Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code on Invitation
Q Can you ask for dress code on wedding invitations?

A The style and form of the wedding invitation says a lot about the kind of wedding the bride and groom hope it will be. If the invitation follows a formal format and does not say "Black Tie," than it is assumed that it is semiformal and the dress code is that one wears one's best clothes. For men, that would mean a dark suit, collared shirt, tie, dark shoes and socks; for a woman it means a dressy dinner suit or dress, with pretty shoes, bag, and, possibly, a great hat. If the wedding is informal, the invitation will reflect that style; black tie would not be listed as the attire. If the ceremony is in a church or temple, guests will assume that the dress code, at the very least, is what one would wear to a religious holiday service. On the other hand, an invitation to a wedding on the beach in Nantucket, pretty much tells the guest the dress code: Dress Casual. If you are concerned that the format and/or style of your invitation does not give guests enough information about the dress code, than by all means, tell them what you want them to wear in the lower right hand corner of the invitation, or centered directly under the last line of the invitation: Black Tie, Dress Casual, Cocktail Attire, Semi-Casual. Traditionally, an invitation would only state the dress code if it is Black Tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code Question
Q What color dress does the mother of the groom wear?

A The mother of the bride wears navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom
Q I am the MOG, the MOB is planning on wearing a tea length dress. The dress I have in mind is long. The bride doesn't care if I wear long or short. I think her mother is planning a yellowish tone, I am looking at a blue. I haven't ordered my dress yet, waiting on the MOB, she should go first. I truly don't want tea length. So my question is: do I have to wear tea length is she does????? Help. (wedding is 5/3/08)

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear tea length and you wouldn't wear a long dress. Why not consider a chic, dressy skirtsuit (often called a dinner suit) or a dress with a matching jacket or coat? Since I don't know the wedding couple's colors, I cannot comment on the color. Traditionally, the MOG and MOB wear either ice blue or beige. Under no circumstances would you wear white. For a June wedding, you would want to be suited in an elegant, dignified skirtsuit that falls just below your knees. Unless it is an evening black-tie wedding, you wouldn't wear a long dress. I would have to know more about the wedding, for instance time of day, formality, and location of ceremony and reception in order to give you a more tailored answer. I know that you aren't going to like this answer, but dresses well below the knees tend to make older women look dowdy. Tea length tends to make short women look even shorter. At your son's wedding, you want to look elegant and dignified. Nowadays, the MOB sends the MOG a photo of her dress, or sends her an Internet photo of the dress from the store. Give the MOB until March to notify you of her choice. If you ask her too soon, beware because she might change her mind several times before making her final decision, so: it is best not to put pressure on her. Remember that all the pressure is on the MOB and she has many other things to think about than her outfit. Her dress might be the last To Do on her list, so be sure to cut her plenty of slack. In conversation you might drop a couple of clues as to what you would like to wear and ask her opinion, but don't pressure her to make a decision before May. Find your own look and if she hasn't sent you a photo by April, send her a photo of your outfit asking her opinion. You do not have to wear what she dictates, but you do need her nod of approval, as well as that of the bride. If she wants you to wear a tea length, tell her that it is not a flattering look on you and leave it at that.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: "Dressy Casual"
Q Type your question here...As the parents of the groom, my husband and I are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We are sending out invitations (in large part to get guests' entree choices) and want to indicate expected attire. Is the term "dressy casual" appropriate?

A The term "dressy casual" is an oxymoron. Dressy is dressy and casual is casual, they are opposites. You might find it would be less confusing to use the word "Informal" in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation across from your RSVP. "Informal" will tell your guests that the dress code for the dinner is not Black Tie, but it is dressy. Nowadays "casual" means jeans and "dressy casual" might be interpreted as designer tee-shirts, jeans and cowboy boots.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3 P.M. Wedding
Q My fiance is wearing linen pants to a 3pm wedding; what are the proper shoes? Also it's my best friend/aunt; I am wearing all white with teal heels and teal and brown accesories. Is that appropiate?

A It depends upon the color of your financee's linen pants. If they are light colored, wear gray. If they are dark, wear navy blue socks. It should be a solid color. I am not sure who is the bride here. The only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride, therefore, the bride would wear white shoes with her white dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 p.m. Outdoor Wedding
Q Hi, is it appropriate for a 29-year-old to wear a black and white knee-length strapless A-line w/empire waist dress to a July 4:00 pm outdoor park wedding in the Midwest? Dinner and dance immediately following at a lake-side supper club. Invitation style is informal.

A Yes, a knee-length strapless A-line, black and white dress would be appropriate. Wear bone, black, or red shoes, but not white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM Black Tie or Not?
Q Having black tie/non-black tie dilemma for the wedding. On one hand, Manhattan in late November and venue is fairly formal (and having formal dinner and dancing party). On the other hand, perhaps a "bit much"? My ceremony is at 4:30pm in the afternoon (which in my opinion is too early for black tie in the city) and let's be frank, I am not exactly throwing an over-the-top wedding in the Four Seasons. However, I am always happy to be invited to a black tie if only because it's so clear what both men & women are meant to wear. Any thoughts would be welcome!!!!!



A Because it is a 4:30 wedding it is not a black-tie wedding. The chicest New York weddings that I have been to in the past few years were not black tie. If the Bushes didn't have a black tie wedding, then you know that the trend is non-black tie weddings. At this moment in time, the trend is not black tie and a black tie wedding seems pretentious. The exception would be if it was a candlelight ceremony starting at eight o'clock. That is a formal evening wedding these days; usually held in a glamorous (read tacky) ballroom. Dark suits are so easy for most men and little black dresses are de rigeur for most young women at weddings that time of year. I would rather go for chic than formal any day. Anybody can do formal, but to be chic is the ultimate in sophistication.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 Wedding: Women Guest
Q What is the proper attire for a lady to wear to a 5:00 P. M. wedding?

A It would depend upon the climate and the style of the wedding, as well as the age and build of the woman. The invitation should give you clues. For instance, if the wedding is taking place on a beach in Nantucket and there is a reception and dancing in a tent afterwards, you might wear a mid-calf dress with a pretty shawl or jacket. If the invitation states Black Tie, you would wear the kind of dress that you would wear to a dinner dance. If you are under 60, that might mean a flirty low cut dressy dress. If you are older, it might mean a dressy dinner suit or dress with matching jacket of good quality with, say, dressy buttons and trim. Wear comfortable but pretty shoes for the service that are also good for dancing and carry a small, dressy clutch bag. Shawls or jackets are a must because you might be going from a chilly church to an overheated ballroom, so dressing in layers is always a good idea when the venue changes locations. If you would like more specific information, you will have to tell me more about the wedding and yourself and I will help you find a flattering look for the wedding. For instance, I am a big fan of hats and gloves at the wedding that can be left in the car during the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 Wedding
Q What is proper attire for guest of a 6:00 pm wedding? The invitation did not specify.

A As the invitation did not specify "Black Tie," you would not wear a tuxedo or a long dress. What you do wear depends upon your gender, age, build, the location of the wedding, climate, and whether it is a formal, semiformal or informal wedding. We've ruled out formal and time of day, so for a summer, semiformal evening wedding, a man might wear a dark lightweight suit or summer jacket with lightweight gray flannel trousers, a collared long sleeved dress shirt and a summer tie. Black shoes and black or navy blue socks that are high enough so that they don't let flesh show when the man is seated. Or he might wear a navy blue blazer with white pants, a colored or striped dress shirt and a tie with light socks and dark brown shoes. With either, he would wear a belt or suspenders but not both at once.

The location of the wedding reception might give you a clue as to whether you should dress up or dress down. For instance if the reception is a clambake on the beach, you might not wear a tie, jacket, socks or tie shoes or high heeled shoes. However, if the reception is at an expensive restaurant or private club, you would want to dress your best.

A woman might wear a pretty dress that falls just below her knees or is three-quarters length, with sling-back or strappy heels. She might wear a lightweight shawl or scarf and a small decorative evening bag. An older woman might wear a dinner suit in a quality fabric with decorative buttons or a beautiful long sleeved blouse and skirt that falls below the knees with sling-back low heel shoes for dancing, and a pretty evening bag. If the reception is at a hotel or restaurant she might want to be sure that she takes along something to cover her arms in case the facility is air-conditioned. The emphasis would be on simplicity of cut, quality fabrics, and small decorative touches, such as piping and buttons, pretty earrings or brooch.

If you would like to return to my Web site and ask the question again telling me more about the location of the reception and the climate at the time of the wedding, I will give you a more precise answer. I would also need to know your gender, age, and build.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM Outside Wedding
Q What should a man wear to an outside wedding on the coast at 6:30 pm? Can a man wear a white suit? The reception is at a church after. What should a women wear.

A The only person wearing white at the wedding is the bride. Why not wear a navy blue blazer with cream colored pants? A woman would wear a sheath dress that falls just above or just below her knees, or it could be a short dress with a jacket or a simple, short cocktail dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 PM Black Tie Military Wedding
Q What does a female guest wear to a 7:00 p.m. Black tie military wedding at a Temple? Husband will wear tuxedo.

A A dressy dinner suit with a pretty small hand clutch and dainty sling-back heels. The dressy dinner suit is made of high quality fabric and is often trimmed with a matching or contrasting color and interesting buttons. Because it is a military wedding, I would suggest dressing slightly tailored as opposed to wearing, say, a sweeping chiffon gown, and wear a very pretty dinner skirt suit with white kid gloves and good earrings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: April 6:30 PM Wedding in Georgia
Q What do you wear to a wedding in April to an outside wedding at 6:30 p.m (in Georgia)?

