in the afternoon in a warm climate, then your son can wear a seersucker suit with white bucks, gray socks, a white shirt and a solid color tie. The wedding couple usually choose one or two colors as the wedding colors; his tie would be one or two of those colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: Tuxedos, Suits or Blazers: 3:00 pm
Q Dear Didi,

Our son is getting married next year on April 29th in the Myrtle Beach area. It is going to be at 3:00 and a garden wedding. I had suggested the men wear a navy blazer and khaki slacks or a light color suit. The bride has suggested tuxedos. Bride's gown is long and formal, but Moms will be wearing short dresses/suits, dressy.
Any preference from you or is one more proper than the other?
Many thanks for your input!

A I'm with you, tuxedos are too formal for a three o'clock wedding. The bride can wear her wedding gown, but that doesn't mean the men in the wedding party have to wear tuxedos. The trend, as you suggest, is in tan or khaki suits or navy blue blazers for an afternoon wedding. To be blunt, tuxedos are not chic daytime wedding attire right now. The men hate renting them and during this downturn in the economy they would rather wear something they already have, or if they have to buy, they want to purchase a staple for their wardrobe. Grooms tell me tuxedos aren't preppy for an afternoon wedding. In my opinion, this should be the groom's decision. He and his groomsmen should wear what reflects their lifestyle at this point in time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Father's Attire
Q I am father of the groom and not in the wedding party, per se. Must I wear a tux or can I wear a nice suit? My son is no help.

A If the father of the bride is wearing a tuxedo, he is your reference for dress code. You might feel more comfortable if you dressed up, rather than feeling awkward underdressed. Get the name of the tuxedo shop where your son is renting his tuxedo and go in and ask because the men usually use the same place for their tuxedos so that they all match. A good rental shop will have the wedding registered and be able to tell you what the men will be wearing. Also, the time of day of the wedding tells you whether or not you should wear a tuxedo because evening weddings can well be black tie, meaning tuxedos. If you still don't have a clue, pick up the telephone and call the bride's mother.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Grandmother: Yacht: Black
Q What do you suggest I wear to a June 2012 wedding on a yacht in So. California? I'm the groom's grandmother, size 4, and a youthful 75. The time of day hasn't been set, but I suspect ceremony and reception will take place in late afternoon and evening. Would black be appropriate for afternoon?

A I'm not a fan of your wearing black for an afternoon wedding on a yacht. Don't get me wrong, I practically don't wear anything but black, I just think the time and place here is wrong for wearing black. Think about navy blue. Such a great color and so flattering. Navy blue really is the afternoon black, plus, you can still wear beautiful black shoes and carry a small black clutch, because you wouldn't want to be too matchy-matchy in all navy.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Mom Wants to Wear Pants to Wedding
Q Would it be proper for the mother of the groom to wear a dressy pant outfit to the wedding?

A No, a dressy pant outfit to your son's wedding would not be appropriate unless you are a cross-dresser and don't care that people know.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Parents
Q My son is marrying in August and I have not yet met the bride's parents. Would a phone call for the purpose of introducing us to each other be in good taste? The wedding is out of state and we {my husband & I} will arrive the day of the rehearsal. Thank you for your attention to this matter, Marda Bell

A Traditionally, the groom's family calls the bride's family as soon as they hear the good news. I would say that you need to pick up the phone immediately and make arrangements to meet for lunch and talk. Since I don't know if there is any great distance between you, it might be impossible, but get together and confer about plans. Also, "the mothers," as well as "the fathers," need to be conferring about dress code, what you're going to wear. As the mother of the bride sets the dress code, one of the first things you will want to find out is what she's wearing. When you find that out, please, get back to me with your details, as well as many details about the wedding as you can discover, and we'll work that out.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groomsmen
Q Hello Didi,
I am getting married in August in the Santa Cruz mountains at an outdoor venue in the redwoods at 3:00 pm in the afternoon. The reception will go on into the night. My formal dress has a train and now we are wondering what to put the men's side in. We want the groom to stand out from the groomsmen. Is it acceptable for the groom to wear a tux and the groomsmen to wear cutaway coats? I believe that cutaway coats are for daytime weddings (I was told that if the wedding goes past 6 o'clock it can be considered evening, is that true?!). Or can the groom wear tails and the groomsmen wear regular tuxedos? Any advice would be great. Thank you Didi!