A Of course what to wear would depend upon your gender, age and build and the level of formality of the wedding. Since I don't know those details, I'll have to guess here, so forgive me if I'm off base. Outdoor weddings are usually informal, but that doesn't mean jeans and flip-flops. It means that a woman would wear a knee-length, flirty but flattering cocktail dress with strappy sandals if she's under fifty, or a dressy skirt suit or sheath with matching jacket or shawl and sling back low heels if she is over fifty. She wouldn't wear a long dress unless she is going for the ethnic look of a long skirt with a pretty peasant blouse, interesting beads, and strappy sandals. Long dresses tend to look dowdy at receptions such as this, so don't wear one unless there is no alternative. Apparently the invitation didn't state black-tie, therefore a man would wear a navy or gray lightweight suit with a collared shirt, tie, and polished shoes. A navy blue blazer or other good jacket with light weight gray flannel slacks or dark khakis, would also be appropriate. Even though the wedding is not formal, you would wear your best informal dressy clothing and shoes and of course your best jewelry. Just a few pieces, but weddings are the perfect time to wear your pearls or cufflinks. Those small details and being well-groomed are important.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Tie 4:00 pm Ceremony
Q Hi Didi:

Urgent - wedding this weekend.

Your website has been, by far, the most helpful, but I do have a couple of questions. Wedding at 4:00 pm in Austin, TX, followed by a dinner/reception at 7:00 pm (Black Tie) in San Antonio. I called the mother of the bride to inquire because I'd been to wedding receptions at the venue (Aygyle Private Dinner Club) and seen lots of older women (I'm 60) dressed in nice suits (not business, more like MOB). I have a beautiful chocolate crepe suit with a lovely neckline, brown patent leather pumps (dressy with cut-out sides), gold pearls with some gold bling, gold bag. She said that sounds great. Do you agree?

Also - what should my husband wear to look right with me. The dressiest thing he owns is a double-vested black jacket with gold buttons. I say that he should rent a dinner jacket and pants, but not a tux. What do you recommend? Thanks so much. SueAnn

A When the invitation says Black tie, then your husband needs to rent a tuxedo. Sorry, I want you to do the right thing here and if all the other men are in tuxedoes, your husband is going to feel out of place if he's the only one not wearing a black tie, white shirt, and tuxedo. Just be sure that the white shirt and tuxedo are conservative and tailored to fit him properly. My problem with him wearing his black dinner jacket is the brass buttons, which are sporty. Your dinner suit sounds fine, but I am not sure about the brown patent leather pumps with the gold bag. Patent leather pumps sound a bit tailored with a gold bag. If you have silk, satin, or suede pumps, either in brown or black, perhaps that would be chicer. Alternatively, you could wear the brown patent leather shoes and use a brown or black bag instead of gold. Gold is a bit brash at four o'clock in the afternoon. Of course, there is the option that you leave the gold bag in your car during the ceremony and use it just for the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dress to a Spring Wedding
Q I am attending my friends wedding in Boston on May 12th. It is at 5:30 pm. Is it proper for me to wear a simple black dress?? My mother is telling me I shouldn't wear black to wedding. Is she right or just old fashioned? I don't want to insult my friend or feel out of place. Should I buy a new outfit that is spring colors??? Thank you for your help!!!

A For a May 12th, 5:30 PM wedding in Boston, you most certainly can wear a little black dress. Perhaps you might accessorize with dangly earrings or a string of pearls, a small pretty spring bag (turquoise paisley design on a black background) and black or turquoise open-toed sling back shoes. Nowadays, at the chicest city weddings, you might find most of the women dressed in little black dresses and pearls. If the wedding were in Dorset, Vermont, or Northeast Harbor, Maine, I would say black might seem a bit too dressy, but Boston is quite sophisticated. Perhaps, you might wear a spring-colored pashmina or decorative sweater which you can take off while you're eating and dancing that will give your dress more of a springtime look. I understand what your mother is saying and she is correct, but the style at the moment is just as you say, but do add a touch of springtime.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dressy Dinner Suit to Wedding
Q Is it acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX?

A It is acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy dinner suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX; however, be sure there are some feminine touches: evening bag, pretty shoes for dancing, decorative buttons on the jacket, and good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black-Tie
Q We are attending a 'black-tie' evening wedding and reception. I assume my husband 'has' to wear a tuxedo. Is it appropriate for him to wear a black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund?

Also, would I wear a dress pair of black slacks to the wedding or is a dress the only acceptable thing to wear?

Thank you.

A If the wedding is "Creative Black Tie," then you and your husband can wear whatever you would like: the black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund and the black slacks. However, the wedding couple sets the dress code and if it is not creative black-tie, then it would be better not to call attention to your outfits. Therefore, your husband would wear either a black bow tie and cummerbund, or a bow tie and cummerbund that are not black, but without the sparkle. In my opinion, a lady would not wear slacks to a black-tie wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride' Dress for Four O'clock Wedding
Q What length should my wedding dress be for a four o'clock wedding inside?


A Your wedding dress length would reflect the formality of the wedding. A formal wedding might allow for a long train and veil, whereas for a less formal wedding the dress might be long but not puffy, not have a train, and only a simple veil. If the dress code is black tie, then it is a formal wedding. So, as you can see, it is not so much the time of day as the dress code. Choose a style either formal, less formal (that is not black tie but navy blue blazers or dark suits), or informal and carry the theme throughout the wedding. If your reception is a seated dinner with a live band, then it would be formal or semiformal. If your reception is a barbecue, then you would not have the men wear tuxedos. Since your wedding is inside at four, but I don't know the plans for the reception, I would say the men would wear dark suits and shoes, the bride would wear a floor length strapless well-cut, elegant dress with a short veil, and the bridesmaids would wear short strapless dresses, if they are under forty. If you would like to return to my Web site to ask the question again giving more details about the venue of the wedding, perhaps I can give you a more precise answer. For instance, if you are over sixty and have a large build, you probably would not want to wear a strapless wedding dress. So, the more details you can give me, the more help I can be. Also, if the wedding ceremony is not in a church at four o'clock, you would not necessarily wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids Wear Black
Q Is it proper etiquette for bridesmaids to wear black dresses for a 2 o'clock in the afternoon wedding? Should the dresses be tea length due to the time of the wedding? What would be proper wear for the groomsmen? What length is appropriate for mother of the groom for a 2 o'clock wedding? The wedding is to take place at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Savannah, Georgia. We are also considering a 7:30 pm wedding.

A Whether you are considering an afternoon or evening wedding, black bridesmaids' dresses are considered the height of sophistication. Long dresses tend to be dowdy and dreary, especially in the afternoon, so have all the dresses fall just below the knees or mid-knee. Tea length can look drab. The bridesmaids dresses need to be all the same length, just as the silver shoes would be all the same height. The groomsmen could either wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants in warm climate or gray flannel in the fall and winter, with white shirts and regimental striped ties and black shoes. The mother of the groom and the mother of the bride would both wear a dressy dinner suit or a sleeved dress that falls just below the knees. Traditionally, a 7:30 or eight o'clock wedding is referred to as a "candlelight wedding" and is often black-tie. A two o'clock wedding would not be black- tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Attire
Q I'm going to an afternoon-evening wedding in June and the invitation indicated "casual attire". How casual does that mean? I was thinking of wearing a cotton sundress or even a cotton knit dress...would a knit be too casual? Also, would black be appropriate in this case? Thank you so much.

A When unsure about what to wear for an occasion when the invitation sounds vague, talk to close friend of the bride, if not the bride herself, and ask advice. Unless you are a large size person and need black to make you look slimmer, save black for night. Traditionally one is not supposed to wear black to a wedding, especially in warm whether. It is more appropriate to wear a cheerful color or print. The cotton sundress sounds fine especially if you accessorize with a pretty hat, strappy sandals, and one good piece of jewelry. "Casual attire" means the wedding will be relaxed and fun.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Cocktail Attire: Four O'clock Wedding
Q I have been invited to an August 9, 4:00 pm outdoor wedding (held in a canopy or ten)] at a river side resort in Montana. The couple is from Brooklyn, New York - the invitation states "casual cocktail attire". I would guess that Montana tends to be less formal than Brooklyn but I am at a loss as to what would be appropriate to wear for both my husband and me!
Thank You!
Julie

A Not knowing your build, or age, I would suggest that you wear a skirt that falls just below your knees with a pretty blouse, and strappy sandals. I am usually a big fan of a short dress with a bit of swing that is good for dancing, but it might be more fun to wear a festive skirt and blouse. Why not take both and ask the other women guests what they are wearing when you get there? Your husband would wear a lightweight jacket, perhaps a navy blue blazer, with light colored trousers and a collared shirt. He might take a tie in case he gets there only to find out that the other men are wearing ties. I've seen men wearing shorts at casual summer weddings with a jacket and tie, but that might be more of an East Coast look. To get back to you, if you do go the slightly festive route, wear some marvelous beads and earrings, and perhaps a wide belt, with the skirt and blouse. Casual cocktail attire in New York is dressier than it would be in Montana; however since it is a wedding, adding a festive flare to your outfit would make it more fun. In other words, the preppy East Coast look and the tailored New York look might seem a bit stiff in such a laid back, relaxed setting.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Color Clothing Not to Wear
Q What colors of clothing should the guests not wear to a wedding?

A Guests should not wear white to a wedding. The only woman wearing white at a wedding is the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party Attire
Q What is the proper attire for an engagement party? It is being held in a restaraunt.

A The invitation will give you the clue you need to know how to dress. Check out the restaurant, either online or in person; if the restaurant is high-end and the waiters are wearing white jackets, the tables are covered with table cloths and there are fresh floral arrangements, you would dress appropriately. If you are a man, you would wear a lightweight summer suit, or a blazer and gray flannel pants, a long sleeved shirt with an attached collar and a tie, your shoes would be dark and your dark socks would cover the flesh of your leg when seated. If you are a woman, you would dress the way you would dress to go to a cocktail party, by wearing a dress. Depending upon the time of day of the party as well as the climate at that time of year, along with the style of the restaurant determines, you should be able to determine what to wear. If the restaurant is a fine old Irish pub with waiters in khaki pants and open blue collar shirts and there are peanut shells on the floor, you would dress down. To dress down, you would not wear a tie and you probably would take off your jacket at some point. A woman would be comfortable in a pair of well-cut slacks and a pretty blouse or thin sweater.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Outdoor Formal Wedding
Q Is it appropriate for a man to wear a teal jacket , navy pants to a 5:00 PM outdoor formal wedding?

A Teal and navy are a great combination, but not for a formal wedding. If the invitation states "Black-tie," you will need to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a dark navy blue lightweight suit with black shoes. You better check with someone in the wedding party to find out about the dress code because five o'clock is early for a formal wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Wedding: Women
Q I'm attending a 5 o'clock wedding in Boothbay, Maine, August 2nd . The wedding is going to be outside . The bridesmaids are wearing a tank-style baby blue dress just below the knee. I think a satin material The reception is then going to be inside the inn. I'm not sure if a black dress would be ok or a sold color dress, what length to wear, or even what color. Would it be ok to wear a strapless dress? Please help.

A Yes, do wear a strapless, but maybe not black. If it were a big city wedding, I would say black is where it's at, but Boothbay, Maine, is more laid back. Depending upon your build and age, you can certainly wear a strapless dress that falls just above your knees. The color would depend upon your coloring. I, personally, love white chiffon with a floral pattern dress that has a good swing for dancing, with strappy sandals. Alternatively, a wrapdress or a silk sundress would be fine, too. For a solid color, you wouldn't want to wear baby blue; any color but red would be fine. At a wedding, you wouldn't want to draw guests' attention away from the bride by wearing red. As to length, I am not a huge fan of long or tea-length dresses, as they tend to make most women look dowdy. If you're under fifty and your legs are fairly decent, by all means, let the hem fall just above your knees. Older, the hem should fall just below the knees.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five Thirty Wedding: Men
Q My daughter is having a wedding on October 4th at 5:30 pm in a small church in a small town. The groom is wearing a coat and tie. She wants the groomsmen to wear matching pants and white shirts with matching ties. Should they be wearing suits in a church at that time of year and time of day?

A No, the groom and groomsmen do not necessarily have to wear suits. They can wear navy blue blazers with gray flannel pants, dark belts, and dark socks with black Gucci-style loafers, along with collared white shirts and striped ties in the colors of the wedding colors. However, I would suggest that the fathers wear dark suits with solid colored ties in the wedding colors. As you no doubt know, the wedding couple usually chooses two colors, which become the color theme of the wedding; those two colors are played out in the bridesmaids' dresses, flowers, decor, and in the ties of the men in the bridal party. If it was a more formal wedding, starting after six o'clock, then all the men--in the bridal party as well as the guests--would wear dark suits or tuxedos. The dress code follows the formality of the wedding and visa versa.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal Five O'clock Wedding in Newport
Q We are attending a weekend wedding in Newport RI end of August; there are 2 occasions: rehearsal dinner on boat cruIse at 4:30...next day 5PM formal wedding at the Goat Island Marina.

What is the proper dress for both men and woman for these occassions? Thank You

A For the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation didn't state "Black-tie" or "Jacket and tie," then a male guest would wear either a blazer and khaki pants or a shirt with shorts; a woman would wear a skirt or slacks with a nice top. A lightweight sweater casually tied over the shoulders is always a practical good look. How dressed up you get really depends if the rehearsal dinner is on a sailboat or a dinner cruise boat. It could be either. Some of the dinner cruise boats are quite formal and a jacket and tie is de rigueur; however, the less formal boats are more relaxed. For the formal wedding, if the invitation states "Black-tie," it means that the man would wear a tuxedo or dark blue lightweight suit and the woman would wear a short, dressy cocktail dress. Five o'clock is really too early for a "formal" wedding, which is why, in my opinion, you would not be required to wear a tuxedo or a long evening dress. It is best in an ambiguous situation such as this that you talk to a member of the bridal party, who is also attending the rehearsal dinner, about the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Four O'Clock Wedding: Mother of the Bride
Q I would like to know if it is ok for me as the MOB to wear a mid-calf length dress. The bride has a very full cinderella type gown and bridesmaids are all wearing long dresses. I think the MOG wants to wear a long dress too. I am a size 0 petite and not quite 5' tall and feel I look better in a short versus long dress. The dress is navy silk sleeveless The wedding is 4PM early november in VA. The dress also comes in full length so I really could do either, what do you think?

Thank you,
Carol



A In my opinion, long dresses and tea length dresses are rather dreary and very dowdy looking on most women over the age of forty-five. For a four o'clock wedding the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom would look better in a dressy dinner suit, say, a silk suit that falls just below the knees in a soft color with nice details and dainty gold or silver heels. For a four o'clock wedding, I certainly wouldn't make the bridesmaids purchase long dresses. Why not have them wear a solid color, perhaps navy blue, short strapless dresses that they will be able to wear again and again, also with gold heels. I always think that at a four o'clock wedding the bride should be the only person wearing a long dress, as well as the only woman wearing white. The long dress look with the mothers and the bridesmaids, if it is not a candlelight eight o'clock dinner dance, is so over. Make it a chic four o'clock wedding and focus on the quality of a shorter designer outfit made of a better fabric, rather than having everybody wearing dreary long dresses that nobody will want to wear again. As for sleeveless, think of the wedding pictures. Unless your arms are incredibly toned from lifting weights or plastic surgery, upper arms on women over forty do not photograph well; when you see those wedding pictures, you might wish that you had worn a chic, dressy, fitted dinner suit to your daughter's wedding. My advice to you, especially if you are petite, is to stay away from that awful MOB look that most bridal shops try to sell and find an outfit that suits you and that you will wear again. Go with your gut: if you look better in a short dress, wear a short, chic suit that hits just below the knees and beautiful high heels.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q What is appropriate for the grandmother of the bride to wear to an afternoon wedding?

A Whatever you do don't wear a long dress. Why not wear a lovely dressy silk suit with pretty buttons that falls just below the knees, matching shoes and bag, a beautiful hat and off-white kid gloves? Alternatively, you could wear a silk sheath with a matching jacket or coat, or a dress with long sleeves. Check with the bride about the wedding colors, because you wouldn't want to wear the same color dress as the bridesmaids. As I don't know your build or coloring or the style of the wedding, this is a very general answer. If you have a lovely brooch or pearl necklace, wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom
Q My grandson is getting married August 23rd. The attendants are wearing royal blue and silver. I would like to know if it would be ok if I could wear a navy blue long dress. The dress is sleeveless but has a jacket. My concern is if navy blue would be too dark for an August wedding. Mother of the bride and groom are wearing silver. I most likely will accent it with pearl jewelry and light shoes. Please reply ASAP. Thank you

A It would be fine to wear a sleeveless long navy dress with a matching jacket. Don't be concerned about navy blue being too dark for an August wedding. Navy blue is a very chic summer color. The white of the pearls will summer-it-up. What I am not happy about are the light shoes. It would be far better to wear navy blue shoes, or even black. Never wear light colored shoes with a dark dress, unless they are a metallic silver or gold.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother Wants to Wear Pantsuit
Q The bride is getting married in November in a small evening non-church wedding. The bride's mother is battling with the bride's grandmother (who is 85 years old) over the grandmother's insistence on wearing a pants suit -- not a dress -- to the ceremony. The grandmother hasn't worn a dress in 30 years and does not wish to start now (and there are mobility issues for her that preclude being able to put on pantyhose). The bride's mother is insisting that Grandma wear a dress and heels in the wedding party's colors (the color choice is also an issue for the grandmother). How would you rule on this?



A Since this does not appear to be a particularly formal wedding, the grandmother doesn't have to conform strictly to formal attire. Perhaps instead of a tailored pantsuit, the grandmother can compromise by wearing a lovely soft flowing skirtpant (wide legged soft pants), or a long skirt, topped off by a beautiful blouse or tunic. It is important for the grandmother to be comfortable and mobile because it will be a long night for her. It is also possible to find soft decorated flat shoes made of a dressy fabric, an equally dressy clutch, and a soft shawl to wear as accessories. Because the grandmother would be compromising by wearing something closer to a long skirt or pantaloon than a trouser, the mother might compromise by letting her wear a color of her choice. The grandmother does not necessarily have to wear the wedding colors. She can wear a color, or colors, within the palette of the wedding colors. For instance, if the wedding colors are blue and yellow, the grandmother could wear a moss green. Have the grandmother and the mother make a deal in which they both make compromises. You might also remind them that the wedding is not about either of them; that the wedding is all about the daughter and her groom, both of whom will pick up on the unpleasantness of this situation if it isn't resolved amicably and quickly. Good etiquette is all about compromise, compassion and consideration, so make it work. As you know, the mother and grandmother are role models for the daughter; how they handle the situation will teach the daughter the importance of compromise - a lesson that she will surely need to know going into marriage.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen
Q Is it okay for the groom and groomsmen to wear beige to a morning wedding in a church in August or is the black tux more appropriate?