A The morning coat (or cutaway), either gray or black, can be worn with a contrasting light grey or colorful waistcoat (vest) or matching black waistcoat, and is usually worn with striped trousers, though they can be checked, or matching, with a white dress shirt and tie or cravat. The morning coat can be worn for an afternoon wedding going into the evening, as the groomsmen wouldn't be expected to wear two different outfits in one day; unless the dress code was Suits & Dresses for the ceremony and Black Tie or Formal Attire for the evening dinner and dancing reception with it's own starting time at seven or eight o'clock.

The tuxedo is a shorter jacket and therefore a different style (shape and look) from the morning coat with it's tails. You would want the groom and groomsmen in the wedding party to be unified in their style. Either all in tuxedos or all in morning coats, not the groom in one style and groomsmen in another. Although you can distinguish the groom from the groomsmen by the groom wearing a different color tie or/and vest. What you could do is to have all the groomsmen in black suits with long black ties and either a white or black collared shirt with the groom in a tuxedo. That way all the men in the wedding party would be in the same shape and color, but the groom would be wearing the more formal tuxedo, but the shape and color of the jackets and would be the same.

The key to a wedding is simplifying (or paring down) the style; have it either all formal, semi-formal, or informal. When you start mixing and matching styles it gets sloppy. If you're seriously thinking of going British, go to the Moss Hire website and click on "Wedding Suit Hire: Morning Suits", to see all the options available. There are other sites, however, information-wise it seems the easiest to understand.

I might add that since the wedding starts in the mid-afternoon in August, you might want to have all the men in the wedding party wearing white dinner jackets. It's a great August wedding look for the groom as well as the groomsmen. Morning coats and tuxedos would be hot and stuffy in the mountains on a hot August afternoon, whereas white dinner jackets will look crisp and fresh going into evening and throughout the night.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groomsmen: Florida: November: 4:30 pm
Q Florida Wedding - First Week of November: 4:30 PM

Hi there! I am getting married in early November in Florida on a green lawn that overlooks the ocean. I am wondering if it would be too "summery" for the groomsmen to wear khaki suits, not linen--just khaki! Please help I am stumped! Thank you!

A Absolutely not, dress khaki is perfect for a Florida afternoon wedding in November. The groom just needs to make it clear to his groomsmen that he's talking dress khaki and not chinos, which, more often than not, tend to look unpressed.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groomsmen: Searsucker Suits
Q 6:00 outdoor summer wedding in Nashville: is it appropriate for the groomsmen to wear seersucker suits? Bridesmaids are wearing short dresses.

A Having the dress code for the groomsmen seersucker suits is a great idea. My only hesitation is that you don't want them to have to go out and buy the suit. Most young men will already have a navy blue blazer, so if you have them all wear theirs with a pair of cream-colored pants and black loafers, they will then have more wearable outfits going forward. Why don't you have the groom poll the groomsmen to find out if they all have seersucker suits and, if they don't, would they be willing to buy one?

With the seersucker suit be sure to establish the color of the stripe whether it is gray or blue, there is also red and green, so you'll want to make that clear. They will also need white collared shirts and, traditionally, off-white bucks with light beige or cream colored matching socks. I'm assuming if they have the suit already, they'll have the off-white bucks. It is those who don't have the suit who will have to also buy the shoes. Brown or black Gucci style loafers could be an alternative.

Why not go on line to J. Crew, Brooks Brothers, or other such stores and find the costs and do a comparison before choosing what you want them to wear? That way all the men will have the same attire.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest Register
Q What would be the appropriate attire for the guest registrar to wear at the wedding?

A It would depend upon the dress code of the wedding and the gender of the guest registrar. If the person is a man, he might wear a dark suit, white shirt, black shoes and socks, the tie would fit in with the color scheme of the wedding, and he would wear either a boutonniere or a white handkerchief in his jacket breast pocket, but not both. A woman might wear a well- cut skirt suit with one of the wedding flowers pinned above her left breast.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Co