A In my opinion, beige suits would not be appropriate because there are so many different shades of beige. Think ahead to the wedding photos where the various different shades of beige will be evident and you might then wish that you had gone with a dark color. Why not have all the men wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants, white collared shirts with a striped tie in the wedding colors? The older men, say, the fathers of the wedding couple, could then have the option of wearing a navy blue light-weight suit with white or blue collared shirts and solid ties in one of the wedding colors. With this slightly more casaual look you would want to designate the shoes so that all the men wear, say, black Gucci-style loafers or a less casual brown loafer. The color of the belt would, of course, match the color of the shoes. The groom's present to his groomsmen could then be the wedding tie, belt, or shoes of the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen: Braces + Suspenders
Q At my daughter's outdoor wedding, she has a very formal wedding dress. The groom and his groomsmen do not want to wear tuxedos. They will be wearing black pants, colored shirts to match the dresses and a painted tie (done by the groom). I have suggested that wearing silk suspenders would look nice. Would that be appropriate, are suspenders in sytle? Thanks

A What? No jackets? The groom and groomsmen do not have to wear tuxedos, but unless this is a Texas hoedown, the men should wear jackets. The key to a chic wedding is choosing a style and sticking to it. If the bride is wearing a very formal wedding dress and the men are not wearing tuxedos, then I suggest that the men wear either navy blue blazers with cream colored pants and a tie with the wedding colors, or navy blue or black suits with colored shirts and the painted ties. If the men are wearing jackets, then by all means, it would be appropriate for them to wear suspenders. The only hitch, not to pun, is that some men are not comfortable wearing suspenders. Another thing is that not all pants have the waistband to accommodate suspenders, so you would have to be sure that all the men order the same trousers. At a very formal wedding, either all the men in the bridal party would wear suspenders or, alternatively, belts the same color as their shoes. Perhaps the best man should take a poll of the groomsmen to find out how many are in favor of suspenders (or braces, as they are also called) and how many are not. If only the groom wants to wear braces, he can wear braces and the groomsmen can all wear belts the color of their shoes, which presumably would be black and worn with black socks. Remember that the painted ties would perhaps be best matched with a solid color suspender.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Father's Attire
Q I am father of the groom and not in the wedding party, per se. Must I wear a tux or can I wear a nice suit? My son is no help.

A If the father of the bride is wearing a tuxedo, he is your reference for dress code. You might feel more comfortable if you dressed up, rather than feeling awkward underdressed. Get the name of the tuxedo shop where your son is renting his tuxedo and go in and ask because the men usually use the same place for their tuxedos so that they all match. A good rental shop will have the wedding registered and be able to tell you what the men will be wearing. Also, the time of day of the wedding tells you whether or not you should wear a tuxedo because evening weddings can well be black tie, meaning tuxedos. If you still don't have a clue, pick up the telephone and call the bride's mother.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Mom Wants to Wear Pants to Wedding
Q Would it be proper for the mother of the groom to wear a dressy pant outfit to the wedding?

A No, a dressy pant outfit to your son's wedding would not be appropriate unless you are a cross-dresser and don't care that people know.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest in Florida + White Shoes
Q I will be attending a wedding in Tampa, FL, on March 4th. What is appropriate dress? I am from MI and don't wear white shoes or handbag until after Memorial Day. Is it okay in FL since it will be about 80 degrees to wear summer dresses and white shoes or sandals?

A Yes, the wearing of white is determined by the climate because white is easier to wear in the heat than darker colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest Register
Q What would be the appropriate attire for the guest registrar to wear at the wedding?

A It would depend upon the dress code of the wedding and the gender of the guest registrar. If the person is a man, he might wear a dark suit, white shirt, black shoes and socks, the tie would fit in with the color scheme of the wedding, and he would wear either a boutonniere or a white handkerchief in his jacket breast pocket, but not both. A woman might wear a well- cut skirt suit with one of the wedding flowers pinned above her left breast.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: White Evening Dress
Q I have been invited to a formal wedding in early April. I have a georgeous winter white evening gown with beading across the bodice that I just love. Is it inappropriate to wear a white gown to a wedding?

A I am terribly sorry, but you aren't going to like my answer. As a guest, you cannot wear white to a wedding. The only woman wearing white at a wedding is the bride. You will be making a horrendous faux pas, if you wear a white dress to a wedding. The other advice I can give you is not to wear an evening gown. The long dress look at weddings is so over. The only time you would wear an evening gown to a wedding would be for an eight o'clock formal wedding. Then I still wouldn't. Most women over a certain age look dowdy in a long dress. I don't know your age, your build, or the time of the wedding but depending upon those three, why not wear a short flirty chiffon dress, or if you are over a certain age, why not wear a really dressy dinner suit that has a skirt that falls just below your knees and lots of good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guests Wearing White or Light Cream
Q Is it improper for a guest to where white or light cream to a wedding?

A It is not proper for a guest to wear white or light cream to a wedding. Respect the bride who will be wearing white, or a shade of white, by letting her be the only woman wearing white. It is a matter of respect.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: How Does Woman Dress for Black Tie Wedding
Q What type dress should I wear to a black tie wedding? Must it be long???

A No, you do not have to wear a long dress to a black tie wedding, but you might not want to wear pants, no matter how dressy. You might wear whatever you would wear to any occasion where the invitation states black tie: silk sheath with pearls, dinner suit, cocktail dress, three-quarter length flirty dress, satin strapless short dress. Don't forget an evening bag, pretty shoes for dancing, and good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Marrying Child's Father
Q I am getting married for the first time and have a child by the man I am about to marry. Is it proper for me to wear a white wedding dress? Thanks!

A Yes, of course, my dear, you can wear a white dress. However, you might not want to wear a long dress with a cathedral train or a full-length veil. Instead, you might wear an elegant, long white simple dress with a short veil.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Matron of Honor
Q Hello,

My sister-in-law is getting married in an intimate garden ceremony in Rhode Island. I was asked to be the maid of honor and I happily accepted -- I'm absolutely honored that she asked me. When I asked her what I was going to wear she told me that it didn't matter, she didn' want me to go out and spend a bunch of money on fancy clothing since she wasn't going to. Since then she has bought a simple white gown with a small train. She hasn't mentioned what I should wear and I'm getting nervous since the wedding was planned in six weeks and we are about 2 weeks away from the wedding date. The ceremony is on June 28 at 1 pm (there will be a large informal party in early August). The groom and the best man are in the Navy and will be wearing their dress whites. The flowers will be mini calla lilies (various shades/bi-color -- mango, yellow, etc). There will be at most 15 people attending (this includes the wedding party, guests, photographer & justice of the peace). My question is: What should I wear? I have no idea what is appropriate to wear as a maid of honor in this situation. Also, my daughter was asked to be the flower girl -- when I asked her what my daughter should wear I was given a similar answer. What should my daughter wear? I'm 27 years old and I've never been in this position before -- I'm really nervous and not sure what I should do. I really do not want to offend anyone by overdressing or underdressing for the occasion. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your response!

A Why not wear a mango and/or yellow sheath dress, as those are your sister-in-law's wedding colors? The dress should fall just above or at your knees. If you cannot find a sheath dress, which is a dress in cotton, linen, or silk that has a slightly scooped neckline and no sleeves, another good choice would be a short strapless dress, with or without spaghetti straps. Alternatively, a cotton sundress would also be appropriate. Just make sure that the dress is short and snappy and in a solid color. If you cannot find yellow or mango, you can certainly wear navy blue, light blue, any shade of green, or any color that works well with mango and yellow. You don't want to wear white because only the bride wears white at a wedding. Your daughter can wear a party dress that she already has keeping in mind the wedding colors. If she has a long plain dress, you can always sew little yellow artificial flowers, such as daisies, on to the dress and/or sash. Find a small basket with a handle and fill it with daisies or rose petals which your daughter can distribute. Or certainly she could just carry a small bouquet of fresh daisies. By the way, if you are married or have been married, you are the matron of honor, not the maid of honor, because the maid of honor has never been married and doesn't have children.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Medieval Fantasy Attire
Q I have received a wedding invitation which includes a rather unusual request. The theme of the wedding is medieval/fantasy and guests are to dress accordingly. The wedding will take place outside in a wooded area at 7:30 pm. What in the world should I wear?

A You can call it creative black tie, you can call it festive dress, whatever you call it, the wedding sounds fabulous. As I don't know your gender, I would say that the dress code would be Maid Marion and Robin Hood, or Sir Lancelot and Guinevere. Since you'll most likely be sitting in pews consisting of a series of logs, you would want to dress comfortably. I don't mind men in green tights and suede jackets, and I love wearing a festive skirt, a pretty peasant blouse that shows cleavage, beads, and strappy sandals. Sir Galahad and King Arthur would be good looks, but nobody wants to wear chain mail. And then of course there is the court jester.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress code: Men
Q Does the father of the groom wear a tux or suit?

A The father of the groom and the groom set the dress code based on the formality of the wedding. You would consult with the bride, the bride's mother, and the bride's father so that you are all on the same page as to men's dress code for the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men Family Members
Q What should the groom's and bride's fathers wear...do they have to wear a tuxedo? Also what should the groom's and bride's grandfathers wear?

A What the wedding couples' fathers and grandfathers wear would depend upon the formality of the wedding. The men's dress code is set by the groom, so you would have to ask him. If it is a formal wedding and the invitation states "Black Tie," they would wear tuxedos. However, tuxedos have become less fashionable as the dress code for most wedding these days. Especially for weddings that take place in the spring, summer, and fall and do not take place in cities. The trend right now is either dark suits or navy blue blazers with either gray flannels, white linen, or good khaki pants. I would also have to know more about the wedding, the location, the time of year and day, in order to give you a precise answer. For instance, bridesmaids in long dresses are not fashionable these days, nor are tuxedos on the ushers, so you would take your dress code cue from the bridal party. If the groom is wearing a tuxedo, then the fathers of the wedding couple and grandfathers of the wedding couple would wear formal attire as well. If the groom is wearing a dark suit, they would follow suit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Seersucker
Q I am going to a wedding in Savannah GA. the last week of July. It will be hot and muggy, but the wedding is at 6:30 which is a evening event, even though the sun will still be bright. Is it ok to still wear my Seer Sucker suit??

A In my opinion, seersucker is too informal for an evening wedding. Remember that the South tends to be more formal than the North. You wouldn't wear a seersucker suit to an evening wedding. You will find that most men will be in white linen suits. You need not worry too much about the heat because everything in the South is air-conditioned and no one living in the South would plan an outdoor wedding at the peak of the summer. Assuming that you are a man, if you don't want to purchase a linen suit for the occasion, you could wear a linen jacket or a lightweight navy blue blazer with cream colored or white slacks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Two O'clock
Q What do men need to wear at a 2 o'clock wedding?

A For a two o'clock wedding, a man would wear a lightweight suit, either navy blue or a shade of gray, with a white, or a white with stripes, collared, long-sleeve shirt; a coordinating tie or bow tie, dark shoes and dark socks. A crisp, white pocket-handkerchief in the breast pocket of the suit always dresses up the look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: White Dinner Jacket
Q At a black-tie specified summer wedding, is it appropriate for male guests to wear a white dinner jacket?

A It would depend upon the location and the time of the dinner. For instance if the reception is at a very fancy place, such as the Rainbow Room in New York City and it is a seated eight o'clock dinner, then you would wear a tuxedo. Otherwise, I am a huge fan of the white dinner jacket, which can only really be worn during the summer months or in a warm climate. By all means wear a white dinner jacket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: MOB + MOG
Q Colors are beige and wine/cranberry, date is July. What should I wear MOG, should I talk to MOB before selecting a dress/color? I am not a small woman.

A I am a huge fan of navy blue for spring and summer, even if you are not small. Navy blue is incredibly chic and terrifically slimming. As I do not know the time of the wedding, here are a couple of options: for a daytime wedding, you might wear a navy blue sheath with a matching jacket or a dress that falls just below the knees that has sleeves. You would accessorize with navy blue low-heeled pumps and a small clutch, pearls, off-white kid gloves and a lovely hat. If you wear glasses or tinted glasses, forget the hat because the hat would be too much. For an evening wedding from five o'clock on, you might wear a dressy dinner suit that ends just below the knees, which might have pretty buttons and trim, or you can dress it up with a pretty brooch, along with a pretty clutch purse and sling-back heels. You would accessorize accordingly to be in synch with the formality of the wedding; jewelry is the best way to dress up navy blue, with either pearls, gold or perhaps an interesting brooch. You are correct to talk to the MOB before selecting a dress/color; however, you might want to say something such as this, "I am thinking about wearing ...... or ....... What do you think?" Have at least two ideas, so that you have a back-up. Then ask her what she is planning to wear. You do not have to wear the same color, but there is no rule that says that you can't wear the same color. If she says that she is wearing navy blue and she would prefer that you wear another color, then suggest taupe, which is a light gray softened with pink, or ice blue, a pale blue softened with gray. I, also, love a good medium to dark green, but it is a hard color to find, so I've given you easier alternatives.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q What color dress does the mother of the bride wear?

A Traditionally, the mother of the bride does not wear white because the only woman wearing white is the bride. She also would not wear red or bubble gum pink, because both scream, "Look at me." The wedding colors would also not be a good idea because the bridesmaids most likely will be wearing one or both of the wedding colors. If the woman has a heavier build, she would wear, say, navy blue, cranberry, plum, dark green, or beige. Traditionally, the mother of the bride more often than not wears beige or a shade of ice blue. The climate, location, date, time, and venue of the wedding all factor into the choice of color and style. For instance, black would be appropriate for a sophisticated New York City wedding, but not at an informal country wedding. The mother of the bride should wear a color that suits both the colors of the wedding, her build, and coloring.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q Dear Didi,
I am in California and my niece is getting married tomorrow. The wedding is at 4:00 outdoors at the family home. She is 25 and is having a Black and White Wedding. I was brought up not to wear black to a wedding, but I have a long straight black dress - is this ok? or I have a cream color that is almost yellow, cocktail dress....would this be out of the question. I also have the choice of a shorter black and white dress....HELP!

A In my opinion, you should wear the black and white short dress with beautiful black shoes and a small black bag, if it feels comfortable on you. You wouldn't wear a long black dress for a four o'clock wedding. It is best to stay away from any color close to white, if you can help it; however, a pale yellow might be quite elegant. I guess it would depend upon the shade of yellow. Perhaps, if you can take the yellow dress and put it next to the wedding dress, you could get a consensus of whether or not the yellow is too pale, or just right.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q MOB- What style dress to wear? Early June wedding; BM's wearing knee length (platinum accented w/pale yellow ribbon); FOB (still my honey) is wearing a tux; and the invitation will suggest "cocktail attire." I don't want to wear a long gown. After hours and hours of searching, I finally found a one of a kind 1950's vintage knee length party dress (organza/cappuccino color) and a gorgeous Mon Petit Oiseau Bianca dress knee length (very Hepburn looking/buttery gold silk brocade)- both fit great and are beautiful...but, if the FOB is in a tux, do I need to wear something more partyish or can I stick with the more conservative Hepburn look? What does etiquette dictate? Thanks so much!! Boulder Chic MOB

A Please go for the Hepburn look. Etiquette dictates that the MOB is elegant and dignified, and doesn't wear white. In my opinion, the Hepburn looking/buttery gold silk brocade sounds absolutely perfect. If you feel that you need to dress it up, then dye a pair of white satin sling back heels the color of the dress. You can also wear short, cream-colored gloves, or/and perhaps a cocktail hat to the ceremony and then leave them in the car for the reception. The cappuccino organza sounds sophisticated and stunning, too; however, I am not sure that cappuccino is a June color, unless you live in a major city. If your hair is the color of cappuccino, then I might go with the cappuccino organza anyway. The important thing about the MOB's outfit is that you feel elegant and dignified, and it certainly sounds as if you do. You'll be absolutely fabulous. If you want to be reassured, why not try on the two dresses for your daughter and ask her opinion, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride: 3 P.M. Wedding
Q What length dress should the mother of the bride wear at a 3:00 pm formal wedding?

A At a three o'clock wedding, the mother of the bride would wear a dressy skirt suit, a sheath dress with a matching jacket, or a short or long sleeved dress--all of which would fall just below the knees. Long dresses are very dowdy at an afternoon wedding, even if it is a formal wedding. Especially on women over a certain age, long is all wrong.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom
Q I'm the MOG - the wedding is this summer, Aug 1 in central IL - HOT more than likely. Outdoors on front lawn of bride's great grandparents homeplace at 6:00 PM. Is it OK for me to wear lightweight flowing type pantsuit (if I can find one at this late date)? I'm very thick-waisted and dresses look just awful on me anymore - I'd like to have some type of flowing jacket over lightweight pants/top. Is that OK? Bride's mother has two dresses to choose from - one short, one long. ---- Also, since it will be outside, would it be OK to wear strappy low-heeled sandals? I'm 54 if that helps any! Thanks much.

A If you are the MOG, you really don't want to wear a pantsuit. If you're looking for something flowing, why not look at outfits by Eileen Fisher. Actually if you are thick-waisted, then you probably want to wear an outfit with more structure, not less. Flowing type pantsuits can make a woman look lumpy and dumpy. Why not look for a dressy dinner suit with a slightly pinched waist? A dinner suit falls just below the knees and is made of a quality fabric. There is often a trim on the suit jacket and/or dressie buttons. Even though it would be a lightweight suit, you could take off the suit jacket if you're wearing a silk shell. Look for Dana Buchman, Anne Klein, St. John, Armani, Giorgio Armani evening suits in better department stores such as Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's, Saks and Nordstrom, and on the internet.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom + Black
Q Can the mother of the groom wear black?

A Yes, the mother of the groom can wear black, if it is, say, a sophisticated New York City wedding. On the other hand, if it is an informal country wedding, black might seem a bit out of place.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Bride: Grandmother-of-the-Bride
Q I am the MOB. I recently purchased my 3rd MOB dress - and it is THE dress: floor-length, champagne-colored with a matching brocade jacket. My daughter and I were thrilled with this one! I talked to my sister yesterday and described the dress. She informed me that my 68-year-old mother purchased almost the exact dress (she lives in another state and I had no clue)-the last I knew she was wearing something entirely different. I feel she is trying to dress like the MOB instead of the grandmother. The MOG is wearing floor-length navy. What is your opinion? HELP - the wedding is in one week!

A I want you to be happy, therefore you must where the dress that makes you feel the most comfortable and the most dignified. Wear the champagne dress with the matching jacket. It sounds divine and I want you to wear it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the mother-of-the bride and the grandmother-of- the-bride wearing the same color and style dress because you will look different in your dresses. Champagne is actually the perfect color for both of your roles. Don't let your sister upset you or your mother. Take the high road and tell your sister that you are thrilled that your mother has the good taste to be wearing beige. Leave it at that. Chances are your mother will be wearing different accessories. Perhaps if you are wearing flowers, you can make sure that your flowers are different from your mother's, that way in the wedding photos people will see that the flowers are different and not focus on the similarity in the dresses. Once again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your mother wearing similar dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Bride and Groom
Q Can the mothers of the bride and groom wear black? The bridesmaids are in a sage green and the groomsmen are in all black with green ties. The preachers are also wearing black. It is a May evening wedding.

A For a formal evening wedding, the mothers of the bride and groom can wear black, but you need to ask the bride how she feels about this. If she says that she prefers that they don't wear black, then they would not wear black. The two women should also consult with each other.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Bride and Groom
Q I am 49 years old and the MOB. (Hourglass shape) My daughter is getting married outside, on the steps, at 4:00 p.m. May 17, 2008 in Gainesville, Florida, at antebellum Bed & Breakfast. She has one bridesmaid who is wearing a sleeveless cornflower blue long, net covered, (Vera Wang) dress.

My daughter's dress is formal.

What in the world do I wear?! And, what does the MOG wear?

A Let me tell you what the mothers of the bride and groom don't want to wear and that is long dresses because long dresses make most women over forty look dowdy. I understand about the hour glass figure, which is why you don't want to wear anything skimpy on top or anything made of a clingy fabric because clingy fabrics reveal more than what should be revealed. In my opinion, you should wear a dressy skirt suit made of a heavy silk or linen that falls just below your knees. The jacket of the suit could have three quarter length sleeves and a beautiful neckline or collar to accentuate your shoulders. The jacket should also have a nipped waist. That's where a good tailor comes in handy. Show off your hour glass figure by pulling in at the waist and broadening the shoulders. You will find that a good suit like this never goes out of style and can be worn to many occasions from weddings and baptisms to funerals and more. It would be best if the suit were a solid color, but since I don't know your coloring, I cannot advise exactly which color, but I can say that the mothers of the bride and groom usually wear beige, ice blue, navy blue, coral, or green. Under no circumstances should either of you wear a white suit. If you both wear dressy, soft, classy dinner suits, you would look very chic indeed. Alternatively, you can wear a sheath dress with a jacket. Unless you have very toned arms, you do not want to go sleeveless. Think of the big picture, how do you want to appear in those wedding pictures years from now? As an ingenue competing with the younger generation or as an elegant and classy MOB and BOG? Protocol says that as soon as you find your outfit, have the store email you a photo so that you can show it to the MOG. That way you both won't wear the same color, but you will be in step with compatible looks in length as well as style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: November 8:00 PM Reception
Q I am attending a wedding reception at 8:00 pm the first weekend of November. The bride and groom got married in an exotic location and are having a reception when they return. I am 25 and pear-shaped. I have always had a problem wearing short dresses because I look heavier in the hips and upper legs though I am not overweight. I am about 5' 8" and weigh 160. Are long dresses still appropriate? What about coverage on the top half for November? I have found a lot of sleeveless dresses. I have found a strapless/sleeveless dress with an empire waist that is long and black with silver beading under the bust. Would this be appropriate?

I have also selected a spaghetti strap dress with an empire waist that is a dark fuschia color and also has some beading under the bust. It is long as well with a chiffon/silk overlay on the skirt.

Kristen

A As you did not mention that the dress code is "Black tie," you might feel overdressed wearing an evening dress with silver beading. If it is a "Black tie" reception, the dress sounds fabulous; however, if it is not, you might want to wear a dressy knee-length skirt suit. As you say, it is difficult to find dressy dresses with sleeves, so for a pear-shaped figure, you might want to wear either a halter-style cocktail dress, or a dressy dinner suit because you can always take off the jacket for dancing. Alternatively, it might be more practical to wear a short dressy black dress with a pashmina or beaded sweater. If you really want to wear long sleeves, why not wear a flattering short black skirt with a long-sleeved lace blouse. In my opinion, long dresses can be dowdy and because you are twenty-five, short and snappy would be more fun. As nice as the empire waist dress sounds, it might look a bit too serious and you wouldn't want to appear overdressed. If you do go with the knee-length dress and you are self-conscious about your knees, then make sure that the skirt covers your knees. Another thing that you can do if you have that concern is to wear dressy stockings, either slightly shiny or fine, silky black. Experiment with the color so that a beige doesn't look too orange or tan; instead of covering up your legs, show them off.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Pant Suit
Q Can a woman wear a pant suit to a wedding reception?


A It would depend upon the kind of wedding. If it is a formal or semiformal wedding, I would say definitely not. The bride sets the dress code and if she is wearing a pant suit at an informal wedding, then by all means follow her dress code. The other exception might be if you had some sort of medical problem where you were on crutches or on a walker and walking was difficult in a dress, then wear a pant suit, if you will be more comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Ring Bearer's Attire
Q Who is responsible for paying for the tux for the ring bearer, the bride and groom or the parents of the ring bearer?

A Traditionally, the attire of the ring bearer and all the bridal party are paid for by the participants. However, if you cannot afford the expense for your son, tell the wedding couple as soon as possible so that they can allocate money to help you meet the cost. But remind them that putting a ring bearer in a tuxedo is just not done because, traditionally, boys don't wear tuxedos until they are teenagers. Customarily, it is inappropriate for small children to be dressed in black. Perhaps you can convince the wedding couple that a nice pair of shorts, a white, collared long sleeved shirt with, perhaps, a bow-tie would be much more charming. If you can find a little light blue jacket or a navy blue blazer that he doesn't mind wearing, you might be able to get him out of having to wear a tuxedo. White shoes with white socks are traditionally worn by the ring bearer. Plus, you can buy him clothing that he might actually wear again. Yes, the parents of the ring bearer are responsible for paying for the attire for the ring bearer but don't let the wedding planners bully you into paying for a tuxedo. It is just plain silly.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Semi-Formal Outdoor 4:00 P.M. Wedding
Q I'm going to an outdoor, semi-formal wedding on a Saturday in August at 4 pm in Napa Valley, California. It will be hot. I'm a member of the groom's extended family, in my 50s, and wear plus sizes. Can you suggest something appropriate and flattering to wear? Thanks for your help.

Middle-aged mom

A I am a huge fan of Eileen Fisher, who makes loose fitting separates in fine quality and nice solid colors. What about a tunic over a long skirt or a thin weight jacket over a shell with a tea-length skirt. Other designers who work well with plus sizes are Dana Buchman and Anne Klein. Why not go through a couple of issues of More magazine or go to www.more.com to get some ideas?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Seven O'clock Wedding
Q My husband and I will be attending my cousin's wedding in South Carolina in July at 7:00 p.m. as well as the rehearsal party the evening before. The wedding is formal and the rehearsal party specified "cocktail attire".

Would it be appropriate for my husband to wear a dark blue pinstripe suit? If so, could he wear the same suit to both events but with a different shirt and tie?

I will be wearing a LBD to the rehersal and a plum tea-length chiffon overlay halter dress to the wedding.

Also what should teen (15 & 16) girls wear to such a wedding? And what about a 4-year-old girl? Would just a cream eyelet lace short dress be appropriate for the 4-year-old?




A If the wedding is a "black-tie," then your husband will have to wear a tuxedo to the seven o'clock wedding. If the wedding invitation does not state "Black-tie," then he could most certainly wear a dark blue pinstripe suit to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, with different shirts and ties. If he has a navy blue blazer he could wear that with cream colored pants to the rehearsal dinner, then his suit would be fresh for the wedding. I don't know about your husband, but if there is dancing at the rehearsal dinner, or if it is hot that night, he will probably need a fresh jacket for the wedding the next night. South Carolina in July will be hot, air conditioning or not.

A long black dress sounds a bit dressy for the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation states "cocktail attire." For "Cocktail Attire" you would want to wear a cocktail-length dress that falls at the knees, either just above or just below. The plum tea-length chiffon halter dress sounds fine for the wedding; however, I am not a huge fan of tea-length because that length tends to look dowdy. For dancing there is nothing more fun than a short chiffon dress that moves with the music.

The teenage girls would wear knee-length short dresses to the wedding. I've always found that teenage girls are very good at figuring out which dress makes them feel the most comfortable. Since their comfort is of importance here, I would just take them to a department store with a good selection of junior dresses and let them try on as many as they like until they find the right dress. For the four-year-old, you would want to stay away from white because the only person at the wedding wearing white is the bride. On the other hand if the dress has a wide ribbon of another color around the waist, it wouldn't look so all white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Stepfather of the Groom
Q My stepson is getting married in September in Austin, TX, his mother will also be in attendance. I was wondering what would be proper attire for me to wear.

A Assuming that this is not a black-tie wedding, you're off the hook about having to wear a tux. A dark lightweight navy blue suit or gray pinstripe suit would work well with a white shirt and a tie in the color, or colors, of the wedding. The wedding couple usually have one or two colors that carry through as a theme from the flowers and bridesmaids' dresses to the men's ties. You would wear black shoes with dark socks, that could be navy blue. A white handkerchief in your breast pocket will look dignified and might come in handy as an offering to your wife, should she needs a hankie. Find out what the wedding colors are and see if you can find out what the father of the bride is wearing. That should help you decide. Your wife should be able to find out that information without your having to ask around.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: The Bride
Q Who gives the something blue, something borrowed, something new, something used to whom for a wedding? Are these gifts for the bride?

A No, they are not necessarily gifts for the bride. For instance the something borrowed could be a string of pearls that the bride is borrowing from her mother, sister, or godmother. The something new could be a garter (usually sold in bridal boutiques); customarily the groom takes it off with his teeth. I have never heard of "something used." Borrowed yes, used no. But there is usually something the color blue. For instance the garter might have a blue ribbon or her panties might be pale blue. She could borrow sapphire earrings. So: the bride is not necessarily given these things, they are usually loaned to her by close women relatives, the maid of honor, matron of honor, or perhaps whoever is helping her get dressed. Think of these as talismen, such as a rabbits foot, that are considered trinkets for good luck.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Ties + Jackets
Q When sending a wedding invitation, I want to make sure everyone wears attire appropriate for the wedding. Does putting formal attire on the invitation require everyone to be in a tuxedo? I don't want that formal, but coat and ties on the men is a definite. Thanks.

A Getting guests to adhere to your dress code without actually spelling it out is tricky business because you don't want to insult those who could not think of going to a wedding without wearing a tie and jacket. Wedding invitations fall into three styles: formal, semiformal, and informal. By picking a style and sticking to it, you will help avoid any confusion. Guests should be able to tell by the information they receive from you on the invitation and reply card that, say, men have to wear ties and jackets when you have an enclosed RSVP, for instance, that has a cut off date: Please return by May 15th. Another sign would be that you have a cut off age for guests, also, printed on the enclosure card: We are sorry but we cannot accommodate children under the age of 16. The more boundaries you set for your guests, the less ambiguous they will feel about deciding how to dress without your having to dictate what they should wear. By using an inside envelope as well as an outside envelope for the wedding invitation, list on the inside envelope exactly to whom the invitation is directed. If the children's given names do not appear on the inside envelope, then they are not invited. Also, remember that everyone 18 years and older receives his or her own invitation, unless, of course, they are married or are in a committed relationship. I believe strongly in the word of mouth, so get the word out to friends and family that ties and jackets are the dress code and you will discover the power of spreading information through word of mouth.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Traditional Contemporary
Q I am having a May 30th wedding at 4:00 in a small chapel and a 6:00 reception in a historic Inn/Restaurant. I would like the atmosphere to be "less formal" or semi-formal. I am wearing a white, floor length A-line gown (no train) and an elbow length veil. I have picked out periwinkle bridesmaids dresses that are just below the knee with silver shoes and accessories. My aunt has expressed concern over the length of the dresses. All my maids are under 30 and not married. I thought given the atmosphere I wanted and the time of day/year as well as my dress it would be ok. I also wanted to pick out something they could possibly wear again. Most of the maids have already ordered their dresses. Should I be concerned? Also if this does convey "less formal" or semi-formal, what should the guests wear?

A In my opinion, you have set the perfect dress code. Long dresses on bridesmaids are so over---unless you are having a black tie dinner dance in a very fancy hotel ballroom. A good hostess, even if she is the bride, makes the dress code easy for her guests. It sounds as if your dress code is cocktail dress code, which means dark suits and jackets and ties for the men and knee length dressy dresses for the woman. You do not need to list a dress code on your wedding invitation. Through word of mouth your friends and relatives will learn the dress code from one another. If you don't put "Black tie" on the invitation, then most men won't wear a tuxedo when it isn't necessary. By describing the bridesmaids' dresses, the women guests will know not to wear an evening gown. Nowadays, most wedding couples create a wedding Web site to keep family and friends in the loop about everything from accommodations and directions to dress codes and bridal registries. Tell your aunt that you are having a "traditional contemporary" wedding. Frankly, I feel that older women usually look dowdy in long dresses at weddings. Spread the word, email your friends photos of the mother of the bride and groom dresses, as well as the bridesmaids. In my opinion, the only woman in a long dress at a wedding should be the bride.

On a personal note, my 27-year-old daughter was married last June in a Colonial church here in Newport with a reception at our beach club. I wore a green silk suit that fell just below the knees, the mother of the groom wore a silver suit the same length. The bridesmaids wore a short Vera Wang navy blue strapless dress with strappy silver heels. The groom and groomsmen wore navy blue blazers and cream colored pants with black Gucci loafers. They wore white collared shirts with a navy blue and yellow regimental tie. The groom's tie had the same colors but was different. The father of the bride wore a dark navy suit with a light blue collared shirt and an excellent pale yellow tie; the father of the groom wore a dark gray suit, white shirt, bold yellow tie and both wore black shoes and socks. The bridesmaids' bouquets were white and bright yellow, the bride's was white, cream, and pale yellow. As you can see, the wedding couple chose navy and yellow as their wedding colors. No, it was not a formal wedding, but it was a very classy wedding thanks to my daughter's good taste. It is your wedding, my dear, you get to call the shots. Long dresses on most women, except the bride, look dowdy.

As to your guests, I would say the perfect guest dress for a young woman would be a knee length pale chiffon dress, perhaps with flowers. They look great on the dance floor with strappy heels. The male guests can wear blazers with gray flannels, or even good khakis, and a bright tie. If you would like to see wedding pictures, let me know and I'll give you access to view them online. Have fun and that means having your wedding the way you want it. All my best to the wedding couple.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Tuxedos + Wedding Party
Q Would it be appropriate for the ushers and fathers of the bride and goom to NOT wear tuxes.....groomsmen are wearing tuxes?

A Most definitely the ushers and fathers of the bride and groom do not have to wear tuxedos. Nor does the groom or his groomsmen. Nowadays, it is very chic for all the men in the wedding party to wear either very good dark suits or, say, in the summer navy blue blazers with cream colored pants. Unfortunately, most rented tuxedos have that head waiter look, so it is far better to have the men wear their best quality attire. Even if they have to buy a suit or blazer, at least it will be a good investment for their wardrobe. These days tuxedos are best only for charity balls. By all means have the bridesmaids and the mothers of the bride and groom wear knee length dresses, so at least they can wear them again. The long dress look at weddings is so over and the mothers especially look much more attractive in, say, a silk knee-length dinner suit or a dress with a jacket than a dowdy long dress that they will never wear again. The only person wearing a long dress at a wedding should be the bride. I would say that you are totally on the right track for a traditional but also contemporary wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Wearing Red
Q Can you wear red to a wedding?

A Yes, if you are a man, you can wear red in your tie, shirt, or cummerbund, but not in your socks. A woman wearing all red might look as if she is going to a Christmas party so, accenting with red is fine. Wearing red from hat to the shoes and bag, including the dress, would scream, "Look at me, look at me." This is the bride's special day and one would not want to take attention away from the bride. However, red shoes are always great.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Wearing Red
Q Is it okay to wear red to a 3:00 wedding?

A Wearing red to a wedding used to be slightly taboo, but there is red and there is red. Nowadays, it is all right to wear red, if you are not trying to upstage the bride. If the dress screeches "Look at me, look at me!," then you would not wear it to a wedding. It is polite to the bride to wear discreet clothing to her wedding. For instance, a red dinner suit or coat dress might be fine; however, a red strapless mini-dress might be too revealing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: White Tie
Q The invitation for this wedding in Austria says "White Tie (Black Tie)." My reaction would be to wear black tie, as I'm not an important participant in the wedding and I'm an American. On the other hand, white tie is pretty cool. Thoughts?


A A "White Tie" wedding is the most formal of weddings. By offering the option of "Black Tie" as an alternative, the host is letting men who don't own a "White Tie" off the hook, if they only have a tuxedo. On the other hand, if he has to rent an outfit anyway, he might as well rent "White Tie." In my opinion, "White Tie" is very cool.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Woman Wears Black + White in April
Q Is a black and white outfit acceptable for an April afternoon wedding?

A Assuming you are a woman, a black and white outfit is terrific for an April afternoon wedding. Black and white are one of those chic, classic combinations that work well year-round in any climate. You might wear black shoes and tote a small black bag. I love white gloves at an afternoon wedding, so if you have them and it is a city wedding, you might wear them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women
Q We are having an outdoors evening wedding on the grounds of a lovely family (old southern-style) home. The bride is wearing a formal gown and mothers of the bride and groom wish to wear long gowns. The bride would like her bride's maids to wear tea-lenghth gowns rather than long gowns--any problem with that length given the circumstances? The reception will be on the informal style with mint juleps, wine, beer, Gone With the Wind picnic style bar-b-q, etc. --all in the spring of the year--there is also a lovely landscaped pool area for the children. This is a close-knit New Orleans family who has been through much in the last year and treasures partying together in celebration of new beginning. Any problems with the short dresses for the evening wedding and if not, must the mothers wear short dresses also? Thank you for your opinion.

A Don't worry about short dresses. The vogue of wearing a long dress at a wedding is so over. At the nicest and chicest weddings, the dress code is not long dresses. So: on the contrary, short dresses are in vogue right now no matter how formal the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: 4:00
Q What kind of dress should you wear to an outdoor wedding that takes place at 4:00 P M?

A It would depend, of course, upon your age and build. Assuming the climate where the wedding is taking place is mild, you might wear a flirty, strapless, three-quarter length chiffon-type dress with high, strappy heels and a string of pearls. You might want to take along a black or white sweater or shawl just in case it gets chilly when the sun sets or you go indoors to air-conditioning. If that's not your style, a woman of a certain age, whatever her build, might wear a dinner suit or dress with a soft dressy jacket in good quality fabric, perhaps with dressy buttons, sling-back heels for dancing and an evening bag. The hem would hit at least an inch or two below the knees. If this wedding is literally on a mountain top or on a beach, you might want to take it down a couple of notches. Not knowing more about the formality of the wedding or your age and build, this is a rather general answer. If you would like to return to my Web site and give me more details about the location, the formality, and yourself, I would be happy to give you a proper answer.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Four O'clock in Georgia
Q Wow! Your site has been most helpful! However, I'd like an answer specifically for me. What is the appropriate dress attire to wear to a 4 o'clock wedding in November? Location is at a former Catholic Church in Georgia. I'm a mid 20's female and the wedding is for a co-worker. I don't want to appear too dressy. Also, what should my husband wear, he refuses to wear a jacket? Thanks so much! -MC

A Thank you for your kind words, but I am afraid that your husband is not going to go along with my answer. If the wedding couple were getting married on a farm, then he could dress as a farmhand, if they had chosen a mountain top, then he could dress as a ski bum, if the marriage were taking place on a beach in Hawaii, he could wear a lei around his neck and not much more. The problem is two-fold: Because the wedding is being held in a church (even though the church no longer holds services and has parishioners), the bride will most likely be wearing a conventional wedding gown and her groom a jacket and tie; therefore, your groom should wear a jacket and tie, as well. When in Rome, as the saying goes, do as the Romans do. The second reason is that I don't want your husband to feel uncomfortable being the only man over the age of 21 who is not wearing a jacket and tie during the ceremony. Why don't you compromise? Remind him sweetly that when he gets to the reception he can take off his tie and jacket and dance up a storm.

You, my dear, are free and clear to wear a fun cocktail dress with high heels. Yes, of course, you can wear some dowdy long dress that is not as dressy as an evening dress, but I want you to have fun with your husband and co-workers, so wear something slightly daring. Perhaps a pashmina over your shoulders during the ceremony, but if you have half-way decent legs, show them off and wear a dress that you can have fun dancing in and have a good time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Garden Setting
Q I will be attending an outdoor wedding in early October. The wedding is in Wilmington, NC, and will be held in an upscale public garden with the reception following. Since the wedding is at 6 pm, must I wear a black cocktail dress? I have a beautiful teal tea-length dress but have no clue about shoes, shawl, jewelry, etc. I know it's safe to go with the black dress but it gets tiresome to have the same look as all the other guests.

A You're right, black is chic for weddings right now, but in a garden setting the formality of black looks stark, so: please wear that beautiful teal tea-length dress. Your shoes could match the teal, but if that's not possible, you could certainly wear delicate silver sandals with a matching bag, if you don't have a clutch bag that matches the dress. As for a shawl, see if you can find a very thin, high quality pashmina in a shade of teal, or a color in that hue. Simple pearls, of course, look particularly lovely at weddings, even if they are not real. Remember that you wouldn't want to wear gold if you decide on silver shoes and bag. Since I don't know your build or age, these are rather general suggestions. If you can wear a higher heel with the tea length, it will give you more height; however, if you know that you will be walking on lawns at the public gardens, you wouldn't want those spike heels sinking into the turf.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Tie or Not
Q My husband and I are attending a 4:00 wedding in San Jose, CA, in October. Will cocktail length dress be appropriate? And for him, suit with or without tie?

Thanks
Ginger

A A gentleman wears a tie and jacket wherever he goes. If your husband has the self-esteem to wear a tie and jacket, encourage him to do so. If, perhaps, it ends up being a non-tie crowd, he can always take it off---just the way men take off their jackets before dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Black Patent Leather Shoes
Q At a 6:00 wedding in June in the South, can I wear a knee-length black dress, black with black patent leather 2 to 3 inch heel to a wedding that has the reception after at a country club? The club reception and the dancing will go on for several hours indoors at the club.

A The dress sounds perfect for a 6:00 PM wedding. Black is the new chic for weddings these days. The only thing that I question---which you obviously do, too---is the black patent leather shoes. Black patent leather is a more tailored look more suitable for daytime and even cocktails, but you need to think of the comfort factor: dancing for several hours in patent leather. You might want to go for a softer shoe, even a strappy sandal, open-toed or sling back. Think about a soft, black suede, satin, or silk texture because that might be more flattering and dressier. If you have small feet, the patent leather should be fine, as long as you're comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Mothers' Dresses
Q Can the mother of the groom wear a dress in the same color family as the mother of the bride...mother wearing periwinkle and mother of groom wearing wisteria?

A The best thing to do is to take (or send) color swatches from both dresses to the bride and ask her what she thinks. As I do not know the wedding couples' colors and the colors in the bridal and bridesmaids' bouquet, you will have to run this by the bride. For instance, if the bride does not like shades of lavender or purple, she might not like periwinkle or wisteria with, say, the bridesmaids' coral dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Rehearsal Dinner + Wedding
Q Dear Didi,

I am giving a wedding and a rehearsal dinner and I would like to know how to list the attire.

The wedding party will be in tuxedos and long gowns.

I am concerned about how to indicate to my guests what is appropriate to wear.

For the wedding, I wish the male guests to be in suits, but as it is a spring, day wedding, the men can be in any color they choose, i.e. it does not have to be a dark suit. The women should be dressed in nice cocktail dresses, or equally lovely outfits.

For the Rehearsal dinner, I would like the guests to dress nicely, as if going out for the evening. I do not wish jeans. And, it is not necessary for the guests to be as dressed up as for the wedding. The men do not need a tie, but a sport jacket would be nice. The women should be in a nice dress, or dressy pants, but not in jeans.

So, I am stuck between the following terms:

Cocktail attire - everything I read says 'dark suit', is that true? And women in knee length dress - is that true?

Fancy Dress - what does that mean?

Dressy Attire - ? is it the same as cocktail attire?

Dressy Chic Attire - ?

Semi-Formal Attire - ?

Casual Chic - I am concerned that people will interpret this to wear their fancy jeans.... what does this term mean?

please, if you can offer any other terms, please do!

thanks so much!

rachel



A If I've got this right, it is not a "Black tie" wedding because you want the male guests to wear dark suits and the women to wear cocktail dresses. You need not put a dress code on the wedding invitation, if it is not a black tie wedding. The formality of any event is established by the style of the invitation. If an invitation is very casual, then people will dress casually. However, if the invitations are traditional and there is an RSVP for the rehearsal dinner and a reply card and return stamped envelope for the wedding invitation, people will get the picture.

The bride communicates with her bridesmaids about what they will need to wear and the groom communicates with his groomsmen. Nowadays wedding couples create their own wedding Web site to keep the bridal party, relatives, and guests in the loop about everything from accommodations and directions to bridal registries and dress code. Presumably the bride and groom are close to their wedding party and therefore will communicate with them about every detail from the bridesmaids' color of nail polish and heels to the color of the groomsmen's socks and shoes. The father of the groom and the groom find the tuxedo rental shop and choose the style of tuxedo, shirt and bow tie and communicate that to the groomsmen, along with the recommendation for black shoes and socks. They would also tell them the dress code for the guests so that when they come in contact with other guests, they can give them the drill that the wedding is dark suits and the rehearsal dinner is jacket and tie.

Traditionally, rehearsal dinners are less formal than the wedding. In my opinion, with young people at such an important event, you cannot be vague, you must state on the invitation "Jacket and tie." Those fun dress codes that you quoted in your question are best left for cocktail parties. When you say "Jacket and tie" on the rehearsal dinner invitation, you are stating that it is a semiformal event. Don't forget that by word of mouth people will get the word out that they don't have to wear a tuxedo to the wedding, but they do have to wear a suit to the wedding and a jacket and tie to the wedding rehearsal dinner. Remember that nobody wants to be the only person who shows up in jeans at a rehearsal dinner or wedding. If there is someone that you think might be clueless, then you have one of the male guests remind that person that "nobody will be wearing jeans." Weddings have their specific dress codes.

By the way, "Fancy dress" means tuxedos and ball gowns or evening dresses. "Dressy attire" is one step down and means dressy but not necessarily "Black tie." "Dressy chic attire" means creative "Black tie." "Semiformal" attire is what you are going for, but it sounds very high school. I would drop the word "attire" and just use "Semiformal." "Casual chic," means nice jeans are acceptable. Another name for "Casual chic" is "Casual cool." So: create a wedding Web site to include dress codes; by word of mouth spread the dress code that you would like your guests to wear; do not use a dress code on the wedding invitation because you have one dress code for the bridal party and another for the guests. But do use a dress code on the rehearsal dinner invitation such as "Jacket & tie" or "Semiformal." Remember that "Semiformal" does mean ties, so if you decide against ties, you would have to use just "Jackets" as your dress code for the rehearsal dinner. However, remember that none of these dress codes would be in quotation marks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress: Yacht Attire: Women
Q What do you wear to a Newport wedding being held on a catamaran sailboat at 1 pm September 28, reception top follow at the Naval Officer's Club? I am 54 and a size 12. My husband is wearing navy blue blazer with khakis. Should he wear shirt and tie or silk tee?
Thank you

Cristy


A If you have a navy blue blazer, wear it with a turtle neck or a tailored long sleeved shirt and slacks or a comfortable skirt that falls just below the knee. As I don't know whether the ceremony will take place out on the bay or docked at a mooring, I am suggesting that you bundle up in layers. You can, of course, leave your dancing pumps and any change of clothing in your car and change at the Officer's Club, so it is just a matter of what to wear on the catamaran. On board, you'll need to be wearing shoes with a rubber sole, either driving loafers or docksiders. If you don't have a nice blazer, then wear a beautiful warm sweater which you can take off when you get inside the club. In my opinion, a gentleman wears a collared shirt and a tie to a wedding, even if he has a sweater vest over his shirt. He can always put on his tie before entering the Officer's Club, if the groom is wearing a tie. If the ceremony is out on the bay, you might want to take windbreakers. Remember that rubber sole shoes don't slide on the dance floor, so you both will want to change into leather sole shoes before the dancing begins.

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